My Samurai (1992)

My Samurai (1992)- * *

Directed by: Fred H. Dresch

Starring: John Kallo, Julian Lee, Lynne Hart, Terry O'Quinn, Bubba Smith, and Mako 

“I left without my wallet.” - Young Park

Peter McCrea (Kallo) is a terminally depressed youngster whose dad, James (O’Quinn) forces him to take Tae Kwon Do. However, his instructor Young Park (Lee) believes in him. Mr. Tszing (Mako) is a gangland boss who commands an army of funny-looking thugs. After getting involved in some police corruption, Tszing’s gang shoots some people. The only problem is that the dour Peter child witnesses this. Now on the run from the baddies, Peter, Park, and James’s secretary, Deborah (Hart) have to run from place to place, avoiding death at every turn. Along the way, not only does Park get into a bunch of Martial Arts battles, he also attempts to teach Peter about life, Tae Kwon Do, believing in yourself, and all that jazz. 

During all this, they run into a man named Reverend George (Smith). This wouldn’t be relevant but for the fact that it happens to be Bubba Smith. Will Peter get out of the doldrums? Will Park connect his punches and kicks? Will our heroes escape the baddies? Perhaps we shall see...

A low-budget independent production starring a lot of strange-looking non-actors. Broken-English dialogue on top of a muffled, unhearable sound recording. Amateurish writing, directing, acting, and other technical qualities. Flat line readings. Squealing guitar on the soundtrack. Warehouse fights. Middle-Aged Punks. We’re home. Clearly a movie in our wheelhouse, as any regular reader of our site knows, My Samurai would fit nicely on the shelf next to other product released on Imperial Video. It’s close in spirit to the output of Ron Marchini, which Imperial trafficked in. It would also fit nicely on the shelf next to items like Hawkeye (1988) or Kindergarten “Ninja” (1994), though those movies are a lot more fun and entertaining than this one is.

The whole movie screams “dumb/awesome regional production made to sit on video store shelves in 1992”. Though it is quite stupid, childish, and repetitive, My Samurai will, if nothing else, remind you of those precious video store memories. It seems unlikely that very many people took this off their local video store shelves and actually paid money to rent it, but it’s easy to picture it being there amongst all the other choices. 

We don’t know how much penetration into stores across our great country My Samurai actually had, but maybe - just maybe - if all the Schwarzenegger, Stallone, Seagal, Van Damme, Jeff Speakman, Richard Norton, and Jay Roberts, Jr. movies are all rented out on a Friday or Saturday night, and My Samurai sits lonely on the shelf, a 12-year-old boy somewhere picked it up and took it home.

Which leads to the fact that, supposedly, this movie is rated R, but it feels more like PG. When you get to the scene with the “Birds of Paradise” gang - the aforementioned Middle-Aged Punks all wearing different colored Spirit Halloween wigs - you’ll know what we mean. These guys are so non-intimidating, they make the cast of Cocoon (1985) seem like the Latin Kings. Is THIS what Young Park is protecting Peter from? seeing as Peter seems suicidal throughout the movie, you’d think he’d welcome death (?) at the hands of the Birds of Paradise.

Now, it seems rather obvious that this is meant to be a DTV version of The Karate Kid (1984) and/or My Bodyguard (1980). However, Young Park is a Tae Kwon Do instructor - not a Samurai. Did the writers think all Asians are the same? Not only is the title of the movie inaccurate, it’s also totally racist. I think I need to run to my safe space. In the cast department, you get plenty of Mako, which is always a good thing, and a bare minimum amount of Terry O’Quinn, but you have to wait over an hour for Bubba Smith, and what Bubba you get is minimal Bubba. We’ve seen better Bubba. Much better Bubba. It made us long for the magic of The Wild Pair (1987).

So, My Samurai might not be for everybody - or anybody, come to think of it - but those with childhood memories of video stores might appreciate the nostalgia factor. It’s not what you’d call good, in most senses of what we all understand that word to mean, but if you’re a certain kind of movie watcher, that might not matter to you. It’s certainly never stopped any of us before, has it? In the end, what My Samurai lacks in quality is made up for by the archaeological value. Whether that’s a bargain you’re willing to make is up to you. 

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Crying Freeman (1995)

Crying Freeman (1995)- * * *1\2

Directed by: Christophe Gans

Starring: Mark Dacascos, Julie Condra, Rae Dawn Chong, Jerry Wasserman, Byron Mann, Tcheky Karyo, and Mako

A mysterious hired killer named Yo (Dacascos) - known as the Crying Freeman because after he executes his victims he sheds tears - is seen practicing his deadly trade by a woman named Emu O’Hara (Condra). Awesomely, he even has exploding guns to help cover his tracks. Soon after their chance encounter, they’re both caught in the middle of a Yakuza war, with only the skills of Yo keeping them both alive. Detective Forge (Chong) and Detective Netah (Karyo) are trying to sort it all out, but Netah may have more going on than meets the eye. It may all seem simple, but in the world of the Crying Freeman, nothing ever is. Will the Power of Yo prevail? Find out today...

Crying Freeman is an excellent film that everybody should see. How it compares to the original Manga or Anime we wouldn’t know, but as a film in its own right it succeeds brilliantly. In other words, you don’t really need to know the source material to appreciate this. Maybe it helps, but there’s plenty to recommend even if, like us, you were unfamiliar with its origins and background. 

Classily directed by Christophe Gans - known primarily for his Brotherhood of the Wolf (2008) - he balances sensitive and poetic passages that are downright painterly and beautiful with violent action setpieces involving everything from Martial Arts, gun-fu, blow-ups, and even a bow and arrow. Its artistic soul meshes well with the violence. The overall effect is intoxicating and adds up to be, we believe, a must-see.

Since this is quite obviously a work where the filmmakers clearly had high standards of quality, the whole thing seems solid and professionally made on every level - writing, directing, and, notably, the cinematography.  It’s all very solid, and it’s comforting feeling you’re in competent hands. 

Naturally, fan favorite Mark Dacascos shines in the role that he was perhaps born to play. Co-star Julie Condra must have been impressed - they later married. They are backed up by some familiar names: Rae Dawn Chong and Tcheky Karyo are on board and acquit themselves well, though, interestingly, Condra and Karyo were overdubbed by Deborah Kara Unger and Ron Perlman, respectively. Other B-Movie stalwarts are here to be found too, such as Byron Mann and Jerry Wasserman (check out our Virtual Assassin review for the reason why we’re always pointing out these unsung actors) - and lest we forget fan favorite Mako. 

 A little over an hour in there’s a bit of a lull, but that’s common and to be expected. That’s really the only criticism we have of Crying Freeman. And unlike most of its other brethren from 1995, this seems far more timeless. Shockingly - criminally - this didn’t receive a U.S. VHS release during the video store era, and only came out here on DVD quietly in 2008, and that release is now out of print. There are some fine international releases out there, and even a Blu-Ray now. But why this didn’t come out here when it would have done the most good for its reputation is puzzling and maddening. I guess it’s all part of the adventure of movie watching and collecting - you never know what you’re going to find, or where you’re going to find it. Occasionally you turn up a gem like this.

Crying Freeman should be more well-known, especially in the U.S. We absolutely recommend this enjoyable winner of a film. 

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett