Contra Conspiracy (1990)

Contra Conspiracy (1990)- * *

Directed by: Thomas Dewier

Starring: Blake Bahner, Michael Williams, and Vicki Stephenson

“You live and you die and you make your mark” - Hillary

When film director Duncan Savage (Michael Williams, in his only credited role to date) takes his crew out to the California desert to shoot a low-budget movie, everything seems to be going according to plan. He even takes his daughter Kiersty (Vicki Stephenson, also her only role) along so she can see for herself the behind-the-scenes magic of moviemaking. Sure, there are the normal hiccups along the way, but nothing any of the experienced crew can’t handle. 

That is, until they run afoul of some baddies. Maybe the location scout should have known, but it seems the film crew has set up shop way too near the base of a gaggle of paramilitary nutjobs. When the two cross paths, a massacre ensues. Kiersty survives, and ends up being debriefed by a trio of government suits. As Kiersty recounts the tale of how she and a few other crew members survived in the nearby forest, we see how it all played out. This includes how they fended off a psycho named Hillary (Bahner, not the one you think). But what, exactly, is the CONTRA CONSPIRACY?

Contra Conspiracy (no “the”), is another pre-PM Pepin and Merhi production under their City Lights banner. All the names we’re so used to seeing in the credits are present and accounted for, from Charles Kanganis, the writer, to Addison Randall, a producer, to John Gonzalez, who did music, to name just a few. 

Anyone familiar with City Lights or PM will recognize not just these names, but also the style of what they’re watching. Contra Conspiracy starts off being pretty interesting and different, however. The first two thirds or so is a little more unorthodox, but then it settles into a fairly run of the mill wilderness slog.

Still, it’s better than Skinheads (1989), because Skinheads had so much more potential, and then squandered it on a standard “running away in the woods” plot. While he’s hardly a threat to Chuck Connors, Blake Bahner, Spyder himself, should be used to being in disappointing product - Blackbelt II (1989) anyone? Not a ton happens in this movie, so it runs out of any of the steam it built up initially at about the hour mark.

The paramilitary guys range from meatheady thugs to the classic “weak link” who feels bad for the film crew. Going for them, however, is the fact that they have a camouflage car. Sure, it’s the desert and the car is painted classic green camo, but hey...it may be a gigantic 1984 Buick, but it’s painted camo, so you WON’T SEE IT COMING. Pretty genius. But the good guys have plenty of tricks up their sleeves as well. In order to put the baddies off their trail, the special effects guy sprays fake blood all over the forest. The only problem: the bucket is emblazoned with, in large letters, the words “MOVIE BLOOD”. You’d think it would just say “Blood”. We assume they know they’re working on a movie.

Sure, there’s an effects-test blow up, and a car chase (a CAMOUFLAGE car chase) around the desert, but this is no Deadly Prey (1987). There are some interesting elements, but it’s far from a must-see. Plus, it left the biggest question unanswered: what’s the conspiracy behind up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, B, A, select start? The movie was copyrighted 1988. Maybe it knows something we don’t. 

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty 

Absolution (2015)

Absolution (2015)- *1\2

Directed by: Keoni Waxman

Starring: Steven Seagal, Byron Mann, Adina Stetcu, and Vinnie Jones

A man known only as The Boss (Jones) is some sort of crime lord but also has a kill room where he tortures and murders the captive victims of his insane rages. When one girl, Nadia (Stetcu) escapes The Boss, she ends up crossing paths with a hired Killer - said to be “the only guy who can do the job” - named John (Seagal). John, a rotund man of girth, teams up with an actual Martial Artist named Chi (Mann) so they can both fight the baddies that are after them - some for political reasons, some for personal ones. After a lot of violence and bloodshed, the final confrontation occurs: The Boss vs. John. Who will feel the ABSOLUTION?

Absolution is proof that they are indeed still making Steven Seagal movies. Maybe it’s not that difficult to head off to Romania for a while and, armed with a computer that can do CGI bullet hits and editing software that can speed up fights and take away frames, come back with something that you can release to DVD. 

Presumably Seagal himself doesn’t have to appear that long on the set, as he has other people do his ADR, his stuntwork, and even his dialogue scenes, as stand-ins, well, stand in for him. Many times this is very obvious that Seagal is not actually there listening to the dialogue said by other people. Usually his stand-ins look like Hollywood producer Robert Evans or Roy Orbison. So now you’ll know what to look for. It’s possible some of the stand-ins even have glasses or blonde hair, that’s how little they care to make it match. (That’s a joke, but very close to the truth).

Just exactly why Seagal doesn’t do these fundamentals of filmmaking remains unexplained. Is he some sort of Hollywood royalty that thinks he is above doing these things? Better question: what does this free up time for him to actually DO? What is so important to him that he can’t really even appear in his own movies, but for a bare minimum? When did he get so lazy? Why is he running away from himself? (Stay tuned until the last paragraph for a potential answer). 

We’re not really sure who is watching these Seagal movies (besides us, obviously, but we have a website about direct-to-video action movies - what’s everyone else’s excuse?) - and, if people are watching them, are they taking them seriously? Are they meant to be taken seriously in the first place? Judging by Seagal’s narration about him being a bad man in search of absolution, whatever that may mean, we think the answer may be yes, interestingly. 

Maybe the foreign markets eat these things up, we don’t know. Thankfully, when Seagal is talking (and not someone else talking for him), he doesn’t lapse into a random Cajun accent too much, but you never know when it will strike. It’s like a cobra. A Cajun cobra.

Smartly, the filmmakers brought a solid actor and quite good Martial Artist named Byron Mann to pick up Seagal’s considerable slack. The movie could have starred Mann and been perfectly fine, if a bit junky. However, the two of them walk away slowly from an explosion, so, maybe there was some bonding there. Fan favorite Vinnie Jones as the uncreatively named “The Boss” (Seagal’s name is “John” in the movie so the writers get zero points for creativity in naming the characters) is really at his worst here. Not him, per se, it’s not his fault, but the role is weak. But the guy likes to keep working, so, lord bless him. 

But as a pseudo-Saw-type monster/crime boss, Jones doesn’t shine like he should. It could’ve been anyone wearing that apron in that green-tinted room.

Seagal is a victim of his own choices in life. He is where he is because of no one but himself. He wanted to place more emphasis on being some sort of blues-playing Buddha than on doing what he does best. He should consider being less lazy and arrogant and instead put some energy into what he puts out there with his name on it. If he were to reverse course and do that, we might really have something going forward. But as it stands, this is pretty much standard Seagal muck. 

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett