Crisis (1997)

 

Crisis (1997)- * *1\2

 Directed by: Jalal Merhi

 Starring: David Bradley, Tony Milne, Cameron Michell Jr.,  Thorsten Nickel, and Pavlo

"The shoe salesman is on the loose!" - Random Baddie

An idealistic young man named Tony (Milne) is part of a group named Greenworld (occasionally called Greenworld 2000). They're kind of like hippies, but because it was the 90's, they wear plaid flannel shirts. They decide to target Dr. Tom Ross (Mitchell Jr.) They want him to use something called Toxin Retardants. Or maybe they desperately want him to NOT use Toxin Retardants. It's never made completely clear. So the merry band of do-gooders invade Ross's house to get what they want. This doesn't put them in the most sympathetic light.




Things go from bad to worse when a terrorist named Simon (Nickel), his Evan Lurie-esque henchman Snake (Pavlo), and some other baddies take control of things in the Ross household, holding Ross, his wife, daughter, and maid hostage. They want missiles (prounounced in the Evil dialect: MisSYLes). Thankfully for the Ross clan, and Tony, Tony's brother Alex (Bradley) came along on this mission. He goes under the cover of being a shoe salesman, but he's actually a bagman for the mafia. At one point he describes himself as a "cleaner". Despite his job title, Alex must snap into action, stop the terrorists, save the Greenworlders, and the Ross family. Can he do it? Or will there be some sort of CRISIS?

When the first credit onscreen for any movie you decide to watch is: "Jalal Merhi Presents", you can do one of two things. You can either run screaming from the room, flapping your arms wildly, vowing to never enter that room in your house again because the "bad thing" in the room gave you PTSD from the last time you saw it. Or, you could roll with the punches and see what silliness and stupidity is on offer and take a slightly more relaxed approach. Thankfully, we opted for the latter in the case of Crisis. And yes, it's VERY dumb, but it's so darned stupid that you can't really hate it. It's like a not-very-intelligent puppy that follows you home.


It's yet another home invasion movie. They must keep churning these things out because they're inexpensive to produce. Even up to today, as in The Gardener (2021), baddies are still invadin' homes like there's no tomorrow. What keeps Crisis afloat are the constant hilarious line readings - just the way people talk in this film is really funny. There are tons of face-palmingly stupid situations and you just have to laugh. Probably to keep from crying.



We get some nice 1997 phones, TVs, and computers. The score by action-film mainstay Varouje has some pleasantly jazzy moments. At the outset of all this, there are some exterior, possibly stock shots of New York City, including the Twin Towers, so we're led to believe the story takes place there. Then we're treated to cars with Saskatchewan license plates, emergency workers with jackets that read "Saskatoon EMTs", outside the house is a vast, snowy expanse that decidedly does not look like NYC, and there's even a box in the house that simply reads "Saskatoon". If the filmmakers were trying to hide the fact that they were in Saskatoon, they didn't do the best job.


Perhaps distracting from all this is the presence of one Thorsten Nickel as Simon, the lead terrorist baddie. Maybe after the original Die Hard (1988) was such a success, it was written somewhere that every action movie must contain an evildoer with a thick accent, preferably German. Thorsten Nickel could be the new Werner Hoetzinger. And we don't use that phrase lightly. Maybe Christoph Kluppel wasn't available. In any case, he makes his own presence known. There's no counterfeiting THIS Nickel.


And all of this is before we get to David Bradley. He spends a lot of the film tied up to a weight set in the basement. He also doesn't do a ton of Martial Arts. He's disrespected further when, in the end credits under fight choreography, his name is spelled incorrectly ("Bradly"). Bradley does what he can in the face of all this, but he's faced with a tide of low-budget silliness that's easy to get washed away in.



The whole thing is 80 minutes pre-end credits. It COULDN'T have been longer. There's only so much of this stuff anyone can take. We're only human. (Well, maybe Thorsten Nickel isn't, but that's another story for another day). Adding insult to injury, the Platinum Disc DVD promises a quiz as a special feature. We were looking forward to testing our knowledge about weak-looking muzzle flashes, maids that look like Rosanna Arquette, or typing your computer password into Microsoft Word. Alas, there is no quiz. They out-and-out lied. Don't promise a Crisis quiz if you can't deliver.



Okay, now I'm so mad I can't continue. I can't do this anymore (walks out of room and slams door).

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Also check out a write-up from our buddy, DTVC!

Raw Courage (1984)

 

Raw Courage (1984)- * *

Directed by: Robert L. Rosen

Starring: Ronny Cox. Art Hindle, Tim Maier, and M. Emmet Walsh

Man, Pete Canfield (Cox) really likes to run. Running being the driving force in his life, he and his buddy Roger Bower (Hindle), and a young runner-in-training (i.e. a RIT), Craig Jensen (Maier), decide to do what any normal trio of dudes with a lot of time on their hands would do: go on a 72-mile whisk through the New Mexico desert. Armed with only their fanny packs and their disturbingly short shorts, the men start their traipse promisingly enough. But there's something lurking in the scrub brush that's really gonna slow down their time: a militia group called the Citizen's Brigade has flown in from Colorado for some reason and really doesn't take much of a shine to our running-obsessed pals. Led by the sinister Col. Crouse (Walsh), the situation quickly devolves into the runners versus the gunners as the battle ensues. Will Canfield, Bower, and Jensen dig deep to find their RAW COURAGE?




Written by Ronny Cox and his then-wife Mary, seemingly their intention with Raw Courage was to combine the "Friends have to combat a threat in a rural environment" film like Deliverance (1972), Rituals (1977), or Southern Comfort (1981) with the "Nerd finds his strength to fight" film best exemplified by Straw Dogs (1971), with the "running" film such as On the Edge (1985) or Personal Best (1982). Fitness trends, including running, were on the upswing in the 80's. Apparently the Cox family felt now was the time to put all this stuff in a blender and serve it up to the viewing public.

Or, to put it another way, the Coxes could have just exclaimed, "Hope ya like RUNNING!" because boy do you get a lot of it in this film. So-called "Weekend Warriors", or war games, were also something that was a bit more relevant and on people's minds back in '84. Soldier of Fortune magazine was a hot seller on newsstands, so, as other films have used as well, these groups made a quick-and dirty baddie troupe that filmmakers evidently felt didn't require much character development. They're just bad, that's all. They note that they're preparing for "The Crunch", which is not explored but it's hinted at that it's a cashless society/New World Order future. So maybe the Citizen's Brigade are just ahead of their time, who knows?




Raw Courage does boast some impressive and novel cinematography by Frank P. Flynn, who especially excels with hand-held work. There's a nicely synthy score by Johnny Harris and some standout editing by Steve Polivka. But here's the problem: once the main conflict is established between the runners and the militia, the film doesn't change, grow, or arc. It hits that wall, and then it's just "run, chase, run, chase, a militia guy dies, run, chase..." and so forth. There's no development beyond that, or surprises, or twists - and that's the vast majority of the film. It's more or less an 82-minute chase scene.




Your tolerance for that may vary. Further upsides include the heroes using their running skills to defeat the baddies, and the runners facing real-life running hazards such as dehydration and cramps. Presumably this is the favorite film of the staff of Runner's World magazine. The big party planned for when the runners eventually were to cross the finish line was sponsored by Capri-Sun and features a Capri-Sun blimp. We could have used more of that blimp. We really could have.




Raw Courage, AKA simply Courage, is the only directorial effort for Robert L. Rosen to date, although he has done other jobs in the film industry for a long time now. The New World VHS could be found in many video stores, and the tagline "Find It Or Die" (referring to your raw courage, presumably) is a memorable one. That's really the point in the end: Raw Courage is a tape that you'd see in your local video store. Maybe you'd rent it, maybe you wouldn't - they sure did their best to make runners running away while on the run an appealing prospect, assuming the film doesn't give you motion sickness - but it was THERE. It was almost a comforting part of our video store landscape. So, almost beyond the qualities and merits of the film itself, it was part of that beloved video store world. Is that enough? Probably for a one-time watch it is.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

The Silencer (1999)

 

The Silencer (1999)- * * *

Directed by: Robert Lee

Starring: Michael Dudikoff, Terrence Kelly, Brennan Elliott, Michael St. John Smith, and Gabrielle Miller

Jason Wells (Elliott) is a young FBI agent in Chicago. His father was also a G-Man, and Wells feels he has something to prove. Sensing this, his boss Neal Donovan (Kelly), sends him on a dangerous mission: fake his own death, then re-emerge as Jason Black, a ponytailed "greaseball" (he's called that numerous times) assigned to get close to Quinn Simmons (Dudikoff), an expert in assassinations. The worldly Simmons takes the neophyte Black under his wing. This is all in the lead-up to the planned assassination of presidential candidate Senator Cayton (Smith). What at first appears to be a simple job soon goes off the rails and Jason Wells is caught in a quagmire of lies, deceits, divided loyalties, and other twists and turns. Oh, and by the way, Quinn Simmons's nickname is THE SILENCER. Who will get silenced...forever?



Not to bury the lede (surprisingly, that is how you spell "lede" in this context) but The Silencer was directed by Robert Lee, who also directed...wait for it...Crackerjack 2 (1997)! But, knowing that information, you might think The Silencer would be a lot of silly fun. It turns out that Mr. Lee must have a lot of range as a director, because The Silencer is much more serious-minded than the classic Hostage Train that featured Judge Rein-hold. If you're wondering why I put in that dash, just check out the box art.



While not a slam-bang 100% actionfest - because it wasn't trying to be - The Silencer is more in the "paranoid thriller" mold initated in the 70's by the likes of The Conversation and The Parallax View (both 1974) but continued on into the DTV era by outings such as Sabotage (1996) or Hidden Assassin (1995). The plot strand of an older assassin showing a younger one the ropes is very reminiscent of The Mechanic (1972). The word "Mechanic" is even used.



Thankfully, The Silencer is better-written than the usual DTV fare at this point in time. You care about the characters and what's going on. The way history was woven into the plot was unique and added depth to the proceedings. We get some classic "FBI exposition" as Donovan and Wells look at slides in the beginning of the film, laying the groundwork of everything to come - but it isn't as cut and dried as you might think.


What also helps things a lot are the actors - fan-favorite Dudikoff as the unsmiling villain (or is he?) here was given an atypical role and it worked great. He had previously worked with director Lee on Cyberjack AKA Virtual Assassin (1995). I guess he'll always be some sort of an Assassin to Mr. Lee. Dudikoff even does a slow, gravelly voice to underscore how serious he is, which inevitably reminded us of what Steve Guttenberg did with his voice in Airborne (1998). It's a lot less silly here, of course, but the similarities are there nonetheless.


Terence Kelly as Donovan was also wonderful, and Brennan Elliott put in a lot of great energy as the lead. Gabrielle Miller as Quinn's love interest (?) is presumably here because at the last minute maybe the filmmakers realized that there were no women in the movie, and it was decided that one was needed. If that was indeed the case, that's not her fault of course.


There's a killer car stunt towards the end of the film, and periodically there will be a blow-up or maybe some shooting or fighting just to keep this in the action realm just enough. But it fits in with the DTV action genre perfectly well in any case, and thanks to the aforementioned scripting, plotting, and acting, manages to stand out amongst its competitors. 

And here's a pro tip to anyone out there who's thinking of running for office: don't publicly threaten to end government secrets and corruption. Wait until AFTER you're elected to do that. Announcing to the world that you're going to end an evil cabal is very upsetting to said evil cabal. In the interest of your own life, just keep your evil-cabal hatred to yourself. Final thought before the wrap-up: While ostensibly set in Chicago, this was obviously shot in Canada. Just sayin' is all.


Not only was The Silencer a pleasant surprise - it could have been so much more generic, but thankfully it isn't - it likely is one of the best DTV movies from 1999, if not the entirety of the late-90's/early 2000's period. Recommended.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Also check out write-ups from our buddies, DTVC and The Video Vacuum!

Urban Warriors (1987)

 

Urban Warriors (1987)- * *1\2

Directed by: Giuseppe Vari

Starring: Karl Landgren, Maurice Poli, Bjorn Hammer, Malisa Longo, Tiziana Altieri, and Alex Vitale

Brad (Landgren), Maury (Hammer), and Stan (Poli) are scientists and co-workers. One day they're at work, just minding their own business doing science stuff, and there is a nuclear apocalypse. Everything blows up and the world becomes your classic wasteland. Our trio manages to survive the blast, and they even scrounge their way to find some canned food. But now they've got a bigger problem on their hands: roving bands of murderous mutants led by a meathead known only as Mutant Leader (Vitale). Faced with this threat, the formerly white-coated nerd Brad becomes a ripped action hero for the 80's. Of course, two women also survived the devastation: Julia Reiner (Longo) and Angela (Altieri) - but which one can he trust? After being put on "trial" by the baddies, they drive around in a rock quarry for a while, which is how they settle their differences in the future. Or maybe the past. Who will survive the onslaught of the URBAN WARRIORS?



We all love a good Italian Post-Apocalypse film (or Post-Ap's, as we call them) - but it appears that by 1987, we had already seen the best the genre had to offer: The New Gladiators (1984), Escape From the Bronx (1983), 1990: The Bronx Warriors (1982), Warriors of the Wasteland (1983), 2019: After the Fall of New York (1983) among certain others. Note those early-80's release dates. If Urban Warriors is any indication, the genre was running out of steam. The Italian film industry in general was on the decline, and budgets were just not what they used to be. By this time, the focus was on the Exploding Hutters shot in the Philippines such as Born to Fight (1989), Strike Commando (1987), and Robowar (1988), to name just a few examples. It probably also didn't help that director Giuseppe Vari was around 71 years old at the time, and this was his last film. He literally was days away from retirement, and he hadn't directed a film for a decade at this point in his career. He was probably tired. It's almost like a poor hobo on the street: would anyone spare a dime for Urban Warriors?



Apparently, Cannon did, as they picked up the film and released it in America on VHS. Which leads us to this fact: the most interesting thing about Urban Warriors has nothing to do with the film. The VHS tape was part of Michael Dudikoff's Action Adventure Theater, a series that featured the Dude himself introducing each film. He even makes reference to a Cannon project that was never made. Which, knowing the history of Cannon and how many irons they always had in the fire, is not at all surprising.



There is some familiar-looking stock footage of nuke tests and lava flows to show that our beloved apocalypse has finally happened. Our three scientist heroes fumble around underground for a while after that. Then, for a while, we go into an Assault on Precinct 13 (1976) scenario. Even Paolo Rustichelli's score is very Carpenter-esque most of the time, except for during the final demolition derby, where the theme is a lot like White Lines by Grandmaster Flash & Melle Mel.



If this film seems a lot like The Final Executioner (1984) or The Bronx Executioner (1989), it's because it basically is. Everyone's recycling footage from everyone else, so it's really impossible (not to mention pointless) to try and figure out who came first. But the bottom line is, if you like roving gangs of punks in desolate, dusty wastelands, car/motorcycle chases, and plenty of abandoned buildings and warehouses, you'll find comfort in the fact that this is another place to find those things.


You gotta give it to the Italians, at least they always tried. Despite the low budget, there's a sort of scrappiness to the proceedings, and in the face of financial lack, they must've said something like, "We'll do it anyway!" Unfortunately, the film needed more drive. Which is ironic, considering how much driving goes on. Ideas that haven't been done before, and energy, must have been hard to come by at this point. So a certain slow, bland listlessness sets in.


Giuseppe Vari, like a lot of so-called "journeyman" directors, worked in "Vari"ous genres during his long and noteworthy career. Westerns, erotic films, comedies, Poliziotteschi, dramas, peplums and more. Whatever was needed at the time in the Italian film industry, it appears that he rose to the challenge. Yes, it could be argued that this, his final film, is him going out on an off note. It could also be argued that it's completely in keeping with the rest of his lengthy filmography: fulfilling a genre need when it was needed.


Is Urban Warriors the best Post-Ap ever made? No, not by a country mile. But as a potential video store choice in the 80's or 90's, made even more attractive by the Michael Dudikoff's Action Adventure Theater branding, it was undoubtedly part of the rich tapestry of the VHS rental world. The Cannon-Dudikoff connection is why this film is even remembered at all in the U.S., most likely. So, we choose - despite 'Urban's glaring quality issues - to dwell on the positives.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty