Fist Fighter (1989)

Fist Fighter (1989)-* * *

Directed by: Frank Zuniga

Starring: Jorge Rivero, Edward Albert, Billy Graham, and Matthias Hues






"There can be only one winner."





C.J. Thunderbird (Rivero) is a drifter who closely resembles disgraced Massachusetts Senator John Kerry. He's going south of the border because he received a telegram informing him that his friend died at the hands of a mysterious fistfighter named Rhino Rhinehart (Hues). Along the way, he wrist-wrassles a few meatheads and gets in a few barfights. He makes it to Bolivia and enters the underground fighting world, with the aim of defeating Rhino. He befriends a gregarious promoter named Punchy (Albert). The fights are controlled by corrupt gangster Vance (Mike Connors), who is in bed with the local authorities, so he has Thunderbird sent to prison.

While there, there is yet more underground fighting, this time in a cage. Enter: The Beast, a hairy, Robin Williams-like creature that murdalizes everyone in the ring. The evil warden Moreno (Simon Andreu) promises Thunderbird his freedom if he defeats The Beast. Will Thunderbird prevail? Will he get his one shot at Rhino? What will happen to Punchy? How much fist-fighting can one human stand? Find out tonight!

Thunderbird has a cute dog, played by "Kelly". He steals the movie. He out-acts everyone and could easily be the new Benji. You really care about his plight. The other characters all have great/silly names: C.J. Thunderbird, Rhino Rinehart, The Beast, and "Harry Lang Moses" AKA, of course, PUNCHY.

During the prerequisite training sequence, instead of a Rocky-like pounding, inspirational rock tune, it is Punchy talking a mile a minute to C.J.

C.J. is never seen without his stonewashed jeans, even in the ring. Did we mention he is a dead ringer for John Kerry? If you've ever wanted to see the windsurfer-in-chief punch and fight his way to freedom, this is the movie for you.




The addition of the character of The Beast is welcome because it is so crazy. It is never explained if he is some kind of genetic mutation or just an angry, hairy dude. It is reminiscent of the exploitation gem La Bestia In Calore AKA S.S. Hell Camp (1977).

Fan Favorite Matthias Hues puts in an accent-drenched performance as Rhino. He is always welcome and has a charming presence, even as a bad guy. He lets his fists do the talking and wears some oversized suits. We all love Hues.

Despite a slumping, sagging middle section, Fist Fighter is a worthy addition to the bare-knuckle, underground meathead genre.


Comeuppance Review by: Ty & Brett

Midnight Ride (1990)

Midnight Ride (1990)-*1\2

Directed by: Bob Bralver

Starring: Michael Dudikoff, Mark Hamill, Savina Gersak, and Robert Mitchum









In this nonsensical tripe, Lawson Markman (The Dudester) plays a cop (and that's ALL we know about him) who splits from his wife Laura (Gersak). She picks up hitchhiker Justin McKay (Hamill) who turns out to be a raving, annoying psychopath. McKay forces her to drive to the town of Hendersonville so he can meet up with his "only friend" Dr. Hardy (Unfortunately, Robert Mitchum). In what is basically a road movie, Lawson is chasing after Justin and Laura for most of the running time.

Nothing is ever established so you don't know who these characters are, and thus there is no suspense. The movie has a weird off-kilter feel and seems like it was filmed in another country but apparently it wasn't. It also feels ten years older then it is. The happy-go-lucky jazz music during the chase scenes is inappropriate. It is overlong, and rife with so many absurd plot holes, it is not possible to list them all here.

Hamill plays a very similar role to the one he played in the TV movie The City (1977), a leering lunatic who bugs out his eyes and cackles incessantly. He wears a gray-striped jacket that makes him look like a ten year old, and takes Polaroid pictures of everything. If he was trying to forget Star Wars (1977), this is not the best way to do so. Hamill spits outs craziness like "When Dr. Hardy fixes your brain, you can marry me!"



Dudikoff doesn't do any of his trademark martial arts. The movie desperately needed his patented karate chops. His cool hair is still present and accounted for however. The movie focuses way too much on Hamill and not enough on Dudikoff. Of course their final fight is in a steam factory, and Hamill has one last silly weapon up his sleeve: a random ATV. Doesn't every hospital basement have one?


The Videohound book lists Mitchum's appearance as a cameo. In the same way that retired people get jobs because they are too freakin' bored around the house, Mitchum's decision to appear in Midnight Ride seems based on that same thought process.

It's no surprise Cannon Films ceased to exist a few years later. The glory days were over.

Actually irritating to watch, please don't take this "Midnight Ride" tonight.


Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty