Absolution (2015)

Absolution (2015)- *1\2

Directed by: Keoni Waxman

Starring: Steven Seagal, Byron Mann, Adina Stetcu, and Vinnie Jones

A man known only as The Boss (Jones) is some sort of crime lord but also has a kill room where he tortures and murders the captive victims of his insane rages. When one girl, Nadia (Stetcu) escapes The Boss, she ends up crossing paths with a hired Killer - said to be “the only guy who can do the job” - named John (Seagal). John, a rotund man of girth, teams up with an actual Martial Artist named Chi (Mann) so they can both fight the baddies that are after them - some for political reasons, some for personal ones. After a lot of violence and bloodshed, the final confrontation occurs: The Boss vs. John. Who will feel the ABSOLUTION?

Absolution is proof that they are indeed still making Steven Seagal movies. Maybe it’s not that difficult to head off to Romania for a while and, armed with a computer that can do CGI bullet hits and editing software that can speed up fights and take away frames, come back with something that you can release to DVD. 

Presumably Seagal himself doesn’t have to appear that long on the set, as he has other people do his ADR, his stuntwork, and even his dialogue scenes, as stand-ins, well, stand in for him. Many times this is very obvious that Seagal is not actually there listening to the dialogue said by other people. Usually his stand-ins look like Hollywood producer Robert Evans or Roy Orbison. So now you’ll know what to look for. It’s possible some of the stand-ins even have glasses or blonde hair, that’s how little they care to make it match. (That’s a joke, but very close to the truth).

Just exactly why Seagal doesn’t do these fundamentals of filmmaking remains unexplained. Is he some sort of Hollywood royalty that thinks he is above doing these things? Better question: what does this free up time for him to actually DO? What is so important to him that he can’t really even appear in his own movies, but for a bare minimum? When did he get so lazy? Why is he running away from himself? (Stay tuned until the last paragraph for a potential answer). 

We’re not really sure who is watching these Seagal movies (besides us, obviously, but we have a website about direct-to-video action movies - what’s everyone else’s excuse?) - and, if people are watching them, are they taking them seriously? Are they meant to be taken seriously in the first place? Judging by Seagal’s narration about him being a bad man in search of absolution, whatever that may mean, we think the answer may be yes, interestingly. 

Maybe the foreign markets eat these things up, we don’t know. Thankfully, when Seagal is talking (and not someone else talking for him), he doesn’t lapse into a random Cajun accent too much, but you never know when it will strike. It’s like a cobra. A Cajun cobra.

Smartly, the filmmakers brought a solid actor and quite good Martial Artist named Byron Mann to pick up Seagal’s considerable slack. The movie could have starred Mann and been perfectly fine, if a bit junky. However, the two of them walk away slowly from an explosion, so, maybe there was some bonding there. Fan favorite Vinnie Jones as the uncreatively named “The Boss” (Seagal’s name is “John” in the movie so the writers get zero points for creativity in naming the characters) is really at his worst here. Not him, per se, it’s not his fault, but the role is weak. But the guy likes to keep working, so, lord bless him. 

But as a pseudo-Saw-type monster/crime boss, Jones doesn’t shine like he should. It could’ve been anyone wearing that apron in that green-tinted room.

Seagal is a victim of his own choices in life. He is where he is because of no one but himself. He wanted to place more emphasis on being some sort of blues-playing Buddha than on doing what he does best. He should consider being less lazy and arrogant and instead put some energy into what he puts out there with his name on it. If he were to reverse course and do that, we might really have something going forward. But as it stands, this is pretty much standard Seagal muck. 

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett 

Eraser (1996)

Eraser (1996)- * * *1\2

Directed by: Chuck Russell

Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Vanessa Williams, James Caan, Andy Romano, James Cromwell, Robert Pasterelli, Patrick Kilpatrick, Roma Maffia, and James Coburn










U.S. Marshal John Kruger (Arnie, who is credited simply as “Eraser” in the end credits) is...an eraser, a man who works for WITSEC, or “Witness Security”, erasing the identities of people in the Witness Relocation Program so baddies won’t find them and kill them. 

No one is better than Kruger at what he does, but he faces his toughest challenge yet when he’s assigned to protect Lee Cullen (Williams), a woman on the run. After working with the FBI on a sting operation involving illegal gunrunning  - especially as it relates to a high-tech new EMP gun - now all sorts of bad guys are after her, from corrupt U.S. bureaucrats to the Russian Mafia. (Not to be confused with Roma Maffia, who’s in the movie). Kruger’s rival is his former compatriot DeGuerin (Caan), who is a formidable nemesis, but Kruger’s got plenty of tricks up his sleeve besides erasing people, as we’ll clearly see. Will DeGuerin and the other baddies get ERASED...permanently?

Eraser is probably one of the last, best Arnold movies. It’s a fitting way to unofficially wrap up the “Golden Age” of his career of the 80’s and 90’s, because the movie is pure Hollywood ridiculous action in true Schwarzenegger style. It truly is an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie, a genre unto itself, if that makes any sense. You pretty much have to love it. It’s nice to see a younger, thinner, more agile Arnie, along with his unmistakable voice. Of course, he gets many classic one-liners to cap off many sequences. 

The fact that Kruger is supposed to be a U.S. Marshal, but becomes an unkillable superhero who for all intents and purposes can fly and survive grievous injuries with ease, is an oversight of the best kind, something the audience has to go with and couldn’t do without, unless they wanted a much less entertaining movie.

The whole thing is very 90’s, with classic computers, including the very-new “Internet”, and some now-vintage cell phones. The technology even helps Kruger with his job, stating on the screen “Prepare to Erase”. But whether tiny budget or huge budget, action movies of the day had one thing in common: people after “the disc”, in this case what appears to be some more hot technology, Minidisc. Someone always wants that darn disc. But you KNOW the action isn’t taking place in the present time because James Caan smokes indoors in government buildings. That’s the ultimate no-no. Only a true bad guy would do that.

Besides Caan, we also have Vanessa Williams, who confronts James Cromwell, stating to him that at the Cyrez Corporation, “treason is part of the corporate strategy!” - which sounds like a perfect ad tagline for them. Williams has had a long and storied career, but is only really relevant to fans of this site as co-star of Under the Gun (1988) with Sam Jones. So, between this and that, her action pedigree is surprising and pretty respectable. 

While we often joke about the star singing the end credits song (like we’ve done for Jerry Trimble, etc.), in this case, Williams actually does, because this is a Hollywood production, after all, and they can get high-caliber talent. There is another rockin’ tune that plays after the movie, which we suspect is Trevor Rabin’s “Caught a Train”, but we’re not sure. As far as the soundtrack itself, there are those wailin’ guitar squeals heard often, which we liked because we thought it was a throwback to the 80’s.

Watch out for a cameo from Sven-Ole Thorsen towards the end of the movie, uncredited, as a Russian thug. Evidently, he and Arnie are buddies. Arnie should have advised him against being in Fatal Combat (1997). Another familiar face for us who turned up briefly was Patrick Kilpatrick, which helped to seal Eraser’s connection to other action movies of the day. 

We also liked seeing James Coburn, if it was a pretty small role, but in a movie filled with actors with distinctive voices (i.e. Arnold and Caan), he stood out. Pastorelli added energy as Arnold’s sidekick, and full marks go to one Andy Romano, who played Undersecretary of Defense Daniel Harper. Romano is one of those character actors that has been in tons of stuff, but gets little acclaim or recognition. We try to celebrate these people, especially when they shine, and here he certainly does as one of DeGuerin’s partners in crime.

If what we’ve read is true, Eraser was a troubled production with many problems along the road to completion. It’s one of those situations where there are many writers and people have to be brought in to do tons of rewrites. Maybe it’s because some Law & Order people started the script, or heavyweights like Frank Darabont and even John Milius came in to polish things up, but, from a viewer’s perspective, you really can’t tell.  Nor should you.  The whole thing is improbable enough - any behind the scenes flaws are papered over invisibly to us. Eraser is classic, big-budget, Arnie Action All the Way - call us old-fashioned, but we really enjoyed it.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett