H-Bomb (1971)

 H-Bomb (1971)- * * *

Directed by: P. Chalong

Starring: Chris Mitchum and Olivia Hussey

From the back of the Cinema Group Home Video VHS box: "When a power-mad Cambodian General and the Bangkok underworld team up to steal an American nuclear missile, the action never stops! Exploding bombs, spectacular shows of martial arts and death defying chases make this an adventure film to remember. Chris Mitchum and Olivia Hussey star in H-BOMB - a martial arts extravaganza that crosses political borders. With "No-holds barred" action, the film whirls through a tale of suspense and intrigue that'll leave you gasping for breath!"


And, perhaps less flatteringly, this from the Golden Movie Retriever: "Mitchum stars as a CIA agent who is sent to Bangkok to retrieve two stolen nuclear warheads from a terrorist. It just so happens that his ex-girlfriend's father is the terrorist he must contend with in this stupid movie."


While we definitely would NOT describe this movie as "stupid", we clearly needed help when it came to figuring out what the plot actually was. But, really, what exists of the plot is secondary to the super-70's vibe: gigantic cars, wah-wah funk on the soundtrack, shirts with big collars and louder patterns, bellbottoms and long hair are clearly the order of the day. The technology on display features a proto-Skype video phone and some video chess.


Unfortunately, it doesn't appear that we, as the audience, get to hear Mitchum's or Hussey's actual voices; it's all dubbed in that typical obnoxious style of that time where it sounds like there was one male voice talking to himself, loudly, and same with the female voice (s). On the action front, P. Chalong rarely skimps - you get motorcycle and car chases/stunts, shooting, blow-ups, an exploding helicopter, and the general "Third World" disregard for health and safety that came with enacting these stunts.


Another added bonus we get with the films of P. Chalong and Arizal, among others, is that there is a good amount of local color and scenery that is enjoyable to behold. We have to wonder what Olivia Hussey thought of all this - the love story between her character and Mitchum's isn't exactly Romeo and Juliet. None of what we see makes a huge amount of sense, but that's not exactly a problem. Movies today are very homogenous, and H-Bomb and its ilk are an antidote to that. For that reason, the audience today for films such as this may be small, but if you're reading this, that means we are among the people out there looking for something different. And H-Bomb is certainly different.


It features a killer end-credits song that seemingly is aiming to put the viewer in mind of the James Bond themes of the day. Was this P. Chalong's answer to Bond? Only you can decide, but H-Bomb is definitely worth a watch - especially for fans that don't mind if their action movies feature a healthy amount of nonsensicality and are made on a shoestring in a far-away land. And isn't that all of us, really?

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

The Lost Idol (1990)

The Lost Idol (1990)-* *1\2

Directed by: P. Chalong

Starring: Erik Estrada and Christoph Kluppel













In the jungles of Kampuchea in 1975, 19 soldiers were left behind. While trying to get to Thailand in the hopes of being found, they come upon a cave with a golden statue. Instead of taking it with them, they decide to hide it in the cave and come back to get it later. This whole initiative is spearheaded by the interestingly-named Lt. Oliver Reed (not the actual Oliver Reed, though that would have been interesting). 

Many years after the end of the war, Reed decides to go and find the idol, and while he’s assembling the team to do so, he realizes he needs the help of Sgt. Kurt (Estrada), now a civilian living with his wife and daughter on a farm in Thailand. Kurt wants no part of the operation, so Reed kidnaps his daughter and forces him to take part. Now strongarmed into Reed’s expedition, the whole gang is captured by the local army and tortured (in the time-honored Prerequisite Torture sequence). Now everyone is fighting to retrieve the “golden idol” - who will actually get it?

Ah, P. Chalong. We hardly knew ye. He had a great streak as director going in the 80’s with this, Gold Raiders (1984) and In Gold We Trust (1991). The dude really liked gold, apparently. Like Gold Raiders, this is an overlong jungle slog. Sure, the climax of the movie is cool, with all the exploding huts, guard towers, shooting and tanks you could hope for, but by that point it’s too little too late. 

But despite the movie’s length, it’s not all THAT bad: for instance, on the bright side it has characters such as Won Ton Gool (?) and Christoph (Kluppel). The line readings/dubbing are great, and there are silly musical stings on the soundtrack. But all in all this movie needed to be sillier even than what it was, and shorter.

Speaking of Christoph, this hulking, mustachioed brute helps things along nicely. He gets not one, but two great entrances in the movie. Before the prerequisite barfight, Christoph emerges with an especially tiny midget, like a Nelson De La Rosa type. Then again he re-emerges later on in spectacular fashion, but we won’t spoil how he does it here. 

And let’s not forget about fan favorite Erik Estrada. Sure, he’s a genre mainstay, but it seems Won Ton and Christoph outshined him here. This movie does have some bright spots, but the length of the movie and uninspired plot work against those better moments like when you push both of your hands together in resistance training.

We presume the rural Thai audiences that saw this movie weren’t as sophisticated as today’s modern viewers, that’s why Chalong included plenty of unmatched day-for-night shots, stock footage and laughable, primitive green screen effects. But we don’t fault him for this, his country most likely just didn’t have the resources and budget for it to be otherwise, and we actually applaud him for getting his movies off the ground despite the odds against him.

Interestingly, The Lost Idol was released on a stand-alone VHS release (on Shapiro-Glickenhaus) and as a double feature tape with the Danny Aiello and Lyle Alzado movie Shock Troop (1990). The “two-fer” tape is much rarer so if you see it anywhere, grab it.

In all, The Lost Idol is decent enough, but really, Erik Estrada is a name that usually stands for better.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett

Gold Raiders (1983)

Gold Raiders (1983)-* * *

Directed by: P. Chalong

Starring: Robert Ginty and Sarah Langenfeld














When a plane goes down in the middle of the jungles of Thailand carrying millions of dollars in gold, a ragtag group led by Mark (The Gint) faces adventure and much peril as they try to retrieve it. Helping him along the way is Cordelia (Langenfeld). However, making their journey even harder is the evil, cigar-chomping commie General (is there any other kind?), named (we think) Korn (???), and he’s sending his men after the gold. Who will raid the gold: the good guys or the commies? find out today!

Gold Raiders is a fun movie that’s more on the adventure side of things than straight action. The sense of fun at work here is due in large part to the dubbing, which is laugh-out-loud funny. There are wacky fights, a surprisingly high body count, and some of the necessary inventiveness that comes from “third-world”-style filmmaking. Filmmaker P. Chalong probably didn’t have a lot of resources at his disposal - but that didn’t stop him from creating a pre-Cyclone (1987) futuristic bicycle that’s also a hang-glider and shoots missiles! Both that and the sinister cave bats with the red glowing eyes are some of the details that make Gold Raiders stand out.

Of course, it has the always-likable Ginty leading the pack. Although we don’t quite know whose voice it really was. It seems he saw a chance to go to Thailand and nabbed it. Perhaps he figured no one would ever see this movie - not that there’s anything to be ashamed of here - but, amazingly enough, the great VHS label Media released it in the U.S. In the 80’s, Ginty was riding high on the success of the Exterminator films, and Gold Raiders promotional materials made sure everyone knew this. 

While the plot is pretty flimsy (you gotta love the evil General screaming about “capitalist imperialists!!!”) - no one should get really hung up on the plot as long as the charmingly homemade-by-necessity effects are on display, including the nifty blood effects. Add to that some picturesque Bangkok locations, and you have a night of silly entertainment at its best. But there’s a caveat...

In its quest to seemingly recreate the work of Sergio Leone, Gold Raiders is just too long. Leone can justify creating a longer film. Chalong isn’t quite up to his masterful skill level. The running time is absurdly almost two hours. The climax is really cool...but then it keeps going and going. 

If all the fat was cut from this movie and the climax was in the right place, Gold Raiders might be more well known and put in the pantheon of “watch it with your buddies” movies. You can still - and should - do that, of course, but be aware you’ll be there for longer than you’d expect.

Besides the lengthiness, Gold Raiders is a movie we think most people will like - especially if you don’t take it too seriously.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

In Gold We Trust (1991)

In Gold We Trust (1991)-* * *1\2

Directed by: P. Chalong

Starring: Jan-Michael Vincent, Sherrie Rose, Christoph Kluppel, and Sam Jones

Maniacal mercenary Jeff Slater (Jones), and his right-hand man Christoph (Kluppel)lead a band of baddies to Thailand to try and retrieve a cache of gold bars hidden in what looks like a miniature NASA spacecraft. Also after the gold is Slater’s former ‘Nam buddy Oliver Moss (Vincent). Moss takes his right-hand gal Debbie (Rose) along with him and his gang. But there’s going to be plenty of conflicts and competition, not even amongst the two groups vying for the treasure, but from local soldiers, as well as a battalion of Japanese warriors hidden in a Thai cave (????). He who has the gold makes the rules...who will rule?

This movie is so great! It ranks among the best work of P. Chalong, the best work of Jan-Michael Vincent, the best work of Sherrie Rose, the best work of AIP, the best work of Christoph Kluppel and by far the best work of Sam Jones. All in one convenient movie! How can you lose?

P. Chalong has directed six movies in his career and we’ve seen three of them to date - Gold Raiders (1983), The Lost Idol (1990), and this. Sadly, it was his last movie, because he’d finally fulfilled his potential as a director and given us the P. Chalong that we’ve always wanted to see, if that makes any sense. He seems to be the only guy out there willing to hire the under-used Christoph - who, in true Tony Danza fashion only plays dudes named Christoph - but for some reason is dubbed with a Russian accent. He’s a member of the team of baddies that includes a guy that looks like an 80’s-era Weird Al, and a Tommy Chong-like man as well. Truly these are the villains that will strike fear in your heart. On the hero side we have Sherrie Rose, who hails from our home state of Connecticut. She can certainly hold her own with all the testosterone around. And fan favorite JMV - even though it was the 90’s at this point - still wears his sunglasses at night in true Corey Hart fashion, as well has his Member’s Only jacket and childlike hair part. Witness as he mispronounces the word “Laos” - but even still, he doesn’t seem that drunk this time around. Whether that’s a good thing or not is up to you.

But, ladies and gentlemen, no one can even come close to Sam Jones in this, the role of his lifetime. Jones, playing a baddie (which is rare for him) seizes the opportunity with gusto. He’s at his absolute best as he chews the scenery to shreds with hyped-up abandon. It’s over the top in the best sense of the word, even a John Miller (From Honor and Glory, 1993)-like performance. It’s beyond a tour-de-force. It’s a tour-de-France as he attempts to lead his horde of highly-questionable antagonists to victory. Sam Jones in this movie is enough to warrant a purchase.

Adding to the silliness/weirdness (besides everything else) is the Godzilla movie-like dubbing of the Thai actors, the George W. Bush-like Texan “John Point” who appears in the beginning of the film, JMV shooting a missile launcher in mid-air from a parachute (it’s in the trailer so it’s not a spoiler) and plenty of other great, rewindable moments, which are normally so rare. This is truly one of the best Exploding Hut movies we’ve yet seen, it really transcends the genre. But when buying this movie, don’t confuse it with the 2010 release of the same name. Obviously the people who made that one are film-illiterate because they’ve never heard of P. Chalong! Chalong was the first one to cleverly add a simple “L” to the famous inscription on our currency. We miss you, P. We really do.

For releasing this movie, this is why we’re always touting AIP. We give them props. In Gold We Trust is so much fun, and now, finally, Jeff Slater can go in the pantheon of great movie villains. We recommend this movie highly!

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett