Chain Of Command (1994)

Chain Of Command (1994)- * * *

Directed by: David Worth

Starring: Michael Dudikoff, Karen Tishman, Todd Curtis, and R. Lee Ermey













Merrill Ross (Dudikoff) is an ex-Green Beret who now works as a consultant for an oil refining company in the country of Qumir in the Middle East. When terrorists take over the facility, this starts a chain of events (or perhaps commands) that lead Ross through a complex series of double crosses and entanglements involving the CIA, the Qumir government, the terrorists, oil barons, and the militia groups fighting the terrorists.  Can he trust the mysterious Maya Robenowitz (Tishman)? See if Ross can negotiate his way through this quagmire tonight!

Dudikoff is at his most personable and happy-go-lucky here, and this sort of upbeat performance undoubtedly carries the movie. At 97 minutes, Chain of Command drags at times. This could easily have been remedied by chopping 7 minutes, but Dudikoff’s performance buoys the movie nevertheless. Because the main baddie, Rawlings (Curtis), strongly resembles Michael Angelo from Nitro (and has the laugh-out-loud hairstyle that that would imply), and Dudikoff has his trademark cool hair, it’s truly a case of cool hair vs. evil hair in true 80’s style, even though this movie is from the 90’s.

We also see R. Lee Ermey with glasses, a mustache and a bolo tie, and Keren Tishman, who plays Maya, is a horrid actress, but, interestingly, gets hotter as the movie goes on. The jaunty music matches Dudikoff’s personality this time around, but still there are some classic cliches such as guard-tower falls/blow-ups, and the prerequisite wacky taxi driver. Speaking of that, this seems to have been shot in some of the same locations as previous Cannon vehicle Deadly Heroes.  As far as room decor, there are multiple pictures of Bill Clinton on the walls. Not just presidential portraits, mind you, but one is a painting lovingly recreating his moment on the Arsenio Hall show where he wore sunglasses and played the saxophone!

Director David Worth, of Air Strike fame (?), does a competent, if silly job, and underrated actor/director/stunt-coordinator Guy Norris is also on hand. Norris directed Rage and Honor 2: Hostile Takeover, and also worked in various capacities on Day of the Panther and Hurricane Smith, among many other things. His profile as someone in the film industry should be higher.

And we can’t possibly overlook the brilliant, hard-rockin’ tunes by Canadian band Slash Puppet: “When the Whip Comes Down”, and “Rippin’ on a Wishbone”. These songs are pure hair metal, coming rather late in the day for that sort of music. But they are enjoyable and basically disposable, much like Chain of Command itself. Slash Puppet I tell you. Slash Puppet.

So is Chain of Command one of the best Dudikoffs or one of the best Cannons? No, not really, but you gotta love how 80’s-style action continued to thrive into the 90’s with this generally entertaining outing. 

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Also check out write-ups from buddies, The Video Vacuum and DTVC!

The Human Shield (1991)

The Human Shield (1991)- * * *

Directed by: Ted Post

Starring: Michael Dudikoff, Steve Inwood, Tommy Hinkley, Hanna Azoulay-Hasfari, and Uri Gavriel









It was 1985 when Doug Matthews (Dudikoff) first crossed paths with the diabolical Dallal (Inwood) while he was in the military working for the U.S. embassy. Matthews was stationed in northern Iraq, and the two men had a life-changing altercation. Fast-forward five years later, and Matthews is safe back home in America...but Dallal’s goons have kidnapped his brother Ben (Hinkley). 

Receiving no support from his own government, it’s not long before Matthews goes rogue and travels back to Baghdad to rescue his  beloved brother. He gets his Kurdish friend Tanzil (Gavriel) to help him, as well as an old acquaintance, a doctor named Lila (Azoulay-Hasfari), but it’s going to be difficult to face the ruthless Dallal and his supporters. With the clock running out on the life of the diabetic Ben, Doug Matthews is going to have to shield himself from the onslaught of bullets...HUMAN shield himself! Yeah, that’s the ticket...

The Human Shield was perfect for video stores in 1991 - it starts with Dudikoff riding an open-topped jeep in the desert with his awesome hair blowing freely in the breeze. Jeeps seem to be Dudikoff’s vehicle of choice in this movie; he really uses them to maneuver around the machine gun fire and even rocket launchers aimed at him this time around. 

It’s also perfect for video stores because before the movie starts, there are no trailers for other Cannon films, or any other movies, but there is an anti-drug PSA. You gotta love the 90’s. It truly was a time when anti-drug PSA’s were inescapable: you couldn’t even watch Parker Lewis Can’t Lose or any of your other favorite shows without crazed maniacs smashing fried eggs or children screaming “I learned it from watching youuuuuuuu!!!!!”. You go pop in a VHS tape looking for some respite, and they’re there too. No wonder no one does drugs anymore.

But back to the topic at hand, the movie is filled with innumerable mustachioed extras. At any given point while watching The Human Shield, there are an average of five men in the background, whether they be soldiers, baddies, or just plain townspeople, with thick black mustaches. It was either the height of fashion in the middle east, or maybe it was a “no mustache, no paycheck” financial matter. Regardless, it truly is a catalogue of distinctive facial hair on your screen.

If you enjoyed films such as Death Before Dishonor (1987) and Dudikoff’s Chain of Command (1994), you’ll surely also like The Human Shield, even if it does have some slow moments, as well as some awkward camera zooms. Those things shouldn’t be enough to put you off. 

Dudikoff has to pretty much carry the movie on his shoulders, and while he is capable of doing that, another major name would have helped out the proceedings. Someone like Lee Majors the Second, Jay Roberts Jr. or Evan Lurie, to name but a few shining stars in the DTV firmament, could have helped Dudikoff bear his load. But the movie does include many of our favorite items: plenty of blow-ups and shooting, not one, but two screams of “Nooooooooo!!!!”, and of course a baddie admonishing his underlings that there better be “No More Mistakes”.

It was also somewhat refreshing that Dudikoff’s brother was kidnapped. It’s not usually an adult male that is the target of the hero’s rescue mission. It’s usually a woman, a young girl, or a young boy. So that was an interesting difference. Also we got to be privy to the Pentagon gym. There’s even a title card on-screen that tells us we’re in the Pentagon gym. Never before have our eyes gotten to witness where Dick Cheney does his squat thrusts and where Congressman Henry Waxman (D-CA) blasts his lats. Thank you Human Shield for this inside information.

The Human Shield is classic early-90’s Dudikoff fare.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Also check out write-ups from our buddies DTVC and The Video Vacuum!

The Delta Force (1986)

The Delta Force (1986)- * * *

Directed by: Menahem Golan

Starring: Chuck Norris, Lee Marvin, Shelley Winters, Robert Forster, Martin Balsam, George Kennedy, Joey Bishop, Hanna Schygulla, and Bo Svenson 










When a group of evil terrorists (is there any other kind?) led by Abdul Rafai (the interestingly-cast Forster), hijack an airplane and start making demands, there’s only one group of men that can stop the madness...The Delta Force! And who is the elite of the elite, there is no question: American Superdude Major Scott McCoy (Norris) who will get the job done with his bare hands if necessary. He came out of retirement just to kill bad guys and rescue hostages. Those baddies better watch out.

This was a huge hit for Cannon and really put them on the map. The stellar cast is literally all-star, and the two hour-plus running time must accommodate that. But that gives the movie a big, Hollywood feel.  The first half of the movie is surprisingly powerful and intense. It tries to put a human face on the victims of terror, and the old guard of Hollywood actors such as Martin Balsam, Shelley Winters and Joey Bishop help to convey this, as do George Kennedy in another role as a priest, and an actress most people know from the films of Fassbinder, Hanna Schygulla. Bo Svenson shows up as the pilot, and he’s always nice to see.

Then the Delta Force shows up, led by Lee Marvin, and featuring not just Chuck, but the underrated Steve James, and Robert Vaughn as a General. The action begins in earnest about halfway through the movie and it doesn’t disappoint, especially Chuck’s motorcycle with missile launchers built in. This thing is possibly the most awesome thing ever. Chuck will stop at nothing to find and kill all the terrorists involved, and maybe a few who weren’t involved. Some of the Chuck stuff is amusing, and the fruit cart chases and shooting help that.

Luckily, the movie is written and directed in a way that all makes sense, even if it is a bit on the long side, and director Golan tried to do pretty much the same thing but on a smaller scale with Deadly Heroes. But that movie really ramps up the silliness factor.

For a drama (1st half) and action extravaganza (2nd half) that’s a bit more well-known, The Delta Force fits the bill very well, and the plot is still very relevant today.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Also check out a write-up by our buddies at Ruthless Reviews! 

Missing in Action (1984)

Missing in Action (1984)- * * *1\2

Directed by: Joseph Zito

Starring: Chuck Norris, M. Emmett Walsh, Willie Williams,  and James Hong













Col. James Braddock (Chuck) spent several years in a North Vietnamese POW camp. After escaping, he’s now home, but he’s a troubled man. He’s invited by the American government to go back to Vietnam to investigate/talk about the phenomenon of soldiers still Missing In Action. Tensions flare, thanks to the evil General Trau (Hong). Braddock, being the badass that he is, decides to go off on his own into the jungle (actually with Tuck (Walsh), an old army buddy), and rescue any remaining POW’s himself. While in the midst of their mission, they face an endless stream of baddies trying to stop them. It’ll take all the firepower and skill Braddock has to defeat the enemy and save the missing men. Can he do it?

This is classic Cannon all the way, and they really hit paydirt with this one. Thanks to the high-quality cinematography, the rousing, triumphant score, and the longer running time, Missing In Action has that big-screen feel. While the pace, at least for the first half of the movie, may seem a bit on the slow side to modern viewers, that’s just the way things worked back then. It’s a pre-ADD generation action movie. And we’re all the better for it. It’s ultimately a rewarding experience, and Cannon (as well as moviegoers) obviously thought so too, as this spawned two sequels to date (maybe we haven’t seen the last of Braddock...?). 

Surely this film was at the forefront of the exploding hut/guy falling out of a guard tower/mindless shooting jungle movie back in the golden age of the 80’s. Along with the Rambo series, not to mention countless Direct-To-Video items, these movies capitalized on the craze for patriotic movies with plenty of violence that were so in vogue in the Reagan 80’s. To hammer the point home even more, stock footage of Reagan is actually IN Missing In Action 2. If you even THINK about communism, Braddock, Rambo, or any number of other heroes will mow you down with a machine gun that’s taller than they are. So there. Take that you stupid commies.

As for the cast and crew, Chuck Norris here started to take tentative steps toward his Texas-based clothing style that would manifest itself most fully during the Walker: Texas Ranger years. His hair and beard are at their reddest and most impressive here, and when he wears his sunglasses, you really can’t even see his face. M. Emmet Walsh is always a welcome sight to see, and he plays a similar character in Red Scorpion (1988), which was also directed by Joseph Zito. As good as Walsh is, we also felt the role could have been played by Nick Nolte. 

Lenore Kasdorf of L.A. Bounty (1989) fame is onboard, as well as James Hong, who’s been in pretty much everything. For our purposes here, he was in the same year’s Cannon vehicle, the great Ninja III (1984), and much later was in Talons Of the Eagle (1992). Willie Williams, whose entire movie career seems to have been in Vietnam (or Nam-like) Jungle movies such as Final Mission (1984), Savage Justice (1988), Saigon Commandos (1988) and, not coincidentally,  P.O.W. The Escape (1986), continues his tradition with the movie at hand today.

Also it has been said that none other than Van Damme appears in an uncredited role as “Car Driver”, but we didn’t see him, so we can’t necessarily confirm that that’s actually true. But he’s also credited with stunts, along with Aaron Norris, who would go on to direct the second sequel, Braddock, as well as Dean Ferrandini, who would go on to direct Overkill (1996). The next year after this, Zito would direct the ultimate Chuck movie, Invasion U.S.A. (1985) This is a nice trial run for that masterpiece.

If there was going to be a movie version of the 80’s Nintendo game Jackal, this could be it. It’s a shoot-em-up where the hero must save the hostages. But here the hero is outspoken on the M.I.A. issue and is Chuck Norris. I guess those are the only two differences.

Missing In Action is undoubtedly a classic and is completely worth seeing. In our eyes, however, the series would improve even more in the subsequent two outings, so watch out for those as well.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Also check out write-ups by our buddies, DTVC and Ruthless Reviews!

P.O.W.: The Escape (1986)

P.O.W.: The Escape (1986)-* * *

Directed by: Gideon Amir

Starring: David Carradine, Steve James, and Mako













In Vietnam, 1973, the military top brass is told to free all the P.O.W.’s. In order to do this effectively, they call in Col. James Cooper (Carradine), who, naturally, is “The Best”. Of course, he also has a bad attitude and is getting on in years. Once he finds the prisoners, one of which is Johnston (James), all the men lead a daring escape through the jungles of ‘Nam. Along the way they’ll have to fight tons of NVA soldiers, evil camp commander Capt. Vinh (Mako), among other pitfalls, while fighting to stay alive and recapture some gold bars. Can they do it?

By this time, Cannon had already made Missing In Action (1984), so they probably figured, “‘why not try ‘P.O.W.’”? Instead of Chuck Norris or Michael Dudikoff, their main staples, they opted for David Carradine. He’s not quite as belligerent and surly as he is in Future Force (1989) and Future Zone (1990), but roles like this, where he’s put in the driver’s seat as an action hero with terse dialogue, certainly paved the way for those. His dialogue pretty much consists of soundbites such as “I’m goin’ back for ‘em” and “Everybody goes home”. This might be less noticeable if he had some non-bumper-sticker-like dialogue anywhere else in the movie, but he doesn’t. As far as his attitude (i.e angry), it seems Cannon will just give you a more assertive demeanor at times. For example, for Chain Of Command (1994), they probably just said to Dudikoff, “be angry”. We’re guessing they did the same here for Carradine.

POW: The Escape is your basic exploding hut/helicopter/guard tower movie where people are constantly firing machine guns under the green foliage. But you gotta admit, those huts had it coming. There’s the Prerequisite Torture as well. Not of the huts, of the humans. Thus, the movie is quite repetitive, as there isn’t enough material here to properly fill a 90 minute feature. Not that any of this is bad, it just feels very, very familiar.

As far as the rest of the cast, there are some familiar faces: we are fans of Mako and he does a decent job as the commander who might secretly have an affinity for America. Steve James remains one of the most underrated actors of the 80’s and beyond and his presence livens things up considerably. In the background doing small roles like “G.I. #4” and “Soldier at Fuel Depot” are Willie Williams, Henry Strzalkowski, and Cris Aguilar. Among the smaller players is fan favorite John Barrett, who is also credited as a stunt coordinator. If you watch any of these Philippines-set actioners, these names will ring a bell. 

But none of them can possibly top Carradine, when, in a moment of inspiration, he takes an American flag in danger of burning down - this is during a firefight, no less - takes it off the pole, puts it over his shoulders, and continues killing badguys with his machine gun! He’s literally draped in the flag as he fights those stupid, stupid commies. God bless the 80’s.

Released by Media on VHS (and laser videodisc!), POW: The Escape is standard jungle action, with maybe a few blips of interest within that framework.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Also check out a write-up by our buddy, DTVC!

American Ninja 4: The Annihilation (1990)

American Ninja 4: The Annihilation (1990)-*1\2

Directed by: Cedric Sundstrom

Starring: Michael Dudikoff, David Bradley, Dwayne Alexander, Robin Stille, and James Booth





“I told you last time it was the last time.”







 When the evil Mulgrew (Booth) and his Japanese “Red Faction Army” (actually a bunch of ninjas) plan to take over the world, Sean Davidson (Bradley) snaps into action to stop their nefarious plan. Even though he’s working with compatriots Carl (Alexandre) and local doctor Sarah (Stille), Mulgrew still seems to have the upper hand. To get out of this jam, they call in the REAL American Ninja, Joe Armstrong (Dudikoff). He was off working in the peace corps (funny, that doesn’t sound like the Joe Armstrong we know and love), but you know what they say, if you want something done right...call in the American Ninja. Now with the power of Armstrong on their side, they can’t lose...or can they?

At this point, the American Ninja franchise was on life support. Part 3 was a slog, so Cannon must have figured, let’s get the same director and do it again. Bad idea. It feels more like a Nu-Image movie, and the fact that Avi Lerner and some other future Nu-Image people were working behind the camera shows this must have been their training ground, which is unfortunate, but explains a lot. 

One of the things they did right was get James Booth as the main baddie. Recall that this is none other than Limehouse Willie himself. But since Cannon recycles plots all the time, what they should have done is dispense with all the nonsense herein (like extra characters named Pongo and the pseudo-Mad Max trappings and all that) and do a remake of Pray For Death (1985), but with Dudikoff in the Sho Kosugi role. Then we’d have something. But by now it was the 90’s, and things were on the downswing. This movie feels like a cash-in with very little, if any heart behind it. Even Dudikoff doesn’t show up until 44 minutes into the movie, and he was probably prodded into it.

The connection between Davidson and Armstrong in the movie is done with the most slender thread imaginable, to the point of it being laughable: “they’re friends”, we’re told. Okay. How come we never heard about this so-called “friendship” before? Just this one throwaway utterance is supposed to explain why Armstrong would come to Lesotho, Africa and save the day. We’ve heard of bad writing, but that’s just childishly pathetic. 

And it’s bad enough that Steve James isn’t in this movie - the supposed main star is David Bradley, who has so little screen presence, he’s more like a blank face than an actual actor. If he didn’t have eyes, a nose and a mouth, and instead just had a big question mark on his face, no one would notice. Plus he makes a lot of silly noises when fighting, and he’s almost certainly wearing “guyliner” in some scenes, which is not manly. Did Cannon REALLY THINK Bradley was better than Dudikoff? It shows that maybe this series deserved to go down the tubes, because of poor decision making.

In the action department, there are some decent battles, a bit of jungle action in the beginning, and maybe a couple of exploding guard towers/falls and possibly a heli as well. Plus there’s the Prerequisite Torture, but it’s really hard to care about the characters, except for Dudikoff. There’s the time-honored ninja training camp, featuring the al-Qaida monkey bars, and Mortal Kombat-style obstacles.  

But on the bright side, at one point, in order to change clothes from his street gear to full-blown ninja, Dudikoff jumps into what can only be described as a “Ninja Hole”. When he jumps in, he’s classic Dudikoff. A split second later when he jumps out, he’s all Ninja’d out. We liked the Ninja Hole. Maybe it’s near the Ninja Cave from Cannon’s Ninja III: The Domination (1984). If there are spots on earth where people can instantaneously turn into ninjas, we want to know about them.

As happened with American Ninja 3, not to mention a lot of other movies, the song here is better than the movie. Eddie Ray Wolfe’s “Fight Fire With Fire” is great and should have featured in the movie itself, not just the credits. Chalk it up to another bad decision. In all truth, there is very little “Annihilation” in this movie. Despite the presence of Dudikoff, we’re sorry to report this is a dud.

Also check out reviews from our buddies, The Video Vaccum and DTVC! 

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett

American Ninja 3: Blood Hunt (1989)

American Ninja 3: Blood Hunt (1989)-* *

Directed by: Cedric Sundstrom

Starring: David Bradley, Steve James, Marjoe Gortner, and Michele Chan












Sean Davidson (Bradley) is an American Ninja! When his master is kidnapped, he travels to a remote Caribbean island to try to find him. It even may have been perpetrated by baddies he remembers from his childhood. Along the way, he teams up with Curtis Jackson (James, reprising his role from the first two films) and Dexter (Klisser), the classic “annoying” character of the 80’s. Because a sinister baddie known as “The Cobra” (Gortner) is manufacturing a germ that would wipe out mankind, our trio of heroes must stop him, and his goons. For no explained reason, his goons are ninjas in blue outfits. Eventually a female ninja, or, “ninjette” as Jackson calls her, Chan Lee (Chan) joins their ranks. Will they be able to stop the Cobra?

The main problem with American Ninja 3 is that there are a bunch of little moments that are cool, but the movie as a whole is weak. For every underwater ninja fight and cool technique, there’s a ton of material that’s just very, very dumb. We realize you don’t go into a movie like this expecting too much intelligence, but come on. This is one of those “I’m losing brain cells” movies. David Bradley doesn’t really help the situation. It’s hard to replace Dudikoff, but Bradley has no screen presence or personality. Dudikoff’s hair engages you more than Bradley’s performance.

But the real insult is that they didn’t make Steve James the new American Ninja. James, having put in his time in the first two installments, should have risen to the rank of “American Ninja”. Plus he’s a better actor than Bradley and much, much more likable. Plus, he wears a sleeveless shirt that says “Shalom, Y’all” (when he’s not shirtless or wearing a leather vest with no shirt). Also, they call him “Powerhouse Jackson”. Powerhouse should have gotten his own movie. Maybe he could find his long lost brother Action.

It seems Cannon recycles plots fairly often and the plot here might seem very familiar. Perhaps a cross between American Ninja 2 (1987) and American Samurai (1992). But at the risk of seeming ridiculous, the ninjas here seem tacked on. The Cobra’s goons don’t have to be ninjas, and it’s never explained why they are. It’s funny that The Cobra works at what you might call “Terrorist Labs, Inc.” where he works to develop the technology of terrorism, but why ninjas have to be dragged into this seems like a clear attempt to keep the 80’s Ninja Boom going. But by ‘89 it seems to have been on the wane. So that might explain why we see things like a ninja just sitting in the passenger seat of a car. It just seems so pedestrian. A few short years earlier this same passenger ninja might be disappearing in a puff of smoke or climbing quickly up a tree (which are the main modes of transportation for ninjas, not cars).

As sometimes happens, the end credits song is the best part of the movie. “The Cobra Strikes” by George S. Clinton and Lisa Kauppi is great, not to mention very catchy. It was a shame they didn’t use it in the movie, such as during a montage. American Ninja 3 signals the beginning of the end, creatively speaking, for the franchise.

Also check out our buddies, The Video Vaccum and DTVC's reviews! 

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

American Ninja 5 (1993)

American Ninja 5 (1993)-*

Directed by: Bobby Gene Leonard

Starring: David Bradley, Pat Morita, Lee Reyes, Anne Dupont, Clement von Franckenstein, and James Lew

Did you know there is an American Ninja FIVE? Apparently there is, even though it was meant to be something called American Dragons and perhaps they didn’t want to confuse it with the other, better movie of the same name.

In this anti-climactic ending to the American Ninja franchise, David Bradley plays Joe Kastle (not Davidson as in prior A.N. films), a guy who lives on a boat and likes to work out. One day, Master Tetsu (Morita) pawns off his “grand-nephew” Hiro (Reyes) on Joe and leaves to go to Greece for a vacation. While Joe is learning to cope with babysitting this annoying brat, it turns out that his new girlfriend Lisa (Dupont) is kidnapped by the evil Viper (Lew) and his gang of ninjas. Viper works for the nefarious Glock (von Franckenstein), a man who is using scientists to develop an insecticide named ZB-12. Lisa’s father is a scientist but refuses to work on the potentially dangerous project. So Joe and Hiro must go through a bunch of travails in Venezuela to rescue Lisa who is kidnapped there. Along the way, Joe and Hiro forge a friendship based on the ways of the ninja.

Rather than be loyal to the fans that have followed the series through the years, Cannon pawns this juvenile, watered-down, PG-13 rated dreck on the audience like Pat Morita does his bratty relative onto David Bradley in this patience-testing exercise.

Bradley is likable enough and he looks like a young Craig Ferguson, although he is your classic action movie dum-dum. His young foil is another matter. Hiro is a precocious 12 year old whose presence in this movie is not needed. He says “whoa!” while Bradley fights the baddies, who are purple, green, and white ninjas, as if this was a video game. Speaking of which, Hiro’s Game Gear plays a surprisingly big role in this film. Hiro has a matching Miami Dolphins baseball cap/coat and, sadly, brings this movie into the current “ADD generation”.

 The movie as a whole could have been better, even if it was aiming more for the family market, but this Hiro kid gets on your nerves. Plus the whole daughter/scientist father aspect was already done in American Ninja 2 (1987). Couldn’t they come up with something new? It’s director Leonard’s only movie to date and you think he would be familiar with past entries in the series, but maybe he never watched them. That’s certainly what it seems like; he didn’t try to impress with his knowledge of past A.N.‘s, that’s for sure...which seems odd. Having American Ninja 5 be the only movie on your resume is indeed a bizarre way to enter movie history. The whole Karate Kid aspect of the film is even further enhanced by the presence of Pat Morita. Did any kid ever see this movie...ever?

The baddies are more interesting, as Glock strongly resembles Bernie Madoff and James Lew’s entrances and exits are by far the best part of this movie. It’s here that this film becomes utterly absurd. They should have gone in that direction more, if you see the movie you’ll know what we mean.

The jaunty flute music enhances the mild nature of the proceedings, and it’s unfortunate that the mighty American Ninja franchise fell victim to the old sitcom trick of “Addakid”, that is, when all the sitcom kids grow up and aren’t cute anymore, to simply add a newer, younger, cuter kid regardless of whether it makes sense plotwise. It’s an ignominious way for this beloved series to go.

Even though this movie came out in 1993, it looks and seems older, but maybe that’s because it’s pretty lame and impotent, not to mention way overlong.

You’d have to be a die-hard fan of the American Ninja films or any of the actors involved to sit through this insult to people who followed the original four films in this series.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett

Cyborg (1989)

Cyborg (1989)-*1\2

Directed by: Albert Pyun

Starring: Jean-Claude Van Damme, Deborah Richter, Vincent Klyn, Matt McColm, Dayle Haddon, Alex Daniels, and Ralf Moeller

In a desolate, post-apocalypse world, Gibson (Van Damme) is a fighter hired to escort a cyborg named Pearl (Haddon) who has a potential cure for a plague that is decimating what’s left of the world’s population. They have to get from New York to Atlanta, but along the way there are murderous baddies who want the cure for themselves. These so-called “Pirates” are led by Fender (Klyn). But Gibson has his own reasons for wanting to take down the evil gang. Will Gibson fight his way through the obstacles to save the world?

Released in the golden year of 1989, the same release year as the far-superior Bloodsport (1989), Cyborg is basically an afterthought for Van Damme in ‘89. It’s like Cannon had some excess film so they gave it to Albert Pyun to play around with. Bad idea. While Cyborg, amazingly, was theatrically released and spawned two sequels, it turned out to be the last theatrically-released Cannon movie in the U.S. It’s not a great note to go out on.

Pyun has proven time and again he’s not a talented filmmaker, and Cyborg really is no different from any post-apocalyptic slog. It’s in the same vein as American Cyborg: Steel Warrior (1993), Neon City (1991), or any number of Ron Marchini movies. The characters have wacky, ragged costumes, and there are a lot of capes on show. Capes are going to be huge in the future.

As far as the cast, besides Van Damme, we have Klyn as Fender, but due to the fact that he resembles a cross between Mario Van Peebles and our current president, we kept calling him “Mario Van Obama”. Seeing as Van Damme plays “Gibson Rickenbacker”, Klyn plays “Fender Tremolo” and Alex Daniels plays “Marshall Strat”, apparently also in the future you get a guitar name. Ralf Moeller is on show looking like some sort of ridiculous, long-haired caveman (named Brick Bardo of course, Pyun’s ubiquitous trademark name), and in his first movie role, none other than Matt McColm plays one of the Pirates.

So you’d think a movie with Van Damme, Moeller and McColm would be a surefire winner, but sloppiness, nonsensicality and a defiant lack of character development sink that quickly. There are some cool, bone-crunching fight sequences, but not enough to save the movie. These guys running around yet another abandoned warehouse isn’t all that interesting, but then there are some cyborg effects and a “Passion of the Van Damme” crucifixion, but none of it seems very competently handled.

If you know the Albert Pyun style of filmmaking (and if you do, we’re so sorry), Cyborg is more of the same. Personally we believe this is one of Van Damme’s weaker efforts, especially from the prime of his career when he was firing on all cylinders.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Ninja III: The Domination (1984)

Ninja III: The Domination (1984)-* * *1\2

Directed by: Sam Firstenberg

Starring: Lucinda Dickey, Sho Kosugi, Jordon Bennett, and James Hong

Christie (Dickey) is just going about her day as a worker for Metro Telephone when a dying ninja bestows upon her a magical sword. Suddenly, Christie starts acting very weird and ninja-y, which concerns her new boyfriend, police officer and body hair enthusiast Billy Secord (Bennett). As it turns out, the spirit of the ninja has inhabited Christie’s body, and is now attempting to get revenge on the group of cops that murdered him. Now officially a were-ninja, Christie is taken by Billy to a ninja exorcist, or “Nexorcist” as they are known in the biz, Miyashima (Hong). When the ninja’s old rival, Yamada (Kosugi) shows up, things get really complicated. Will the lovely Christie ever be the same again? Or will her closet be forever filled with black outfits and her purse filled with throwing stars?

Yes, the above description is entirely accurate and is a real movie. Needless to say, we loved it and you gotta see it! This is a Cannon production directed by Cannon mainstay Sam Firstenberg, who that same year would also direct Lucinda Dickey in Breakin’ 2 (1984). And in 1983, he directed Revenge of the Ninja (1983). Interestingly, though this movie is called Ninja 3, technically this is the third in a trilogy: Enter the Ninja (1981), Revenge of the Ninja, and this - even though none of these movies were ever called, simply, “Ninja”. Regardless, Ninja III is interesting, entertaining, and certainly never boring.

The movie is filled with 80’s genius: great outfits, makeup and hair, Christie has an arcade game called Bouncer in her apartment, and in her spare time does aerobics on shag carpeting. Musicians Harpaz and Segal are credited not with just a score, but a “synth score”! It’s all just awesome. And adding to all the ninja action, stunts and inventiveness, the filmmakers added some horror elements inspired by the Nightmare on Elm Street Series, the Exorcist series and even Ghostbusters. They were obviously unafraid to bend the rules of the ninja movie and crossed genres. The result is a completely fresh take on the ninja boom movie which is a joy to watch. 

Right from the get-go, when the ninja finds some ninja gear in a glowing box in a cave near a golf course, you know something great is about to happen. And once the “golf cops” show up - watch out! And we didn’t even really talk about the great Sho Kosugi - but he’s present and accounted for, and does his usual great job.

Filled with cool moments, there’s so much to love about Ninja III. And you’ll never look at V8 juice quite the same way again. In a good way.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

The Violent Breed (1984)

The Violent Breed (1984)-* *1\2

Directed by: Fernando Di Leo

Starring: Harrison Muller Jr., Carole Andre, Danika La Loggia, Woody Strode, and Henry Silva










Back when they were all in ‘Nam together, Mike Martin (Muller Jr.), Kirk Cooper (Silva) and Polo (Strode) were the best of buddies and they always looked out for each other: saving children, rescuing hostages and even pulling bullets out of each others’ bodies.  This team of soldiers worked together well, with their expertise being in surprise attacks. To the shock of Mike and Kirk, Polo willingly stays behind in ‘Nam.

Years later, both Mike and Kirk are CIA agents. It turns out that Polo is one of southeast Asia’s worst offenders when it comes to drugs and arms smuggling. He’s working with the Russians, the Mafia, everybody. So Kirk sends Mike to Bangkok to find his old compatriot Polo and stop his evil doings. While there, he meets a hooker with a heart of gold, thanks to the “comic relief” French madam (La Loggia), and they take on Polo’s army (yes, he commands his own army) of goons. And what is Mike’s girlfriend Sharon (Andre) up to? Dare you try to find out?

The Violent Breed is your classic jungle/exploding huts shoot ‘em up with constant gunfire and explosions. After a while, it all gets pretty numbing. Muller is the glib, wisecracking hero who always seems to land on his feet. While he fights the baddies, his Harrison-fu is on full display. Silva and Strode, both great actors, could have done much more with their meager roles.

 Director Fernando Di Leo has done considerably better work than this in his career, and everything in this film seems to drag on and on. Perhaps he was just trying to fit in to the then-current Italian action boom, but this one falls pretty flat. You’d have to be a pretty big Harrison Muller Jr. fan to try to track this one down. Seeing as we’ve reviewed FOUR of his movies to date, Comeuppance Reviews seems to be your one-stop Harrison Muller Jr. shop. Who else can claim that?

Seemingly a continuation of The Final Executioner (1984) formula (both have Muller and Strode), and again released by Cannon/MGM in those cool big boxes on VHS (as was its predecessor), The Violent Breed, despite its promising name, is middle-of-the-road action at best.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett

The Final Executioner (1984)

The Final Executioner (1984)-* *1\2

Directed by: Romolo Guerrieri

Starring: Harrison Muller Jr., Marina Costa, Renato Miracco, Karl Zinny, Cinzia Bonfantini, William Mang, and Woody Strode











Surely anyone reading this site is familiar with Italian post-apocalyptic movies, and The Final Executioner certainly falls into that sub-genre, but it is a decidedly second (or perhaps even third)-tier entry. Just imagine 1990: The Bronx Warriors (1982) or The New Barbarians (1982) crossed with The Most Dangerous Game (1932) with a dash of The Rules of the Game (1939).

After the nuclear apocalypse, a class system developed. A privileged, non-contaminated upper class, and the radiation-contaminated masses. Presumably to do double duty as a really entertaining sport as well as cleanse the population of “undesirables”, the rich invented a game: “The Hunt”, where they let loose the unwashed masses and shoot them for fun. The upper, hunting classes consist of  Edra (Costa), Louis (Miracco), Evan (Zinny), Melvin (?) and the flashy, mercenary-style hunter Erasmus (Muller). One day, a disgruntled member of the underclass decides to fight back. After the baddies kill his wife (Bonfantini), Alan (Mang) becomes intent on revenge against the hunters. Being an intellectual and having no fighting background, Sam (Strode), a former New York City cop, extensively trains Alan in the warrior arts. Will Alan and/or Sam wreak vengeance upon those snobby “hunters”?

The director, Romolo Guerrieri, was a journeyman-type director, having worked in many different genres over his long career, delivering product to keep pace with the varying trends in Italian cinema. You’d think someone with his filmmaking experience would have noticed the weird, sluggish pace and nonsensicality of what he was directing. Perhaps he DID notice this, so he gave the film a lot of exploitative elements, plenty of sex, nudity, constant violence, shooting, chases, blow-ups and even rape. Amazingly, this film is still boring. It just goes to show, if you have zero character development, the audience cannot become interested no matter how much sleaze and violence you throw at them.

Thankfully, this does have most of the hallmarks of the Italian post-nuke world we’ve come to know and love: absurd dubbing, motorcycles and cars with crazy, “futuristic” appliances on them, unbelievably wacky costumes and the like. Interestingly, this also has a comment on the Italian class system, using the apocalyptic wasteland as a backdrop for it. Perhaps the filmmakers had Salo (1975) in mind, but the end product is junky and uninspiring.

But it does have a nice electronic score, and it is worth noting that the movie is called The Final Executioner, and there is a scene with a flamethrower, recalling the two Exterminator movies. Could that be a coincidence?

Released by Cannon, the VHS in the U.S. was put on shelves featuring the memorable silver big box. If you’re looking for a good example of Italian post-apocalypse movies, this is not a good example to start off with, but the presences of Harrison Muller Jr. and Woody Strode are among its redeeming qualities.

Comeuppance Review: Brett and Ty

Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo (1984)

Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo (1984)-* * *

Directed by: Sam Firstenberg

Starring: Lucinda Dickey, Adolfo 'Shabba-Doo' Quinones, Michael 'Boogaloo Shrimp' Chambers, Peter MacLean, and Ice-T











Kelly, Turbo and Ozone are back in Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo, the only breakdancing-based sequel in movie history. This time around, a community center named Miracles is at stake. A nefarious land developer, Douglas (MacLean), wants to bulldoze the beloved property to make room for a shopping center. The kids can save it, but they must raise the proper amount of money. And there’s only one way to do that: dance, dance, dance! Do you know of another way?

All the same colorful costumes and funky tunes return this time around as well, as does Ice-T, wearing one of the best outfits of his career in the first scene he appears in. We also find out that Kelly comes from a wealthy family, and, when she gets the opportunity to star on the stage in Paris, or help out Miracles, what will she decide?

 For this Breakin’ film, the directorial reins were handed over to Sam Firstenberg, the Cannon mainstay and director of many action films, including Revenge of the Ninja (1983) and American Ninja (1985). Under his watch, this film becomes more of a traditional musical, with clearly-defined “numbers” wherein setpieces are set aside for that purpose, then the action of the film goes back to normal. Luckily, this leads to insane and very funny scenarios, not the least of which are the killer opening scene and the hospital scene. Coming off Turbo’s “broom dance” in the first film, we here have him doing a very impressive, pre-Lionel Richie dance on the ceiling. Is it now to be inferred by the viewer that Turbo has magic powers? He’s certainly more of a human cartoon than ever before, enhanced by his Woody Woodpecker-like mischief, which he is definitely aware of, and it even gets him into trouble during the infamous “I stole your lunch” sequence.

 Ozone is still dealing with his anger issues, although the viewers’ hearts will be warmed with the increased screen time of cute little kid Hot Dog. This movie is more fantastical than the first Breakin’ (1984) film, and the decision to step away from realism shows that the filmmakers wanted to change things up and not do the same thing twice. It has a more clearly defined plot than the original installment, and any fan of upbeat, fun, silly entertainment should love it.

For fans of musicals and 80’s nostalgia alike, this is a sequel that is definitely worthy and makes a great back-to-back double feature with the original Breakin'.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Breakin' (1984)

Breakin' (1984)-* * *

Directed by: Joel Silberg

Starring: Lucina Dickey, Adolfo 'Shabba-Doo' Quinones, Michael 'Boogaloo Shrimp' Chambers, Ben Lokey, Christopher McDonald, Ice-T, and Jean-Claude Van Damme












Those of you who read this site regularly know that, aside from the usual action fare, we will review a classic 80’s dance movie from time to time. Well, they don’t get any more classic than Breakin’, a gem of a movie that is well known for good reason.

Kelly Bennett (Dickey) is a waitress who is an aspiring dancer. Strictly by chance, she witnesses the street dancing of Ozone (Quinones) and his buddy Turbo (Chambers) and her life is changed forever. She befriends the two, and just in the nick of time. A dance crew comprised of two men and one woman, the Electro Rock crew, has challenged them to a dance-off. But Ozone and Turbo must teach Kelly, now dubbed Special K, the ways of Breakin’.

Now shed of her formal dance training, she goes to her agent James (McDonald) for his support. He is reluctant at first, but once he sees TKO, as they are now called (“Turbo, Kelly and Ozone”, get it?), he is won over. Plus a potential love rivalry between James, Ozone, and Kelly’s former dance instructor Franco (Lokey) is making Kelly’s life even more complicated, as is Ozone’s hot temper and his loyalty to “the streets”. Will TKO pop and lock their way to fame?

Breakin’ is nothing more than infectious, irresistible fun. It’s filled with charm and 80’s nostalgia, thanks to the music and clothing. There’s plenty of creativity on display in the dance moves and the outfits. Plus it’s positive. It really celebrates friendship and the can-do spirit. It comes from a time when battles were fought on the dance floor with moves, not on the streets with weapons. They truly don’t make ‘em like this anymore. That’s why people gravitate to movies like this today. Because they are not making any more of them.

Interestingly, because this is a Cannon film, a young Van Damme can be seen in a crowd scene clapping along to the beat and smiling away. Naturally, he’s wearing a black wrestling singlet for no reason. He’s not listed in the credits, but it’s clearly him. Ice-T makes an appearance as the “Rap Talker” at the club Radiotron. His role would be highlighted a bit more in the follow-up film. Plus, this brings into focus that this movie isn’t that far of a departure from the action films we normally watch. A Cannon movie featuring Van Damme, Christopher McDonald and Ice-T is pretty much par for the course for us. But instead of fight scenes, there are dance scenes, and the training sequences are to learn dance moves, not fighting moves. Two sides of a coin I tell ya.

To compare this to some other movies we have on the site, Ben Lokey as Franco is very Roy Kieffer-like as the dance instructor, recalling Dance or Die (1987), the whole clash of “high” and “low” cultures aspect is also explored in Knights of the City (1985), and, while the soundtrack is good and vitally important, we felt the soundtrack to Body Rock (1984) was better because it had more memorable songs.

Director Joel Silberg went on to direct Rappin’ (1985) as well as Lambada (1990), so we know where his head is at. He did not go on to direct the Breakin’ sequel however. But after Breakin’ ends, there is a big on-screen announcement: “Coming Soon: Electric Boogaloo: The Dance Sensation of Tomorrow”. So they knew then that there would be a sequel. There’s just too much energy to be contained in one movie.

It’s colorful, fun, funny, and even heartwarming. What’s not to like? Anyone who hasn’t already seen Breakin’ definitely should.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett

Exterminator 2 (1984)

Exterminator 2 (1984)-* * *

Directed by: Mark Buntzman

Starring: Robert Ginty, Mario Van Peebles, Deborah Gaffner, Reggie Rock Bythewood, Arye Gross, and Frankie Faison












Troubled Vietnam vet John Eastland (Ginty) returns in this Cannon-made sequel. For those that don’t know, Eastland has been dubbed by the media as “The Exterminator” because he goes around the streets of New York City with a flamethrower, taking the law into his own hands and roasting street punks into a pile of ash. His friend Be Gee (Faison) drives a garbage truck for Knight Waste Removal and offers John a job. Plus he and his dancer girlfriend Caroline have a budding romance. It seems all is looking up for the Termina...er...I mean EXTERMINATOR, but there’s a problem: the charismatic leader of a criminal underworld named simply X (Van Peebles). This guy has messiah-like delusions and is a ruthless commander of seemingly every punk in the city. X doesn’t take kindly to Eastland barbecuing his compatriots, so all-out war is declared. Eastland is putting a serious dent in X’s ambitions to control the city entirely, a lot of which is dependent on his drug dealing involving the local Mafia. When Caroline is assaulted by X’s gang, shattering her dreams of dancing on Broadway, John and Be Gee soup up the garbage truck Gauntlet (1977)-style and go for the ultimate revenge yet: X himself.

Exterminator 2 is the only directorial credit for Mark Buntzman, and there is a certain lack of confidence behind the camera that that would imply. Plus different countries have different cuts, many have the more violent scenes trimmed. It is said the Greek VHS is the most intact to date. But despite some of its technical flaws, the movie has great 80’s atmosphere and music that cannot be duplicated today. X and his gang wear some of the best outfits since Knights of the City (1985). Interestingly, there are some great breakdancing scenes in the movie too, which bring up the level of interest for the viewer.

Faison as Be Gee is lovable and sympathetic, especially for this down-and-dirty type of exploitation film.
The name of his truck, “Knight Waste Removal” is a not-too-subtle representation of the movie itself: He and/or Ginty is the “Knight” in shining armor (or some kind of armor) that will save the day, and “Waste Removal” clearly implies X’s gang of no-good-niks. They even put one in the trash compactor, and at one point while they are cruising around in the truck, and they spy some baddies, Be Gee says “looks like there’s some trash right there”.

Ginty is as taciturn as ever but that’s why we love him. Plus his alter-ego “The Exterminator” is just too awesome for words. You want to stand up and cheer every time he appears on screen with his metal mask, brandishing his flames of death. Playing a complementary opposite to Ginty’s phlegmatic nature is the bombastic, over-the-top Van Peebles as X. His big line, which he says more than once, is “I am the streets!” He makes a great bad guy because of his energetic performance.

Pretty gritty, fans of revenge movies or 80’s nostalgia will like Exterminator 2, and if you are a big fan of both, like me, any flaws the film may have are glossed over nicely.

NOTE: It was released on VHS in the U.S. on one of those silver MGM-Cannon big boxes, with a stated running time of 88 minutes. Presumably due to the aforementioned cuts, it just barely reaches that time even after the slow-moving end credits.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Young Warriors (1983)

Young Warriors (1983)-* *

Directed by: Lawrence D. Foldes

Starring: James Van Patten, Ernest Borgnine, Linnea Quigley, Richard Roundtree, Mike Norris, Dick Shawn, Lynda Day George, and Casper The Wonder Dog













Kevin Carrigan (Van Patten) is a recent graduate of Malibu High and now is studying animation at Pacific Coast College. All he really wants to do is party down, drink beer, invite babes over to his Phi Delta Tai frat house, engage in quasi-homosexual frat initiations, and did we mention he also just wants to party down? His buddies Fred (Norris), Scott (Tom Reilly), and Jorge (John Alden) are all in on the carefree fun. But when a mysterious gang of bikers rapes and kills Kevin's sister Tiffany (April Dawn), Kevin changes. He realizes there's more to life than keggers and pranks, and he becomes sullen, distant and just plain weird.

Tired of what he sees as too much police incompetence, signified by his own cop father, Lt. Bob Carrigan (Borgnine) and his partner Sgt. John Austin (Roundtree), these former frat-house knuckleheads go out on their own in a jeep with their beloved dog Butch (Casper the Wonder Dog) and try to solve the mystery of his sister's assault. But Kevin and his cronies get deeper and deeper into the seedy underbelly of the city - and its culture of extreme violence - and people like Kevin's mother Beverly (Day George), his girlfriend Lucy (Anne Lockhart) and his professor Hoover (Shawn) - worry Kevin has lost the plot, as well as his mind. Will Kevin's newfound obsession with violence consume him and everything he loves?

In this pickup from Cannon, which infamously combines the 80's teen sex romp and violent revenge genres, we see a major flaw: the movie, despite all the action and shooting and such that we see, actually has an unpleasant, anti-revenge motif. Obviously director/co-writer Foldes didn't realize what audience he was making this film for. You can't make a relatively entertaining, if misguided and overlong, exploitation film catering to drive-ins and hounds of that genre, and then turn around and say "violence and revenge is wrong; don't do it". That's really lame and hypocritical. Just blow up the bad guys with a missile launcher and save your whiny treatises for your shrink (i.e., make a different, less confused, movie).

Another flaw is that our "heroes" are unlikable and you don't care about their plight. The whole first half of the movie is carefully setting up our protagonists as frat-boy jerks. Would it have been so very hard to NOT have done that? So when Kevin flips out and becomes addicted to going out and "fighting crime", the transition isn't as dramatic as it could have been. You know he's really out of it when he wears his bandanna around in daily life. Also we don't know anything about the bad guys or even who they are. They are not established at all. So we don't really even know who Kevin and his buddies are fighting, which detracts from the conflict.

So we have a rockin' title song by Lennie Gale, and the film is dedicated to legendary director King Vidor. I'm sure he's thrilled about that. For some reason, Kevin's father is elderly, and Dick Shawn plays the college professor Kevin talks to, where we get the annoying comment on violence the film puts out there. The theme "violence destroys us all" is just irritating for this type of film. But in the plus column we have Casper the Wonder Dog as Butch. He wears sunglasses and a hat, and, like we've seen so many times before (Killpoint, 1984, and Fist Fighter, 1989) come immediately to mind), he steals the movie. 

Here's what Young Warriors SHOULD have been: 1. Kevin and his friends are set up as nice, normal kids 2. The bad guys are established 3. They rape/kill Kevin's sister 4. Kevin and his friends become vigilantes 5. The bad guys kill/injure Kevin and his friends 5. Borgnine and Roundtree go rogue and get revenge for the deaths/injuries to their friends and family, and (OPTIONAL) 6. Ernest Borgnine shoots a missile launcher.
THAT'S IT! If that was the movie, Young Warriors would be a classic for the ages. As it stands, we have a deeply flawed, but still worthwhile watch.

Released in a big-box VHS in the U.S., for all its foibles, there's still some meat on the bone for 80's obsessives to enjoy with Young Warriors.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Keaton's Cop (1988)

Keaton's Cop (1988)-* *

Directed by: Robert Burge

Starring: Lee Majors, Abe Vigoda, Art LaFleur, Tracy Brooks Swope, June Wilkinson, and Don Rickles













Seeing as Comeuppance Reviews is a site devoted to all the pulse-pounding, explosion-packed, face-punching, spin-kicking, sword-slashing, machine-gun blasting action you can handle, it clearly was only a matter of time before that true master of action, Abe Vigoda, was featured.

In what I would describe as an "inexplicably Cannon" production, Lee Majors plays Mike Gable, an aging, disgruntled cop who is divorced, has one son, brushes his teeth in the morning with a can of beer, and would really love nothing more than to continue wearing his acid-washed jean jacket and throw criminals out of windows. When there is a shooting at a nursing home, Gable investigates and finds there is a huge conspiracy to knock off one Louis Keaton (Vigoda). Keaton is a former gangster, and, even though he seems pretty close to death anyway (not to be insensitive), Gable and the rest of the Galveston, Texas police force are assigned to protect him.

Naturally, Gable and Keaton don't get along, but Gable is doing his duty because his partner Jake Barber (Rickles) and Keaton were friends from the old days - the really old days.  Meanwhile, Gable's love interest is the nurse from the retirement home, Susan (Swope), and he would like this whole Keaton escapade to be over so he can live in his house on the beach with her, his son Jimmy (Clinton Austin Shirley, whose only other film credit is Robocop 2 - where he also plays a kid named Jimmy), and a really awesome dog, Blue (the credits read "and Blue as himself"). Can that happen - or will trying to protect Keaton - and uncovering the secrets from the past that go along with it - cost Gable his life?

The main question you can't help asking yourself while watching Keaton's Cop is - "why does this exist?" It seems weird that it was ever made and came out on video. But to answer the question to the best of our ability, Keaton's Cop is a cop/action/comedy romance with maybe some thriller elements. The attempts at intentional comedy generally fall painfully flat, but luckily there are some unintentional laughs. But also there are car chases, shooting and explosions.  I guess this goes to show older people can do anything younger people can do (Lee Majors is the "Young Man" of the film).

 Majors is good as the grizzled cop, but looks a bit confused. Luckily for him, the audience is too, so we can relate. Abe Vigoda is lovable, and the kid Jimmy should have been played by JTT. You can probably picture what he looks like - the stereotypical "cute kid". June Wilkinson shows up towards the end of the film as Big Mama. Interestingly, she's in this and Sno-Line (1986), and both are shot in Texas. Maybe she lives there and refuses to do any non-Texas-shot productions. As you may expect, there are the "wacky" characters such as the Gay Gangsters that are trying to bump off Keaton (and continually listen to the anthemic hair metal tune "Wild In the Streets" by a band called Meet Meat), and a gluttonous gangster called "Fat Tony". But by far the star of the show is the dog, Blue. He practically steals the movie.

Yes, the movie is very silly and nonsensical (some might say "bad") from the title right down to the theme song - which features the line "better watch out, Keaton's gonna getcha". Keaton's going to GET ME? He's like 90 years old! I guess that is pretty scary. But anyway, try to imagine Cocoon (1985) but with chases and shooting. For an antidote to the Hollywood trend of young people being in everything, there's always Keaton's Cop.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty