Time Burst: The Final Alliance (1989)

 

Time Burst: The Final Alliance (1989)- *1\2

Directed by: Peter Yuval

Starring: David Scott King, Michi McGee, Douglas Harter, Richard Rogers, Gerard Okamura, and Beano

A guy inexplicably named Urbane (he's not) (King) is on the run. One minute he's in a plane crash with a bigwig antiques dealer named Rush (Rogers), and then a woman named Jane English (McGee), who is from 'The Agency' picks him up. Then there's a samurai swordfight from hundreds of years ago between a Japanese man and a mustachioed white guy who they call "White Man". It seems that some gangsters and baddies want "The Tablets", which contain the secret to immortality. The Master (Okamura) is the keeper of said tablets. Confusion ensues. Will Urbane and English accomplish whatever it is they've set out to accomplish? And, better question, will you care?


Oh Highlander (1986), what hath you wrought? First it was The Swordsman (1992), then, without explanation or warning, Gladiator Cop: The Swordsman 2 (1995), and now this. Just because Highlander did it doesn't mean YOU have to have immortal people with swords too. It's not just that the Highlander films had budgets behind them and this doesn't. It's more that Time Burst: The Final Alliance has a confusing and messy plot structure, no likable characters or development, and a lackluster "meh" quality to it all. This leads to a less-than-satisfying viewing experience. By the 'time' it was over, it felt like four hours had passed.



What exactly is a "time burst" anyway? Did anything burst in this film? I'm trying to remember. After you watch it, all recollection of having done so drains down the memory hole of your brain. For that matter, was there a "final alliance"? This title is just a melange of random words meant to trick you into renting it at the video store in the late 80's or early 90's.


The one positive we can point to here is the presence of Gerald Okamura and his voice. Any time he talks, things pick up. But that's just not enough to save a 93-minute jumble. Oh, and Douglas Harter's cameo. That was good too. Of the Peter Yuval films we've seen, Dead End City (1988), Firehead (1991), and this, Time Burst is definitely the weakest. Unlike Firehead, there's not even a Special Operations Computer Bank on hand, never mind Chris Lemmon. If you're familiar with AIP, the whole thing has an Armed For Action (1992) vibe - but, yet again, no Joe Estevez or even Rocky Patterson to liven things up.



TB:TFA has serious pacing problems. It's rarely clear what's going on, and the characters don't hook you in enough for you to really care. There's no one, central baddie to hiss at. Someone like Eric Roberts would have breathed much more life into the Urbane role. They couldn't afford Eric Roberts, but they could afford Beano. So, there's that.


The only reason to watch this film is if YOU are immortal and have lots of time to kill. For everyone else, it may be wise to steer clear of this particular Burst.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Fists Of Steel (1989)

 

Fists Of Steel (1989)- * * *1\2

Directed by: Jerry Schafer

Starring: Carlos Palomino, Marianne Marks, Robert Tessier, Rockne Tarkington, and Henry Silva

Carlos "Conquistador" Diaz (Palomino) is an ex-Marine who served in 'Nam. Due to some sort of accident with his hands, his knuckle and finger bones were replaced with metal joints. Hence, he truly has FISTS OF STEEL. The CIA tries to recruit Diaz because they want to catch an evil baddie named Shogi (Silva) and his sidekick Katrina (Marks), who is described as "The Best". Naturally, at first Carlos is unimpressed with the CIA's offer, but when they show him what appears to be news footage of Shogi killing his father, he then gets hoppin' mad and goes on his own mission to get revenge against Shogi. He ends up traveling to Hawaii, where he encounters more baddies, such as Saylor (Tessier) and Rijar (Tarkington). But will Shogi feel the wrath of Diaz's FISTS OF STEEL?


Fists of Steel - not to be confused with Hands of Steel (1986), the classic Paco Queruak vehicle - starts with a cool song and logo, so the audience immediately gets sucked in. Then we see Henry Silva's Shogi character, inexplicably dressing up as various different characters in order to kill people. Just why he does this is never explained later in the film. Maybe the idea is that he's just so evil, he enjoys playing a bit of dress-up as a hobby as he kills his prey.


You really do care about Carlos's plight, and the whole thing overall has an odd vibe that's easy to love. As of this writing, Fists of Steel is a VERY rare movie, and not deserving of its hard-to-find status. You've gotta love Carlos's gym buddies and some of the other non-actors that give FOS a lot of flavor. No one knows why Silva is named Shogi, but Tessier is a sailor named...Saylor. Makes sense.


Every supposed flaw of Fists of Steel could be turned into a positive. For example, the movie is very repetitive - it seems there wasn't a lot of plot to be developed in between the fight/action scenes, so a lot of dialogue is repeated multiple times - but that can be very funny. The idea that the Carlos Diaz character has metal hands isn't really played up to the fullest - usually that just means that an extra-loud noise is heard whenever he punches anybody. That's pretty much the extent of it. But it all works out in the end because no one ever said all of this is supposed to be on a completely even keel.


With that in mind, there are two twists towards the end of the film (don't worry, no spoilers here). Let's just say that one is completely unsurprising, and the other one is truly a surprise. As if a movie of this sort even needed a twist, here they give you two. Or, really, in our eyes, one. But Palomino facing off against at least two guys who exclusively play baddie roles - Silva and Tessier - it's all worth it right there.


Director Jerry Schafer worked with Francis Ford Coppola on one of his first projects, Tonight For Sure (1962), and then a scant 19 years later directed Female Mud Wrestling Championships (1981), a documentary about female mud wrestling championships. This project featured both Carlos Palomino (as a referee) and Marianne Marks (as an interviewer), which led into his final directorial project, Fists of Steel. What a career.


Featuring the memorable songs "Eyes of the Stranger" by Nicci Sill, and "Left With the Right" by Robert Terry, Fists of Steel is a worthwhile and fun watch, if you can find it.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

President's Target (1989)

 

President's Target (1989)- * * *

Directed by: Yvan Chiffe

Starring: John Coleman, Martin Kove, Antonio Banha, and Bo Hopkins

An on-screen title card informs us that we're "Somewhere In Latin America". At a high-powered meeting of government officials, they all vow to work together to stop the worldwide spread of drugs. All seems to be going well, until a masked band of baddies storms into the place and shoots everyone in sight. But they didn't count on one thing...Peter Caine (Coleman). After finding out that he's "The best operator the CIA has" - and that his code name is Stalker - Caine proceeds to find out who was responsible for the massacre, and get revenge, Peter Caine-style. But not before he's nursed back to health after the massacre by a kindly old incomprehensible fisherman, and has what are presumably a handful of Vietnam flashbacks along the way. Here for the ride are Sam Nicholson (Kove) and Marty Rogers (Hopkins), but who is the ultimate bad guy at the top? Could it be, in true Simpsons fashion, Mendoza (Banha)? And who exactly is the PRESIDENT'S TARGET in all this?


If we've established anything by doing this website over lo these many years, it's these two truths: that 1989 was a high water mark year for movies on VHS appearing on video store shelves, and that El Presidente titles (well, they're not always slogs) are chief among them. If you happened to enjoy such films as One Man Out (1989), Merchants of War (1989), Overthrow (1987), SAS San Salvador (1982), Hour of the Assassin (1987), or To Die Standing (1991), to name but a few, you will likely also enjoy President's Target. It just may be your favorite of the bunch, because it features two things those films don't: a 79-minute running time, and John Coleman.



Coleman himself is a National Treasure, and should have been in WAY more action movies. Depending on what light he's in, the rock-faced Coleman may resemble Ted Danson, Erik Estrada, Lou Ferrigno, or perhaps Ben Affleck or George Clooney. His face is nothing if not a prism that may take on many shades, colors, and moods. He's essentially a human combination of two 70's fads: the mood ring and the pet rock. Certainly he could be described as a lovable meathead, and the icing on the cake is his Ryan O'Neal-esque acting style. What's not to love about the guy?



But, perhaps fearing that the manliness of Coleman wouldn't be enough to carry the full 79 minutes, Coleman is backed up by genre stalwarts Bo Hopkins and Martin Kove. It was nice that they were here. The presence of both guys is always appreciated. Hopkins actually utters the words "El Presidente", so they must have known what they were doing. Director Yvan Chiffre, who may or may not be the Bond villain from Casino Royale, had an impressive career as an actor under his belt, but he did direct three movies. This is one of them. Thankfully, it stars John Coleman.



The vibe of President's Target is certainly a bit "off", which was hugely welcome. El Presidente's can get awfully dull and sloggy because most of the time, they're pretty standard fare. This time around, the weirder vibe, shorter running time, and power-trio of stars work mightily in the movie's favor.


Despite the South American setting, President's Target was filmed in Setubal, Portugal and features some nice locations. It's one of those (as of today) VHS-only wonders that only a trawl through the video store of life can sometimes bring forth. It just may be one of the best El Presidente's we've seen to date.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Cold Heat (1989)

 Cold Heat (1989)- * * *

Directed by: Ulli Lommel

Starring: John Phillip Law, Britt Ekland, Chance Corbitt, Roy Summersett, Joanne Watkins and Robert Sacchi

R.C. Mallon (JPL) and his ex-wife Jackie (Ekland) are in the middle of the mother of all custody battles, if you'll excuse the expression. The fighting over their young son Kenny (Corbitt) has set in motion a chain of events that spiral into fairly outlandish proportions. Mr. Mallon hires a 1940's-style gangster named Mikey Musconi (Sacchi) to kidnap Kenny. His uncanny resemblance to a certain classic Hollywood actor notwithstanding, the former Mrs. Mallon also hires some outside help - the much more likable Mace Dawson (Summersett). Dawson is an alcoholic stunt driver of some sort. Inadvertently, Dawson also nabs Mallon employee Nancy (Watkins), and Kenny grows to like them far more than his embittered parents. Of course, all this is just window dressing so extended car/plane/motorbike chases and blow-ups may occur. Will the COLD relationship between the Mallons produce some real HEAT on the streets of Las Vegas? Dare we all find out?



Famed director Ulli Lommel is no stranger to action, having also been behind Overkill (1987) and The Big Sweat (1991). Here he combines those titles with Kramer Vs. Kramer (1979), if you can believe it. The whole thing, as you might expect, is odd and off-kilter. That's the best aspect of Cold Heat, by the way. The fact that there's some footage from The Junkman (1982) kind of sewn in there for good measure only helps with the unusual ambience.


Of course, there's a very long and drawn out chase, as Lommel did in The Big Sweat. But other possible touchstones to get across the overall feel of the film could be Hollywood Cop (1987) or Beverly Hills Brats (1989). 

Inexplicably, the whole thing is narrated by Sacchi's character. Thankfully, the score by Corneil Rivett is nicely synthy and the 'AIP film from 1989' vibe is reinforced, much to the audience's delight.


Amidst all the familial in-fighting and seemingly random blow-up footage, a new star has come out to shine. One of the police officers in the extended chase sequence is named Captain Bonk. That's right, Bonk. And he was played by a National Treasure named Zeph Hymel - if that's his real name. Shamefully, this is his one credited role. He gives an Academy Award-ready performance as Bonk. We wanted more Bonk. Sadly, we didn't get more Bonk. He should have teamed up with Don Niam and they could have chewed some scenery to shreds. That would have been amazing, but he does work with a fellow officer named McBean (the actor is uncredited). The fact that Bonk & McBean did not spin off into a TV show in 1989 is a crying shame. But, as always, we should be thankful for what we've got.


In the end, if you like car chases and blow-ups (and who doesn't?) but combined with the oddness of John Philip Law, Britt Ekland, and Robert Sacchi all together, combined with Bonk & McBean, and a peculiar and baffling overall tone, do check out Cold Heat. It may not be for everyone, but we suspect it may be for you.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Bloodfight (1989)

 

Bloodfight (1989)- * * *

Directed by: Shuki Goto

Starring: Bolo Yeung, Simon Yam, Meg Lam, and Yasuki Kurata

Kai Masahiro (Kurata) is a champion in the art of 'Free Fighting', which, as the name implies, is a fighting tournament where all styles may compete against each other. It could be Sumo versus Judo or Karate, or whatever. The top of the Free Fighting heap is an evil baddie named Chang Lee (Bolo). He has a snake tattooed on his face, so he's nicknamed "The Vietnamese Snake". Because it's getting later on in his life and fighting career, Kai decides to retire. 

But he also starts training young Ryu Tenmei (Yam) in his off hours. Ryu, his girlfriend, and the local population are constantly being menaced by the local punks, so that's why Ryu decides to learn from the best. After he enters the Free Fighting championship and tragedy strikes, Kai must come out of retirement to face the ultimate enemy - Chang Lee. Who will reign victorious in the ultimate BLOODFIGHT?

The first half of Bloodfight is a lot of upbeat, wacky fun. The characters in the Free Fighting world are a lot like E. Honda or Dhalsim, there are punks with great outfits and hair that are roaming the neighborhood stealing fruit, and the whole outing is a non-stop welter of thickly-accented broken English. (Thankfully, the MVD DVDs and Blu-rays have subtitles, which you will definitely need). One of the characters has quite the pair of jeans. The ending is a punch-and-kick fest that will definitely satisfy fans of Punchfighting. In between all that are some oddly dramatic moments. It's all a pleasant and entertaining mishmash that's easy to like.


Of course, even the font on the cover of the box for Bloodfight will remind you of Bloodsport (1988). It came out the previous year and has, let's just say, some similarities with Bloodfight. In Bloodsport, Bolo Yeung plays Chong Li. In Bloodfight he plays Chang Lee. Is there a difference? We may never know. Subtlety and nuance are clearly what Bloodfight is all about.



When you're not enjoying the lovably unintelligible dialogue, the score by Micky Oguchi will pick you up. Of course, the music is utilized during the many training sequences that happen before the final fight (incidentally, Final Fight is one of the film's alternate titles). One of the trainers/friends looks like an Asian James Lipton. You think at any moment he will pick up a blue index card and ask him about the art and craft of acting. The bulk of the acting in Bloodfight is pretty tremendous, so one day maybe we will know the secret behind it all.

Surely, in the golden year of 1989, people in video stores across the world rented Bloodfight because they mistakenly thought it was Bloodsport. That's where a lot of the joy comes in. Also, it should be noted that Lady Bloodfight (2016) is not a long-delayed sequel.


So, for the whackadoo first half alone, Bloodfight is worth seeing. Now that it's readily available on disc with Ironheart (1992) on a double feature DVD or Blu-ray, more people should get to see the un-repeatable vintage charm of Bloodfight.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Primary Target (1989)

 

Primary Target (1989)- * *

Directed by: Clark Henderson 

Starring: John Calvin, Joey Aresco, and John Ericson

When a CIA guy named Phil Karlson (Ericson) summons some Vietnam vets he used to know for a meeting at his home in Thailand, you know some sort of rescue mission will be forthcoming. That's exactly what happens, as we see when Karlson lays out his plan to the four men. The former soldiers are now mercenaries, led by Cromwell (Calvin). It appears that Karlson's wife has been kidnapped and spirited away to somewhere in the Golden Triangle, and it's up to Cromwell and his compatriots to rescue her. If they do that, they'll be richly rewarded, but it won't be easy, as their enemies in the jungle will be shooting at them the whole time. Will our heroes complete their mission - or will there be one final twist before we find out who is the true PRIMARY TARGET of the operation?


John Calvin was born in 1509 in Noyon, France. With his major work, 1536's Institutio Christianae Religionis, he became one of the leaders of the Protestant reformation of the era. By the time of his death in 1564, Calvinism was known worldwide and his status as an influential theologian was assured. At the beginning of his career, he...wait...what's that? Hold on, I'm getting a late-breaking news report. Well, it turns out that the John Calvin described above is not the John Calvin that stars in Primary Target. Hm. Color me surprised.


Nevertheless, Primary Target is as generic as its box art. No wonder it failed to find an audience during the video store heyday. It's yet another in a seemingly-unending stream of jungle-set exploding hutters, and it does absolutely nothing to distinguish itself from its many, many competitors.


That's a real shame, because all the ingredients are there for an entertaining romp: it opens with a bang (literally), machine guns are shot, guard towers and huts blow up, there's a barfight, there's a couple of car chases in silly fast motion, and at least one person screams while shooting a machine gun. But with a lack of character development, plotting, or anything even remotely resembling emotion or originality, Primary Target flounders.


Adding insult to injury is the age-old problem of not having a strong, central villain for our heroes to fight. Much like a James Bond movie, outings like this are only as good as their villain. Sure, we've got John Calvin, and that's great and all, but we needed a serious foe for him to come up against. Any sort of edge at all that would have taken this out of jungle slog territory and put it on a more solid footing would have helped a lot as well.


One thing that should be pointed out, however, is how odd the music is here. I don't know if it's on purpose or by accident, but much of the music seems highly inappropriate. Jaunty, upbeat sax or jazzy blues for action scenes? A sort of lite-rock for the supposedly dramatic ones? It feels completely mismatched, almost like the music tracks and the footage got mixed up somehow. It also doesn't help matters that the MGM/UA VHS tape (at least the one we watched) has very poor sound quality. So that made an already bland movie even harder to sit through.


It seems that the fourth time was the charm for director Clark Henderson, because after his debut, Warlords From Hell (1987), then Saigon Commandos (1988), then Primary Target in '89, he finally hit paydirt with the highly entertaining and enjoyable Circle of Fear (1992). Perhaps by that time he had perfected the formula, which is a shame as it's his last movie as director. He later went on to other roles in the film industry.


So, if you see only one Clark Henderson movie, see Circle of Fear. Primary Target, even with the presence of John Calvin and Philippines-film regulars such as Henry Strzalkowski and Joonee Gamboa, doesn't set itself apart in any way.




Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Heroes Stand Alone (1989)

 

Heroes Stand Alone (1989)- * *

Directed by: Mark Griffiths 

Starring: Chad Everett, Bradford Dillman and Rick Dean

Everyone seems pretty happy that all the violence that has plagued the Central American country of San Pedro has finally ceased. Whatever war that they were formally involved in has officially ended. Tensions arise when a mysterious plane crashes in San Pedro. Zack Duncan (Everett) leads a team of commandos in a search for the plane's black box. 

Whatever was recorded on the box must be awfully important, because a joint team of evil Russkies and Cubans are also after the box. Then, as you might imagine, shootings and blow-ups ensue. But when Walt Simmons (Dillman) eventually spills the beans on what's really going on, Zack has to search his soul to find out the true meaning of "shootings and blow-ups". Who will be on the receiving end of this Zack Attack? Well, as you may have heard, HEROES STAND ALONE.


Yet another in a seemingly-endless stream of jungle slogs, Heroes Stand Alone fails to distinguish itself from its vast array of competitors. While Rick Dean and Bradford Dillman are the strong points in an otherwise completely mediocre and average affair, even their combined talents can't really turn 'Heroes into something that rises above the fray.


In the great video store year of 1989, we as consumers were really spoiled for choice. So Roger Corman must have figured he could pump out some more of the same-old-same-old and at least it would be an option for video store patrons who were perusing the shelves. Heroes Stand Alone is all but forgotten today, however.


Maybe David Carradine was unavailable, as he was probably elsewhere in the jungle making his own slogs, so they filled his shoes with Chad Everett. Helpfully, the back of the VHS box informs us that Everett is, and we quote, a "popular film and television actor". I guess back in the days before Imdb, you had to say something like that so people wouldn't think they'd be wasting their time watching a movie with an unpopular film and television actor.


In any case, Everett sports a rather unflattering Moe Howard hairstyle and doesn't have a ton of charisma, which is needed if you're starring in an action film. Rick Dean has a lot more going on than Everett does. 

As is the case in way too many movies of this sort, it needed a better villain and more baddies for our heroes to shoot. It also needed more Bradford Dillman. His speech at the end was great and we needed more scenes like that. Also we could have used more scenes such as the one where a real-life Mario gets shot. This guy resembles Mario way more than Bob Hoskins ever did. Yet another wasted opportunity.


While there is an exploding helicopter, and most of the military jargon revolves around SAMs, it's all very standard, unexciting fare. When the Corman factory was deciding who they should get to direct this particular jungle outing, they naturally picked Mark Griffiths, whose previous two films were Hardbodies (1984) and Hardbodies 2 (1986). He brings a bit of that juvenile humor to the film, but he doesn't seem to understand action all that well.


In the end, Heroes Stand Alone is forgettable and the peacenik ending is about as lame as it gets. We'd love to love the film, as some of the ingredients are there, but, sadly, it seems like it's going to be standing alone on the dusty old shelves of the past.



Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Crime Of Crimes (1989)

Crime Of Crimes (1989)- * * *

Directed by: Alfredo Zacarias

Starring: David Carradine, Aldo Ray, Richard Yniguez, Miguel Rodriguez, Jimmy Williams, and Jeff Celentano 

Something sinister is happening on the streets of L.A. A kidnapper of children, using an ice cream truck for cover, is on the loose. A man by the name of Johnson (Ray) is the driver of said truck, but he's not a molester as you might think. He's shipping them off to someone credited as The 'Mad' Doctor (Williams) so their organs can be sold on the black market. Unfortunately for a good-natured dad named Paco Mendoza (Yniguez), two cops named Young (Celentano) and Silva (Rodriguez) think he's the culprit. Captain Frank McEntire (Carradine) doesn't know what to believe.

When Paco's daughter is abducted while he's being held in jail, the officers reluctantly have to admit he's not their guy. But now it's a race against time to find the organ harvesters and stop them before Paco's daughter is the next victim. Can anyone put an end to the CRIME OF CRIMES?

Just to avoid any confusion, Jesus Christ is the King of Kings. An obese, sweating Aldo Ray luring children into his ice cream truck so he can sell their organs is the Crime of Crimes. Now that that's cleared up, we can move on.

You might be wondering why we're taking such a lighthearted tone with such supposedly dark subject matter. That's because Crime of Crimes is such a goofball movie - as you might expect from director Alfredo Zacarias, the man behind the wonderfully whackadoo classic Demonoid (1981). COC (that's Crime of Crimes, not Corrosion of Conformity, as I'm sure the two get mixed up all the time), despite its presumably serious (?) intentions, comes off like one of those "disconnected from reality" movies, the closest comparison here being the canon of Amir Shervan. Besides, it's hard to see the seriousness of abducted children when a container of pee is being thrown in an old man's face. Yes, that happens. And it's not in a romp like Screwball's Vacation (1984). It's right here in Crime of Crimes!

Organ-harvesting movies have a rich tradition going back many years. B.O.R.N. (1989), The Harvest (1992), Pound of Flesh (2015), the list goes on and on. But Crime of Crimes has something all its competitors don't: a cast made of 80 percent English-As-A-Second-Language speakers. It's almost like Zacarias went out of his way to go to an ESL night class to cast his movie. Of course, the first credit you see on screen when you start the tape is "A David Carradine Production" - always words you want to see - so maybe he's behind that decision. Carradine chomps a cigar so enthusiastically, you can't tell a word he's saying either. 

Consequently, this might be the most unintelligible movie we've seen in years. Needless to say, that's a compliment, as it only adds to the ridiculous nature of everything we're seeing here, including the faces people make, their reactions, line readings, etc. It's all gold. Especially the enjoyably silly plot contrivances you just have to see to truly appreciate.


Jeff Celentano (credited here as Jeff Weston), was in Code Name Zebra (1987) and The Revenger (1990), among other action movies, before this one. He helps a lot to keep the movie afloat, and his partner Silva, as played by Miguel Angel Rodriguez, can't speak English too well, but that's ignored by everyone. It didn't stop Rodriguez from having a huge career in Mexico, however. Aldo Ray and Carradine are the names here (although Yniguez was on seemingly every TV show in the 70's and 80's) and it's all a bunch of fun, "what were they thinking?" sort of entertainment.


Released in the golden year of 1989, the VHS tape of Crime of Crimes appears to be quite rare. Released on VCI Home Video, as if this whole outing wasn't nutty enough, after the credits there is a PSA done by an organization from Carrollton, Texas that is trying to save the children. They seem very well-meaning. They didn't seem to realize that putting their PSA after a nutty movie like Crime of Crimes might not be the best way to achieve their goals. But, hey, you gotta start somewhere.

Crime of Crimes is a solid case of "only in the 80's, only in video stores could this have happened". Do check it out. For the CHILDREN!

Comeuppance Review by: Brett  and Ty

Dead-Bang (1989)

 

Dead-Bang (1989)- * *1\2

Directed by: John Frankenheimer

Starring: Don Johnson, Penelope Ann Miller, William Forsythe, Mickey Jones, Tim Reid, Bob Balaban, and Frank Military 

Jerry Beck (Johnson) is a COTE (Cop On The Edge) in L.A. He's having a bad day. His ex-wife slapped him with a restraining order against his kids, his granny glasses broke so he has to tape them together, and an evil baddie named Robert "Bobby" Burns (Military) killed a cop and is now on the run. Beck follows his trail to Oklahoma City, and then to Boulder, Colorado. All the while, a straitlaced FBI agent named Arthur Kressler (Forsythe) is on the hunt as well. He doesn't approve of Beck's rogue ways. Beck and Kressler uncover a white supremacist plot as they track Burns and try to bring him to justice. Will Jerry Beck finally get his man? Will all the shooting end with a DEAD BANG?

Dead Bang is a cop drama with some action moments in a typical Hollywood style. Legendary director John Frankenheimer gives it that professional sheen, along with a standard mainstream running time of 100 minutes. In the great year of 1989, many people were vying to be the latest, hottest action star, and Don Johnson was no different. He did a lot of action on Miami Vice, so naturally he probably figured he could translate that to the big screen, because it seemed like everyone else was trying their hand at it at the time.

'Vice's final season was in '89, and Johnson filmed Dead Bang during the 1988 writers strike. It seemed his future as an action star was assured. He could finally join the ranks of Stallone, Schwarzenegger, Van Damme, Seagal, Jeff Speakman, Edward Albert, Richard Norton, and Jay Roberts, Jr. Dead Bang is as good a showcase for his skills as any, but it seems he never officially became a tried-and-true, through-and-through action star. But that's not the fault of Johnson, Frankenheimer, or Dead Bang. 

If it was shorter and Johnson had beat up or shot more people, that would have improved things. Dead Bang as it stands is not in any way bad, but things could have been tightened up a bit. A strength the film has is its supporting cast. Bob Balaban as a nerdy parole officer, Tim Reid as the Colorado Chief, Mickey Jones as one of the baddies, the Michael Pare-lookalike Frank Military as Bobby Burns (not to be confused with Seagal's Professor Robert Burns), the aforementioned fan favorite Forsythe as the FBI agent, among others.

There was a sort of wasted opportunity with Linda, Penelope Ann Miller's character. She didn't get to do very much and was seemingly here and gone in a flash. It would have been nice to see the relationship between her and Beck develop, and apparently there is more Linda footage on the cutting room floor. Maybe one day we'll get an extended Dead Bang director's cut. Until then, all these supporting characters, and others besides, kind of come and go in a rather picaresque manner.

It all comes to a head with an engaging climax in a tunnel. There's a shootout with the baddies in the time-honored manner. This was one of the movie highlights. Dead Bang is shot very well and the acting is above average. Of note is that Jerry Beck is a real life LAPD Detective and he appeared on the show COPS. His name appears in the credits of Dead Bang several times. We don't know what he thinks of the movie, but he probably approves, because who wouldn't want to be portrayed by Don Johnson? 

In the end, Dead Bang is Hollywood action-drama that is executed well, and it's good. Not great, not awful, just good. There's nothing wrong with it, it's competent, but it doesn't rise to the level of awesome like it should have. John Frankenheimer would go on to make a better all-out action film with Ronin (1998). If you've seen that, then feel free to check out Dead Bang, as it does have a certain 1989 charm to it. But it's missing that one little extra ingredient to put it over the top.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Trigon Fire (1989)

Trigon Fire (1989)- * *1\2

Directed by: Teddy Page

Starring: Sam Jones, Eddie Jadali, David Light, Anthony East, Jerry Beyer, Mike Monty, and Blueberry as Sandra










The Trigon is a superweapon developed by several world powers and it has the capability of massive destruction. It's in three (hence the "tri") parts, and all three parts are needed for it to work, so everyone is after those parts, which are collectively called The Trigon Factor. After Abdul Hassik (Eddie Jadali) of the Palestinian Liberation Front steals part of the Trigon, he then sells it to international terrorist Cyrian McCoy (East).

CIA operative William Shield (Light) is tasked with taking down McCoy and his goons. Unfortunately, an American doctor, James Ford (Jones), is swept up in all this intrigue thanks to a classic case of mistaken identity. As are his wife and daughter. Teaming up with a man named Manuel (Beyer), the two men fight the baddies the best they can, but it's not going to be easy with something as big as the Trigon at stake. What will happen to Dr. James Ford?

You know that any movie featuring the credit "And Introducing Blueberry as Sandra Powers" is going to be one that's sure to pique the public's curiosity. However, Trigon Fire is more in the mid-range of Teddy Page's directorial output. It's certainly not bad, but it doesn't reach the heights of a Phantom Soldiers (1989). To be fair, what can? There seems to be more of an emphasis on intrigue this time around. The exploding huts take a secondary role to that. Maybe this is Mr. Page's more "mature" work. 

If you watch a lot of these Philippines-set actioners, you'll recognize plenty of the hallmarks of the genre: machine-gun shooting, green backdrops, loud, screaming dialogue, and the presence of such people as Mike Monty. While Monty is your classic evil general, giving the outing an "El Presidente"-type vibe, we see that Manuel is more than just your average cabbie.

David Light has an impressive resume that consists of almost exclusively appearing in Philippine action. He looks like the guy from Sparks, so of course he was cast in the action hero role. A movie highlight appears when he comes to face off against the baddies on his motorcycle. He's wearing a leather outfit with huge aviator sunglasses and the shot is from below, so he looks extra-heroic.


While we've seen plenty of guard-tower falls in our time, we have yet to see someone tumble slowly down the steps of said guard tower. Well, until now, of course. It's less of a violent spectacle, more of a slow-motion "oops!"

Fan favorite Sam Jones seems to be hilariously miscast as a confused doctor. That's one of the things that makes the film so fun overall. Sure, he gets in on the action, but it appears a decision was made to make David Light the main action hero. Maybe Jones was put here just so they could market the film as Under the Gun 2. Of course it has nothing to do with the original...was the first Under the Gun such a huge hit in The Philippines that that title was warranted? It appears the answer was yes.

If you watch the end credits, you might be surprised to find that these people were involved: Kurt Russell, Spike Lee, Wallace Shawn, John Hurt, Christopher Hitchens, Harvey Fierstein, and Don King, as well as theater luminaries Neil Simon, Sam Shepard, Joe Orton, Peter Shaffer, Arthur Miller, and, most hilariously of all, Stephen Sondheim!

It was very generous of these people to lend their time to Teddy Page. Clearly they recognized the artistic merit of Trigon Fire. I've heard of "off Broadway" but this is ridiculous! I heard yet another alternate title for the film was going to be "Trigon Fierstein".

There's always something wacky going on in the exploding-hut genre and this just proves why they're continually worth seeking out.

While it wasn't released in the U.S. or U.K., Trigon Fire may be worth seeking out for completists of this sort of thing. It doesn't rank towards the top of the heap, but certainly a viewing on YouTube will provide 85 minutes of entertainment.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Burning Vengeance (1989)

 Burning Vengeance (1989)- * * *1\2

Directed by: Ronald C. Ross

Starring: Robert Pentz

"I'm from the department of life, and I'm revoking your permit." - Brock Genesis

After some evil drug lords kill his two brothers, daughter, and wife - and put him in the hospital for months - a DEA agent that used to be a guy named Dave Swift (Pentz) re-emerges as the mighty Brock Genesis! Now a man with a new face, a new name, and a new tanktop is rampaging through the streets of Port Davis, Texas beating up and/or killing baddies left and right. The police don't understand him, the bad guys want to kill him, and it seems like just about everyone is against him. But no force on earth can stop the BURNING VENGEANCE of Brock Genesis!




It's finally here! We finally got to see our number-one most sought-after movie, and, thankfully, it delivers the goods. How could it not, with Robert Pentz as Brock Genesis in the lead? Pentz looks like a mélange of John Cena, Joe Piscopo, Brian Kilmeade, and Arnold Schwarzenegger's son. Apparently he had worked as a stand-in for Arnie in the past, and he even does an impression of him at one point in the film. He's the ultimate hero and you root for him all the way.




Burning Vengeance is a gem of regional cinema, full stop. It's filled with semi-pro and non-actors reciting strangely stilted dialogue. It's amazing. The film as a whole is never less than totally entertaining - just the fact that other characters can call him "Mr. Genesis" with a completely straight face is fantastic. It's clear that everyone involved was trying, and that makes all the difference. Director Ronald C. Ross has an extensive background in stunts and it shows.




Just one movie highlight (there are many) is when Brock Genesis goes to the Sweet Dreams ice cream shop and then uses his shake as a weapon. As we see in the climax of the film, in Brock's hands, anything can be a weapon. Going back to the very beginning, you know this is gonna be good because the words "Burning Vengeance" are in quotes during the opening titles. The end credits feature character names in quotes. You have to ask: was any of this really real? Or was it all some strange, lovely dream?




You'll have a goofy smile on your face as you gaze in wonder at Burning Vengeance. We complain that most movies are too long. With this, we didn't want it to end! Another great moment (we could list these all day) arrives when Brock goes to the electronics store to buy a police scanner, and the clerk there quite openly finds him irresistible. Which is understandable, of course.




It's all backed by a mostly bluesy soundtrack, and it came out in the golden video store year of 1989. Video store patrons had a lot of choices in '89, a high-water mark for the video era. Burning Vengeance was there with all the rest, but seemingly the tape by AIP was not made in large quantities. Hence, it has become a VHS rarity these days. More people should have seen Burning Vengeance then, and certainly more people should see it now.




Upon further research, we found that Robert Pentz was not Vice President under Donald Trump. But he should have been. Thank goodness for movies like Burning Vengeance.

Thanks so much Daves_VHS (Instagram Handle) for the Copy!

Last Of The Warriors (1989)

 Last Of The Warriors (1989)- * *1\2

Directed by: Lloyd A. Simandl and Michael Mazo 

Starring: William Smith, Nancy Pataki, Ken Farmer, Joe Maffei, and Melanie Kilgour

In the year 2050, there are few survivors of a worldwide plague. A man named Lucas (Smith) has declared himself “The Grand Shepherd”. We know he’s The Grand Shepherd because he wears a brown smock and has an amulet around his neck. There’s an evil warlord-ess named Baalca (Pataki), not to be confused with Balki, and there are many warriors fighting for control of New Idaho. Lucas’s father is a lot like The Emperor from the Star Wars movies, and there’s a talking computer named Dolores. Finally, there’s a guy named Chuck (Farmer) who has teamed up with a guy named Iodine (Maffei) to save the day. From what, we’re still not sure. Who will be the LAST OF THE WARRIORS?

For Last of the Warriors (AKA Empire of Ash III), we return to the Canadian forests for one more post-apocalyptic romp. Don’t forget that there is no Empire of Ash II. We explained the confusing nature of that in our Maniac Warriors review, or at least we tried to. 

The two films seemingly were shot back-to-back and they feature many of the same elements. These include people in ragged clothing riding their “futuristic” vehicles down the street as heavy metal pounds on the soundtrack, many scenes of very silly machine gun shooting, and a rocket launcher hat. We would say that the infamous headwear from the first film is back, but we actually believe it’s a different rocket hat. That’s right, at some time in 1988-89, there were two rocket hats. God help us all.

Clearly the star of the show is Dolores the computer. “She” steals every scene she’s in. Her exuberance and delight in her ability to remotely fly a helicopter is evident. We haven’t seen anything like her since Willard in R.O.T.O.R. (1987) or Gertrude from The Protector (1999). She even manages to upstage the great William Smith. As great as both Smith and Dolores are, it seems that Last of the Warriors would have benefited from another name in the cast. Perhaps a Dale Midkiff, or maybe a George Kennedy would have fit the bill nicely.

An odd casting choice came in the form of Ken Farmer as Chuck. Why in the world would they get a guy who looks exactly like William Smith, right down to the mustache, to play opposite William Smith? We haven’t been so unsure of who we were looking at since Harris Yulin and Art Garfunkel starred together in Short Fuse (1986), or perhaps when Frank Zagarino and David “Shark” Fralick faced off in Project Eliminator (1991). We were truly seeing double.

While there are plenty of funny scenes, and some impressive stuntwork, there are significant pacing issues. It’s an improvement over the first installment in the series, but it can’t crack the 2 ½ stars barrier, unfortunately. But it’s a stronger 2 ½ stars than the first movie.

The heavy metal soundtrack was provided by a group called The Gore Avenue Music Project, and their music helps a lot in keeping the energy up when it starts to flag, which is frequently. But then the music will blast again and/or something silly will happen. So it’s hard to really hate what you’re watching.

That being said, when it comes to the filmmaking partnership of Michael Mazo and Lloyd Simandl (yes, this oddball movie had two directors. Of course it did), it’s really hard to beat Crackerjack II (1997). But that would be true for any movie, really. For those familiar with the directorial style of Simandl, Last of the Warriors features plenty of “Simandl Moments” that may ring a bell.

AIP really seemed to love these homemade, low-budget action offerings, so naturally they released both Empire of Ash movies on VHS. If you see them anywhere for a good price, snap them up. They may not wow you by being the best things you’ve ever seen, but there are only so many of these tapes in the world and they’re not making any more of them.

For a side of the DTV world that is lesser-seen, Last of the Warriors is certainly worth a look.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Homeboyz II: Crack City (1989)

 

Homeboyz II: Crack City (1989)- * * *

Directed by: Daniel Matmor

Starring: Brian Paul Stewart, Yvonne Kersey, Dan Charlton, McKinley Winston, and Delia Sheppard

David (Stewart) is a young man from New York City, Harlem specifically. He's an amateur photographer, and after his mother dies, he ends up living in an apartment with Orah (Kersey), a talented singer. David's friend Manny James is an intellectual who is in the process of battling the housing commissioner. Once again, evil landlords are forcing people out of their homes. The main baddie is Frank Genoa (Dan Charlton), and things get personal when he attempts to kick Orah out of the apartment she's had for 18 years. David decides to join the fight against the slumlords with Manny, and David brings his mohawked cousin Spider (McKinley Winston) into the fray.


The only problem is that David sells cocaine for local drug lord Enrico (Blas Hernandez). David justifies this by saying, "I sell coke, not crack!" But, as it turns out, Enrico is also an enforcer for Genoa. Things come to an ugly head when David and Spider track a Genoa employee named Spencer McKnight to the seedier areas of New York City, and see Zipperfaces (no wonder AIP liked this movie so much) and at least one dominatrix (Sheppard). What any of that has to do with the housing crisis is anybody's guess, but that's all part of the mean streets of HOMEBOYZ II: CRACK CITY.


Homeboyz II: Crack City is like a cross between Straight Out of Brooklyn (1991) and Death Promise (1977). It has the New York City grit and low budget, ambitious young-guy-fresh-out-of-film-school vibe of the former, and the evil landlords and ridiculous moments of the latter.


It's not an action movie, although a small handful of fights break out. It's more of a street-level drama. Why AIP - Action International Pictures - was interested in this, we're not really sure, but in its feel it's not entirely dissimilar to their Street Hitz (1992). Perhaps in the rush to put things on video store shelves in 1989, AIP picked up whatever they could find. Needless to say at this point, the cover of the VHS box has nothing to do with the movie itself.


There are plenty of unexpected moments throughout the film, most of which revolve around music. Characters may start beat-boxing or strumming Spanish guitars at a moment's notice. Of course, there's plenty of sax on the soundtrack as well. There are some nice editing touches that help keep the viewers' interest. Spider looks like a cross between Billy Blanks and Kadeem Hardison. Orah, a gospel singer, has a shotgun named Henrietta. There are other off-kilter details like that that set the movie apart.


A lot of the people in front of and behind the camera may have been amateurs or novices, but they put forth an earnest attempt to make a good movie with a message. That's more than you can say about a lot of movies of this ilk. In other words, this isn't your typical "homie movie". It also predated the homie movie craze of the 90's, even predating the aforementioned Straight Out of Brooklyn.


Homeboyz II: Crack City is very much redolent of the time period it was made in, and works well as a time capsule drama. However, to be fair, it's far from flawless: there are issues in the plotting, pacing, and writing departments, not to mention some of the technical aspects. But we give the filmmakers a lot of credit for putting forth the effort and energy to get it made and get it out there. It's still very much worth watching if you like this sort of thing. 

Apparently, AIP didn't give the VHS much of a push into stores, as the tape today remains among their rarest. Consequently, it languished in obscurity for the past thirty years or so. As of this writing, it can be found on YouTube so you can check it out there.


Featuring the end credits song "All the Way" by Little Joe Cook and the Heavy Metal Horns, Homeboyz II: Crack City is better than you might think it is. It's a drama that got lost in the video store shuffle of the time. We think it's worth a look again these days.




Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Enemy Unseen (1989)

 

Enemy Unseen (1989)- * *

Directed by: Elmo De Witt

Starring: Vernon G. Wells, Ken Gampu, Angela O'Neill, Jeff Weston, Michael McCabe, Greg Latter, and Stack Pierce 

"A crocodile is like an elephant. It doesn't forget." – Malanga





When Roxanne Tangent (O'Neill) and Mel Noble (Weston) go to Africa, they think they'll just be camping and partying down. What really happens is Jeff is killed by a tribe that worships crocodiles and Roxanne is held prisoner, presumably to be sacrificed at the appropriate time to the crocodile gods. Her father, a businessman named Gordon Tangent (McCabe), organizes a party of experts to rescue her. Their leader is Steiger (Wells), and his team includes, but is not limited to, Josh (Pierce), Malanga (Gampu), and Pencil (Latter). Along with Gordon, the team of adventurers must traverse the treacherous waterways and jungles of Africa. Every now and again a native will shoot a blow dart at somebody or a crocodile will show up and perhaps chomp them. Will the team save Roxanne? Or will they fall prey to the ENEMY UNSEEN?


According to the Video Hound Movie Guide, "A bickering squad of mercenaries slog through the African jungle to find a girl abducted by crocodile-worshipping natives. Dull Jungle Jim-style adventure notable for the hilariously phony crocs that occasionally clamp onto the characters." Notice the operative word? That would be slog - and they were so close to inventing the phrase that we coined: Jungle Slog.

Enemy Unseen is yet another South African snoozefest along the lines of Vengeance Cops (1971) and Cobra Force (1988). The standard for entertainment in that country must be much lower than in other places.

The movie started out promisingly enough, with a cameo from Jeff Weston of Crime of Crimes (1989) fame, but then they killed him off. At the other end of the spectrum, the end credits song, a catchy AOR gem which we think might be called "Need Somebody", receives no credit, so we don't know who performs the song. Another disappointment. In between those bookends, the best parts of the movie are the croc killings.

While we give Enemy Unseen credit for the fact that the 'enemies' are supposed to be actual crocs and not animated CGI cartoons like on the SyFy channel, there needed to be more croc action. Or any action, really. Even a Predator-inspired "shooting at the forest" scene is way too short.


It was nice to see fan favorite Vernon G. Wells as the good guy for once, so that was a change of pace. Of course, when Tangent first approaches him for the mission, he declines. No one ever just accepts on the first offer. Stack Pierce stands out as well, with his Rambo-esque red headband. There are some decent musical themes on the soundtrack. We're trying to look for the positives here, but it's undeniable that the film drags and is a tried-and-true Africa slog/jungle slog.

While the native with the crocodile headgear was noteworthy, what the movie could have used was a strong, evil bad guy, like a diabolical local king who tells his charges, "no more mistakes!" and sets out to kill our heroes. As it stands, despite its technical competency and a few standout blips, Enemy Unseen is missing a lot that would make it fully entertaining for the viewer.

Over the years, the AIP Home Video VHS has become quite rare, but whatever you do, don't pay high prices for it. It may have a cool cover, but it's not worth it. Don't be fooled. On the other hand, it's not every day you see an end credit like this: "Crocodiles supplied by Kroon Krok (Pty) Ltd." So now we know who to thank for providing the crocodiles. Presumably they supply them for weddings, Bar Mitzvahs, and other occasions. They were the best part of the movie, after all.


In the end, perhaps this movie should remain "Unseen". Eh, we're just joshin' ya, Enemy Unseen. But really it's not that good. For an AIP pickup with Stack and Vernon, we thought it would be better.




Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Dirty Games (1989)

 

Dirty Games (1989)- * *

Directed by: Gray Hofmeyr

Starring: Jan-Michael Vincent, Valentina Vargas and Michael McGovern

Johannes Kepler was an astronomer and mathematician that lived from 1571 to 1630, and was considered a scientific pioneer and genius in his fields of expertise. Kepler West (JMV) isn't quite on that level, but he's close. When Kepler West reconnects with old flame Dr. Nicola Kendra (Vargas) in Africa when they're both invited to check out a new nuclear storage facility, danger follows. Kendra wants revenge on the men who murdered her father, namely an assassin named Von Kleff (McGovern). When it's uncovered that baddies want to blow up the newly-minted facility, Kendra and Kepler snap into action. Well, action may be a bit too strong of a word, but they sure do...something in a race against time before the big blow-up. Can they save the day in an above-board way, or will they have to resort to DIRTY GAMES?

Dirty Games is a pick-up from AIP and not one of their in-house productions. Perhaps when they released films made by others for American distribution, they looked for more serious-minded titles to balance out their homegrown, silly ones. Much like they did for The Second Victory (1987). We're not sure if this is going to make any sense, but imagine a cross between The Killing Machine (AKA Goma-2) (1984) and No Time To Die (1984). In other words, Dirty Games is better than High Explosive (2001) but not quite as good as Danger Zone (1996). Hopefully that wasn't overly confusing, but the best way to describe Dirty Games is by comparison.

Like a lot of other South African movies we've seen, the pace is slow and the tone is bland overall. It's not bad, but it's sort of mediocre. It plays out a lot like a 97-minute episode of Airwolf. There are helicopters in the film and Jan-Michael Vincent has a very similar sunglasses-and-bomber-jacket ensemble to the one he had in that classic show. Except here there's no Dominic Santini to leaven things out with his fatherly good humor. Interestingly, Vincent does not appear at all drunk throughout most of the film's running time, except when he wears shorts. These Party Shorts or "Drunk Shorts" must have been his gateway to a good time had in Africa. Otherwise he seems commendably sober, in keeping with the film's tone.

Keep in mind that the theme of Dirty Games is not nuclear war, but nuclear storage. Perhaps this was the original "Storage War". One of the baddies looks a lot like George Peppard (at least he has similar hair) which reinforces the TV vibe. Overall, though, there should have been more action and JMV should have shot and/or beat up many, many more people. You have to wait a long time for anything in that vein to happen. Yes, he's supposed to be a scientist, but Scott Barnes was a social worker and that didn't stop him from becoming an action hero.

While there are a small handful of cool and/or okay moments, Dirty Games struggles and strains to maintain the viewers' attention. It's not what we'd call a must-watch. It's probably for Jan-Michael or AIP completists only.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Dark Day Express (1989)

Dark Day Express (1989)- * * *

AKA: Mission Hunter 

Directed by: Lewis Peacock

Starring: Christoph Kluppel






A group of adventurers is formed in true “Assemble a Team” fashion: Dr. Raymond is a man who looks like a cross between Sammo Hung and James Earl Jones, and he gets the ball rolling. They find a tough American guy named Tony (Kluppel), a mulleted Punchfighter named Samuel, a wacky girl-guide named Pam, a jean jacket-wearing ruffian named Patrick, and a worldly-wise woman named Pauline, and they all trek out into the Thai jungle to recover a lost relic. 

They’re promised two million dollars each if they can find it, but it’s not going to be easy. Not only do they have to deal with the pitfalls of the jungle and interpersonal differences, it seems everyone in Thailand with a machine gun is after them as well. Will it be a DARK DAY for our expedition, or will our MISSION HUNTERs find their…mission? Find out if you dare!



Dark Day Express is an enjoyable jungle-blow-em-up-guard-tower-fall-exploding-hut-machine-gun shooter…with a difference! With confidence I can compare it to the classic slasher Final Exam (1981), because in that film, for the most part, for the first hour we get to know the characters, and in the last section, the slashing starts. 

While Dark Day Express will never be remembered for its character development, what it does well is keeping its powder dry until the showstopping final third. We then see a half-hour-long climax of blow-ups, Martial Arts, shooting, and motorbike stunts. If you’re not really feeling it for the first hour, hold on. We’re about to reach Commander (1988)-level awesomeness.

There’s the classic dubbing we all love and enjoy, and the whole outing has that “third-world charm” we often speak of. It was clearly designed to please the Asian audiences of the day (there doesn’t seem to have been much of a push for more viewership outside of that part of the world), and presumably that includes some of our hated bathroom humor. That aside, characters yell while they shoot machine guns, and, especially in the last section, the action quotient is fairly well off the charts.

Usually in the big finale, there’s either a Martial Arts battle or a series of shootouts or some blow-ups. Here, quite unusually, we get all three at once! We cut back from one to the other to the other. It deserves credit for that alone. Further enhancing the “it’s foreign to us!” vibe is the music by Thoodore Green. No, that’s not a typo. At least not by us. There’s a guy credited as Thoodore who made the music, which was great, by the way, including a copyright infringement-defying crib of John Carpenter’s Halloween theme at one point.

What’s more, other names in the credits include director Lewis Peacock – if that is his real name – and other people with the last names of Plum and Mustard. Did they just open a box of Clue to get their anglicized names? And do they think those are normal, common names for Americans or Brits to have? 

Nevertheless, it’s a shame this is the only credited effort for director Peacock. He could have, and should have, gone on to do more. If he can show his ability to blow up a hut or two with his debut, imagine what could have come later? But we’re lucky we got what we got.

Dark Day Express is a blow-em-up gem that will surely please fans of that subgenre of action known as the jungle-based Exploding-Hutter (such as ourselves, and probably you). The golden year of 1989 has given us yet another winner, and the film deserves to be more widely seen and appreciated.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

American Rampage (1989)

American Rampage (1989)- * * *1\2

Directed by: David DeCoteau

Starring: Kary Jane, Thomas Elliott, B.J. Gates, Otis T. Longhorn, John T. Bone, Troy Donahue, Jasae and Linnea Quigley

Samantha Rork (Jane) is an L.A. vice cop who shoots first and asks questions later. She's teamed up with many different partners, among whom are Ryan Hayes (Elliott) and a certain man named Bart (Gates), but the important thing to know is that she really wants to bring down the drug pushers, pornographers, and other criminal lowlife scum of the city. Because this takes a toll on her mental state, she has therapy sessions with Police Psychiatrist (Donahue). He's so integral to her life, he doesn't have a name. Eventually she finds her way to the mansion of the main drug kingpin and yet another shootout ensues. Is Sam Rork going on a classic AMERICAN RAMPAGE?



We really loved American Rampage. It's completely fun from start to finish, in a Samurai Cop (1991), Death Flash (1986), or Savage Harbor (1987) kind of way. It's silly, it's utterly ridiculous, and it's totally 80's. In other words...awesome. The soundtrack is washed in synthesizers, and there's a scene at a mall (apparently the South Bay Mall somewhere in Southern California) where the synths blast, and director DeCoteau has a brief cameo. Hayes, one of Sam's many partners on the police force, is perhaps the only cop in recent memory to wear a stonewashed jacket with the collar up. Most of the male characters in the film have some form of mullet, making the Mullet Per Minute (or MPM) quotient higher here than in any other movie in memory.

Porn purveyor John T. Bone plays - you guessed it - a pornographer. His name in the film is Mike Raisin. Many other characters have silly names like that. All of the characters and their motivations are spelled out during a lengthy slide show sequence towards the beginning of the film. It's a cheat sheet of sorts for the goings-on of American Rampage. Fan favorite Linnea Quigley plays a drug courier who takes a shower and then dies. There is a ton of hilariously gratuitous nudity, including from fellow fan favorite Michelle Bauer, and a woman named Jasae, who appeared in Road House (1989). 

It all starts out with the time-honored convenience store shootout, where many bottles of New York Seltzer meet their demise. And not just New York Seltzer, but also Zeltzer Seltzer. Lots of carbonated water goes flat in this sequence. This sets the tone for all the fun to be had throughout the rest of the film. Of course, there is a classic WYC (White Yelling Chief) that Sam and her partners have to contend with. It's a shame that Kary Jane (credited as only Kary J. on the film, and many of the other actors only did initials or pseudonyms as well) did only this movie. She could have been a rival to Brigitte Nielsen at the time.



While American Rampage received a U.S. DVD release back in 1998 on the low-budget Simitar label, thankfully, Massacre Video has now rescued the film and released it on Blu-ray. Not only did they pair it with the Dan Haggerty film Danger USA (1989), but there is a commentary track by DeCoteau and producer Raj Mehrotra. Also included is a deleted scene that features Linnea Quigley that previously was only available on the French VHS release.



While you can't hear Mehrotra too well on the commentary track, DeCoteau does most of the talking anyway, and he repeatedly mentions PM and AIP productions as his contemporaries at the time. He also namechecks Amir Shervan and Hollywood Cop (1987). He even mentions that a stuntman who worked on American Rampage later died doing a stunt on a PM film, but he doesn't mention their name. There are numerous instances where DeCoteau and Mehrotra crack up laughing during the track. They do mention that the genesis for the film was that foreign markets want "American guns, American cars, American cops, and American girls". Hence, the name American Rampage.



That formula does makes sense, if you look at how many movies were released at the time with the word "American" in them, which we talked about on one of our podcasts. This even goes to low-budget foreign productions like American Hunter (1989). As long as people in other countries view America as the zany universe that American Rampage takes place in, I'm okay with that. I wish we lived in a world where Sam Rork always was there for us and always had our back.

For a thoroughly enjoyable and mirth-filled night of entertainment, it's hard to beat American Rampage. It has a rough-hewn homemade charm that’s easy to love. The Blu-ray is a standout, and keeping in mind that we have nothing to do with Massacre Video and they probably don't even know we exist, we absolutely recommend purchasing their American Rampage/Danger USA release. You won't regret it.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty 

East L.A. Warriors (1989)

East L.A. Warriors (1989)- * *1\2

Directed by: Addison Randall

Starring: Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs, Tony Bravo, Kamar De Los Reyes, and William Smith

The streets of east L.A. are plagued with gangs such as the Anglos, the Boppers, and Los Lobos (not to be confused with the band of the same name). It seems every night there is a report on either the TV news or the radio about the latest gangland slaying. One night at a birthday party in the park, there is yet another drive-by shooting. Amongst the victims of this particular drive-by is the pinata. Of course there was a pinata. And it was blown to kingdom come by one of the most evil and ruthless gangs around. But which one was it? Young Paulo (De Los Reyes) wants answers.

So, naturally, Paulo goes to local tough man Aurelio (Bravo). He asks Aurelio to turn him into a “warrior” and, of course, Aurelio refuses the first couple of times. However, before long, they’re training on the beach together – but Aurelio harbors a secret that just may shatter their friendship forever. Meanwhile, something called the “gang games” are being held at a secret warehouse location. 

Said games are basically Punchfighting matches that are held in a ring and fought between rival gangs. The big-cheese organizer of the gang games is Chesare (Hilton-Jacobs). While the cops just want to stop the violence, Chesare just wants to continue it on his own terms. And what does William Smith have to do with all this? Will the streets of east L.A. ever be safe again for either man or pinata?

It was 1989 and PM was on the upswing. While their best years were still ahead of them, East L.A. Warriors is an example of how they were diligently cranking out entertaining low-budget fare as they grasped to find their true purpose and calling. That would come later with gems such as Rage (1995), Riot (1997), Recoil (1998), and The Sweeper (1996), amongst others. But in the meantime, we get “The Karate Vato” as a certain type of kid is mentored by a guy who looks a lot like Tom Savini.

Many people wear doo-rags, hair nets, only button the first button on their shirts, and consistently call each other “ese”. If you watch this movie with the closed captioning on Amazon Prime, there are many times where the subtitles read “[inaudible]”. And nowhere is this more true than when William Smith speaks. It’s hard to understand him in English – and here he attempts Spanish! Also, by turns, other characters call him “Mr. Montana” or “Mr. Martelli”. Whatever his name may be, Smith only does an inconsequential role as a restaurant manager. We were happy to see him as always, but why not give him a better role?

Speaking of classic PM actors attempting to speak differently, we have Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs showing his range as Chesare, a guy with an accent (presumably Hispanic or Spanish-adjacent). What was good about Chesare’s gang games is that the filmmakers saved them for the very end of the film. That was smart because it avoids the boring repetition experienced in many tournament movies. In other fight news, there is a flashback where Aurelio and another man fight each other with hammers. This predates The Raid 2 (2014) by many years. As we always say, PM movies are always ahead of the curve.

It’s amazing to think director and co-writer Addison Randall made both this movie and the great Shotgun in the same year. It was 1989, after all, a boom time for DTV product. It’s perhaps even more amazing to know that Randall – for the first and only time in his career – also wrote and sang the end-credits song “Living to Die”! That’s right, Addison sings! Is there anything he can’t do? The PM movie Living To Die (1990) with Wings Hauser came the next year, and does not feature the song. We may never know why. 

While the action-packed, car-flippin’ days of classic PM were just a few scant years away, East L.A. Warriors represents a time after City Lights but before golden titles like Last Man Standing (1996). Is it a social-realist film about the harsh world of gang life? Is it a Punchfighter? Is it a Karate Kid knockoff? Can it be all three? Normally a jumble such as this could be a total mess, but in the world of 1989 PM it works well enough. And it’s better by far than Street Hitz (1992).

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett