Cyber Vengeance (1997)

Cyber Vengeance (1997)-* *1\2

Directed by: J. Christian Ingvordsen

Starring: Robert Davi, Rick Washburn, J. Gregory Smith, Amy Lynn Baxter, Josh Mosby, and J. Christian Ingvordsen 












In the far-off year of 2005, VR rules. Will Singleton (Smith) is a man obsessed with VR. He even has a VR job and a VR girlfriend. His job involves working the bugs out of a “Virtual Reality Prison”, where prisoners are forced to compete in VR games against “wealthy sportsmen”. The mastermind of the VR prison system is one R.D. Crowley (Davi). Because he believes one of the VR prisoners might be innocent, Crowley throws Singleton into the game with the other sportsmen. These games involve going into various different historical periods and trying to survive. There’s even a madman on the loose, Baracus (Washburn). Will Will Singleton make it back to reality...alive?

In the 90’s, VR was huge. It was surely slated to be the next big thing. Many movies have utilized the VR concept, such as Expect No Mercy (1995), Evolver (1995), The Protector (1999), and even more mainstream fare such as Johnny Mnemonic (1995) and Virtuosity (1995), and the TV show VR Troopers, among many other examples. Here, Ingvordsen, the man behind Comrades In Arms (1992) and The Outfit (1993), assembles a sort of cross between an “unstuck in time” kind of adventure and a Most Dangerous Game (1932) knockoff. With silly morphing effects and characters running around with straps, suction cups and VR helmets, of course. In fact, the name of one of the makers of said helmets, “Headgear”, whose name is prominently displayed on the outside of the helmet, doesn’t really make someone look tough. It makes you think of complicated braces.

The movie starts off with a bang, with Matthias Hues and other loinclothed fighters squaring off in what has to be one of the most ridiculous battles yet filmed. It’s rare to see something THIS silly THIS fast, and surely that makes this movie worth every penny. Before you can say “Start conscious Shareware”, the action continues in Revolutionary War times, the Prohibition era (which seems very much like Ingvordsen’s other movie, The Outfit), WWII, Vietnam, and other time periods. Frankly, it all gets a bit disjointed and jumbled, as you don’t know what time period, or what part of reality, the action is taking place in. But the team of Weiner, Washburn (who REALLY looks like Mike Huckabee) and Ingvordsen did it all on a low budget, and we commend them for that.

As far as those actors are concerned, Ingvordsen and Josh Mosby look almost exactly alike, which is the same problem we had with The Outfit, in which they both co-starred. Plus Ingvordsen’s accent is just incomprehensible, seemingly going from Scottish to German to no accent in the course of one sentence. Washburn portrays Baracus (not to be confused with Brakus), but he must be the brother Mr. T rarely talks about.

Rather than just sit at your computer and have a nice relaxing game of Snood, Sim City or Myst, we now have high-stakes VR. But it all has funny sound effects, and everyone where Will works wears the same Carhartt jacket. That’s the future for you. And there are some classic cliches such as the Black guy screaming while shooting a machine gun and the shrew of a girlfriend (in this case with the very 90’s name of Tori). But like how NASA, in the course of developing the complexities of the space program, brought us many other by-product inventions such as Velcro, so Cyber Vengeance does by inadvertently creating GoToMeeting. So that’s all well and good, but there are a few problems to spoil the fun.

Contrary to the tagline of Absolute Aggression (a retitling or possibly a re-edit of this movie, we’re not really sure), if you die in the game, you DON’T die in real life. If that was the case, the movie would be a lot more exciting. As it is, it’s just a bunch of middle-aged men playing video games. Robert Davi might kill you, but it’s not a direct cause of the game. Also, there’s very minimal Hues. He’s featured prominently on the artwork we have (for whatever reason, this was released on DVD under this title in Poland and Germany and seemingly nowhere else), but it’s practically a cameo. You’d think Matthias Hues portraying a hulking brute named “Thor” would be the role he was born to play, but sadly it’s cut pretty short. Plus the ending is highly unsatisfying. So all in all it’s kind of a mixed bag.

So while there are some good ideas here, and it’s great a movie which takes place over numerous historical periods was made on such a low budget, it seems Cyber Vengeance - of which there’s minimal vengeance, by the way - would be of interest to buffs of 90’s nostalgia, and few others.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett

Dragonfight (1990)

Dragonfight (1990)-*1\2

Directed by: Warren A. Stevens

Starring: Michael Paré, Robert Z'Dar, Charles Napier, Paul Coufos, George "Buck" Flower, Tom Magee, Fawna MacLaren, James Hong, and Joe Cortese











In the deserts of Arizona, two men face off in a battle to the death: the maniacal Lochaber (Z’Dar) and the honorable Falchion (Coufos). Because this is the future, the two men are being controlled by their corporate masters. One big corporation, led by the smarmy, ponytail-wearing businessman Michael Moorpark (Paré) and his associates Asawa (Hong) and the creatively-named Kyoto (Aleong), have millions of dollars riding on the success of their chosen fighter. The other businessmen, led by Baybington (Cortese) are their rivals, backing their own guy. They sit in their cushy offices watching the proceedings play out on TV monitors. Falchion decides he’s had enough and defects. He goes on the run, refusing to fight. It’s on his travels away from Lochaber that he meets a desert Ranger, Moochow (Napier) (who presumably, based on his name, will get a Chicago-based talk radio show) and a drunken stranger, Jericho (Flower), who decides to narrate the whole story. There’s also the magical hot chick, Dark Servant (MacLaren), who has the power to heal. But the time comes when all men must fight, and Falchion realizes he must face off against the murderous Lochaber (who has gone rogue and started killing innocent civilians). Who will be victorious in this so-called “Dragonfight”?

Oh dear. Dragonfight is one choppy, nonsensical mess of a movie. It’s more an off-kilter mishmash of stupidity and half-baked concepts than a fully-fleshed out film. We were happy to see a top-billed Robert Z’Dar, and a second-billed Paul Coufos, especially on a tape released by a major label (Warner Brothers, though we don’t understand why; this definitely seems like something that would come out on a much smaller label - but then again, we’re happy some of our fan-favorite actors got wider distribution than normal, even if it’s not an ideal vehicle for them). Paul Coufos, star of Busted Up (1986), strongly resembles Huey Lewis - we suppose this is as close as we’ll get to seeing Lewis in an “action” film, though Falchion needed more goons to fight, not just one, and he spends most of the movie running from the fight. That’s bad policy for a supposed action movie with the word “fight” somewhere in the title.

Michael Pare has a very limited amount of screen time, and of that, his ponytail steals his performance away from him. The movie as a whole has some classic line readings, some of which are said by James Hong, but just about every character says a stupid and/or confusingly-written piece of dialogue in an appropriately-confused manner. That’s why the first 30 minutes or so of Dragonfight is so wacky and funny. But the desert sequences are mostly slogs and have an unfortunate Albert Pyun feel, and things slow down tremendously then. Some nice cinematography can’t fix the egregious problems this movie has.

Z’Dar runs around the desert yelling “RAAAAAHHH!!!!” and wearing a too-small suit of chainmail, complete with codpiece. Charles Napier has a cap with the word “Ranger” on it in tiny type, so small you can barely read it. Were smaller-than-average chainmail suits and “Ranger” embroidered patches cheaper than normal-sized ones?  Then George “Buck” Flower (or is it Randall “Tex” Cobb? Not really sure...) shows up, and most of his dialogue (and inexplicable narration) is so grumbly, mumbly, and slurred, he makes William Smith seem like a master of elocution. And lest we forget Tom Magee as Bull, the token meathead. Naturally a movie about mystical sorcery wouldn’t be complete without the Canadian 1982 World Powerlifiting Champion. Also he was in Stone Cold (1991) and Street Knight (1993).

Director Warren Stevens also is responsible for Lone Tiger (1999) - how does he keep assembling impressive B-movie casts for these nonsensical movies? Sure, the writing, editing, and directing are very off, but our question is: did Stevens think it made sense? Did he think it would make sense to audiences? Or does he know it makes no sense, and he doesn’t care? These are the questions we’re curious about. But naturally, there is a lot of repetition to pad out the running time. We also noted that the movie Digital Man (1995) is very similar to this. Of all the movies to imitate, why Dragonfight? Is it really that inspirational? Add in a little Cyber Vengeance (1997) and you have...well, something.

The first half-hour is fairly mind-boggling, but then the silliness subsides for most of the rest of the film. We felt the corporate-based scenes were more interesting than the desert slog scenes, of course. So that led to an overall feeling of dissatisfaction. Featuring the song “Take My Stand” by Velvet Hammer, Dragonfight is, despite author John Stanley giving it a glowingly positive review in his book Creature Features, a confusing disappointment after its opening promise. But there are some unintentional laughs along the way.

Also check out a review by our buddy, The Video Vacuum!

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty