Kill Or Be Killed (1993)

 Kill Or Be Killed (1993)- * *

Directed by: Joe Straw

Starring: David Heavener, Joe Nuzzolo, and Lyn Levand

Michael and Charlie Julian (Nuzzolo and Heavener, respectively) are drug-dealing brothers who want to move up in the cocaine trade. When their latest deal is foiled by a police raid, Michael takes the rap and goes to jail for eight years. When he gets out, Charlie now has slicked-back hair, wears a suit, and is still a gangster baddie but is more "corporate" about it. A woman named Beth (Levand) is torn between the two men. During their latest drug deal, with a Korean gang called The Kim Brothers, a briefcase of money and coke goes missing. Charlie is understandably upset, which then paves the way for the final showdown. Who will KILL and who will BE KILLED?


As we all know, AIP stands for "Action International Pictures" - and while there is some gun shootin' in Kill or Be Killed (which is not to be confused with the 1976 film of the same name), it's really more of what you'd call a gangster drama. Our guess is that David Heavener probably liked working on this film because he gets to stretch his acting chops. But does the viewer really care?


It's no Prime Target (1991) or Fugitive X: Innocent Target (1996), or any other Heavener outing that has the word "Target" in the title. The more serious tone doesn't even allow for any of Heavener's patented country-fried musical numbers. It's hard to know what films KOBK was influenced by or what this was actually trying to BE. Most video store patrons who take home a VHS tape called Kill or Be Killed, which features a picture of Heavener with a gun, flanked by scantily-clad women encased in bullets (none of which are in the film, of course) are not going to be completely pleased with a slow-moving drama that sure as heck isn't going to give David Mamet any sleepless nights.


Except for the scenes when Heavener is clad only in a Speedo, everyone in this film only wears suits and ties, making it the original Suits. Or perhaps the AIP Glengarry Glen Ross. There are many, many scenes in offices and boardrooms. Or maybe it's only just one. It's tough to tell.

The film OPENS with a love montage, which is quite unusual. We'll give KOBK some points for originality there. Beth has fantastic hair, which can't be described but can only be seen. Michael looks like Mark Dacascos, the main police officer on the case looks like Jeff Goldblum, and other characters look like other people. An actor named Royce Dudley plays Jesse, and he is really the standout here. He really gives it his all. He should have done more, both in this film and elsewhere.



KOBK was directed by one Joe Straw, which sounds like a fake name. We wondered if he was a sort of cipher, or an American Eagle-esque "straw man". But no, he appears to be a real person. His main job in Hollywood was Production Accountant on many films. This and a film called The Intruder from the same year (1993) are his only directorial credits to date. Maybe because he was an accountant, that explains why there are so many boardroom scenes with suited men.



It does have that "AIP Vibe" so if you enjoy that, it is plentiful here. KOBK will most likely be too low budget and slow for most audiences. We've seen far, far worse, but simply an acting showcase for all involved lacks the hooks needed to pull in an audience, not to mention keep them there over time. That's why Kill or Be Killed will likely remain on the forgotten video store shelf of history. There are worse fates for your movie, for sure, but this status appears to be permanent.


Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

The Gardener (2021)

 

The Gardener (2021)- * * *

Directed by: Scott Chambers 

Starring: Robert Bronzi, Jake Watkins, Sarah Cohen, and Gary Daniels

Peter Juhasz (Bronzi) is a kindly gardener working for a rather well-off family in the UK. While tending to the grounds and his greenhouse, he isn't afraid to take some time out and impart life lessons to the two teenage (?) kids, Justin (Watkins) and Hannah (Cohen). The peace of their countryside estate is shattered when a gang of criminal baddies led by the sinister Volker (Daniels) invades the home. They're looking for a hard drive of information. In the process of these evil goings-on, Juhasz gets wise to their scheme, and he reverts back to his former military training. He then proceeds to rescue the family by taking on the baddies one by one. But, naturally, he will have to face off mano-a-mano with Volker. Will Juhasz take out the trash...er...leaf bags?



Hey, I guess if Jason Statham can be The Beekeeper, or The Transporter, and Aaron Eckhart can be The Bricklayer, then why can't Robert Bronzi be The Gardener? The danger with all this is that if current trends continue, then action movies will become no better than Adam Sandler or Rob Schneider films - i.e., the movie title is almost always their job (or their character's name). Perhaps calling this film "Peter Juhasz" didn't have the snappy ring to it that the filmmakers probably wanted. Although if they did do that, the movie would probably do gangbusters in Hungary. Juhasz is a vegetarian and at one point he asks for a nice vegetarian goulash. This might be the first film we've ever seen where the word "goulash" is said, much less requested by the main character.



The good news in all this is that Robert Bronzi still bears an uncanny and, frankly, alarming resemblance to Charles Bronson. That's a relief. Thankfully, he has not changed. The last time we saw him was Death Kiss (2018), and, wouldn't ya just know it, he looked a lot like Bronson then too. As Benjamin Franklin once said, there are three sure things in life: death, taxes, and Robert Bronzi's face. Exact quote.



While the first half or so of the film is largely actionless, we applaud the makers of The Gardener for actually attempting to give us character development. You have to set up the scene before you can knock it down. In that sense, the relatively slow pace is a throwback to the 70's drive-in films of yore. Once Bronzi/Juhasz snaps into his war footing, things do pick up rather well. We liked how he used his gardening tools to fight the baddies (i.e. a lawnmower, shears, some sort of raking hoe, etc.) Live by the garden, die by the garden.




It's like a lower-budget version of the end of The Equalizer (2014) - and if the aforementioned Beekeeper (2024), and The Equalizer can go to the theater, maybe Bronzi will too one day? Well, we can dream. However, this time around we get a more serious Bronzi. The tone is not as silly as you might think.



As far as fan favorite Gary Daniels, it's very safe to say that he's still "got it". He spends a good chunk of the movie shirtless and beating up his own crew. His character of Volker (which just sounds evil) really enjoys snapping people's necks. He even goes out of his way to snap some necks when he doesn't even have to. Some people like popping bubble wrap, some like snapping necks. Comme ci, comme ca. Not only did we like seeing an older, more grizzled Daniels, it was nice to see him in a rare baddie role.



However, not everything here is coming up roses. The night scenes are very dark and hard to see. At a certain point, things become very repetitive, especially in the dialogue department. For example, one of the baddies, while not wearing a mask like his compatriots do, yells over and over that "They saw my face!!" Whose fault is that, moron? The family was tied up. They didn't do anything to your mask. This same guy continually threatens, "I'm gonna kill 'em!!" or some variation thereof. Maybe the point was to really make the audience want Bronzi to come in and rake the guy to death or some such thing. But we already want that, so all the repetition isn't necessary, by definition.



All that being said, the slasheresque one-by-one killing by different and relatively creative ways was a plus, which adds to the "throwback" feel of the film, as does the quest by the baddies for "The Drive", which apparently is the 21st Century MacGuffin - it once was the ledger, then the tape, then the disc, now it's the drive.



Despite its evident (painfully, at times) low budget, The Gardener does end up delivering what you want. While far from perfect, we should all be thankful that Robert Bronzi exists. And that movies are being made, however flawed, that feature him as the main star. We really are living in extraordinary times.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett

Delta Force 3: The Killing Game (1991)

Delta Force 3: The Killing Game (1991)- * *

Directed by: Sam Firstenberg

Starring: Eric Douglas, Nick Cassavettes, Matthew Penn, Mike Norris, Hanna Hasfari, Jonathan Cherchi, and John P Ryan

Wouldn't ya just know it, now there's a new terrorist on the block, an insane homicidal madman named Kahlil Kadal (Cherchi). Evidently, he has a real beef with Miami, Florida and he wants to blow it up with a nuclear device. His motivation for just exactly why he wants to do this is never truly explained, although Miami Vice did go off the air two years before Kadal went nutso, so maybe that's what hacked him off so badly. It's really anybody's guess. 

The only logical way to counteract Kadal, so believes the President (of the United States) is to call in The Delta Force. Charlie (Cassavetes), Sam (Douglas), Richard (Penn) and Greg (Norris) - to avoid further confusion that's Nick, Eric, Matthew, and Mike, respectively - join forces with some Russians, Sergei (Ryan) (of COURSE his name is Sergei), and Irenia (Hasfari). Will the combined forces of the DELTA FORCE, a Russian, and a woman be enough to thwart Kadal's nefarious plans? And who will win THE KILLING GAME?....and what is THE KILLING GAME?



So, yes, there is a third installment in the Delta Force series, and no, it does not feature Chuck Norris. It does feature Mike Norris, so the Norris quota is satisfied. Apparently, Chuck was going to be involved with the project but he backed out at some point. Much like Death Ring (1992) (which also starred Mike Norris), with its infamous box cover touting the appearances of "SWAYZE - NORRIS - McQUEEN", it appears that Delta Force 3: The Killing Game is throwing in all its chips with the idea of featuring celebrity sons in the main roles.



While Nick Cassavetes and Matthew Penn kind of fade into the rest of the Israeli scenery, Eric Douglas explodes off the screen with a somehow-recognizable je ne sais quoi. Director Sam Firstenberg did two things right with DF3:TKG - One, he made Islamic terrorists the focus and not some nebulous, politically-correct threat. This predates Path to Paradise (1997) by quite a few years, and Homeland by many more. Two, he gave Eric Douglas plenty of screen time. His Jerry Trimble-esque antics liven things up. Whenever he's around Douglasin' it up, the movie improves.




The idea of the U.S. and Russia working together was a hot new idea at the time, fresh off the Berlin Wall falling. Of course, there are tensions at first (along with a silly training sequence), but, of course, this "Delta Force 2.0" (or should we say Delta Force 3.0) joins forces to combat the real threat facing both nations. Naturally, after training is complete and the battle begins, there is plenty of punching, kicking, shooting, blow-ups, and a very rapid-fire string of underground bombs (?) that are not far off from underground ninjas. Which in themselves are not far off from Bugs Bunny.




But, sad to say, there are issues here that put a damper on things. The middle section drags, and, as in a lot of Firstenberg films, there is no character development whatsoever. We never really get to know or become emotionally invested in our heroes. Sure, there are a lot of "war heroics" (what war is this again?), but what does it all mean when the characters we're spending our time with are one-dimensional? Yes, I know we're talking about Delta Force 3 here, but I still don't think that's an entirely unreasonable request. But, to counterbalance all that, we do get some funny death noises from the people that do expire, which sound a lot like satisfied grunts. It's hard to know whether they've died violently or have just eaten a large meal.


DF3:TKG doesn't really "feel" like the prior Delta Force films, it kind of feels like its own thing. Despite its lack of perfection, it's still probably worth seeing if you enjoyed the first two Delta Force entries.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett

Outside The Law (2002)

 

Outside The Law (2002)- * *

Directed by: Jorge Montesi

Starring: Cynthia Rothrock, Jeff Wincott, James Lew, Stephen Macht, and Dan Lauria 

Julie Cosgrove (Rothrock) is a U.S. Government Secret Agent - so secret, in fact, that no one knows her exact job title with the feds. When an op in Cartagena, Colombia, goes horribly wrong, Julie decides to quit the force (if she were a police officer, presumably she'd have handed in her badge and gun). She then decides to pursue a quiet life somewhere in central Florida. As part of her plan, she changes her hair so she looks exactly like Reba McEntire. But, as tends to be the case with Reba, er, Julie Cosgrove, trouble finds her wherever she goes.



Her old boss who sent her on her fateful Colombian misadventure, Dick Dawson (Macht), is after her, so he sends federal goons after her. Then the local law enforcement, Detective Froman (Lauria), is after her. Not to be outdone, local head honcho/kingpin-type baddie Michael Peyton (Wincott) is also after her, and he has his own, mafia-connected goons such as a baddie named Ramon and another one named Cho Sung (Lew). With seemingly everyone gunning for Julie, what will she do? She may have to go OUTSIDE THE LAW.



There's nothing terribly wrong with Outside The Law, per se, but it is a bit on the duller side of things. Even Rothrock herself says it isn't one of her best. It's no surprise director Montesi went on to do mostly TV show episodes and telefilms. OTL has that flat, "Why Try Harder?" look to it that doesn't evince a ton of creativity behind the camera. Also, it seems that the film is building up to a big fight between Jeff Wincott and Cynthia Rothrock, which never happens. That was a disappointment. James Lew is not used anywhere near his full potential, and Jeff Moldovan plays only "Bearded Thug". The gathered cast is an impressive one, but overall we as the viewer are constantly reminded that we're in the 2002 DTV doldrums.


Besides Rothrock, who is always watchable no matter what, only Dan Lauria - somewhat of a hometown hero for us - stands out as Detective Froman. He wears Hawaiian-type shirts and speaks in a Huey Long "Kingfish"-style Southern drawl. It was a treat to see him do a role like this and we really enjoyed that. Stephen Macht was bland as Dick Dawson - Eric Roberts would have been perfect for that part, and he may have livened it up a bit more. Overall, there are some shootouts and beat-em-up scenes that keep things moving, but it's not exactly thrill-a-minute stuff here.


There's a Zack Morris-style pretty-boy character for Julie Cosgrove to fall in love with, which sets him apart from the constant cadres of creeps that are constantly harassing Julie in this small town. Everywhere she goes, she has to employ her Martial Arts on them, it seems. Bad for her, lucky for us, the viewer. Talk radio was a big thing back then and there are some scenes with talk radio on in the background, which puts us in a very definable time and place. Julie Cosgrove ends up adopting a dog she simply calls "Dog" because she's too much of a badass to come up with a frou-frou name like Fluffy or Twinkles.


While the film was set mostly in "Central Florida", it was shot in Puerto Rico. The director, Montesi, is Chilean, so maybe it was easy for him to communicate in Spanish-speaking countries. Maybe it wasn't so easy for everybody else. Montesi's most notable film to date is Turbulence 3: Heavy Metal (2001), which is a highly entertaining romp, moreso than this one.


So, if you've ever wanted to see a Reba McEntire action film, Outside The Law is probably as close as you're ever going to get.

Comeuppance Review by Brett and Ty

Also check out a write up from our buddy DTVC!