Cobra (1986)-* * * *
Directed By: George P. Cosmatos
Starring: Sylvester Stallone, Brigitte Nielsen, Brian Thompson, and Marco Rodriguez
"This is where the law stops and I start!"
Thank you for reading the review for one of the all-time Comeuppance fan favorites! Cobra is awesome for so many reasons and the standard by which all other like-minded movies are judged.
Cobra is a classic 80's film and everything about this movie is a recipe for success.
Here's a rundown\plot description:
1. First, Sly does a voiceover consisting of lines like: "In America there's a burglary every 11 seconds, an armed robbery every 65 seconds, a violent crime every 25 seconds, A murder every 24 minutes, and 250 rapes a day." This was clearly added after the fact to pad out the running time. That being said, I'm glad the movie ran short because this opening sequence is both hilarious and sets the mood perfectly. And it's downright informative! Isn't that why you watch films like this?
2. Next, start with a "Cop on the Edge" name like Cobra.... but with a trademarked Stallone twist his first name is Marion! He also cuts pizza with scissors, among other quirky actions such as putting his daily newspaper under his grill for safe keeping.
3. The first scene has Marion blowing away a robber in a supermarket. The one-liner is: "I don't shop here!" Genius!
Intermission! Can you feel the heat?
4. The bad guy must have no lines (until the end), and no motive for killing anybody, but does it anyway.
5. There are no other stars in Stallone's film and he casts his previous wife Brigitte Nielsen as his love interest.
6. The chase scene consists of Cobra shooting bikers for 20 minutes! The infamous "orange grove chase" is padded out so ridiculously long it's laugh-out-loud funny. It's like an old-school video game where bad guys that are all dressed alike and look alike just keep coming and coming endlessly. Do these people honestly believe they can kill COBRA? Come on!
7. Also, Cobra's car is awesome. You have to see it to believe it.
8. Cobra contains every action movie cliche yet devised by the human brain. But it's all delivered so perfectly, so beautifully, and with such style and energy by Stallone, you would have to have a heart of stone not to love it.
9. Last but not least, we have to mention the soundtrack. I own it on CD. You should too, if you don't already. The theme of the movie is "The Voice Of American Sons" by John Cafferty. It makes no sense at all during the course of the film. Cobra doesn't even have a son...he just has beard stubble and shoots people.
In the end, if you have an attitude problem ("just a little one"), you need to own the DVD of Cobra!
Comeuppance Review by: Ty & Brett