Strike Zone (2000)- * *
Directed by: J. Christian Ingvordsen
Starring: Frank Zagarino, Joe Lara, Rick Washburn, Richard Lynch, and Billy Drago
Alex Goddard (Drago) is your sort of generic, all-purpose baddie (are you surprised he's played by Billy Drago?) and he is involved in the lucrative world of international missile guidance technology sales. Lt. Rick Burns (Zags), Dunk Stevens (Lara) and Adm. Douglas Lamport (Lynch) are tasked to stop him. As we, the audience, are whipsawed from Sofia, Bulgaria, to Saugus, California, to Fort Dix, New Jersey, to a bathtub with some toy submarines, to the "Lost City of Rajkumar" and many other places along the way, we have to root for the stock footage, I mean, heroes, in their brave, pre-9/11 fight against terrorism and overwhelming smarm.
According to MLB.com, the strike zone is baseball terminology for the imaginary three-dimensional space over home plate. A pitch passing through this area is a strike if the batter does not swing. Its boundaries are based on the batter's stance and height. According to comeuppancereviews.net, Strike Zone (2000) is a low-budget, low-rent crudsplosion comprised mostly of stock footage and Frank Zagarino's workout routines.
It is actually impressive how our old buddy J. Christian Ingvordsen managed to create a full-length feature film out of what is essentially nothing: just some scraps, seemingly. It would probably be more accurate to call this an assemblage, rather than a traditional film. But he did manage an Armstrong (1998) reunion: fan-favorites Zags, Lynch, and Lara are all here, as is Drago and Ingvordsen mainstay Rick Washburn. Presumably, Ingvordsen had to pay them, so Strike Zone must have had some sort of budget. But it doesn't exactly show. The "new footage" that's sewn in with the rest has that "backyard" feel to it, like everyone was just kind of having fun on their own terms. But how could you have any other sort of attitude when you have to react to what looks like Air Force training footage half the time?
You gotta love Zags. For most humans, we would have to TRY to have that level of monotone. He must come by it honestly, as they say. There is no inflection or variation whatsoever in any of the words he says. He's basically a human dialtone. You have to wait about 40 minutes for Lara to show up, but when he does eventually act opposite Zags, simply by comparison he seems to have this wildly manic energy.
Then we get a Never Say Die (1994) reunion of Billy Drago and Zags. Most of Drago's scenes were shot in the classic abandoned warehouse that we all know and love. The whole endeavor is Junko with a capital J, there's an "NNC" news broadcast, an inexplicable demolition derby scene, and miniatures that would have Antonio Margheriti ranting and raving in his grave.
Our question: is this what non-U.S. citizens think America and American films, and American behavior is LIKE? Strike Zone, naturally, never came out here in the good old U.S. of A, presumably because Giants Entertainment knew that the citizens here would know better. We worry that films (?) like Strike Zone give an inaccurate impression of America and its (mostly) fine citizens to the rest of the world. But on a positive note, I definitely think you could say it's well-edited, or at least somewhat cleverly edited. But they should have gotten a proofreader: someone misspelled both Sofia, as in Bulgaria, and Giuliani, as in mayor Rudolph (who was thanked in the end credits). The timing was fortuitous for America's Mayor, because in a few weeks after the release of Strike Zone, he'd be a bit busier with something else. But before that certain day, he clearly must have been a big help in the creation of...Strike Zone.
Frank Zagarino was Striker (1988). Now he's front and center in Strike Zone. Was this just a coincidence, or were the filmmakers trying to trick people (i.e. the world market that they clearly hate and have no respect for) into thinking this is some sort of Striker sequel? Or does Zags just like striking things? In any case, it's all Airboss-adjacent. Final note: some sources list Strike Zone as being 111 minutes. Thankfully, the version we watched was hovering somewhere around the 90-minute mark. It's hard to imagine how or why an almost 2-hour version of Strike Zone may exist, but if you ever did want to check it out, don't be scared off by that terrifying running time.
It's safe to say that Strike Zone is for completists only. It's far from a must-see, but if you like anybody involved with the production, are an aspiring editor, or want a couple of yuks and/or laffs, you could actually do worse. Not MUCH worse, mind you, but it is technically possible.
Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty
