Search and Destroy (1988)

Search and Destroy (1988)-*

Directed by: J. Christian Ingvordsen

Starring: J. Christian Ingvordsen and Boris Krutonog












It is at this time that quoting the back of the DVD box seems to be the most appropriate course of action. Here goes: “When German terrorists take control of a government bio-research lab and threaten to unleash a deadly virus, the President of the United States is forced to call in retired Delta Force commando Brad “Bone” Jordan. Now Bone must come out of retirement for one last mission.” It goes on, but, like the back of the VHS box for Counter Measures (1999), whoever wrote it simply made up a name for the main character. Ingvordsen plays Bone Conn here, a character he portrays in many of his movies. Brad “Bone” Jordan is a name fabricated by the writer of the back of the box. There is no such character. But back to the plot, Bone Conn goes on the run with Russian terrorist (?) Boris (Krutonog, also a Boris in real life). It seems the “deadly virus” has been released into the air, and then the townspeople go nuts, and there is chaos and quarantining, with soldiers in gas masks, clearly modeled after The Crazies (1973). Then some of the survivors dress up in Old West-style garb and take on the soldiers. If none of this seems to make sense, don’t worry. It basically doesn’t. Will Bone Conn live on?

Here’s yet another Ingvordsen/Kaman DTV piece. It starts with a garbled spoken opening, and the talkiness continues. The color palette used for the film is dull, gray, bleak and depressing. There’s zero character development so you don’t really care what happens to anyone, with the possible exception of Bone Conn if you’re feeling charitable. We never negatively criticize movies for having amateurish actors, but most of the players here certainly are. There are two female characters (who get mere minutes of screen time), one is a waitress named Flo. No joke. The other is a cliched reporter named Lisa. At a certain point you have to ask yourself: who cares about this? Who is watching this? Who rented this? Who is the intended audience? Even with a punishingly unnecessary 98 minute running time, these questions remain unanswered.

Now, all that being said, we actually applaud Ingvordsen and Kaman for actually doing what they do. They have a vision, they clearly work hard to put out their product, and they actually succeeded in breaking through into video stores. So they actually DID something, unlike reviewers like us who have not. It’s just a shame their stuff isn’t a little more watchable. Plus, with the whole concept of “cowboys vs. the army”, there’s a seed of an idea there that is only really touched upon. There’s something interesting about guys in fatigues and gas masks with tanks facing off against guys in duster coats and cowboy hats. But this “throw a bunch of ideas against the wall” style reached its apotheosis with Cyber Vengeance (1997), the 90’s “VR” trend allowing the perfect vehicle for it. They even recycled some of the footage here for it.

With a little more focus and character development, Search and Destroy could have become more of a winner. As it stands, it’s more of a blah entry in the action stakes from the tight stonewashed jeans era. But to quote once again from the literary virtuoso who penned the back of the DVD box, “with thrilling adventure and stunning action, this is one search you won’t want to destroy.” This movie is one search I won’t want to destroy? WHAT? If that makes sense to anyone, write in and leave a comment today.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Expect No Mercy (1995)

Expect No Mercy (1995)-* * *

Directed by: Zale Dalen

Starring: Billy Blanks, Jalal Merhi, Wolf Larson, Laurie Holden, Anthony De Longis, Real Andrews, and Michael Blanks












Warbeck (Larson) and his sidekick Damian (De Longis of CIA II, 1993 fame) run the Virtual Arts Academy, an institution of “higher learning” that teaches its students Martial Arts mixed with heavy doses of Virtual Reality (or “VR”, as seemingly countless 90’s movies and TV shows insisted would be the future). However, as awesome as this place seems, something fishy is going on there, and Federal Agent Justin Vanier (Blanks) is assigned to check it out. So he goes undercover and enrolls as a student. As it turns out, the maniacal Warbeck is training high-tech assassins to go on missions to kill people, including witnesses for potential trials. Along with Eric (Merhi) and Vicki (Holden), Justin must bring down Warbeck’s sinister organization. But first he must figure out the differences between “virtual” and “reality” in this confusing new world.

Like we always used to say about the chain of stores Xpect Discounts, you can expect discounts, but you might not necessarily get any. However, after watching the absurd opening sequence to Expect No Mercy, you realize you are in for a ridiculous romp with plenty of 90’s nostalgia thanks to the plentiful computer graphics. Following Talons of the Eagle (1992) and TC 2000 (1993), Billy Blanks and Jalal Merhi team up once again. They must really get along well. Blanks has some funny catch phrases (and funny hair, and funny outfits), and Merhi is just mush-mouthed and incomprehensible.

Take the scene where Justin (i.e., Billy) is going to enter the VR school for the first time. He’s wearing a baseball cap and jacket. Right before walking in, he turns his hat around backwards, and unzips his jacket, exposing a lot of chest because he’s not wearing a shirt underneath. WHY? Did he think this would make him “fit in” at the school? Presumably Warbeck saw this and thus made him his mortal enemy. It would certainly explain their fight scene where for no comprehensible reason, after fighting for a good ten minutes, they then tear each other’s shirts off. Hmmmm...As far as Merhi, one of the scariest things in a non-horror movie is the disembodied Merhi head. You might scream.

As far as the other baddies, we have Damian, who wears a whip as some sort of tie, Real Andrews of Last Man Standing (1987) and Red Scorpion 2 (1994) fame, who would appear with Blanks the next year in Balance of Power (1996), Michael Blanks as Spyder, who is Billy’s brother and appeared in Ring of Steel (1994) and the fascinatingly-named Lazar Rockwood, who looks exactly like Billy Drago. We’re not entirely satisfied that it’s NOT Billy Drago. So the supporting cast is solid, and along with plenty of fights and blow-ups, Expect No Mercy provides the action and (presumably) unintentional comedy that makes for good entertainment.

An example of humor is in the set decoration: there are massive posters of Wolf Larson’s face everywhere. Where are those posters now? Also, since this was made at the height of the Mortal Kombat craze, there are some similarities there, and there’s even a real computer game you can buy based on this movie. But in the VR fight sequences (even the one with the Dee Snider-like villain Fango), are our heroes really punching NOTHING? When Billy Blanks had that fight scene with some steam in Balance of Power, was that a really more substantial opponent than the enemies here? Something to really (not) think about.

It has a memorable score by Varouje Hagopian, and even funny (presumably ADR?) sounds from the fighters, as if the filmmakers thought the fights were too boring, so they felt adding some actors shouting “chaw!” “chaw!” would really liven things up. Unsurprisingly, the movie was shot in Ontario, Canada and has a very Canadian feel (again, not a bad thing, just an observation).

For 90’s action silliness, Expect No Mercy is a solid choice.

Also check out reviews from our buddies: DTVC and Lost Video Archive!

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett