Strike Zone (2000)

 

Strike Zone (2000)- * *

Directed by: J. Christian Ingvordsen

Starring: Frank Zagarino, Joe Lara, Rick Washburn, Richard Lynch, and Billy Drago

Alex Goddard (Drago) is your sort of generic, all-purpose baddie (are you surprised he's played by Billy Drago?) and he is involved in the lucrative world of international missile guidance technology sales. Lt. Rick Burns (Zags), Dunk Stevens (Lara) and Adm. Douglas Lamport (Lynch) are tasked to stop him. As we, the audience, are whipsawed from Sofia, Bulgaria, to Saugus, California, to Fort Dix, New Jersey, to a bathtub with some toy submarines, to the "Lost City of Rajkumar" and many other places along the way, we have to root for the stock footage, I mean, heroes, in their brave, pre-9/11 fight against terrorism and overwhelming smarm.


According to MLB.com, the strike zone is baseball terminology for the imaginary three-dimensional space over home plate. A pitch passing through this area is a strike if the batter does not swing. Its boundaries are based on the batter's stance and height. According to comeuppancereviews.net, Strike Zone (2000) is a low-budget, low-rent crudsplosion comprised mostly of stock footage and Frank Zagarino's workout routines.


It is actually impressive how our old buddy J. Christian Ingvordsen managed to create a full-length feature film out of what is essentially nothing: just some scraps, seemingly. It would probably be more accurate to call this an assemblage, rather than a traditional film. But he did manage an Armstrong (1998) reunion: fan-favorites Zags, Lynch, and Lara are all here, as is Drago and Ingvordsen mainstay Rick Washburn. Presumably, Ingvordsen had to pay them, so Strike Zone must have had some sort of budget. But it doesn't exactly show. The "new footage" that's sewn in with the rest has that "backyard" feel to it, like everyone was just kind of having fun on their own terms. But how could you have any other sort of attitude when you have to react to what looks like Air Force training footage half the time?


You gotta love Zags. For most humans, we would have to TRY to have that level of monotone. He must come by it honestly, as they say. There is no inflection or variation whatsoever in any of the words he says. He's basically a human dialtone. You have to wait about 40 minutes for Lara to show up, but when he does eventually act opposite Zags, simply by comparison he seems to have this wildly manic energy.


Then we get a Never Say Die (1994) reunion of Billy Drago and Zags. Most of Drago's scenes were shot in the classic abandoned warehouse that we all know and love. The whole endeavor is Junko with a capital J, there's an "NNC" news broadcast, an inexplicable demolition derby scene, and miniatures that would have Antonio Margheriti ranting and raving in his grave.


Our question: is this what non-U.S. citizens think America and American films, and American behavior is LIKE? Strike Zone, naturally, never came out here in the good old U.S. of A, presumably because Giants Entertainment knew that the citizens here would know better. We worry that films (?) like Strike Zone give an inaccurate impression of America and its (mostly) fine citizens to the rest of the world. But on a positive note, I definitely think you could say it's well-edited, or at least somewhat cleverly edited. But they should have gotten a proofreader: someone misspelled both Sofia, as in Bulgaria, and Giuliani, as in mayor Rudolph (who was thanked in the end credits). The timing was fortuitous for America's Mayor, because in a few weeks after the release of Strike Zone, he'd be a bit busier with something else. But before that certain day, he clearly must have been a big help in the creation of...Strike Zone.


Frank Zagarino was Striker (1988). Now he's front and center in Strike Zone. Was this just a coincidence, or were the filmmakers trying to trick people (i.e. the world market that they clearly hate and have no respect for) into thinking this is some sort of Striker sequel? Or does Zags just like striking things? In any case, it's all Airboss-adjacent. Final note: some sources list Strike Zone as being 111 minutes. Thankfully, the version we watched was hovering somewhere around the 90-minute mark. It's hard to imagine how or why an almost 2-hour version of Strike Zone may exist, but if you ever did want to check it out, don't be scared off by that terrifying running time.


It's safe to say that Strike Zone is for completists only. It's far from a must-see, but if you like anybody involved with the production, are an aspiring editor, or want a couple of yuks and/or laffs, you could actually do worse. Not MUCH worse, mind you, but it is technically possible.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

The Protector (1998)

 

The Protector (1998)- * * *

Directed by: Boon Collins

Starring: Frank Zagarino, Steven Nijjar, and Matthias Hues

Steven Fuller, not to be confused with Steven (Nijjar), has amnesia. We know this because he seems to be stuck inside some sort of an MRI machine and he's making a lot of funny faces and noises. He's having flashbacks. Or maybe they're flash FORWARDS. They could even be flash PRESENTS. But in any case, this dude's got something wrong with his brain. It also seems that a crime boss named Gunther (Hues) is after Fuller. He has a team of female assassins he sends out to try and kill him. The answers to why this could possibly be could lie in his flashbacks/forwards/presents. Thankfully, Fuller has a PROTECTOR. His name is John Cole (Zags). He's a monosyllabic meathead minus the machinations of emotion. Things really get real when the baddies kidnap Fuller's son. Because he has a son, apparently. Punchings and shootings ensue. Then we all get back to what we were planning to do that day.


The Protector is low budget, low rent, and low brow. But it IS funny. We have at least three other movies to date called The Protector on the website. The review you're currently reading is NOT for the one with Lee Majors, Ed Marinaro, and a talking computer named Gertrude. This one beat that one into video stores by a scant year.


Things get off to a bang-up start when first we see a super-serious Zagarino face staring out at us in a dramatic fashion, then we get a Hard Justice-esque action scene where Nijjar jumps across the tops of some cars as everything blows up around him. It may not be as slick and as masterfully done as Hard Justice, but they were clearly trying. Then we get to Fan Favorite Matthias Hues wearing an open-chested leopard print blouse of some sort, and he's never looked more Fabioey.


All the spoken dialogue sounds strange, and features dumb dialogue spoken dumbly. From there on out it's a Victoria Falls of stupid. Mind you, this is not an insult. We highly enjoyed the nonstop action and stupidity of The Protector (1998). You just have to be in the right mood and the right frame of mind. Imagine a cross between Nijjar's The Final Goal (1995) and Zags & Hues's Deadly Reckoning AKA The Company Man (1998), then subtract several thousand dollars in budget and a good amount of brain cells, and you might have some idea of what to expect here.


Nijjar's son in the film has a very odd voice. It sounds like a 47-year-old man putting on what he thinks is a "little kid voice". It's absolutely hilarious. From the front, Nijjar looks a lot like Michael Imperioli. From the side, he's a dead ringer for Eric Bana. Speaking of lookalikes, for the artwork for this film, front-and-center Zags looks disturbingly like Brigitte Nielsen. See above and tell us if you agree. Zags's extreme monotone is not explained. Our theory is that he thought that he might be playing one of those Project Shadowchaser robots and he got confused.


There's a very silly and extended fight in a strip club that is very Cormanesque. This was around the time that he was producing a lot of action and stripping movies, both separately and together. Maybe our two directors were trying to tap into that vein. Guaranteed, there is a lot more grunting here than maybe anywhere else. According to Google's "AI Overview", "Monica Seles and Jimmy Connors were also considered pioneers of grunting in tennis". According to MY overview, Frank Zagarino and all his opponents are considered pioneers of grunting in low-budget action films.


Gunther says "no more excuses", instead of the more standard "no more mistakes". Cole also says a variation on "we got company". This is the extent of screenwriting innovation on display. Of course, there is a "DISC" that everyone is looking for and is the key to everything. Gunther says, and I'm paraphrasing, that it's now 1998 and we live in a new era of information. He's going to hack into Fortune 500 companies. We're not exactly sure why. But in order to stop this, Cole has to punch a lot of people. It's brute force vs. CD-ROM force. Who will win?


For a brain-numbing dose of "Amnijjar", punch yourself several times in the face and watch The Protector (1998) today!

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Also check out a write-up from our buddy, DTVC!

Never Say Die (1994)

 

Never Say Die (1994)- * *

Directed by: Yossi Wein

Starring: Frank Zagarino, Todd Jensen, Jenny McShane, Skye Svorinic, Hal Orlandini, Michael Brunner, and Billy Drago

John Blake (Zags) is just a humble boat repairman...or IS he? Living in the swamps and bayous of what is presumably Louisiana (but is in fact South Africa), he keeps to himself, and he's known for being kindly to the local kids, such as Shane (Svorinic). However, trouble is brewing when a nearby cult leader named Reverend James (Drago) starts acting more unhinged than usual. Fearing a Jim Jones-esque incident, FBI man Mike Roper (Jensen) gathers his troops for a raid. A complication arises in the form of disillusioned cult disciple Brooke Hatfield (McShane), who Rev James holds hostage. It just so happens that she is the daughter of General Hatfield (Orlandini).


With Roper on the ropes, only one man can stop the evil that is Reverend James...JOHN BLAKE. Of course, Blake has a personal score to settle with James, as they were former military compatriots before James left Blake for dead in a war zone. With both Blake and James having their old unit tattoo, the "Blood Eagle" (which also could have been a good title for the film), Roper doesn't know if he can trust Blake enough to team up with him to defeat James and save Brooke. But they'll have to keep on fighting together and, you guessed it, NEVER SAY DIE.


Never Say Die gets off to a Teddy Page-like bang and the audience's interest is at full attention. There are many other great (i.e. stupid in a great way, or perhaps great in a stupid way) moments peppered throughout the film, but it can't possibly hang together throughout its 99-minute running time, and it really doesn't. It's not the first - and it surely won't be the last - time we have experienced what might be called Zags Drags.



After the bang-up opening, things naturally settle down as we're introduced to Blake and his young charge Shane. Shane is your classic "90's Kid", complete with an oversized T-shirt and JTT-esque hair. At any moment you think he's going to pump his fist in the air and shout "Yeah!" or "Radical!", and announce that he's going to kick some alien butt. 

Then soon after that, we're introduced to Reverend James and his Garden of Eden cult. The audience is still 100 percent with the film at this point, especially when we see that the cult's activities mainly consist of Drago speechifying as its members sway back and forth and do some sort of "cult Tai Chi" in rooms primarily lit with candles. Drago is really and truly in his element as the crazy cult leader. Out of his countless baddie roles, he really seems to fit this one and relish it.

What then happens with Congressman Earl Le Roux (Brunner) is taken right out of the Jim Jones saga. We know Brooke is a cult member because she has crimped hair with beads in it. When she changes out of her flowing white robe and into a denim half-shirt, we know she's mentally out of the cult for good.


While this is some of the best Todd Jensen we've seen to date, the movie slows down considerably after the first third, as it becomes a rather standard chase-the-baddie scenario. The upbeat Jensen and the meatheaded Zagarino make a decent enough team-up, even if the movie wastes time having them be enemies at first, and for a longer period of time than they should be. 

Zagarino has some nice Thunder in Paradise-style boats at his disposal, some funny shirtless or ripped-shirt moments, and one of the better and more extended "Noooooo!!!!"'s we've seen in a while. But the simple fact is that it's very hard to beat Striker (1988) and Project Eliminator (1991). Maybe it's unfair to compare every Zagarino film to those two gems. But, for Never Say Die at least, he puts the 'meaty' in 'mediocre'.

Despite the film's main, and rather obvious, problem - its poor pacing - this still remains the best Yossi Wein movie we've seen to date. Wein was a Polish-born Israeli filmmaker who primarily worked for Nu-Image. After Never Say Die, both Zagarino and McShane teamed up again with him for Cyborg Cop III (AKA Terminal Impact). McShane came back for U.S. Seals (2000), and Todd Jensen returned for Operation Delta Force 5: Random Fire (2000), among others. All that being said, it's still better than Death Train (2003).

Watching Never Say Die is like watching someone do a jigsaw puzzle who gets continually more and more frustrated while doing it. Some of the pieces are clearly in place, while others just can't or won't fit. If you really, really concentrate on the positives, it would be worth a watch, but what surrounds those positives is not that hot.


Featuring a title song - which we always love to see (or, rather, hear) - by Wendy Oldfield, which is kind of like the South African version of "You Gotta Be" by Des'ree, and an exploding helicopter (well, it's blown up while on the ground - does that count?), Never Say Die definitely has its good moments and strong points, but they are surrounded by a lot of mush during the unnecessarily-long running time.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Also check out a write-up from our buddy, DTVC!

Terminal Impact (1995)

Terminal Impact (1995)- * * *

Directed by: Yossi Wein

Starring: Frank Zagarino, Bryan Genesse, and Jennifer Miller

Saint (Zags) and Max (Genesse) are Federal Marshals and also roommates (?) who get more than they bargain for when they cross paths with a newscaster named Evelyn Reed. While investigating a shady robotics company called Delta Tech, she takes a valuable microchip and the Delta boys want it back. 

Fortunately for them, they're in the business of creating unkillable killbots that kill. So Saint, Max, and Evelyn go on the run, and meanwhile there is a lot of shooting and blowing-up of things as our trio of heroes fight the evil cyborgs. Or androids. Or whatever they are. It all comes to a head in a junkyard where man and machine meet in the ultimate test...and that's just Frank Zagarino! We kid, but...who will be feeling the TERMINAL IMPACT?

You might be surprised at how enjoyable Terminal Impact actually is. I know we were. That's because this film seems to get a lot of negativity online, and the first 35 minutes really aren't all that great. But once you get past that rocky first third, things change for the better - fast. 

Miraculously, there's an almost complete turnaround from stupid and dumb to wonderfully stupid and dumb. We love to see that, as it almost never happens. We give the filmmakers a lot of credit for righting the ship like that.

At said 35-minute mark, this is what heralds the sea change: a shirtless Frank Zagarino is cooking in his kitchen while atonally and tunelessly crooning along to the radio while using an upside-down baseball bat as a microphone. It's unquestionably the movie's highlight.

In addition to that, we get a career-best (at least from what we've seen) performance from Genesse. He's got energy and sass, and, of course, a leather vest. The two guys have good chemistry together. Miller, as the third part of their trifecta, is nice to look at but her line deliveries are somewhere between Leo Fong and Don "The Dragon" Wilson in the "it sounds like I'm not just reading - but flatly reading - my dialogue" department. But it's all in good fun. 

It's a buddy action/comedy with some light sci-fi elements. It's almost a bizarre cross between Robowar (1988) and Drive (1997), but is nowhere near the class of those two. I wonder where the screenwriters got the idea for a human-like super-robot that's searching for a woman? We haven't seen anything that blatant since Termination Man (1998).

Like the movie itself, the score is not very good until it reaches a certain point - in this case, the car chase. Overall, the blow-ups are of good quality and the stuntwork is especially notable, highlighted best during a showstopper during the parking lot battle. You'll know what we mean when you see it. 

While it takes place in Iowa, but was shot in South Africa (as many Nu Image movies were at that time), we couldn't help but notice that the headquarters of Delta Tech in the film was at Fairfield University - which is the name of a real college in Connecticut. We know, it gets a little confusing, but other things to note are the healing powers of the robots are pretty cool and the main baddie has a great voice and he looks like Anthony Michael Hall. That, and Zagarino's singing voice, of course.

We can only surmise that anything negative said about the film is based on its first third, which is, admittedly, not great. Sure, it's not the most intelligent movie in the world overall, but you don't go to a Frank Zagarino-Brian Genesse film made by Nu Image if you're looking for cutting intelligence.

If you can get past the rather uninspiring beginning, you will get into the spirit of Terminal Impact.

IMPORTANT ADDENDUM: While one of the alternate titles is Cyborg Cop III, there are no cyborg cops in the film.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Also check out write-ups from our buddies, DTVC and Cool Target!

Operation Delta Force (1997)

Operation Delta Force (1997)- * *

Directed by: Sam Firstenberg

Starring: Jeff Fahey, Ernie Hudson, Frank Zagarino, Joe Lara, Natasha Sutherland, and Hal Holbrook

When some evil terrorist baddies led by Johan Nash (Lara) break into a South African research facility and steal vials of both an ebola-like virus and the "anti-serum", there's only one thing to do. Call the Delta Force, of course. Soon, Captain Lang (Fahey), McKinney (Zagarino), Junger (Sutherland), and Maj. Tipton (Hudson) are unleashed to take down Nash and his underlings. Admiral Henshaw (Holbrook) is at the command center to keep an eye on the situation. 

Although the typical Washington empty suits are bickering about what to do, the Delta Force continues on with their mission - until a development occurs that threatens the whole thing. Will OPERATION DELTA FORCE succeed, or will Johan Nash's evil ponytail rule us all? Dare you find out...?

We don't know how or why, but Nu Image continually - almost stubbornly - keeps churning out these run-of-the-mill actioners. It all feels like we've been here countless times before (maybe because we've seen that same train footage in so many other Nu Image movies) but nothing stands out during Operation Delta Force. It's the same-old same-old.


While there is plenty of gun-shooting and good-quality explosions, and it's shot well, somehow a certain spark is missing. A certain je ne sais quoi, if you will. A grounded helicopter blows up, and Joe Lara gets to show off his Afrikaans accent, but somehow that's not enough. 

It does feature some fan favorites, such as Jeff Fahey, Ernie Hudson, Frank Zagarino, and the perpetually-elderly Hal Holbrook. Hudson tries valiantly to inject some sort of energy and presence, but it's tough going. Holbrook is trapped in a Joe-Estevez-in-Money-To-Burn situation where he just looks at screens the whole time. He does tout the new technology of "VidLink", which evidently was like the 1997 version of Skype.


One of the more noteworthy subplots involved Zagarino's character, who, apparently, is a misogynist and doesn't approve of Junger being there because she's a woman. It didn't really go anywhere, but it should have, perhaps in a fight between the two. Interestingly, One of Natasha Sutherland's only other credits was in the Joe Lara TV series Tarzan: The Epic Adventures.


At almost-random intervals, it looks like some older stock footage of planes and such is trotted out. It doesn't even come close to matching the newly-shot stuff for the movie at hand. It seems like at any moment, a graphic is going to come on screen that says: "America's Navy: Join Today!" It didn't exactly liven things up, but it shows we were paying attention.


There are many, many similar films out there that are just like Operation Delta Force. Unfortunately, this is just another one. It's not badly made, but it doesn't engage the audience and there's nothing different, special, unique, or weird about it. It's just sort of there.


It seems like the sort of thing that Cinemax or one of the other pay channels would have shown in the 90's just to fill a bit of airtime, perhaps in the afternoon. Director Firstenberg has done some awesome movies in the past, but let's face it: this is no Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Also check out write-ups from our buddies, Cool Target and The Video Vacuum! 

No Tomorrow (1999)

No Tomorrow (1999)- *1\2

Directed by: Master P

Starring: Gary Daniels, Jeff Fahey, Gary Busey, Jodi Bianca Wise, Pam Grier, Clifton Powell, Frank Zagarino,  Master P, with Jerry Vale and C-Murder

"Ya Gonna Wind Up Daaaiiiid"- C-Murder 

Jason (Daniels) is a likable (of course) London transplant trying to make ends meet in L.A. as he chases the American Dream. Jason is a card-carrying member of his local video store and loves nothing more than to play Terminator 2 and Jurassic Park pinball at his local dive bar. His gregarious co-worker Davis (Fahey) charms him into getting involved with crime boss Noah (Busey), but Jason really doesn’t want to be a criminal. However, Noah takes a shine to Jason. It turns out that fellow criminal Maker (P) is after Noah, as is an FBI Agent named Diane (Grier). In the midst of all this chaos, Jason and Lara (Wise) forge a relationship. Will the hapless Jason walk away with his life, or for him will there be…NO TOMORROW?

As one of the final films produced by PM, No Tomorrow signaled the death knell for one of our favorite companies. The title proved to be more apt than perhaps even they realized.

If there was ever any last-ditch attempt to save the company from impending doom, handing the directorial reins over to Master P for this movie would seem to indicate that their hearts just weren’t in it anymore. You’d think a DTV outing with all these classic B-movie stars couldn’t lose, but it’s just another case of Lone Tiger Effect. The fact that footage was recycled from Narrow Margin (1990) and Air America (1990) just reinforces the “Now it’s 1999 and DTV is in the doldrums” vibe. 

Yet, because it’s still PM after all, the stuntwork, action, gunfights, pyro, and blow-ups are still excellent. The technicians behind making all this amazing stuff happen should be applauded for making it all look great on-screen. The problem is that the movie around it is a dud. It’s completely uneven; one minute Master P has some sort of combination flamethrower/missile launcher and is barbecuing everything in sight, then there are some extended dialogue scenes, then we’re in Master P’s recording studio watching Silkk Tha Shocker AND C-Murder lay down some tracks (all while wearing No Limit clothing, of course), then Pam Grier sits in an FBI control room for a while, and then we get some recycled footage, etc., etc. There no continuity, structure, or pacing, never mind a Tomorrow. 

We’re of two minds about Gary Daniels’s role in all this. On the one hand, yes, of course we want to see him do Martial Arts, which is missing from this performance. It’s hard to not see that as a missed opportunity. On the other hand, we kind of liked that he was cast against type as a humble pencil-pusher. In other casting observations, we liked Fahey’s freewheeling, smarmy performance – he probably figured he didn’t have a lot to lose here, so he hammed it up. It was pretty Charlie Sheen-esque.

Things perked up whenever Gary Busey was on screen. As usual, he brought a lot of crazy life to the scenes he was in. He even makes it a point to say that Maker produces, and we quote, “jungle music”. Fan favorite Frank Zagarino has a glorified cameo (Jerry Vale of all people has an actual cameo), and Master (thespian) P gives a mumbling, inarticulate performance, but in all fairness he did have to talk around his gold grill. It probably gave him problems, but is this guy supposed to be the hero of the movie? It’s impossible to tell. Needless to say, there’s a crazy twist at the end that turns all the nonsense we’ve heretofore seen on its head, as if that was necessary.

Yes, it’s all very junky and a fairly ignominious end to the once-fine PM organization. Even Hot Boyz (2000) is better than this. Sadly, even the classic exploding helicopter had to come from the aforementioned Narrow Margin footage. Jeff Fahey and Gary Daniels should’ve been cops who team up to bust some heads. It could have been like the classic years of PM and really cool. Instead, they came up with this muddled jumble of Homie Movie/drama/thriller/DTV actioner and it doesn’t really work.

Despite the presences of some of our favorite names, and the backing of a great company, No Tomorrow is a disappointment.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Blood Warriors (1993)

Blood Warriors (1993)- * *

Directed by: Sam Firstenberg

Starring: David Bradley, Frank Zagarino, and Jennifer Campbell









Wes Healey (Bradley) is an ex-Marine who travels to Indonesia while on the hunt for his old buddy Keith Stone (Zags). Healey wants answers about the death of  a mutual friend, and while in this foreign land, he stays at the palatial estate of Keith’s sister Karen (Campbell). However, it transpires that Keith is a megalomaniacal, unstable nutjob who has corraled some locals into becoming his own personal fighting force. He even demands they train in front of him while he watches them beat the living snot out of each other, for his own amusement, of course. When Healey rejects all the madness, Stone turns on him, and he has to save Karen and fight a bunch of goons. This, of course, leads to the final confrontation between Healey and Stone. And who exactly are the BLOOD WARRIORS here?

Huh? What? Oh, we’re supposed to review Blood Warriors. I’m sorry, our eyelids were getting heavy. You’d think - you’d REALLY think - a movie starring David Bradley and Frank Zagarino, directed by Firstenberg, would be a no-brainer winner. Well...not so much. It’s almost like they came up with the title first, but worked backwards - in the wrong direction. Here’s a conversation that probably happened: “I’ve got a great title for a movie!” “Oh, what is it?” “Blood Warriors.” “Yeah, that is good! Now what happens?” “Eh, I don’t know...” Basing our thoughts off of this supposition, we noticed that the whole movie’s vibe is just off. It’s like the rhythm of it all is wrong - it gets off on the wrong foot and struggles to recover for the rest of the running time.

Now that’s not to say that there aren’t a plethora of unintentionally funny moments. Blood Warriors is like watching a heart monitor for someone struggling to live: for a long period of time there’s a flatline, but then out of nowhere a few spikes will shoot up, then it will go back down. 

The movie was co-written by Bradley, which may explain why he speaks in a tightly controlled rasp, wears a black cowboy hat that makes him look like country music star Clint Black, and can jump in slow motion off buildings and cars, and essentially slow down time and space at his will so he can fight nameless goons and shoot them. He also picks up a guitar at one point and begins serenading Karen. A crooning David Bradley. Now we’ve seen everything.

Everything about this movie screams “stereotypical stupid”. From the funny/dumb action scenes on down, from the Prerequisite Torture (this time not of the hero, but of Karen), to the boat chase. Said boat chase features music on the soundtrack that can only be described as “90’s Chase Rock.” 

Anyone who’s ever seen an action movie from this time period knows what we’re talking about - generic rock with distorted guitars and squealing, wailing guitar solos. Naturally, it all caps off with the time-honored warehouse fight. But the whole outing is slow - Zagarino doesn’t even show up until 50 minutes into the movie even though  he’s second-billed. We were on "Zag-watch". Blood Warriors drags for much of the proceedings and should have been chopped by about 10 minutes or so. Then we’d have something.

Yes, there are some occasionally funny moments that pop up in Blood Warriors, but is that what we’re watching these movies for? If you have some time on your hands and you don’t mind waiting to have a few yuks, by all means go ahead, but on the whole it’s a disappointment.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett 

Ten-Zan: The Ultimate Mission (1988)

Ten-Zan: The Ultimate Mission (1988)- * * *

Directed by: Ferdinando Baldi

Starring: Frank Zagarino, Mark Gregory, Sabrina Siani, and Rom Kristoff









When a scientist invents a serum, extracted from the bodily fluids of both humans and animals, that can recreate the “master race” of the Nazis, an American hero named Lou Mamet (Zags) travels from his native Mattituck, Long Island, all the way to North Korea, of all places, to stop the scientist. Helping him out along his way is fellow soldier of fortune (?) Ricky (Kristoff), but they’re going to have to face off against the evil Jason (Gregory) and a ton of local North Korean goons. And what does the mysterious Glenda (Siani) have to do with any of this? Thankfully, Lou Mamet and Ricky have plenty of firepower to pull off the mission...or do they? Find out today!

Interestingly, Ten Zan was indeed shot in North Korea (or NoKo as we call it). This was a smart move on behalf of then-Supreme Leader Kim Il-Sung. Unlike his successors Kim Jong-Il and Kim Jong-Un, Kim Il-Sung clearly realized that the way to become a valued part of the international community and endear yourself to the rest of the world was to get Frank Zagarino in there and blow the crud out of some huts. Whether this was truly in the spirit of international brotherhood, or just a ruse to make people think they’re not a rogue state on the world stage, it was truly the best - nay - the ONLY logical move. 

It has been said that Kim Jong-Il was a huge movie buff and had a VHS collection consisting of thousands of titles. It has even been said that he loved action movies, the First Blood series in particular. Perhaps his love of movies culminated when he kidnapped a film crew and actors from South Korea and forced them to make a movie in the North. But the real question is: Is Ten Zan: Ultimate Mission in that large collection? Odds are it is. There’s a very good chance that a madman with nukes has seen Frank Zagarino, Romano “Rom” Kristoff, and Mark Gregory romping around in an Exploding Hutter. It truly boggles the mind.

While Ten Zan doesn’t quite scale the lofty heights of the truly awesome Commander (1988) (though it would be unfair to compare every Italian Exploding Hutter to that masterpiece), we can still chalk up another in the win column for Frankie Zags. Thankfully, he’s as wooden as ever. 

We wouldn’t have it any other way. Of course, once again, he gets tortured. Backing him up is Mark Gregory - Trash and Thunder himself - almost unrecognizable here with short hair and very clean-shaven. The presences of those two stars amongst a panoply of exploding huts is enough right there to recommend the movie, but the North Korean connection just puts the weirdness level over the top.

Ten Zan was the last film of director Ferdinando Baldi, coming not long after his Warbus (1986). We’d say Ten Zan is a bit better than the one-note Warbus, but they’re certainly cut from the same cloth. Without a doubt, there are enough blow-ups to go around. You just have to love the 80’s. It’s just so cool to see the words ULTIMATE MISSION on the screen. Ultimate Mission. You just wouldn’t see that in a movie released today. Unfortunately, the movie didn’t get wide distribution - only officially released in the Netherlands and Japan (the Japanese get everything!), with no U.S. VHS release. That is a shame, as it could have developed into something of a cult classic - but did the North Koreans purposely prevent it because they hate America? Perhaps we’ll never know.

Ten Zan: Ultimate Mission is an Italian Exploding Hut movie that was filmed in a rarely-seen location, featuring some of our favorite stars of the genre. If you can see it, see it.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett 

Hammer (1990)

Hammer (1990)- * * *1\2

Directed by: Enzo G. Castellari

Starring: Daniel Greene, Melonee Rodgers, Donna Rosea, Jorge Gil, Jeff Moldovan, and Frank Zagarino










Hammer (Greene) is a Cop on the Edge. Back in ‘Nam, he and a group of buddies had a small clique known as the Storm Riders. When one of said old buddies, Greg (Moldovan) reaches out to him, seemingly in trouble, Hammer responds, but then Greg is murdered by a mysterious assassin (Zagarino). Now Hammer is a cop over the edge. He chases the man, but he escapes. It’s then that Hammer goes on vacation to Jamaica, and proceeds to go on a rampage and cause all sorts of havoc while there. Hammer must fight through corruption, drug dealers, liars, cheaters, and just about every sort of baddie there is. Will he ever make it back to U.S. alive? Find out today!

“Wow, there’s actually a movie with Daniel Greene, Frank Zagarino and Jeff Moldovan and it’s directed by Enzo G. Castellari? That’s amazing!” That quote was taken from...us, when we realized the movie Hammer existed. And you thought Fred Williamson was the only Hammer. Well, it turns out Daniel Greene can Hammer it up with the best of them. With his hair lookin’ better than ever, Greene puts in a winning lead performance. The greatness of Enzo just proves itself even more with this highly entertaining and enjoyable romp.

The opening chase between Greene and Zagarino is an impressive movie highlight, and they even get a jet ski chase again later. Zagarino is perfectly cast, because he doesn’t say anything and he’s the slippery bad guy who the audience can readily hate. Plus he has some awesome sunglasses. Weirdly enough, during the first chase scene, on the soundtrack we get the “Sweet Child O’ Mine” guitar solo, but it’s never credited anywhere. Could it be a possible under-the-radar steal? It does firmly place the movie in 1990, however. Right where movies should be.  It was also nice to see Masterblaster (1987) co-stars Moldovan and Donna Rosea reunited in a different movie.

In all fairness, the movie does start to run out of steam just a tad somewhere towards the middle/end, but that’s a common thing and very slight in this case. Enzo hits all the right action notes, including the time-honored final warehouse shootout. There really is plenty here for fans to sink their teeth into, and this movie should be more well known.

Featuring the catchy tune “Island Man” by Charlie Cannon, Hammer should satisfy anyone’s craving for classic early-90’s action. 

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Trained To Kill (1989)

Trained To Kill (1989)- * * *

Directed by: H. Kaye Dyal

Starring: Frank Zagarino, Chuck Connors, Ron O'Neal, Harold Diamond, Lisa Aliff, Marshall Teague, Glen Eaton, Arlene Golonka, Henry Silva, and Robert Z'Dar











Ed Cooper (Connors) is a former Vietnam vet who had a son many years ago with a Cambodian woman. Now, Sam (Eaton) has come home to the Cooper family in Los Angeles. He’s welcomed to the U.S.A. by the Coopers’ biological son Matt (Zagarino), family friend Cotton (O’Neal) and Matt’s girlfriend Jessie (Aliff of Damned River fame). However, spoiling all this newfound family bliss is a gang of baddies, the head of which is the slick Ace Duran (Silva). 

Dispatching his best heavies, Felix (Teague), Loc Syn (Diamond), and Majyk (Z’Dar) to the Cooper household after breaking out of prison, they aim to get revenge on Ed for putting them behind bars. They were running heroin back from Vietnam, and Cooper simply reported them. After attacking Ed and Martha (Golonka) Cooper, Sam, Matt, Cotton and Jessie decide to forgo the police and get revenge themselves. Will they do it?

Mindless, nonsensical and brain-numbing, Trained To Kill gives new meaning to the word “stupid” - and we mean that in a good way! Fan favorite and personal hero Chuck Connors is back once again with his Brooklyn Dodgers jacket, and thankfully this is Frank Zags’ least annoying major role that we’ve seen to date. There’s a triumphant training sequence, Eaton puts in a lot of much-needed energy, and it features Robert Z’Dar with a flamethrower. His name in the movie, Majyk (pronounced as “Magic”) isn’t the most intimidating name for a bad guy, however. There’s the prerequisite torture, and Harold Diamond is a top-notch meathead.

The fact that the movie starts in Cambodia with some guy with the most obvious piece of cotton glued to his chin as some sort of facial hair, then moves to the U.S. with Chuck Connors as a guy who takes in foster children and decorates his home solely with travel posters should give you a hint of the ridiculous nature of this movie. 

Ron O’Neal gets into a swordfight, there’s at least one exploding helicopter, and Frank Zagarino sets a new standard in ripped shirt technology by the end of the film. This is a movie that, by all rights, SHOULD have been simply shelf-filler, but, by its sheer silliness, rises above its station to become an entertaining movie.

Released on VHS by Malofilm, a company we’re not familiar with, on EP mode, the quality is not the best. But if you ever see Trained To Kill anywhere, pick it up. For the star-power alone, it’s worth having.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett

Also check out a write-up from our buddy, Fist Of B-List!

Without Mercy (1996)

Without Mercy (1996)-* *

Directed by: Robert Chappell

Starring: Frank Zagarino, Martin Kove, and Ayu Azhari












 John Carter (Zagarino) is an ex-Marine, ex-’Nam vet and ex-UN soldier who is now living in Indonesia scraping by as a Punchfighter. He gets wrapped up with fight promoter and all-around jerkwad Wolf Larsen (Kove), and his girlfriend Tanya (Azhari). Going into Larsen’s world proves to be dangerous and now the two men, in some sort of love triangle, have to fight it out for Tanya. Who will win? Who will care?

The “Low-rent Lundgren” himself, Frank Zagarino, returns in this typically lackluster effort. Sure, the beginning of the film may have the classic “flying sideways while yelling and shooting” move we all know and love, along with an exploding helicopter, but the movie as a whole lacks excitement and never seems to get off the ground. 

The pacing is off, the energy is not there, and the whole exercise is paint by numbers. The whole plot of a guy in a foreign country scraping by fighting seems very familiar, but then that whole aspect of the plot seems to just fall away. There’s also the prerequisite torture scene, but for some unknown reason, Zags had to be naked, and that’s just more Zags than we needed to see.

 Without Mercy appears to be Zags’ first Punchfighter, if you can call it that. After this, he never really went down a Punchfighting-based career path. In the movie, they even call them “Kumites”. But he seems to have met his match with Martin Kove: they were both Marines, both Vietnam vets, and they both have names made famous in other movies (Zags is the ORIGINAL John Carter. Disney should have noticed this, because he’s just as flat, boring and uninspired as the multi-million dollar version. Kove plays a man named Wolf Larsen, and the producers should have known about the Expect No Mercy, 1995 star - even if he spells it Larson with an O. Interestingly, Expect No Mercy and Without Mercy, though similarly titled, both came out the same year).

Though we don’t know who created the song or what its title is because it receives no credit, the main theme of the movie seems to be called “Lost In A Foreign Land”. The makers of the song seem heavily influenced by The Police. It’s played more than once, just to really emphasize that the blonde, blue-eyed Zagarino isn’t a native Indonesian.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett

The Revenger (1989)

The Revenger (1989)-* * *

Directed by: Cedric Sundstrom

Starring: Frank Zagarino, Oliver Reed, Jeff Celentaro, Nancy Mulford, and Arnold Vosloo













Mike Keller (Zagarino) lives to play smooth jazz on his sax. Interrupting his quest to achieve ultimate smoothitude, his buddy Mackie (Vosloo) shows up at one of his gigs one night and forces him at gunpoint to drive him and his supposed snuff/porno films and cash to criminal kingpin Jack Fisher (Reed). Though innocent, Keller serves jail time in the aftermath of this escapade. Once out of the slammer, he just wants to put back the broken pieces of his life with his loving wife Lisa (Mulford). But Fisher and his goons believe Keller still has the missing money, $500,000 to be exact. So Fisher kidnaps Lisa. Keller then calls upon his old Vietnam compatriot Harry (Celentano) to help him rescue her. Then they go on the run in the country for a while. Throwing caution to the wind, Keller blatantly disregards the fact that “Revenger” is not a real word, and summons all his best revengering skills for his revengering mission. Will he succeed?

The first thing you will see when you pop The Revenger into your VCR (or now DVD player) is a shirtless Frank Zagarino doing his workout routine. The intellectual levels of this film do not rise from here on out. This movie happens to be the second best Zags movie we’ve seen to date, the best being Striker (1987). Both are AIP releases. Could this be a coincidence? The Zagster never should have zigged from AIP. He clearly did his best work there, and the quality of his releases only went downhill from here. But this was released in the magic year of 1989, possibly the best and most fruitful year for video stores in the VHS era. So everyone was winning back then, and Zags and his comrades got swept along for the ride.

Arnold Vosloo is on hand, but for an unfortunately short amount of time. He barely warrants a credit, only appearing at the end of the end-credits listing. His 80’s coolguy sport coat with the rolled-up sleeves at least should have warranted a higher placing in the cast. Zagarino’s eyepatchioed war buddy strongly resembled Timothy Bottoms, and he even has a poster for the movie Zachariah (1971) on his wall. Of course there’s the obligatory Zags shower scene (ugh), and naturally, Keller is an “ex-Marine”. But now his buddies call him “The Saxman”. But we don’t care what anybody says: we love Oliver Reed, even in his “down on his luck” career phase. He provides more entertainment value when he’s just phoning it in than most actors do when they’re trying their best. And isn’t that what it’s all about? Sporting a ridiculous (fake?) walrus mustache that makes him look like Mario, Reed steals the movie from Zags, but that’s not saying much, anyone could steal a movie from a tree.

We don’t want to be hard on Reed -  as we said, we love him, and it’s not his fault this movie is so dumb. It’s not annoying, it’s just very, very stupid. Keep in mind the director is Cedric Sundstrom, the director of American Ninja 3: Blood Hunt (1989) and American Ninja 4: The Annihilation (1990), two of that series’ worst entries. Meathead John Pasternak is also in American Ninja 4, as well as American Ninja 2: The Confrontation (1987), so those bases are covered. He also has a great acid washed jean jacket.

AIP stalwart Steve McClintock turns in another exemplary song, “It’s Still Only Love”, and this song is by far one of the best aspects of this movie. This isn’t the first time one of McClintock’s songs has stolen a  movie. When is a CD of all his soundtrack songs going to come out?  Anyway, The Revenger is almost audience-insultingly stupid at times, but it’s not BAD, if that makes any sense. The only people who won’t like it are people too offended to get their hands dirty with dumb movies, and we presume those people don’t read this site. So if you’re not offended by a little out-and-out stupidity, don’t be afraid of The Revenger.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Striker (1987)

Striker (1987)-* * *1\2

Directed by: Enzo G. Castellari

Starring: Frank Zagarino, John Phillip Law, John Steiner, and Melonee Rodgers













When journalist Frank Morris (JPL) is jailed by the Sandinistas in Nicaragua, the one and only John “Striker” Slade (Zags) is sent in to rescue him because he’s the “best in extraction from hostile territories”. While in country posing as a Canadian photographer, he teams up with a local woman, Marta (Rodgers), who acts as his guide and confidante. Soon enough, the Strikester proceeds to decimate the population of Managua. But the true baddie behind it all is Kariasin (Steiner). His name even sounds evil (i.e. “carry a sin”.) With the odds stacked against him, will Striker be able to complete the mission and make it out alive? Find out today!

Striker is very fun, classically 80’s action and one of the better Rambo knockoffs we’ve seen to date. Marrying that with another popular DTV genre of the day, the El Presidente movie (don’t forget Nicaragua was a hot subject at the time and in the news a lot), and tied together in that wonderfully Italian way by co-writer Umberto Lenzi and the great director Enzo Castellari, there’s plenty to enjoy here.

One Frank Anthony Zagarino, or Frankie Zags as we like to call him, has one of the better (?) super-wooden monotones committed to film. His speaking voice is the equivalent to a hospital life-support flatline. He makes Don “The Dragon” Wilson sound like Crazy Eddie. His elocution aside, he has some radically awesome sunglasses that say to the world “the ultimate badass has arrived”. Plus he has a wide variety of ways to kill his enemies. Some movies contain just constant shooting and that can get boring after awhile. The makers of Striker had the good sense to realize that variety is the murderous spice of life. Famously, he even has a killer slingshot, making him look like Dennis the Menace in a fit of ‘Roid Rage.

Striker is, for all intents and purposes, what we normally call a Jungle Slog, but thankfully there’s really not much slog. There’s too much highly implausible and funny action on display. The movie basically succeeds in spite of the performance of Zags. For as little energy and screen presence as he brings to his dialogue scenes, that is counterbalanced by John Phillip Law (or JPL as we call him) - he really is at his absolute best in this movie. Plus Striker has one of the better exploding helicopters we’ve seen in a while, and naturally it has the prerequisite torture scene.

Not to be confused with any of the many other action heroes named Striker in the 80’s, this one has enough entertainment value to raise it above the level of many of its contemporaries. Chalk up another winner to AIP. Plus Jeff Moldovan is credited as a “Special Action Supervisor”, and Daniel Greene is on board in an uncredited role as a trucker. So you really can’t lose.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett

Project Eliminator (1991)

Project Eliminator (1991)-* * * *

Directed by: H. Kaye Dyal

Starring: Frank Zagarino, David Carradine, Brett Baxter Clark, David "Shark" Fralick, Joshua Bryant, Hilary English, and Calista Carradine











Much like KFC’s popcorn chicken, John “Striker” Slade (Zags) is back! Did you ever know it/he went away? This time around, the Strikester teams up with a buddy of his, Ron Morrell (Carradine), a Vietnam vet, and tries to rescue a kidnapped scientist, Dr. Markson (Bryant). It seems Markson has invented a flying laser contraption, and in what can only be explained as a fit of doubt, blows up his nifty invention. After doing this, he was kidnapped by a team of baddies led by the sinister Elias (Clark). The only people on earth that can rescue the scientist are naturally Striker and Morrell, and Jackie Markson (English) is helping them out. Will Markson be rescued? Will the world be safe from flying attack lasers once again? Find out today!

Project Eliminator is definitive proof that long blonde hair and Ray-Bans conquer all. Naturally we’re referring to Frank Zagarino, and, judging by the VHS box cover, he’s clearly the ultimate cool dude/meathead, or meatdude, if you will. One of the many lessons you can learn watching this movie is that a shirtless, mulleted hulk with tight ripped jeans, in and of itself, solves problems in life. 

Never mind the fact that Striker (whose nickname is Striker, don’t’cha know) is ex-Army, ex-Marines, ex-Delta Force and ex-Special Forces (we kid you not), always hits his target, and is, according to Morrell, “Bulletproof”. He’s definitely a man you’d want on your side, and Zagarino and Carradine make a winning team. This movie definitely ranks among Zagarino’s finest work, and from the moment you see him on a motorcycle with his long flowing locks in the wind - and especially when he’s wearing a motorcycle helmet, so it looks like just a morass of blonde hair spilling out of a blank head - you know that if you don’t shut off your brain, this movie will shut it for you.

It seems haters of this movie out there do not have the word “Fun” in their vocabulary. That’s just what this is - fun - and it was never meant to compare to the works of Ingmar Bergman. Though Zagarino is certainly blonde enough to be Swedish - wouldn’t it have been something to see him in a Bergman movie? One can only lament the fact that it never happened.

Carradine certainly gives Zags a run for his money the whole way through: we’ve never seen him so animated. He has energy, he actually smiles numerous times, and he even sings and plays the piano at one point! This is the Carradine we want to see, as opposed to his uncaring, listless performances in Future Force (1989) and Future Zone (1990). It’s pretty clear he was having fun here, as his bolo tie and cowboy hat may indicate, and he’s listed, along with Gail Carradine, as an associate producer, so he gave himself some freedom and it’s infectious. Calista Carradine is on board as well as Vanna.

As for the baddies, Brett Baxter Clark of Delta Force Commando (1988) fame stars as Elias, looking like a cross between James Brolin, Bob Vila and the guy on the Just For Men box. What with his well-kept, classy beard and all. Interestingly enough, Clark played Shark in Shootfighter II (1996), and his sidekick in Project Eliminator is none other than David “Shark” Fralick, who is credited as just David Shark, playing...wait for it...SHARK! Seeing as how Fralick is also a muscular, long-haired, blonde meathead, when he and Zagarino fight it’s like a Mortal Kombat "Mirror Match". It’s very hard to tell who’s who. 

Early in the movie, some baddies attempt to rob a store using rubber President masks. Obviously 1991 was a huge year for said masks, as Point Break also was released.

Director Dyal directed Trained To Kill (1990) the year before this and was obviously preparing for the brain cell-depleting fights and shootouts, pew pew laser shots, inane dialogue and unbridled Zagarinoness on full display here. Containing some rewindable moments, Project Eliminator is brainless fun at its best.

Also check out a review from our buddy The Goodkind!

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett

Warhead (1996)

Warhead (1996)-*1\2

Directed by: Mark Roper

Starring: Frank Zagarino, Joe Lara, Elisabeth Giordano, and Todd Jensen











When the diabolical villain Kraft (Lara) takes over a missile silo and threatens to launch an ICBM at Washington, only one man can stop the madness: Jack Tannen (Zagarino), of course. He assembles a team which includes Jessica Evans (Giordano), an MIT-educated scientist. Kraft kidnapped her father and forces him to help him, so Jessica has her own reasons to go on the incredibly dangerous mission to take down Kraft and his army of no-good-niks. Will Jack and Jessica succeed?

In the first part of Warhead, we can tell director Mark Roper, director of Queen’s Messenger (2001) and Marines (2003), among other DTV action outings, was trying to ground his movie in serious, topical themes. Raw news footage of neo-Nazis and references to such events as Ruby Ridge and the Oklahoma City bombing make the viewer think Warhead is going to be a gritty, “ripped from the headlines”-type film. However, once the silly action scenes begin, and Zagarino and Lara show up, we know we’re in for something else entirely.

The stars (and possibly some of the same sets) of Armstrong (1998) reunite! Zagarino is sub-Lundgren once again, and the dark haired, dark-featured Lara cast as some kind of white supremacist is just odd. Lara’s forced “quirkiness” falls flat. His “seriousness” is, well...not so serious. And if they were going to make his political views abhorrent, they should have done a better job. His positions on taxes seemed right to us. He’s pretty ahead of his time, that Kraft.

Sure, Armstrong wasn’t the best movie in the world, but it had Richard Lynch. Elizabeth Giordano, who teams up with Zagarino all the time (including Deadly Reckoning, 1998), doesn’t add much to the equation. Because Warhead is filled with the aforementioned silly action scenes, as well as goofy dialogue, and relentless cliches, we can honestly say this movie is stupidity at its most dumb.

But it’s important to remember: you absolutely know that going in. Whoever acts shocked that a Zagarino/Lara vehicle is dumb should probably have their head examined. If you’re in the mood for something very dumb, Warhead fits the bill well, because for most of the movie, it’s just stupidly funny and reasonably entertaining. To expect more - or something else - would be wrong.

Somehow, even the Jetskis with missile launchers attached to them seemed too little too late. That being said, the stuntwork should be applauded, but Nu-Image is really hit or miss. They’re not a powerhouse like PM.

If you feel you might have too many brain cells, check out Warhead.

Also check out Direct To Video Connoisseur's take on Warhead!

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Armstrong (1998)

Armstrong (1998)-*1\2

Directed by: Menahem Golan

Starring: Frank Zagarino, Joe Lara, Kimberley Kates, Charles Napier, and Richard Lynch





"The Cold War Has Just Heated Up"







Charles Napier plays Robert Zorkin, a man who travels to Russia with his wife Susan (Kates), supposedly for a vacation. But it turns out he has a VHS tape that shows the Russians dealing in nuclear warheads with the mob. It seems Zorkin was the mentor to one "Rod Armstrong" (Zagarino). Armstrong is an ex-Navy SEAL who now trains people in Russia and is "very expensive". Joe Lara, appropriately enough, plays "Ponytail", the head of the gangsters who is menacing everyone in sight, not the least of which is Susan, who he chases all over Russia. Richard Lynch is the Russian General Zukov, who is a major part of the insanity. Will Rod Armstrong be able to stop the gangsters and evil Russians from stealing the nukes and perhaps launching them, and save the kidnapped Susan in the process?

I know action movies don't have to be intelligent, but Armstrong is just so dumb it's really unbelievable. Zagarino usually brings the dumb, and here is no exception. In fact, if anything, he's outdone himself in the dumb department. He's beyond wooden. 


Rod Armstrong is stupid, unlikable, arrogant and annoying, and he usually has some sort of "shirt problem". Either his shirt is ripped, comes off, becomes unbuttoned, or he just plain forgets to wear one. It seems the filmmakers wanted very badly for him to be Dolph Lundgren, as his hair, makeup, and what's left of his outfits strongly recall Dolph. But Zagarino is not Dolph. Not by a long shot. Also he has numerous pictures of himself on his wall. Armstrong makes Project: Shadowchaser (1992) look like a masterpiece.

One of the better things about Armstrong is its cast of familiar faces. Joe Lara goes over the top as Ponytail, but his unfinished beard really left a sense of incompleteness in the viewer's hearts. He resembles a mid-90's Dennis Miller. We liked him better as the good guy in such films as American Cyborg: Steel Warrior (1993) and Hologram Man (1995). Napier gets slightly more screen time here than in Center of the Web (1992), and he even gets to do some "Napier-Fu", but the extreme sweatiness is unpleasant. Kimberley Kates was a great choice for the eye candy, and Richard Lynch proves he's the most versatile guy in DTV cinema, here living it up as a drunken, carousing Russian military general, the next day playing an Italian gangster with aplomb.

But sadly, try as they might, even the mightiest DTV cast cannot overcome the inanity of Armstrong. Whoever wrote the dialogue, you'd think they would be satisfied by the fact that is completely mind-numbing, but no, it's incredibly repetitive too! Many things are said more than once. I don't know which is worse, if it was unintentional, or if they were so proud of their great writing, the writer thought we should hear it multiple times. Or they could have assumed their audience is just stupid. Big mistake. The dialogue alone detracts major points from Armstrong.

Because of the dialogue and dumbness, not to mention how irritating Rod Armstrong is, almost in a Sloane (1984) sort of way, you really don't care about the characters and situations. Add to that a jumbled and unclear plot and you have a serious mess on your hands. Perhaps the ultimate "turn off your brain" movie, unless you are a die hard fan of any of the actors here or DTV movies themselves, it might be wise to steer clear of Armstrong.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett

Deadly Reckoning (1998)

Deadly Reckoning (1998)-*1\2

AKA: The Company Man

Directed by: Art Camacho

Starring: Frank Zagarino, Don Stroud, Elizabeth Giordano, Bryan Genesse,  Matthias Hues, and Robert Vaughn as "Control 5"









"Deadly Reckoning" is an oddity that sadly is too junky and downmarket to be all that interesting.

A block of wood, excuse me, Frank Zagarino, plays Ernest Gray, bespectacled owner of the Either/Or bookstore (apparently a real place in Hermosa Beach, CA). He just wants to be left alone to raise his young daughter, Jennifer, and get her into Julliard. Unfortunately, he is menaced for $50 in protection money by a trio of middle-aged "homies". Their big threat is to call him "Book Boy". I know, I know. As if that wasn't enough, it turns out Gray - if that's his REAL name - was the "greatest spy of them all" for the CIA with the code name of Napoleon.  One of his big achievements was to dismantle a terror cell named...The Cell. 

Now the evil Control 5 (Vaughn - that's his actual name in the film) and his henchmen, one of which is the beefy, shotgun-wielding Van Guilder (Hues) are after Ernest and Jennifer. Luckily, Ernest's compadres Lewis (Genesse), The Mule (Stroud) and  Marianna (Giordano) are helping them out. Will Gray and his daughter Jennifer Gray beat The Cell?

Frank Zagarino, who resembles a cross between Dolph Lundgren and Brian Bosworth, with the square-headedness of Howie Long, shows little-to-no emotion and his voice is weirdly monotonous. Matthias Hues joins the fray as Van Guilder, and he has some similar issues but he makes it work because he's charming. He is a hulking brute, and one of his "disguises" is to wear glasses and put his Fabio-like hair in a ponytail. But he still wears his trademark sleeveless shirt. 

The actress that plays Gray's daughter, Rebecca Ayre Doughty, gives far and away the best performance of the film and acts rings around everyone else (it's not her fault her violin playing is an obvious keyboard). Her beloved bear, Chewy the Bear has some sort of secret to it which is never fleshed out.

Robert Vaughn- yes, THE Robert Vaughn, shows us the definition of "slumming". He's gone from being nominated for Oscars to Control 5. How the mighty have fallen. In the end credits, there is a credit for "Special Effects Hair Stylist". We can only assume this refers to Vaughn's hairpiece. We love Vaughn and we want the best for him. Why is he here?

Director Camacho, despite the nil budget, cheap feel  and dingy "film" quality, still tries for some John Woo-style flourishes but they are pretty ham-handed. Note the bookstore and abandoned warehouse (of course) shootouts. Actually a lot of the movie is padded out with brainless shooting. 

It seems the only people that should see "Deadly Reckoning" are die-hard Zagarino, Hues or Vaughn fans. Anybody who watches this glop will get their intelligence insulted.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty