The Danger Zone (1987)

The Danger Zone (1987)- * *

Directed by: Henry Vernon

Starring: Suzanne Tara and Robert Canada











When Heather (Tara) receives word that her girl group, The Skirts, is going to be performing on national television on the TV show “Celebrity Exposure”, she couldn’t be more excited. The Skirts are comprised of six members, and all six pile into a station wagon and drive through the desert to get to Las Vegas where the show is being taped. Unfortunately, the car breaks down and they become stranded. 

After walking for a while, they find what looks like a dilapidated town and they go in to investigate. It turns out to be the lair for a gang of ruthless criminal bikers, led by the nefarious Reaper (Canada). The girls happen in at a bad time, as the bikers are in the midst of executing a huge drug deal. So the bikers hold them hostage - but the girls might be getting some help from an unexpected source. Will they live to sing another day?

According to the back of the VHS box (released by Charter), this is “A film that will chain you to fear - terrorizing your senses and violating your sensibilities - THE DANGER ZONE takes you on a ride through the fires of hell.” This might be a bit overzealous, but it does feature a woman spraying a snake with a can of hairspray and bikers delivering drugs to Mexico via toy airplane. So count my sensibilities as violated. 

The Danger Zone is a biker movie where the bikers are the most uninteresting part. By far the best parts of the movie involve the girl group, The Skirts. Because the 80’s rule, and their storyline was more 80’s, we wanted to see more of them. But sadly there are no really well-drawn characters in this movie anywhere. The Skirts are like a cross between The Flirts (known for the album “10 Cents A Dance”) and some primitive version of The Pussycat Dolls, and their car trip is really quite something.

The movie slows down considerably once it becomes a hostage drama, and we were wondering where Werner Hoetzinger was when we really needed him. Naturally, when the bikers appear on screen there is an “evil guitar riff” on the soundtrack. To balance that out, the girls always have music with classic 80’s synths and the time honored sax solo. 

So you know who is good and who is bad. The Danger Zone (which, inexplicably, has two sequels) would make a perfect double feature with Blood Games (1990), the Gregory Scott Cummins/Ross Hagen/George “Buck” Flower movie about a team of female softball players that fight baddies. There’s a guy in The Danger Zone, however, who really should have been played by Wings Hauser, but at least he has a sleeveless shirt that says “I’m Not D.B. Cooper”. The movie’s stupidity comes through most during the fight scenes.

Besides some TV work, Suzanne Tara only appeared in one other feature film besides this - and it’s none other than Deadly Prey (1987). 1987 must have been an amazing year for her. This was director Vernon’s only movie...we wonder why? Additional thoughts: the TV show Celebrity Exposure pre-dates American Idol, the big song by The Skirts, “Hearts on Fire” shouldn’t be confused with the Rocky song of the same name, and Heidi The Dog gets a credit for “Hound” in the end credits. The Charter tape is of good quality, with bright colors. And let’s not forget about the end-credits song, “Bad Men Ridin’”, by Joe Turano.

Not to be confused with the Robert Downey Jr. movie of almost the same name, The Danger Zone may have some funny dialogue and amusing moments, but it needed more energy overall.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Bridge To Nowhere (1986)

Bridge to Nowhere (1986)-* *1\2

Directed by: Ian Mune

Starring: Matthew Hunter, Margaret Umbers, Shelly Luxford, Bruno Lawrence, Stephen Judd, and Phillip Gordon






"You Cross The Bridge, You Cross The Devil!"





When a group of teenagers (Gray, Carl, Julie, Tanya and Leon) from the city go deep in the woods to go camping and see the "Bridge To Nowhere", they run afoul of a bearded, vicious old salt named Mac (Lawrence) who chases them through the woods and hunts them down one by one. Leon loses his mind and goes missing. They played their boombox a bit too loud, apparently.

Sadly, Mac never yells "Get off my land!" (while brandishing the prerequisite shotgun), but one of the teens does say "Where's the Bridge To Nowhere?"

Bridge To Nowhere is well-made and a better-than-average clone of Deliverance (1972), Rituals (1977), Southern Comfort (1981), and Just Before Dawn (1981), but it bears the strongest resemblance to Damned River (1989). I guess you could call this a wilderness survival movie, New Zealand style.

It starts off with some typically-80's sex romp style antics but then it turns deadly. It has a nice new wave contemporary soundtrack to fuel the fun. The highlight there is Marginal Era's "You Fascinate". The kids bring their beloved boombox everywhere, even deep in the woods where they dance their way through a hiking trip (forest dancing) and even on the Bridge To Nowhere (Bridge dancing). They even break out the sleeping bags and sleep on the Bridge itself. If all they wanted to do was dance, couldn't they do that at home?

"And Matthew Hunter as Carl" is its own credit, dedicated to the kid who goes camping in patchy jeans and Doc Martens. Interestingly, future famous director Lee Tamahori was a first assistant director on the film.

Positives: The picturesque New Zealand scenery is captured well by the cinematographer, the acting is above-average, and it is lean and mean at 85 minutes.

Released on the Charter label on VHS in the U.S., if you are looking for a wilderness survival film you may have missed, Cross the Bridge To Nowhere tonight!

Comeuppance review by: Brett and Ty