Body Count (1995)

Body Count (1995)- * *

AKA: Codename: The Silencer

Directed by: Talun Hsu

Starring: Robert Davi, Steven Bauer, Sonny Chiba, Brigitte Nielsen, Cindy Ambuehl, and Jan-Michael Vincent

“It’s the 90’s!” – Eddie Cook

Eddie Cook (Davi) and Vinnie Rizzo (Bauer) are not just two of New Orleans’s finest, they’re also best buddies. But their jobs are about to get a heck of a lot more challenging now that Makato (Chiba) and his partner Sybil (Nielsen) have come to wreak havoc in the Big Easy. Makato is a sly and crafty hitman and expert marksman. We as viewers know this because he has a special assassin hat. Further complicating the lives of Cook and Rizzo is the entrance of their new supervisor, Special Agent Janet Hood (Ambuehl). Will Makoto and Sybil’s killing spree ever end?

Body Count is yet another victim of what we call the Lone Tiger Effect. For those who don’t know, this is when a movie gets a great cast of B-movie faces together and you think you can’t lose as a viewer – and then you do. Perhaps it’s a classic case of “too many cooks”, but despite the stellar cast, Body Count just doesn’t deliver the goods. 

That’s not to say there aren’t some high points – someone walks away from an explosion in slow motion, Davi and Bauer have good chemistry together, and there’s a very impressive PM-style car flip/explosion. There should have been more moments like these. Additionally on the plus side we have a competent, classic-90’s video store look and some nice New Orleans locations. This includes, almost apropos of nothing, a stereotype Southern Sheriff. But the movie doesn’t really hook you in, and the pacing seems off. The police station has a poster for The Terminator (1984) right there in the squad room, so it shows the local cops have a nice sense of décor.

As for the cast (besides the aforementioned fan favorites Davi and Bauer), we have Brigitte Nielsen, who was given a much meatier role in Mission of Justice (1992). It was nice to see that Sonny Chiba was all over the movie and not just in a small role. He got to show off his physical prowess and had a bunch of great outfits to boot. Jan-Michael Vincent had a glorified cameo, and even in a small role appeared a little tipsy. Ambuehl, last seen in Dark Breed (1996) was primarily eye candy despite the fact that the scriptwriters attempted vainly to make her more than that. 

The problem is that the movie isn’t wacky enough or different enough – it’s just kind of standard fare. You’d think the cast could make more out of the material, but even they can’t really pull that off. Comparable movies about a Japanese-American crime-ridden culture clash include Red Sun Rising (1994) (better than Body Count) and Double Deception (2001) (actually worse than Body Count). 

Featuring the song “All Woman” by Mark Ferrari, Body Count left something to be desired.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Mercenaries (2014)

Mercenaries (2014)- * *1\2

Directed by: Christopher Ray

Starring: Zoe Bell, Brigitte Nielsen, Tim Abell, Vivica A. Fox, Kristanna Loken, Nicole Bilderback, and Cynthia Rothrock

When the President’s daughter travels to Kazakhstan and then gets kidnapped by the evil Ulrika (Nielsen) and her henchman Gregori (Abell), a government agent named Mona (Rothrock) does the only logical thing - she assembles a team of female prisoners (with pasts appropriate to this task, of course). Led by Cassandra Clay (Bell), the other team members include Raven (Fox), Kat (Loken), and Mei-Lin (Bilderback). Armed to the teeth and with nothing to lose, the ladies embark on the deadly mission, facing everything from sexism to RPG’s along the way. Will they come out victorious? Will they rescue the President’s daughter? What will happen to the baddies when they face the MERCENARIES?

In the grand tradition of Hell Squad (1986), Sweet Justice (1992), and Mankillers (1987), Mercenaries is the latest in the lineage of low-budget DTV “assemble a female team” movies. While the brief seems to have been “create a DTV, all-female Expendables”, the end result is more in line with the three films mentioned above. Not that that’s such a bad thing, of course. But Mercenaries is just a bit too silly for its own good. If they could have dialed down some of the more inane and/or sophomoric elements just a tad, and taken the whole project slightly more seriously, we might have more of a winner here.

Top marks go to our new hero Zoe Bell, arguably the best part of the movie. While the other Mercenaries were off experiencing the time-honored Prerequisite Torture, Bell goes off on her own, and we appreciated that. We hope to see more of her in front of the camera (for those who don’t know, she’s an experienced stuntwoman). Overall, though, it seems the filmmakers were going for a bit of a lark - a reasonably pleasant piece of entertainment you don’t have to think about too hard (or at all). But where’s the line between that and something that’s just really dumb? Mercenaries certainly defines that line.

Sure, it has some of those needless, modern-day editing tricks, and the production values are very cheap-looking (as befitting of The Asylum production company), and the green screen/CGI quotient is unhealthy, but on the brighter side it has some classic 80’s/90’s style clichés - the wacky transportation driver, “It’s an election year”, and some un-PC dialogue (mostly centered around Mei-Lin). The comic-booky vibe is sledgehammered in with some interstitial cuts to comic book frames, an editing device pretty much universally frowned-upon when it came to that new cut of The Warriors (1979). Why Mercenaries chose to do it remains an open question.

There is plenty of groan-inducing dialogue as well, and top fan favorite Cynthia Rothrock has only one, all-too-brief fight scene. All the ladies, generally speaking, acquit themselves well, which is why we wished the overall product had more weight and heft to it, instead of being the aforementioned lark. It’s easy viewing, to be sure, and we like the tradition it falls in, so we’re willing to cut it some slack. But the silliness/dumbness factor reaches daffy proportions, so it’s kind of a wash.

In the end, Mercenaries is a well-meaning trifle, buoyed by Zoe Bell and her cohorts. We personally would have liked some more grit, however. 

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty 

Mission Of Justice (1992)

Mission Of Justice (1992)-* * *1\2

Directed By: Steve Barnett

Starring: Jeff Wincott, Brigitte Nielsen, Karen Sheperd, Luca Bercovici, Tony Burton, Christopher Kriesa, James Lew, and Matthias Hues


"A rainbow often follows a storm."









Kurt Harris (Wincott) is a cop on the edge. He and his partner Lynn (Sheperd) do their best to stop crime in the city of “Eastgate” California, and luckily they both know martial arts, so they make a formidable team. But there are some other supposed "crimefighters” in town - a group called “The Peacemakers”. This group, reminiscent of Curtis Sliwa’s Guardian Angels, patrol the streets and try to stop crime as well. They train at the Mission of Justice, where they practice their karate moves and wait for crimes to occur. 


Enter the sinister Dr. Rachel K. Larkin (Nielsen) and her brother Titus (Hues). Larkin is a ruthless politician running for mayor. She will use any lethal tactics necessary to get to the top, using the Mission as a front for her dastardly operations. Meanwhile, Kurt Harris quits the police force in disgust at its red tape and bureaucracy, and its many other problems, not the least of which is jerkface Sgt. Duncan (Kriesa). Because Harris lives to fight crime, he goes undercover at the Mission and becomes a “Peacekeeper” himself. He wants to not only stop Larkin, Titus and the Mission, but get revenge for the murder of his friend Cedric (Burton). But he’ll have to fight his way through many baddies to do so...


It’s fun to watch Jeff Wincott's vigorous, energy-packed fighting style. He makes a good hero. And yet another one named “Kurt”. After he becomes a Peacekeeper, he must wear the official goofy white T-shirt of the group. When he and his two compatriots patrol the streets, passing kids on bikes acknowledge them. It will remind you of Lenny, Carl and Homer in the “cat burglar” episode of The Simpsons. The way Cedric is killed and the presence of Brigitte Nielsen will remind you of Rocky IV (1985). Speaking of Nielsen, she was an interesting choice as the duplicitous, Hillary Clinton-like politician. For example, when she’s evil, in private, she has sinister-looking short hair. When she’s putting on her benevolent, public face, she has her “nice hair” on, which is long. Additionally, an Aryan foreigner running for public office in California predates Schwarzenegger by at least fifteen years.

But back to the action, Wincott is in top form, Karen Sheperd (remember her from Above the Law in her fight scene with Cynthia Rothrock?) also displays some great moves, and we can’t forget James Lew in a supporting baddie role. Wincott fights Hues in the final battle, naturally, and there’s even some stand-out stick fighting. But like the movie Riot (1997), which is filled with great scenes but has the one stand-out, they-outdid-themselves fight scene (the one with the motorbikes), Mission Of Justice has a similar gem: the absolutely killer fight scene in the chop shop. The movie is worth tracking down for that scene alone. 


The title is has a clever double meaning, there are painful-looking hits in the fight scenes, and the main cast really makes it all work. We give our full blessing to Mission of Justice.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Cobra (1986)

Cobra (1986)-* * * *
Directed By: George P. Cosmatos
Starring: Sylvester Stallone, Brigitte Nielsen, Brian Thompson, and Marco Rodriguez


"This is where the law stops and I start!"

Thank you for reading the review for one of the all-time Comeuppance fan favorites! Cobra is awesome for so many reasons and the standard by which all other like-minded movies are judged.

Cobra is a classic 80's film and everything about this movie is a recipe for success.

Here's a rundown\plot description:

1. First, Sly does a voiceover consisting of lines like: "In America there's a burglary every 11 seconds, an armed robbery every 65 seconds, a violent crime every 25 seconds, A murder every 24 minutes, and 250 rapes a day." This was clearly added after the fact to pad out the running time. That being said, I'm glad the movie ran short because this opening sequence is both hilarious and sets the mood perfectly. And it's downright informative! Isn't that why you watch films like this?

2. Next, start with a "Cop on the Edge" name like Cobra.... but with a trademarked Stallone twist his first name is Marion! He also cuts pizza with scissors, among other quirky actions such as putting his daily newspaper under his grill for safe keeping.

3. The first scene has Marion blowing away a robber in a supermarket. The one-liner is: "I don't shop here!" Genius!


Intermission! Can you feel the heat?





4. The bad guy must have no lines (until the end), and no motive for killing anybody, but does it anyway.


5. There are no other stars in Stallone's film and he casts his previous wife Brigitte Nielsen as his love interest.

6. The chase scene consists of Cobra shooting bikers for 20 minutes! The infamous "orange grove chase" is padded out so ridiculously long it's laugh-out-loud funny. It's like an old-school video game where bad guys that are all dressed alike and look alike just keep coming and coming endlessly. Do these people honestly believe they can kill COBRA? Come on!

7. Also, Cobra's car is awesome. You have to see it to believe it.

8. Cobra contains every action movie cliche yet devised by the human brain. But it's all delivered so perfectly, so beautifully, and with such style and energy by Stallone, you would have to have a heart of stone not to love it.

9. Last but not least, we have to mention the soundtrack. I own it on CD. You should too, if you don't already. The theme of the movie is "The Voice Of American Sons" by John Cafferty. It makes no sense at all during the course of the film. Cobra doesn't even have a son...he just has beard stubble and shoots people.

In the end, if you have an attitude problem ("just a little one"), you need to own the DVD of Cobra!




Comeuppance Review by: Ty & Brett