Directed by: Damian Lee
Starring: Jesse Ventura, Sven-Ole Thorsen, Damian Lee, Francis Mitchell, Majorie Bransfield, and James Belushi
at a point in his career when his nickname was transitioning from “The
Body” to “The Mind” and he had yet to go off the rails as a batty conspiracy theorist,
plays Abraxas, an 11,862 year old Finder. What’s a Finder you ask?
Well, they are the “cops of the universe” - alien beings sent around the
galaxy to police things. When the evil Secundas (Thorsen) impregnates Sonia
Murray (Bransfield) with a child, Tommy (Mitchell), with the goal of
obtaining the “anti-life equation”, Abraxas’ superiors tell him to
eliminate them. But Abraxas develops feelings for the woman and boy so
he decides to battle Secundas instead. This all occurs in a small “New
York” town, Thornbury
(actually in Ontario, Canada) patrolled by two cops, one of which has
an inexplicable Uzi. Will Abraxas prevail? Or will the world be
The plot is
lifted wholesale from The Terminator (1984), and the bleak direction by director Lee and reminders of American Cyborg: Steel Warrior (1993) are the least of this movie’s problems. Abraxas is a really funny
movie, as the two meatheads battle it out for the “Komader” (?) and
there are many nonsensical moments and hilarious line readings. The most
memorable occurs when Abraxas intones “Run Tommy RUUUUUNNN!” and the
disturbing moment when Tommy enters his bedroom only to find, with zero
setup, a shirtless Ventura in his bed saying “Want me to read you a
story?” All this is overseen by what we called “The Exposition Brothers”
- Abraxas’ commanders Hite (Levitan) and Dar (Lee) who stand in one
position and explain plot points.
Interestingly, James Belushi REPRISES his role as Principal Latimer from The Principal (1987)!
According to Imdb, he did this cameo as a favor to his then-wife
Bransfield. Wait. He’s supposed to be the same guy? That’s just
odd. Despite his brief screen time, his face is featured prominently
on the back of the Prism VHS box.
Tommy and his fellow kid
actors are amusing, Ventura looks ridiculous wearing ill-fitting
sweatshirts and World Gym attire as he talks into his bracelet, and the
role of Secundas should have been played by Schwarzenegger, but perhaps
that would be a bit too on the nose. But did they have to remind viewers
of the similarities by hiring a man with a similar accent? Still, this
is Thorsen’s crowning achievement, much better than as Darcona in Lee's Fatal Combat (1997).
Add to the fact that the whole movie is like a sci-fi version of Maury
(“you ARE the father!!!”) and the fact that Abraxas is not, technically,
the “guardian of the universe” as is claimed, and top it all off with
some truly cheesy FX, and you have an entertaining night of VHS fun.
Silly in every way imaginable, it’s hard to imagine the filmmakers not realizing
how funny this was as they were making it. Luckily it’s out there for the world to see so we advise you to check it out.
Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty
I've been meaning to do this one for a long time, and based on your review, it's as fun as I was hoping it would be.
It is definitely silly Ventura fun. His acting is so bad, it's funny.
I can't believe The Body's opposition didn't run this when he was running for governor.
A missed opportunity by his opposition. If they showed the scenes when Jesse says "Run, Tommy, Run" and the creepy bedtime story scene, he would have lost the election!
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