Karate Warrior 2 (1988)

Karate Warrior 2 (1988)- *1\2

Directed by: Fabrizio De Angelis

Starring: Kim Stuart, Amy Lynn Baxter, Ken Watanabe, Christopher Alan, Winston Haynes, Bryan Guerrieri, Tommy Bull, and Ted Prior









When last we heard from Anthony Scott (Stuart), he defeated his arch-rival Quino and rode off into the sunset (well, lotus-positioned off into the sunset if you want to get specific). Now living in Miami, Florida, Scott is somehow accepted into college.

 He makes friends with an enthusiastic guy named Luke Morris (Haynes), who looks, by turns, like either a young Rick Santorum sans the sweatervest or a young Marc Summers sans the crippling OCD. Anthony soon runs afoul of a group of college bullies - COLLEGE BULLIES - called The Tigers, led by a guy named...Dick (Alan). Once Anthony starts seeing Dick’s #1 chick, Patty (Baxter), Dick gets mad and wants to take his bullying to the next level. 

Anthony refuses to fight Dick outside of an officially-sanctioned bout, so they take to the stage of the college to have it out. After Dick is bested in the match, he gets really mad and calls in the original head of The Tigers, a sort of “Bully patient zero” named Mark Sanders (Prior). Because Sanders is so tough, Master Kimura (Watanabe) flies to America from rural Asia for the first time ever. But will it be enough for Anthony to be victorious?

Our old buddy Anthony Scott returns in this unnecessary sequel that is, possibly, stupider than the first entry. For a movie that doesn’t need to exist, extending the running time to a punishing 97 minutes is simply taxing the goodwill of the audience a bit TOO much. 

Anthony Scott is still not likable, thereby erasing any chance for the sequel to improve upon what came before and justify its existence. He does get beat up a lot though, and other characters are constantly hoping to “teach him a lesson”. As referenced in the first film, we know Anthony Scott is true-blue American (with the mismatched voice of a 67-year-old American to prove it) because when he gets hungry, he requests, and we quote, “Hot dogs, hamburgers, or rib food.” RIB FOOD? What in the name of Larry Ludman is THAT? We may never know...

But his buddy Luke subsists solely on champagne and caviar, presumably fitting the definition of what people from other countries think Americans eat and drink every day. Luke warns Anthony against taking rides from strangers by saying “Haven’t you seen that movie The Hitcher?”, which we thought was an interesting reference, and he describes The Tigers as a “gang of delinquent Karate fanatics”. Said fanatics are so badass, they hang out at the local ice cream shoppe (and it IS a shoppe) and plot their evil deeds under Ben & Jerry’s banners. Their malevolent attitudes drip off them like so much Chunky Monkey.

For both the matches with Dick and Sanders, a simple stage like you’d see in any school gym is used. Not a ring. It’s also announced on the radio and the DJ looks like a young Johnny Depp. IMPORTANT NOTE: there is not just one, but TWO chicken mascots at the first bout. At the second match-up, people in horse suits and tiger suits also are seen. This is the most puzzling development since rib food. What the HELL is going on? Unfortunately, none of this sustains or justifies a 97 minute running time. This movie is just too damn long.

For a glimpse into the acid-washed late-80’s and to see a young Amy Lynn Baxter, Karate Warrior 2 could almost suffice...but the songs by a band named Glasswork aren’t as good as the Simon Boswell score of the original, and Ted Prior in a non-AIP role could have been more prominent. Adding more insult to injury, fan favorite 

Jeff Moldovan did stunts but did not appear in front of the camera. He’s also credited as Jeff “Maldovan” - whether that’s a misspelling or intentional to help himself avoid being associated with this is not known.  It all ends on a freeze frame, which is normally a good thing, but the frame it freezes on is just odd and doesn’t chime with the rest of what we’ve just seen. But, then again, maybe that’s appropriate, as none of it made much sense to begin with. And not in a good way.

Perhaps all this, plus the fact that it’s all pretty darn juvenile, is what prevented it from ever securing a U.S. release. It seems only Italy and Japan have ever (officially) had the pleasure. Well, we’re here to announce that the rest of the world isn’t missing all that much. And the two chicken mascots never even fight, which would have been awesome.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty 

Cyber Vengeance (1997)

Cyber Vengeance (1997)-* *1\2

Directed by: J. Christian Ingvordsen

Starring: Robert Davi, Rick Washburn, J. Gregory Smith, Amy Lynn Baxter, Josh Mosby, and J. Christian Ingvordsen 












In the far-off year of 2005, VR rules. Will Singleton (Smith) is a man obsessed with VR. He even has a VR job and a VR girlfriend. His job involves working the bugs out of a “Virtual Reality Prison”, where prisoners are forced to compete in VR games against “wealthy sportsmen”. The mastermind of the VR prison system is one R.D. Crowley (Davi). Because he believes one of the VR prisoners might be innocent, Crowley throws Singleton into the game with the other sportsmen. These games involve going into various different historical periods and trying to survive. There’s even a madman on the loose, Baracus (Washburn). Will Will Singleton make it back to reality...alive?

In the 90’s, VR was huge. It was surely slated to be the next big thing. Many movies have utilized the VR concept, such as Expect No Mercy (1995), Evolver (1995), The Protector (1999), and even more mainstream fare such as Johnny Mnemonic (1995) and Virtuosity (1995), and the TV show VR Troopers, among many other examples. Here, Ingvordsen, the man behind Comrades In Arms (1992) and The Outfit (1993), assembles a sort of cross between an “unstuck in time” kind of adventure and a Most Dangerous Game (1932) knockoff. With silly morphing effects and characters running around with straps, suction cups and VR helmets, of course. In fact, the name of one of the makers of said helmets, “Headgear”, whose name is prominently displayed on the outside of the helmet, doesn’t really make someone look tough. It makes you think of complicated braces.

The movie starts off with a bang, with Matthias Hues and other loinclothed fighters squaring off in what has to be one of the most ridiculous battles yet filmed. It’s rare to see something THIS silly THIS fast, and surely that makes this movie worth every penny. Before you can say “Start conscious Shareware”, the action continues in Revolutionary War times, the Prohibition era (which seems very much like Ingvordsen’s other movie, The Outfit), WWII, Vietnam, and other time periods. Frankly, it all gets a bit disjointed and jumbled, as you don’t know what time period, or what part of reality, the action is taking place in. But the team of Weiner, Washburn (who REALLY looks like Mike Huckabee) and Ingvordsen did it all on a low budget, and we commend them for that.

As far as those actors are concerned, Ingvordsen and Josh Mosby look almost exactly alike, which is the same problem we had with The Outfit, in which they both co-starred. Plus Ingvordsen’s accent is just incomprehensible, seemingly going from Scottish to German to no accent in the course of one sentence. Washburn portrays Baracus (not to be confused with Brakus), but he must be the brother Mr. T rarely talks about.

Rather than just sit at your computer and have a nice relaxing game of Snood, Sim City or Myst, we now have high-stakes VR. But it all has funny sound effects, and everyone where Will works wears the same Carhartt jacket. That’s the future for you. And there are some classic cliches such as the Black guy screaming while shooting a machine gun and the shrew of a girlfriend (in this case with the very 90’s name of Tori). But like how NASA, in the course of developing the complexities of the space program, brought us many other by-product inventions such as Velcro, so Cyber Vengeance does by inadvertently creating GoToMeeting. So that’s all well and good, but there are a few problems to spoil the fun.

Contrary to the tagline of Absolute Aggression (a retitling or possibly a re-edit of this movie, we’re not really sure), if you die in the game, you DON’T die in real life. If that was the case, the movie would be a lot more exciting. As it is, it’s just a bunch of middle-aged men playing video games. Robert Davi might kill you, but it’s not a direct cause of the game. Also, there’s very minimal Hues. He’s featured prominently on the artwork we have (for whatever reason, this was released on DVD under this title in Poland and Germany and seemingly nowhere else), but it’s practically a cameo. You’d think Matthias Hues portraying a hulking brute named “Thor” would be the role he was born to play, but sadly it’s cut pretty short. Plus the ending is highly unsatisfying. So all in all it’s kind of a mixed bag.

So while there are some good ideas here, and it’s great a movie which takes place over numerous historical periods was made on such a low budget, it seems Cyber Vengeance - of which there’s minimal vengeance, by the way - would be of interest to buffs of 90’s nostalgia, and few others.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett