The Hitman (1991)

The Hitman (1991)- * * *1\2

Directed by: Aaron Norris

Starring: Chuck Norris, Michael Parks, Salim Grant, and Al Waxman













Cliff Garret (Norris) is a no-nonsense cop. When his former partner, Delaney (Parks) tries to kill him because Delaney is actually evil, he thinks he can go on with his criminal life. But what Delaney didn’t count on is that Garret is too tough to die, and he survives. Three years after the incident, Garret is now known by the name Grogan and is working undercover in the mob. Sure, his mullet is a little longer and he wears a bolo tie now, but he’s still the same guy - the type of guy that hates criminal scum. 

So he cleverly sets the Italian, French and Iranian gangs against each other. In the midst of all this violence, he takes a young boy under his wing. At first he helps Timmy (Grant) build model airplanes, but at the slightest mention, Garret starts teaching him Martial Arts so he can take on the local bully. So he has a sensitive side, but when Delaney comes calling once again, he’ll be put to the ultimate test. Will he survive?

The Hitman is one of the better Chucks we’ve seen to date. It’s not boring and stodgy like a lot of his other work. It has a nice pace, some classic early-90’s political incorrectness, good action scenes, and Chuck has plenty of winning one-liners. Michael Parks is also great as the baddie. He makes a perfect foil for Chuck, just as he did for Charles Bronson in Death Wish V: The Face of Death (1994). There are some great “hero shots” of Chuck as he triumphantly appears, looming large on your TV. His long red hair may make you think he looks like a male version of Wendy (from Wendy’s), but you’ll be rooting for Chuck all the way here.

A fun thing to do while watching a Chuck movie is, during a dialogue scene while the person who is not Chuck Norris is speaking, keep your eyes trained on Chuck when he’s not talking. His “listening” or “reacting” facial expressions are priceless. That aside, both he and Parks go line-for-line in the dialogue department, and you know Chuck is serious when he wears his bolo-less bolo tie. Yes, he somehow invented a way to wear a bolo tie with no actual bolo. Now that’s innovation. 

But you know he’s a sensitive guy at heart because he builds model airplanes and goes to the aquarium and gives facts about dolphins (although he should know better than to tap the glass...even when he’s trying to be sensitive he can’t help being a little bit aggressive).

Another thing we liked about the movie was the jazzy, downbeat musical score. That and the dark cinematography seem to indicate that this a serious, adult Chuck movie for the 90’s, not any kid stuff. We certainly appreciated that, and the violence (including the time-honored Final Factory Fight) would underline that even more. It would appear to contradict the new “PG-13 Crusader” that Chuck has become in recent years.

Anyway...Marco Luganni (Waxman) is the head of the Italian mobsters, and he commands what we dubbed the “Beard Patrol” because it seems all his consiglieri are beardos. Is that a requirement for being in the Luganni gang? Also we noted the movie was ahead of its time, as two of its principal concerns are bullying and Iranians, two things heavily in the news today. Just call him Norristradamus.

The Hitman is an entertaining and audience-pleasing movie, completely in keeping with the action product of the early 90’s. In other words, it’s totally worth seeing. 

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett

Also check out a write-up by our buddy, The Video Vacuum! 

Wanted: Dead Or Alive (1986)

Wanted: Dead Or Alive (1986)-* *1\2

Directed by: Gary Sherman

Starring: Rutger Hauer, Gene Simmons, Mel Harris, and Robert Guillaume











Nick Randall (Hauer) is an ex-CIA agent and bounty hunter. He is asked to track down an extremely dangerous and ruthless terrorist, Malak Al-Rahim (Simmons), who has been killing lots of people and only planning to do more damage. Randall will stop at nothing to track down Al-Rahim, especially after an attempt on his life kills some people Randall cares about. Will Randall succeed?

As you can see from the brief plot description above, the storyline here is pretty cut-and-dry, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but the movie should have been shorter, and with Rutger killing more goons. That would have livened things up. But as it stands, Wanted: Dead or Alive has some good 80’s atmosphere and un-PC moments. So that’s a good thing, and they tried to give Nick Randall a bit more character development than usual, which is also good.  He gets plenty of snappy lines and loves the harmonica, which mirrors on the soundtrack. He even has what may be the first car GPS seen on a movie screen.

It was also nice to see Gene Simmons looking slick, and while he himself is Jewish, he plays an Islamic terrorist. The terror aspect of the film is still relevant, but this movie has too much padding and needed more action. Interestingly, in the movie theater scene, they are playing the movie “Rambo” - and while there are many Rambo references in many other 80’s and 90’s action movies, the filmmakers here should have known there was no such movie by that title at that time.

Naturally, it all ends in a classic Steam Factory shootout. So while WDOA has some good moments, the movie should have been tightened up and had some edge added to it. It’s not bad at all, but it’s not very memorable either.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Street Corner Justice (1996)

Street Corner Justice (1996)-* *

Directed by: Chuck Bail

Starring:  Marc Singer, Steve Railsback, Soon-Teck Oh, Kim Lankford, Tommy "Tiny" Lister, Clint Howard, and Bryan Cranston



 "The law of the land just came home to stay."








 The wonderfully-named Mike Justus (Singer) is “The Best”. The best cop in Pittsburgh, that is. Because of his rogue ways and defiance of authority, his higher-ups decide to let him “retire early”. Justus sees this as a good time to fix up and re-sell a house his aunt left him in the suburbs of Los Angeles. Upon arriving in a section of L.A. called Norwood, he finds it overrun by criminals, hoodlums, punks, ne’er-do-wells, scofflaws, loiterers, scapegraces, Sir-Lucius-O’Triggers, delinquents, ruffians, thugs, hooligans, and the like. Not getting any help from local cop Freeborn (Railsback), Justus, along with a rainbow coalition of people in the community such as restauranteur Lee (Oh), stereotypical Irish Priest Father Brophy (Cranston), stereotypical Bible-quoting tough guy Angel (Lister), and video store proprietress/love interest to Mike Justus Jenny (Lankford), form a Guardian Angels-like group called TNB, or “Take Norwood Back”. This doesn’t sit well with the local gangs, so a showdown ensues. Will Justus actually get STREET CORNER JUSTICE?

As far as “take back the community” movies go, Street Corner Justice isn’t as good as The Annihilators (1985) or Private Wars (1993) (which also featured Steve Railsback, who must really care about his community). It’s one of our favorite themes for DTV movies, so we could never get sick of this formula, but this one in particular is just relentlessly dumb. It’s also too long, and oddly paced at that. Even though director Chuck Bail is a veteran of the movie industry, it’s like he was a newbie in the production department. 

That aside, at least he had the raw nerve to name the main character Mike Justus. As if to drill the point home to viewers who may be even dumber than this movie, at one point Justus says, “There’s no justice. There’s just us.” Yes, we get it. But Mike Justus smokes - because he’s cool - and that’s something you’d never see today. No hero would ever smoke in our ridiculously P.C. society of the 2000’s. Also Singer looks a lot like David Spade in this movie. If you’ve ever wanted to see David Spade beat up bad guys and chase rapists that are Clint Howard, this might be your only chance.

‘Justice is riddled with cliches and stereotypes (there’s even a fast montage of nothing but cliches early on in the movie, watch out for it) and these are fun to watch, but is it enough to support a whole (overlong) movie? There are some moments which aren’t in the box of cliches, such as the fact that the main baddie and supposedly the toughest gang member in town wears a sweatervest, and the fact that this whole “citizens vs. punks” war was initiated when a fat guy couldn’t play a game of Street Fighter II. All the way up until the time-honored final abandoned warehouse fight, there’s plenty of unmitigated stupidity on show. But that may be your thing.

There’s also an “evil playground” that we haven’t seen since Balance Of Power (1996) - it might even be the same one as Balance Of Power, which would be weird. That’s one seriously evil playground. We can see why two movies have highlighted it. And the video store that Kim Lankford’s character, Jenny, works at is called Cine-Video, and looks like a real place. Lankford gets to sing not one, but two songs on the soundtrack. But no rockin’ tunes, just ballads. It’s a shame, a faster song might have bumped up the energy level a bit more.

Considering Mike Justus fought his whole life against red tape, it’s pretty ironic that this movie comes housed in a red tape. But no amount of gimmickry or colored inks can blot out the fact that Street Corner Justice is video store shelf-filler and a waste of a nice B-movie cast.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett