The Glimmer Man (1996)

The Glimmer Man (1996)- * *1\2

Directed by: John Gray

Starring: Steven Seagal, Keenan Ivory Wayans, Bob Gunton, John M. Jackson, Stephen Tobolowsky, and Brian Cox

Jack Cole (Seagal) is a New York cop and snappy dresser who transfers to L.A. when a serial killer begins terrorizing the city. Known as “The Family Man” because he slaughters the whole family, and does so also with a religious subtext, the stakes are high for Cole and his new partner Campbell (Wayans) to crack the case. The heat really ratchets up when Jack’s ex-wife becomes a victim, and our two heroes discover that the Russian mafia is involved in all this somehow, as they usually are in these instances. 

As it turns out, Jack’s CIA past comes to light as his former boss and now bad guy Mr. Smith (Cox) has joined forces with another local baddie named Deverell (Gunton). Things may seem complicated for the seemingly-mismatched pair of Cole and Campbell, but the Buddhist monk and the wisecracking cop are the only hope of rescuing the citizens of Los Angeles. Will they succeed despite all the obstacles in their way?

Prepare to soak up the awesome power of glimmering men as Seagal eats his way through L.A. like a pudgy Pac-Man. It seems pretty clear that the filmmakers were trying to replicate the magic of The Last Boy Scout (1991), even throwing a Wayans brother into the deal. But without the stellar writing of Shane Black, or a comparative budget, or the charisma of Bruce Willis, you’re left with a Seagal on the decline…this is where his laziness started to become really apparent, with face-palmingly obvious stand-ins, other actors overdubbing his voice, his whispering when he does have to talk, and the predominance of his paddy-cake slap-fu during the non-gun-related fight scenes. Oh well, at least this is before he became a sadistic torturer, as he did in his later DTV movies.

 Keenen Ivory Wayans not only shined with his great comic timing and snappy one-liners, we also appreciated the fact that his character, Campbell, was a classic movie fan. He even got to do some impressive Keenen Ivory-Fu, which was much appreciated. Not only did Wayans pull his own weight in this production, he pulled most of Seagal’s as well. Without Wayans adding the brightness, this would have been a total slog. 

Brian Cox was perfectly fine as the baddie, but it was very reminiscent of Noble Willingham in Boy Scout. When Cox and Seagal are talking in the Italian restaurant, it’s a battle of the whispers. You definitely need the subtitles on the DVD.

So while we do see the triumph of Seagal’s so-called “sissy beads”, the movie remains just on the edge of a breakthrough of quality and value. It’s entertaining enough, but it’s also easy to see why it was one of Seagal’s last movies to hit theater screens. Speaking of edges, you haven’t seen the proper use of a credit card until you’ve seen Seagal brandish his plastic. I hear he earns double airline miles for every dead gangster.

Once again, Seagal was also heavily involved in the music, teaming up with the prolific Todd Smallwood on two bluesy rockers for Taj Mahal and The Jeff Healey Band. Music aside, the plot is nothing you wouldn’t see on an episode of Criminal Minds, and it’s plain to see Seagal’s torpor setting in. Taking all this into consideration, The Glimmer Man might bring back some fond memories of perusing the shelves at your local video store…but seen from today’s perspective you can see the ill omens that would predict the course of Seagal’s later career. Despite the best efforts of Wayans and perhaps a few others, The Glimmer Man is pretty middling.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty 

The Black Ninja (2003)

The Black Ninja (2003)- * * *

Directed by: Clayton Prince (AKA "ME")

Starring: Clayton Prince, Carla Brothers, David Gosnell, Nicky DeMatteo, Michael Chance, Heather Hunter, and Yuki Matsuzaki






“Oh my God. Malik Ali is a good guy.” – Detective Howell

Malik Ali (Prince) is a Johnnie Cochran-esque defense lawyer who specializes in charging his criminal clients an arm and a leg to get them off the legal hook. That’s his day job, mind you. At night, he’s the avenging superhero called THE BLACK NINJA. He even goes after the baddies he formerly defended in order to get street justice. At a speaking event, Ali meets Tracey Allen (Brothers), an attractive psychiatrist, and the chemistry is immediate. The only roadblock to their blossoming relationship is the fact that she’s a witness in the upcoming trial of mobster Tony Fanelli (DeMatteo), and Fanelli commands his goons to have her rubbed out. So Ali/The Black Ninja is going to have to protect her with all he’s got. Compounding Ali’s already-complicated situation is the fact that Hagiwara (Matsuzaki), a red ninja, has reappeared in Ali’s life after heinously killing his wife and children years before. Now burning for revenge, Ali has to look after Tracey as well. Will the streets ever be safe?



Watch out, Troy Nikolo Ashford, there’s a new auteur in town. While we know The Black Ninja was written by Clayton Prince, and stars Clayton Prince, the credits of the movie inform us that it was directed by “Me”. Who is Me? It truly is an existential question. It could be anyone, but we’re going to go with the working theory that it is Clayton Prince.

Like the aforementioned Ashford, Prince was able to make a full-length feature film with an apparent budget of zero, shoot it on video, and not only get it into stores nationally, but internationally as well. Let’s all keep that in mind and applaud Mr. Prince. Now, that being said, this is about as far down the ladder of DTV as you can get, production-wise. It has every technical flaw known to filmmaking, it’s incredibly cheap-looking, and it’s all astoundingly silly. But that’s all part of the charm. You have to watch this with other people to get the full effect.



Imagine Batman meets Daredevil meets RZA’s Bobby Digital meets Zorro shot on a home movie camera. The Black Ninja’s “command center” consists of a desk with two computer monitors, the guy who played the mobster baddie, Fanelli, was probably hired because he has a passing resemblance to John Gotti, and The Black Ninja’s main mode of transportation is a black Kawasaki Ninja. Seems appropriate. There’s even an unexplained fight scene at a Funcoland in front of a Sega Dreamcast display. However, just like The Protector (1999) and others, he does have a talking computer, which all true heroes should have.


The movie starts with a bang, and ends with a bang, but there are some stretches in the middle where it starts to sag. The opening credits look like they were created with Mario Paint and there’s a quasi-animated Black Ninja figure. The fight scenes are almost too ridiculous for words (much like the rest of the proceedings) – forget punches and kicks looking like they may connect someday, but whenever TBN (as we call him) executes one of his trademark moves, Prince employs this laughably stupid tripling editing effect. During the non-fight scenes, Ali talks to his dead wife (Hunter), and there is an extended scene of unfortunate bathroom humor. Det. Howell (Chance) livens things up with his attitude and his heckling, however. Matsuzaki as the main baddie is very over the top – and incomprehensible, with minimal English skills. It makes for an interesting combination.

Featuring an extremely catchy title song which seems to hearken back to 70’s Blaxploitation (most of the music was done by The BeatBrokerz and Clayton Prince himself worked on some of it as well), The Black Ninja might not be near the top of the most technically well-made productions of all time, but it pretty much defines the term “cheap and cheerful”. Seen in the proper context, it’s pretty enjoyable. Gather some of your fellow film fans, make sure the brewski’s are flowing, and it just may be the underdog crowd pleaser of the year.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty