Commando (1985)

Commando (1985)- * * * *

Directed by: Mark L. Lester

Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Vernon G. Wells, Rae Dawn Chong, Alyssa Milano, Bill Duke, David Patrick Kelly, and Dan Hedaya

When the awesomely-named John Matrix (Arnie) retires from a life of globe-trotting Special Ops commando work, all he wants to do is spend time with his beloved daughter Jenny (Milano). Instead of feeding the local deer and eating unknown sandwiches, Matrix’s past comes back to haunt him: the diabolical Arius (Hedaya) uses a team of mercenaries, including Matrix’s former associate, now evil, Bennett (Wells), as well as Sully (Kelly) and Cooke (Duke), among others, to force Matrix to depose a South American dictator so Arius can step in and make himself El Presidente. They’ve kidnapped Jenny and are forcing Matrix to do the job. Rather than submit to their demands, Matrix uses his considerable skills to turn the tables on the baddies and rescue his daughter. Along the way, he teams up with an unlikely partner, an innocent bystander to all the chaos named Cindy (Chong). John Matrix will prove himself to be the ultimate COMMANDO as he executes his ultimate mission: rescue Jenny! Will he do it? Well, you probably already know…

Perhaps the pinnacle of the 80’s action boom, the great and mighty Commando is everything an action movie should be…and more! It’s a completely entertaining, winning, engrossing, fun spectacle that features non-stop over the top action and hilarious one-liners from Schwarzenegger. Heck, this movie practically invented the “action movie one-liner” that we all take for granted today. However, it must be said the Arnie used two of them in The Terminator (1984) as well, but hey, there’s plenty to go around. Director Lester even reportedly counts this as his favorite of his own movies, which isn’t at all surprising. If I directed it, it would be my favorite too. (One supposes Hitman’s Run wouldn’t give Commando much of a run for the top position, but Lester also directed the excellent Showdown In Little Tokyo, so that must be a strong #2 in his eyes).

Commando is a vivid evocation of the 80’s rise of Arnie and the action movie in general. It was a great time in movies when if the filmmakers had to make a plot choice between either something logical, or something manly/muscular/action-oriented happening on screen, logic was chucked to the side because it’s far less important. Mr. Schwarzenegger remains charming as ever here, whether he’s reading Creem magazine and opining about Boy George, or shooting/blowing up/knifing/chopping/slicing/impaling people or getting into car chases or other death-defying stunts. James Horner’s score should also be singled out for mention, as it alternates between synth stabs during the action scenes, and the time-honored 80’s sax elsewhere. It’s really the perfect score and fits the movie well.

Kudos also go to the writers and director Lester for ensuring that this did not turn into an El Presidente Slog, as we call them, which it easily could have. Yet more props go to the excellent (and extensive) stunt performers on the film. As mentioned earlier, Schwarzenegger doesn’t have to carry the whole movie on his back like so many logs or phone booths. A top-notch cast is assembled around him to ensure quality all around. Someone should ask Alyssa Milano today what she thinks about Commando. There’s even a Rambo-style “Trautman” character that doesn’t get much screen time, perhaps because he’s not as important as all the Arnie action.

It should go without saying, but the cinematography is crystal-clear as well and you can see everything perfectly (unlike the movies of today). So when you see Arnie blowing up Jeeps with a rocket launcher, you really see Arnie blowing up Jeeps with a rocket launcher. It’s all a ton of fun, with a rich vein of humor throughout. The whole outing, seen from today’s perspective, harkens back to a time when you really got your money’s worth from your movie theater ticket. As a slam-bang, total-entertainment spectacle, you walk away feeling satisfied. Perhaps even uplifted, as Power Station’s “We Fight For Love” pumps on the soundtrack as the credits roll.

The thing is, if you DON’T like Commando, that might be a sign that you need psychological help. Symptoms of NLC (Not Liking Commando) should be listed in the DSM-V Manual of Mental Disorders. If you ever find yourself not liking this movie at any time, for any reason, please consult a medical professional. Commando rules!

NOTE: When buying the movie, seek out the 2007 American DVD. It’s the director’s cut and contains more violence. 

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty 

Crying Freeman (1995)

Crying Freeman (1995)- * * *1\2

Directed by: Christophe Gans

Starring: Mark Dacascos, Julie Condra, Rae Dawn Chong, Jerry Wasserman, Byron Mann, Tcheky Karyo, and Mako

A mysterious hired killer named Yo (Dacascos) - known as the Crying Freeman because after he executes his victims he sheds tears - is seen practicing his deadly trade by a woman named Emu O’Hara (Condra). Awesomely, he even has exploding guns to help cover his tracks. Soon after their chance encounter, they’re both caught in the middle of a Yakuza war, with only the skills of Yo keeping them both alive. Detective Forge (Chong) and Detective Netah (Karyo) are trying to sort it all out, but Netah may have more going on than meets the eye. It may all seem simple, but in the world of the Crying Freeman, nothing ever is. Will the Power of Yo prevail? Find out today...

Crying Freeman is an excellent film that everybody should see. How it compares to the original Manga or Anime we wouldn’t know, but as a film in its own right it succeeds brilliantly. In other words, you don’t really need to know the source material to appreciate this. Maybe it helps, but there’s plenty to recommend even if, like us, you were unfamiliar with its origins and background. 

Classily directed by Christophe Gans - known primarily for his Brotherhood of the Wolf (2008) - he balances sensitive and poetic passages that are downright painterly and beautiful with violent action setpieces involving everything from Martial Arts, gun-fu, blow-ups, and even a bow and arrow. Its artistic soul meshes well with the violence. The overall effect is intoxicating and adds up to be, we believe, a must-see.

Since this is quite obviously a work where the filmmakers clearly had high standards of quality, the whole thing seems solid and professionally made on every level - writing, directing, and, notably, the cinematography.  It’s all very solid, and it’s comforting feeling you’re in competent hands. 

Naturally, fan favorite Mark Dacascos shines in the role that he was perhaps born to play. Co-star Julie Condra must have been impressed - they later married. They are backed up by some familiar names: Rae Dawn Chong and Tcheky Karyo are on board and acquit themselves well, though, interestingly, Condra and Karyo were overdubbed by Deborah Kara Unger and Ron Perlman, respectively. Other B-Movie stalwarts are here to be found too, such as Byron Mann and Jerry Wasserman (check out our Virtual Assassin review for the reason why we’re always pointing out these unsung actors) - and lest we forget fan favorite Mako. 

 A little over an hour in there’s a bit of a lull, but that’s common and to be expected. That’s really the only criticism we have of Crying Freeman. And unlike most of its other brethren from 1995, this seems far more timeless. Shockingly - criminally - this didn’t receive a U.S. VHS release during the video store era, and only came out here on DVD quietly in 2008, and that release is now out of print. There are some fine international releases out there, and even a Blu-Ray now. But why this didn’t come out here when it would have done the most good for its reputation is puzzling and maddening. I guess it’s all part of the adventure of movie watching and collecting - you never know what you’re going to find, or where you’re going to find it. Occasionally you turn up a gem like this.

Crying Freeman should be more well-known, especially in the U.S. We absolutely recommend this enjoyable winner of a film. 

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett 

Mask Of Death (1996)

Mask Of Death (1996)-* *

Directed by: David Mitchell

Starring: Lorenzo Lamas, Rae Dawn Chong, and Billy Dee Williams









McKenna (Lamas) is a cop with a rockin’ mustache who happens to be taking a vacation on a remote lake, when baddies fleeing the law disrupt the party. In the ensuing battle, McKenna’s wife is shot and killed, and McKenna himself is shot in the face. While most people would have died from this grievous injury, his mighty mustache protects him from certain death. 

While in the hospital, his boss, Agent Jeffries, (Williams), convinces him to reconstruct his face after super-criminal Lyle Mason (also Lamas). McKenna reluctantly agrees, and now he’s undercover deeper than any cop has ever gone before him. Posing as Mason, McKenna has to navigate the criminal lifestyle without losing his integrity. This is going to be tough, because he can’t reveal his identity to former partner Turner (Chong), for fear of her safety, but she’s getting too close on her own. Will the truth of the mighty Lamas face be revealed?

It’s “two Lamases - no waiting” in this silly, dumb AND stupid production. Truly this is not one of Lamas’ best outings. Perhaps he only did it to compete with Van Damme, who has played two Van Dammes in multiple movies. According to the tagline, “Danger Has A New Face”, so, it might as well be Lorenzo Lamas’ face. Or maybe it was a trial run for the crown jewel of television that he was involved in later in his career, Are You Hot? - and Mask of Death was just Lamas trying to prove that indeed he was hot whether he played a good guy with not just one, but several, stunt mustaches, or his classic baddie with oversized sunglasses and a leather coat.

Billy Dee Williams’ role is minimal and he doesn’t really do that much, but he does mention something about Star Wars. Coincidence? Director Mitchell is also responsible for Thunderground (1989), Last To Surrender (1999), and UKM: Ultimate Killing Machine (2006), and his style is heavily Canadian, as his DTV productions scream “SHOT IN CANADA!” all over them. That’s not an insult, just an observation. Rae Dawn Chong is always nice to see, and her role gives her plenty of chances to get in on the action. But, as always, it’s all about the Lamas. That being said, we would suggest Bounty Tracker (1993), Bad Blood (1994) or Blood For Blood (1995) for better examples of Lamas action.

In the end, Mask of Death may have the prerequisite shooting and stunts and such, but we found it strangely unsatisfying. See above for better examples of classic Lamas.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Also check out a review by our buddy, DTVC!

City Limits (1984)

City Limits (1984)-*

Directed by: Aaron Lipstadt

Starring: John Stockwell, Rae Dawn Chong, Robby Benson, Kim Cattrall, Darrel Larson, and James Earl Jones










 

In the future, two rival gangs are vying for turf: the Clippers and the DA’s. Lee (Stockwell) leaves his rural life behind and heads to the big city to be part of the action, and gets embroiled in the gang warfare. Mainly this includes riding around on modified motorbikes and wearing silly outfits. But their masks are pretty cool. Even more trouble forms in the guise of Carver (Benson) who wants to control the city, or possibly the world, and is willing to use the gangs towards his evil ends, even pitting them against each other. Will Lee and his buddies prevail?

At the outset of this movie, we’re informed that what we’re seeing is “fifteen years from now”, but the Vestron VHS box tells us the movie takes place in the distant future of 2003. But one character’s Masters of the Universe coat really tells us what decade we’re in. But apparently Steven Seagal’s personal style had an impact, as a lot of people in the future wear fringed jackets. 

While City Limits isn’t quite in Shredder Orpheus (1990) territory, it is a bit reminiscent of Wired To Kill (1986). These are not favorable comparisons, as this movie seems like it could have been directed by Albert Pyun. When are filmmakers going to learn that annoying characters doing annoying things does not a movie make, and you cannot skip character development. Isn’t that movie-making 101?

This movie makes no sense, and it’s hard to imagine anyone, whilst making it, thinking it was a good idea, much less NOT a total waste of everyone’s time, but here you go. It’s total shelf-filler tailor made for the expanding video store market in the 80’s. It seems only the Italians can make entertaining post-apocalyptic movies. 

Basketball fans may get a kick out of the fact that one of the roving street gangs in this movie are called the Clippers, but it falls on deaf ears for mostly everyone else, including us. Also Robby Benson does what we call a “sit-down” role, where a character never moves from his seat.

Why did James Earl Jones agree to be in this? Sure, this movie may be boring, pointless and adds nothing new whatsoever to the post-apocalyptic genre, but the filmmakers were shrewd enough to realize Jones has a commanding voice, so they had him narrate this slog. 

Seeing as how it was the 80’s, and JEJ wears this brown fur coat in the movie, and how he’s the narrator of course, only one thing comes to mind: Teddy Ruxpin. But this movie is an insult to Mr. Ruxpin as whoever wrote the cassette that was placed in James Earl Jones did a horrible job. Only Jones’ professionalism prevails.

It’s easy to see why MST3K chose to do this movie. It’s just weak on pretty much every level.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty