Soldier's Fortune (1991)

Soldier's Fortune (1991)- * *

Directed by: Arthur N. Mele

Starring: Gil Gerard, PJ Soles, George Buck Flower, Barbara Bingham, Janus Blythe, Cindy Guyer, Randy Harris, Wild Bill Mock, Juan Garcia, Grainger Hines, Ken Olant, Orestes Matacena, and Charles Napier

Jennifer Alexander (Guyer) and her friend Millie Prichard are just two high schoolers at cheerleading practice. Before they know it, they're being kidnapped by armed baddies who swoop down in a helicopter. Millie may or may not survive the attack. Jennifer's mother Susan (Bingham) does what any parent in that sort of situation would do: she immediately calls Robert E. Lee Jones (Gerard). A soldier of fortune (as opposed to Soldier's...Fortune), Lee, as everyone calls him, assembles a team of his former compatriots to execute the rescue mission.

Included in this team are T-Max (Flower), a grizzled old salt and current blues bar owner, Hollis Bodine (Haggerty), the town rabble-rouser and knife expert, his brother "Fresno" Bob Bodine (Mock), Low Eddie (Garcia), Big Sam (Harris), who is blind but has super-hearing, and maybe a few others. When Millie's sister Alex (Blythe) wants to join the fray, she has to overcome some classic "but you're a WOMAN!" sexism but eventually shows her mettle. But it's not going to be easy, because Col. Blair (Napier) is a longtime rival of Robert E. Lee Jones. Plus, he doesn't like him all that much. And Blair has a sidekick named Rojas (Matacena) who appears to be like Billy Drago doing a Marlon Brando impersonation. And what does Debra (Soles) have to do with any of this? Find out...today?

Gil Gerard probably hates George Peppard. One can only assume that he burned with jealousy, thinking that the "Hannibal" Smith role on the A-Team should have rightfully gone to him. Heck, their names even rhyme. Gerard probably feels the same way about Lee Majors. Once Majors became the beloved Fall Guy, Gerard must have thought he got screwed...again. Unless you count Soldier's Fortune, Gerard has been consigned to the dustbin of action history. He's just a guy with a lumbering walk who kind of looks like a cross between Treat Williams and George W. Bush. He has "Dumb Face" a la Howie Long and seems like he's going to say "HUH?" at any moment.

Thankfully, there are some quality character actors here to back him up. It was nice to see George "Buck" Flower in a solid role that isn't the town drunk. This time, he owns a bar. He's moving up in the world. His croaking voice is endearing and you gotta love him. He is also the Machine Gun Joe character this time around, but I guess he's "Machine Gun T-Max". T-Max sounds like a sort of VHS tape, but his bar sells "T-Max Tea", which is a must-try when you go to T-Max's.

We were happy Dan Haggerty was here as well. Napier gets slightly more screen time here than in Center of the Web (1992). For the supposed main baddie, we don't see him all that much. Seeing him more would have improved the proceedings overall. Ken Olandt of Digital Man (1995) fame also has a small role. Harris as Big Sam was a nice addition to the team. He was blinded by some sort of flash grenade on one of his earlier missions with Lee. As a man who is Black and blind, he took the only career path available to him: a blues guitarist.

While Soldier's Fortune features some things we like seeing: camaraderie among the assembled team, some 40-50-year-old punks, and some shooting-based action scenes (not to mention other classic cliches like the prerequisite torture of the hero (es)), it must be said that there isn't a ton of forward drive here, and no suspense whatsoever. It's all kind of staid. There are a smattering of standout details, like the bizarre scene involving a Chucky doll, the fact that Jennifer has a Bon Jovi poster on her wall, the strange names such as T-Max and Link Strutt (Hines), and the occasionally MASH-esque soundtrack. Not to mention Hollis Bodine's knife expertise. But it's all kind of middle-of-the-road.

The plot does prefigure Taken (2008) by many years, but instead of calling in Liam Neeson, she calls in Chad Everett....er, sorry, Gil Gerard, to handle business. If you were in a video store in 1991, with all the other choices on the shelves, it's hard to imagine anyone aggressively opting for Soldier's Fortune. With hindsight, and the advantages of history, we can appreciate certain aspects of it, mainly the solid B-Movie cast of familiar faces. But it all lacks a certain oomph, a certain punch that we've all come to expect.

Soldier's Fortune is by no means bad, but is missing some crucial ingredients to make it a film worth recommending.

Comeuppance Review: Brett and Ty

Crime Lords (1991)

 

Crime Lords (1991)- * * *

Directed by: Wayne Crawford

Starring: Wayne Crawford, Martin Hewitt, James Hong, Susan Byun, and Ted Le Plat

L.A. Cops Elmo Lagrange (Crawford) and Peter Russo (Hewitt) are partners, but also an Odd Couple of sorts. Lagrange is a crabby curmudgeon and perhaps not the best physical specimen on the force. Russo is young, hip, idealistic, and happenin' - his stylish mullet tells that tale. On the trail of some CRIME LORDS, the two men fly to Hong Kong. So now they're an Odd Couple, Cops On the Edge and now Fish out of Water. Getting mixed up with Ling (Hong) and Jennifer Monahan (Byun) lead them to the ultimate confrontation. But will they survive their Hong Kong escapade?



At the time of this writing, there are almost 1,300 reviews on this site. So perhaps it makes sense that then, and only then, would we be getting to Wayne Crawford. We have that luxury now, in 2024, but video store patrons in the early 90's would likely not have rented 1,300 movies before they got to Crawford. Consequently, it seems, not a heck of a lot of people discovered the charms (?) of Wayne Crawford.


Crawford looks like a cross between Sam Waterston and Leo Rossi. He claims to have a "spare tire", and is unshaven and cynical. His Comeuppance-relevant credits include White Ghost (1988) and L.A.P.D.: To Protect and to Serve (2001). His partner in 'Crime is Martin Hewitt, known for his run of Erotic thrillers in the 90's. There is a scene, presumably played for laughs, where he and Crawford get into a fight while wearing only their underwear. Perhaps this served as a good training ground for what he did later on.


Buddy cop movies were all the rage at the time, and Lethal Weapon (1987), Red Heat (1988), and Action Jackson (1988) ruled the video stores of the day. This seems to be the inspiration for Crime Lords. Throw in a WYC, Captain John Strauss (Le Plat), some silly dialogue, wacky situations, but also some fish-out-of-water cop action in Hong Kong, and there you have it. Most, if not all, of the cliches that you would expect to see in this sort of material are indeed present and accounted for. That's not a bad thing.


The main drawback to Crime Lords is its pacing issues, which are very noticeable throughout. But it was nice to see those old one-color computers with their dot matrix printers, and other nostalgic items on display. Plus there was a scene with a flicked cigarette that showed some cinematic ingenuity on Crawford's part (he also directed the film).


Clearly the Elmo Lagrange character was near and dear to his heart, because he returned in American Cop (1995). In the end, however, Crime Lords isn't exactly must-see viewing, but it's entertaining enough for what it is. If you've seen every other buddy cop movie ever made and are looking for another one, there's always Crime Lords.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

The Skid Kid (1991)

 

The Skid Kid (1991)- * * *1\2

Directed by: Glen Gruner

Starring: Gary Wolf, Scott Wolf, Glen Gruner, and Jessica Wolf

"This guy makes the Ninja Turtles look harmless!" - Local observer

When Scooter Spielberg (Gary Wolf) discovers a pair of miraculous boots in the middle of the highway that allow him to travel at fast speeds while just sitting on the ground, he becomes the newest crimefighter in Union, Missouri. Union is in the midst of a crime wave, and THE SKID KID, as he's dubbed by the local media, aims to stop it. The problem is that Scooter is just a regular high school kid with his own problems, such as a rivalry with Mr. All-Star (Scott Wolf), and girlfriend problems with Stephanie (Jessica Wolf). Meanwhile, the FBI is after Scooter, presumably to know the secret of the boots, and not jealousy as to the fact that he's cleaning up crime in town. Will the Skid Kid live to skid again?



The Skid Kid is an extremely charming and endearing regional production from Missouri. Clearly it was a labor of love for all involved, especially director/writer/producer/editor/actor and all-around Skid Kid mastermind Glen Gruner. Just exactly how Gruner came up with this whackadoo idea is not yet known, but the fact that he put his passion to work by actually putting the time and effort into making this movie is quite impressive. His love for the idea of a kid who can sit on the ground and move with the speed of a car is the overriding feeling here, and it's pretty infectious.


You know you're in good hands when, after the initial skidding scene ends, there's a kid with a mullet doing an extended wheelie on his bike. Very extended. The music throughout the film is very booming and rousing (and clearly sourced from somewhere with big orchestras). It's all populated with non-professional actors and is shot on what appears to be 8MM film. This gives it a 70's look and feel at times, even though the official release date is 1991.


The Skid Kid has other powers as well, as he can make skateboards appear out of nowhere. He gives one to a local tot who seems happy about it. The magical boots run on soda (how Scooter figures this out is never explained, but doesn't need to be), which leads to dialogue such as, and I quote, "I need more soda for my boots." You don't hear that said too often. That's why The Skid Kid is a treasure.


Scooter's catchphrase is "Gotta Scoot!" - BEFORE he becomes The Skid Kid. It's almost like he was fulfilling his destiny when he found the boots. He truly was born to scoot. Like any good Godfrey Ho movie, it all ends with a classic Final Field Fight. The closest comparison we can provide about The Skid Kid, with its family-friendly tone and aspiring filmmakers, is Kindergarten "Ninja" (1994), but the production values on that even surpass The Skid Kid. But it's okay, because it's all in fun.



Apparently the Wolf family, the most famous of which is Scott, was involved in the production. It would be interesting to hear him talk about this in an interview. Nevertheless, even if you don't like The Skid Kid, it's only 70 minutes. If truth be told, that is the perfect running time, because at that point the audience is pretty much Skid Kid'ed out. But it's a fun ride while it lasts.


Thanks to the VHS collecting community, there is more awareness now about The Skid Kid. Because of Instagram, YouTube, and other social media, lesser-seen local gems like this can gain wider exposure.


If you don't mind some local color, and you're up for watching the type of movie you and your friends could have made - or perhaps did make - give The Skid Kid a spin.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Fearless Tiger (1991)

 

Fearless Tiger (1991)- * * *

Directed by: Jalal Merhi 

Starring: Jalal Merhi, Monika Schnarre, Lazar Rockwood, K. Dock Yip, Bolo Yeung, and Jamie Farr

"Tell me about Fish Food!!" - Lyle Camille

Lyle Camille (Merhi) seems to have it all in life: he's engaged to the beautiful Ashley (Schnarre), and is poised to take an important position in the family business, which is led by his father Sam (Farr). His charmed life is about to be derailed when his brother overdoses on a new drug called Nirvana, which clearly was the only thing with that name to become popular in 1991. (The drug also seems to have a code name on the streets: Fish Food).


Naturally, as any good brother would do after such a tragedy, Lyle flies to Hong Kong, studies with Martial Arts Master Do Man (Yip), meets the mysterious Master on Mountain (Bolo), and enters a King of the Kickboxers-esque fighting tournament. Lyle then returns to his native Canada after an undisclosed amount of time, and proceeds to use his newfound skills to get revenge on the baddies, and his main target is the dastardly Saalamar (Rockwood, not to be confused with the Jody Watley and Soul Train-affiliated singing group with a similar name). Will Lyle Camille reach his newfound lifelong goal of becoming a FEARLESS TIGER?




Fearless Tiger is probably one of the better Jalal Merhi movies we've seen to date, because it's full of enough silly and amusing moments to keep the whole thing afloat. Some scenes are genuinely well-shot and lit, and there's usually a fight or an explosion coming soon.

Because Merhi's real accent is so thick, Jamie Farr probably thought he needed to keep up with that, so his accent seems to get thicker as time goes on. The rise of Lyle Camille (how do they come up with these names?) was a bit like if Latka from Taxi trained hard to beat people up. What they should have done back in '91 - though it's not too late still today - is have Jalal Merhi and Bronson Pinchot play twin brothers who team up to get revenge on a drug cartel. Perhaps the cartel could operate out of the island of Mypos and their last name could be Bartokomous. It's too good of an idea. We'll keep waiting.



Anyway, Bloodsport (1988) and Kickboxer (1989) were very popular at the time, so here comes Fearless Tiger. What those classics don't have, however, is the hero fighting an overweight man wearing rainbow suspenders while on the back of a moving dumptruck. Lazar Rockwood, who plays the main baddie, looks like an Asian Billy Drago. We were happy to see Monika Schnarre here, in her first cinematic role. She later went on to be in The Death Merchant (1991). Like a lot of similar outings, a lot of time is taken up by the baddies looking for "the disk". It's a classic cliche we all know and love.




Co-writer J. Stephen Maunder went on to direct Tiger Claws II (1996) and Tiger Claws III (2000), as well as Shadows in Paradise (2010). He also wrote a lot of other titles we're all familiar with, such as Expect No Mercy (1995). With Fearless Tiger, we have something with enough absurd or entertaining moments to keep it all moving forward.




Featuring a quality end credits song, Face of Fear by Britton, Fearless Tiger is indeed recommended if you like those early-90's video store actioners, and we all can't get enough of those.

Comeuppance Review by Brett and Ty

Also check out a write-up from our buddy, DTVC!

Blood Chase (1991)

 

Blood Chase (1991)- * * *

Directed by: Teddy Page 

Starring: Andrew Stevens, Karen Sheperd, John Light, Tony Chang, and Mike Monty

Eddie Nichols (Light) is the lead goon in a tight-knit group of baddies. Five years after committing a payroll heist, they're still looking for a man named Ross Anderson (Monty), because they believe he has stashed away the money. Unfortunately for Ross's daughter Cheryl (Sheperd), the goons have trained their sights on her, believing she knows the whereabouts of the cash. As a police officer highly trained in Martial Arts, she has no trouble fending off the baddies. But, for extra security, she involves her husband John (Stevens), and the two of them join forces to fight the thugs and get to the truth, step by step, about her father's whereabouts. Whether it's dealing with family lineage, or beating up bad guys, will this be the ultimate BLOOD CHASE?



You know you're in for a treat when during the opening heist sequence, the baddies are stealing bags of money with the words "U.S. Government Property" painted on them. Said bags wouldn't be out of place in a McDonald's commercial as they're stolen by the Hamburglar.



You've gotta love Teddy Page. He knows how to open a movie with a bang. Blood Chase is remarkably consistent throughout, and is a lot of fun to watch. To have Karen Sheperd and Andrew Stevens fighting alongside one another was a great choice, and the pairing works very well. Thankfully, Page doesn't skimp on the punching, kicking, shooting, and blow-ups.



Blood Chase has all the faces we know and love from these Philippines-set actioners, such as Jim Moss, David Light, Jerry Beyer, Mike Monty, Nick Nicholson, Eric Hahn, Henry Strzalkowski, and others. During this period of time, these men must have been consistently working in the Philippines film industry, and it's like a stock company of familiar faces that fans of the genre have grown to know and love. The addition of Shepard and Stevens only sweetens the deal.



You know the main baddie is evil because he yells at a waiter about his navy bean soup at the Pink Patio restaurant. He also has a classic evil laugh. There is a lot of funny/silly dialogue that is amusingly dubbed. The fight scenes are energetically done, which is amped up even more when the film is sped up slightly, giving it a Hong Kong-type feel. That's further reinforced with the character of David Hung (Chang), a very mysterious individual who helps out Cheryl and John in their quest.



Also, when something dramatic happens, there is a dun-dun-dun! musical sting on the soundtrack. You know it's not a revelation, just a dramatic moment, because the third note goes down instead of up. In yet another movie highlight, when John and Cheryl seek help from a police captain named Brad Murdoch, he has quite possibly the biggest nameplate on his desk that we've ever seen. He really wants visitors to his office to know that he is Brad Murdoch.


Blood Chase is recommended overall, but especially to fans of Philippines-set action outings, Karen Sheperd, Andrew Stevens, and anyone who enjoys navy bean soup.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Dune Warriors (1991)

 

Dune Warriors (1991)- * * 

Directed by: Cirio H. Santiago 

Starring: David Carradine, Rick Hill, Luke Askew, Jillian McWhirter, Blake Boyd,  and Maria Isobel Lopez

In New California in 2040, water is the most precious commodity. The world is a destroyed, desert-like wasteland and most people are just scraping together to survive. When a roving gang of toughs led by the sinister William (Askew) and Tomas (Nicholson) invade the small village of Chin Le because they have a water supply, all hell breaks loose. Wanting to fight back against the new situation she and her fellow survivors have found themselves in, a young woman named Val (McWhirter) puts together a team of heroes. She finds Michael (Carradine), John (Hill), Dorian (Boyd), and Miranda (Lopez), all of whom have specialties when it comes to the fighting arts. Will our small band of plucky heroes be able to expel the baddies once and for all?

As Dokken once sang, “we’re the Dune Warriors, don’t wanna Dune no more.” We’re pretty sure those were the lyrics. If you've seen such films as Steel Dawn (1987), Raiders of the Sun (1992), Wheels of Fire (1985), Stryker (1983) or any Cirio Santiago or post-apocalyptic movie, you may know what to expect with Dune Warriors. It's really just more of the same. That's not necessarily a good thing or a bad thing. It just fits in with its other compatriots in the genre.

Because David Carradine is a man who travels around doing Martial Arts, there's a certain Kung Fu vibe, and because Rick Hill and his buddies are guys who do jousting tournaments on motorcycles, it may recall Knightriders (1981) to a certain degree, but those are the only elements that differentiate Dune Warriors from the pack at all. It's all very standard stuff, but the U.S. VHS is 77 minutes long, so that is very merciful and it doesn't take up much of your time. 

The whole thing opens with a bang, an action scene that appears to be William's raid on another small village. It's chock full of shooting, blow-ups, and the like. There's even a decapitation. It feels abrupt and like it should have been in the middle of the movie, but I guess that's part of the charm.

The character names are some of the most undistinguished we've seen in years. Oh boy, here comes Michael, John, and William. It's the future, people. Where's Paco Queruak when you need him? The music was done by a mysterious collective of musicians known as The Score Warriors. The end credits tune was some of their best work. We may never know who they are, but their name is more interesting than Michael or William.

We've seen the whole "teaching the farmers to fight so they can defend their village from roving marauders" plot many times before. Like we said, Dune Warriors doesn't add a whole heck of a lot to the genre, but it's not offensively bad or anything. There isn't much in the way of character development so it's kind of hard to get to know the people we're supposed to care about. Action mainstays like Carradine, McWhirter, and Hill get by on their natural talent and screen presence, but there's only so much they can do. For better Rick Hill, check out Fast Gun (1988). For better McWhirter, check out Last Man Standing (1996).

While it is sort of impressive that Cirio could make basically the same movie over and over again - Dune Warriors is especially close to the aforementioned Stryker; it's a veritable remake, including a similar scene involving what we called "Jawa-like Pygmies" in our Stryker review - it would've been nice to see him break the mold a bit this time around. By 1991 I think we as video store patrons kind of got the idea. But if you like these kinds of post-ap movies and you see it cheap somewhere, it couldn't hurt to pick it up. But don't go in with high expectations.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Also check out a write-up from our buddies, The Video Vacuum and DTVC!

Futurekick (1991)

 

Futurekick (1991)- * *

Directed by: Damien Klaus

Starring: Don "The Dragon" Wilson, Meg Foster, Chris Penn, Eb Lottimer, Al Ruscio, Linda Dona, and Jeff Pomerantz

A lot is going on in New Los Angeles in 2025. These things called Cyberons were invented, for one thing. They're androids with both human and robot characteristics. For whatever reason, the companies that created them sought out to destroy them all, but there's one left, a kickboxing Cyberon named Walker (Don). Because it's the future, you see, VR is huge so a VR developer named Howard (Pomerantz) leaves his home on the moon to travel to earth to sell his wares. While there, he runs afoul of a baddie named Hynes (Lottimer). Apparently Hynes works for a place that sells black market organs. He has a special tool that plucks the organs out of living victims. Hynes then answers to his boss Kraner (Ruscio).

After not hearing from her husband for a while, Howard's wife Nancy (Foster) follows him to earth. She consults with a tarot card reader named Tye (Dona), but after witnessing Hynes doing his evil business, she is forced to go on the run. She then teams up with Walker, as they are the two most harassed people in New Los Angeles. Also Hynes is looking for "the disc". Then Walker has a Final Factory Fight with Bang (Penn).

Oh, and the latest, hottest game in New L.A. is something called Laserblade, the rules of which are so unclear and incomprehensible (remember those words) that it seems like it was developed by Mitchell and Webb after they finished with Numberwang. Of course, the loser of Laserblade dies horribly from some sort of flash of light. Does any of what you just read have any kind of flow, continuity or coherence? Does it just seem like a bunch of random ingredients thrown together? Apparently the filmmakers didn't notice or care, but that's FUTURE KICK for ya!

For a film with so many elements, there's a lot missing from Future Kick. Namely, relatable, sympathetic, or interesting characters or situations the audience can care about. There's no human element. It's just a jumble. In many cases, movies with a tangled web of ideas without a lot of coherence can be a lot of fun and enjoyable to watch. But there's something almost depressing about Future Kick. Maybe it's the lack of lighting or the fact that most scenes look like they were shot in studio-created alleyways. 

We realize they did that to cover up for the lack of budget, but the problem with that is that it's a dead giveaway for a...lack of budget. As viewers, we don't care about what the budget is. Just give us something we can sink our teeth into. But the whole dark alleyway thing becomes bleak very quickly and it all feels quite dingy. 

We realize this was Corman's version of Blade Runner (1982) crossed with The Terminator (1984). But really it's the same old formula he used for Dragon Fire (1993), Bloodfist 2050 (2005) and others. Just throw in some "futuristic" sets (just turn off the lights in any room in your house and it's about as futuristic as Future Kick), then garnish with a few strippers and there you have it.

Fan favorite Don "The Dragon" Wilson is perfectly cast as a robot, however. It gives his - as we call them - 'wonderfully wooden' line readings a reason to exist. While we were more than happy to see a kickboxing fight between The Dragon and Chris Penn, it really came out of nowhere. Forget character development, there's no fight development! But where else will you see a fight like that? Only in Future Kick, we suppose.

For the Laserblade matches - which are sort of like mental arm wrestling matches where the loser is killed by a deadly camera flash - the audience is clutching some futuristic form of cash and is yelling. It's not exactly Punchfighting, but it's close. Sort of. Laserblade would be a cool name for a movie in its own right, but apparently it was decided the idea wasn't strong enough to support a full movie on its own. We won't tell David Cronenberg that it's Scanners (1981) meets the arm wrestling scene from The Fly (1986).

Future Kick was the one and only directorial or writing credit for a mysterious man named Damian Klaus. If that is his real name. Clearly he felt he said everything he needed to say and that he completed his mission as a filmmaker. I know I would if I had created Laserblade. 

But it must be said that one of the reasons that Future Kick feels like it's missing something is the fact that the running time is just over 69 minutes before the end credits. Maybe the secret keys that tie everything together are on the cutting room floor. But why would that be? Maybe one day there will be a "Director's Cut" of Future Kick that restores everything. Except our sanity and the minutes back into our lives.


But, as it stands, the 69-minute running time is one of the best things about Future Kick. There's nothing for viewers to latch on to, but you don't have to suffer very long. Future Kick remains one of the lesser Don The Dragon movies.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Capital Punishment (1991)

Capital Punishment (1990)- * * *

Directed by: David Huey

Starring: Gary Daniels, Tadashi Yamashita, Ava Fabian, Ian Jacklin, Linda Lightfoot, Mel Novak, and David Carradine



"Keep The Change"- James Thayer

"Fifty....Fifty"- Blonde Goon






Trust me, you never want to do "Kick". Evidently, Kick is the most addictive drug in Asia. It was originally given to meat farmers (pretty sure that's a thing) to make sure their cows and chickens grow faster and, presumably, meatier. Now Asia is hooked, and one man is poised to bring this scourge to the U.S. of A. His name is Nakata (Yamashita), and he is also a Martial Arts master and he's evil. So the DEA enlists a professional kickboxer to take down the Kick dealers (as you do). James Thayer (Daniels) sports a sweet ponytail and high-waisted jeans, which makes it easier for him to kick people. Which comes in handy when you're battling Kick dealers. See, it all comes together.



With his wife Anna (Fabian) in danger, his kickboxing opponent Lozano (Jacklin) angry, and a potential crimefighting partner named Holt (Lightfoot) trying to catch up, Thayer has yet another problem. It turns out (and this isn't a spoiler; we know this pretty much from the jump) that Nakata is Thayer's sensei and he taught him everything he knows. Isn't that always the way? Will Thayer finally KICK the habit? Find out today!

David Carradine is on the phone. And he wants to talk to you. That's right, Carradine is in Capital Punishment also, as a man named Michael Maltin. Well, "in" is such a relative term. He really does let his fingers do the walking. I haven't seen this much phone shilling since 1-800-COLLECT. 

Anyway, when we first saw that Capital Punishment was directed by David Hue, we thought, "uh oh". After all, that's the guy behind Bloodfight 3 (AKA Karate Wars), which was pretty weak. Well, color us tickled pink, because 'Punishment was a total surprise. Yes, it's very low budget, of course, but it's hilariously funny and entertaining. It couldn't be more different from Karate Wars. It's a winner. Trust us. Ignore any hate you may have read towards this movie online. Anyone with a sense of humor will love it.

The plot is nonsensical, the dialogue is childish, the line deliveries are on par with a middle school play, the reaction shots are priceless, the grunting is plentiful, the incidental characters are colorful, and the fight scenes are gems. It's all very, very, VERY silly. You can't help but love it. There's something infectious about it. The time flies by while you're watching it and it's just so much fun.

The aforementioned fight scenes are almost non-stop. The great and mighty Gary Daniels is continually punching or kicking someone. It rarely lets up. Clearly a lot of time and attention went into these scenes, far more than any of the others. Some notable moments include when Daniels is fighting with two flashlights in a darkened room, and the whole scene in the ice factory. It was interesting to see a younger Gary Daniels kind of feeling his way through things. Obviously better things were to come for him, but this was a nice early role for one of our action idols. 

The whole thing starts in a sort of "Kickboxing Dinner Theatre" where Gary and some other dude - both of whom are wearing shorts that say "Kickboxing USA" on them - are battling it out in front of classy people who are sitting at dinner tables. Not long after that, we're informed that "nine out of ten" children in Asia have birth defects because their parents took Kick. Seems like a lot. Of course, there's a barfight, a warehouse fight, and a Final Rooftop Fight, but there's a fight pretty much everywhere. Further adding to the ridiculous fun, every time something blows up, it's from another movie. Then it ends and a great time was had by all.

We should also add that while the film's alternate title, Kickbox Terminator, is a cool one, it's not related at all to what we see in any way, shape or form. It's not like there's some sort of cybernetic guy in a ring with boxing gloves punching people. Of course, we would watch that if it's ever made.

In the end, we really loved Capital Punishment. You have to really have a heart of stone if you can't get any enjoyment out of it. Yes, visually it has that "junky" look to it but if you can get past that, a diamond in the rough will emerge. Oh, and next time your phone rings, just think...there's a really good chance it may be Michael Maltin.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Also check out write-ups from our buddies, The Video Vacuum and DTVC!

Dark Rider (1991)

Dark Rider (1991)- * * *

Directed by: Bob Ivy

Starring: Joe Estevez, Doug Shanklin, David 'Shark' Fralick, Holly Floria, Alica Anne, Terry Brown, Larry Goodhue, and Cloyde Howard

Jim Wilson (Shanklin) is the Sheriff of the small town of Desert Springs, Nevada. The sleepy ol' burg gets a wake up call when Mayor Bradford (Howard) excitedly runs into Wilson's office, proclaiming that a new highway is going to begin construction that passes through Desert Springs. Because of this, Bradford sees hotels and casinos in his future. He wants it to be the new Las Vegas.


Unfortunately, this brings in a criminal element in the form of Anthony Sandini (Estevez) and his goons such as Joey (Fralick). Sandini is a ruthless baddie who is forcing all the locals to sell their businesses to him. If they refuse, he uses force. Meanwhile, Sheriff Wilson's wife Lisa (Anne) informs him that her sister Dani (Floria) is coming to stay with them for a while. When Sandini and his underlings don't get their way, they kidnap Dani.


That was the last straw for Wilson who quickly changes into his black leather Revenge Outfit, becomes a crusading superhero known as The Dark Rider, and proceeds to dispense justice. But will even Wilson run into the brick wall of bureaucracy when he meets a fed named Borgman (Goodhue) who informs him of the conspiracy that goes all the way to the top involving the town's water supply? Now with his hands full with many different problems and issues, will THE DARK RIDER be victorious?


Dark Rider begins with a bunch of yahoos in a car, having a discussion about how the sheriff of Desert Springs - who they have yet to meet - is rumored to be a "badass". They soon run into Shanklin (in his final credited film appearance) as Wilson, who has quite interesting helmet hair that's blonde on top but brown on the sides. He has the star and six-shooter of the sheriffs of yore and looks vaguely like Martin Kove. He makes short work of the yahoos.


When the sinister Sandini comes to town, we see he is ruining smalltown America by running down mulleted shop clerks with his car. Wilson has met his match with Sandini. He's not dealing with garden variety yahoos anymore. We also get a cinematic first with "Sandini Vision". Among the good guys standing up to Sandini is the likable Tommy Johnson (Brown). Brown really gives it his all and he wins the audience over.


The first half of Dark Rider is markedly more entertaining than the second half, as you may have been able to gather from the above description. Even after the appearance of the Dark Rider character - who, hilariously, no one realizes is Wilson despite the fact that he's the only lawman in town and the personal nature of his revenge, not to mention they're never seen together at the same time - we still missed the down-home, small town feel of the first half. Much like the Dark Rider's motorbike, the film starts to spin its wheels towards the end. If this had been 80 minutes, it could've been a new classic. At a seemingly-reasonable 94 minutes, it does tend to drag a bit.


As the main baddie, Joe Estevez gets a nice, meaty role. He's not in the background or in a room staring at computer screens. It's solid Estevez. Mayor Bradford, who resembles Richard Mulligan, also puts in a Terry Brown-like performance. He's very animated. A movie highlight occurs when he writes a note to Sheriff Wilson and spells "Sheriff" wrong.


So with Shanklin, Estevez, Fralick, Terry Brown, the two ladies - including the Christina Applegate-esque Dani, who we would have liked to seen more of - all in an AIP production, you can't really lose, and you basically don't. This was the sole writing and directing credit for Bob Ivy, who primarily was a stuntman. This would explain the presence of the great John Stewart, an amazing stuntman and director of Action U.S.A. (1989) and Cartel (1990).


In the end, Dark Rider is a lot like Fast Gun (1988). If you enjoyed that, check this out too. If it had maintained the momentum it opened with, it may have surpassed Fast Gun. As it stands, Fast Gun may be better overall but Dark Rider has a lot to recommend it as well and is very much worth checking out.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Also check out a write-up from our buddy, The Video Vacuum! 

Steele's Law (1991)

Steele's Law (1991)- * * *

Directed by: Fred Williamson

Starring: Fred Williamson, Doran Ingram, and Bo Svenson

Lt. John Steele (Fred) - not to be confused with the John Steele from Steele Justice (1987), who is a different person that you unleash - is a Chicago cop with a bad attitude. Surprisingly, he also plays by his own rules. When some FBI suits recruit Steele to foil a terrorist plot, he travels to Dallas to stop an assassination attempt. In this case, a maniacal baddie named Joe Keno (Ingram, whose name may be spelled incorrectly in the credits) is planning on killing the Iraqi ambassador. 

Once in the Lone Star state, Steele makes fast friends with Sheriff Barnes (Svenson) and the mission begins. Along the way, Steele, Barnes, and his contact, "Peacekeeper" face all sorts of trials and tribulations, usually ending with Steele's coolness saving the day. But will Steele be able to change the course of the first Gulf War? Find out today...

Released the year before Three Days to a Kill (1992), Steele's Law is likely the first Snizzlefritz production. Three Days is the second Snizzlefritz production. Now that that's cleared up, we can say that Steele's Law faithfully follows the Fred formula. It's far from fantastic, but it's fine for his followers. In fact, the film is fairly fun. If you have seen and liked other Fred Williamson movies, you will know what to expect and you'll probably dig what he's layin' down.

Certain ideas, themes, and even scenes and character types appear again and again in the Fred canon. He won't get much credit in the snooty circles for being an auteur, but that's what he truly was, if I understand the definition of auteur correctly. Maybe it's because certain gay-stereotype characters and/or prostitutes are played for laughs, which is un-PC these days. 

But so is Steele's rogue cowboy ways and tough-guy masculinity. That's why people are re-discovering these movies. They don't make 'em like this anymore. Or maybe it's because all of his movies have scenes with loud incidental music that drowns out the dialogue. Either way, Fred is an American Original. Even his films that aren't top-flight have something worth watching going on. Steele's Law is no exception.

For example, Steele's Law gets going instantly with a slam-bang opening scene. He's tough and cool right from the jump, and is a master of weaponry, as we soon see. But, inevitably, he has to go from street action to the office of his Chief, just as night follows day. He isn't quite a BYC, but he teeters on the edge. He also has questionable hair. Steele displays more of his classic bad attitude, but he agrees to go after his former nemesis, Keno. 

Once in Dallas he gets into a classic Barfight, but probably the trainyard fight trumps it as a movie highlight. As is typically the case, there are some doldrums in the film during the course of the reasonable 90-minute running time. Perhaps this is best exemplified when we see Steele casually cross a street - the whole street - while the 'Don't Walk' sign is lit. What a badass. We then see him walk back from where he came from. Every step. We're not sure why this was necessary, as scenes like this tend to lessen the overall intensity of the film, but perhaps it was there to build character. We now know Steele has a cool walk. Wait, didn't we already know that? Well, anyway...

Other highlights include the Mike Logan score (presumably not the character from Law & Order), even if it does blare while characters are talking. But that's not Logan's fault. 

Also, when Steele is teamed up with Peacekeeper - which was the working title for the film but they must have been familiar with Dolph's The Peacekeeper from 1997 - we get a classic "cool guy meets nerd and they're the Original Odd Couple" scenario, recently seen between Matt McColm and Clint Howard in Body Armor, also from 1997. And you've got to see the cell phones used in this movie. They're awesome. If anyone ever starts a cell phone museum, they should consult Steele's Law as a reference point. It almost makes the whole thing worth seeing right there. 

It appears that Steele's Law is one of the rarer Fred movies, at least here in the U.S. However, you can still find those cheaply-produced "gas station" DVDs that are floating around out there. That's what we stumbled across at the Salvation Army. If you do see one, pick it up. It won't kill ya. Especially if you're a Fred fan. And if you're not...why not?

Comeuppance Review by Ty and Brett

Also check out a write-up from our buddy, The Video Vacuum! 

Street Soldiers (1991)

Street Soldiers (1991)- * * *

Directed by: Lee Harry

Starring: Jun Chong, Jeff Rector, Katherine Armstrong, Jason Hwong, David Homb, and Jay Richardson

The JP’s and the Tigers are two rival gangs in town. The Tigers wear less-than-intimidating tiger decals on their varsity jackets. That’s how you know they’re a gang. When the sadistic and insane leader of the JP’s, Priest (Rector) gets out of prison, he makes it his mission to destroy the Tigers. While the Tigers just want to have wholesome fun like dancing at the prom and skateboarding through the halls of their school, the JP’s are hellbent on rape and murder. Just how these two mismatched groups became rivals is unknown. Yes, there is a love triangle at play between Priest, Julie (Armstrong), and Tigers leader Troy (Homb), but that still doesn’t really explain it. (Here’s a tip we should all follow: stop looking for logic with Street Soldiers).

Anyway, a likable Karate (shouldn’t it be Tae Kwon Do?) instructor named Master Han agrees to train the Tigers so they can be victorious against the JP’s. You know he’s a Karate instructor because there is a one-word sign above his formerly-abandoned building that reads: KARATE. Unfortunately for the Tigers, the JP’s have their own “evil Karate instructor”, Tok (Hwang), so THEY are all in training as well. Could the ultimate rumble be at hand? And what does the mysterious Wheelchair Willie (Richardson) have to do with any of this? And what the HECK is going on here?

Street Soldiers is a great example of 90’s Silly. If you go into this expecting a gravely serious treatise on the horrors of gang life, you will be sorely disappointed. However, if you keep your mind open to the fact that a bunch of dudes who look like middle-aged men can caper around while attempting to appear as though they’re still in high school while they get into knife fights whilst wearing funny-looking jackets, then you will be truly ready for Street Soldiers.

Yes, of course, the budget is low, and there is plenty of non-acting/overacting (witness Jeff Rector attempt to out-John Miller John Miller) and the whole thing is a wonton soup of wanton ridiculousness, but it’s not boring. It’s also not quite as unselfconscious as Miami Connection (1987), but it’s heading into that ballpark. Actually, you should probably see it.


The second the viewer sees a bunch of men playing stickball in the streets (with each other; they should probably be playing with their kids) and then get into a “rumble” which should really be a dance-off, followed by a mustachioed Karate instructor taking every last one of them under his wing, he or she realizes they probably shouldn’t be too tough on Street Soldiers.

The most hilarious thing about the movie is the fact that these aforementioned adults were cast as high school kids. Does this exist in the same universe as Beverly Hills, 90210? Because we haven’t seen high-schoolers this elderly since Dylan and Brandon. The cafeteria in Street Soldiers is the only one on record serving not just sloppy joes but Centrum Silver. The gang hideouts for both the JP’s and the Tigers look like sets for a Viagra commercial. They’re getting into gang rumbles when they should be concerned about paying their mortgages.

Anyway, there are some nice editing touches like cool scene transitions, a mid-movie freeze frame (it should have ended the film, but we’ll take it just the same), and a soundtrack with some pretty decent songs on it. There was actually a cassette release of the soundtrack, which features bands such as Lonesome Romeos, The Snakes, Mr. Cosmos, and Benny Mardones – not exactly hip with the kids as they were probably going for, but the adult contemporary set (i.e. the cast) is the perfect audience for it.

The whole “this is really out of touch” vibe is really quite charming. Of course, it all ends with the time-honored Final Warehouse Fight. Throughout the movie thus far, a bunch of seemingly-random things have occurred, such as blues music blaring on the soundtrack out of nowhere, for apparently no reason. Regardless of that, it’s still better than Chains (1989) or Dead End City (1988). Everyone involved gets an A for effort, despite how dippy and, well, naïve it all is. 

Released by Academy on VHS in 1991, to find out the true meaning of “Middle-Aged Punks”, look no further than Street Soldiers!

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Karate Wars (1991)

Karate Wars (1991)- *

AKA: Bloodfight 3

Directed by: David Huey

Starring: Christopher Wolf, Richard Rabago, Elsie Jay, and Gerald Okamura

“You do not know nothing about Oyama.” – Jason

Jason (Wolf) is in a Karate class taught by Oyama (Rabago). Even though he is the star pupil, he and Oyama seem to have some conflicts based upon a mutually-shared history. This only upsets Oyama further, as he has constant flashbacks of when he killed an opponent in the ring years ago. Jason and his fellow classmates are training for a big tournament called the Karate Wars, and boy do they train. 

Something about all this is even affecting the relationship between Jason and his girlfriend Tracy (Jay). While the owner of the rival dojo and token evil Karate master Nakaso (Okamura) is training his charges equally hard, something happens and the so-called Karate Wars are cancelled. Not caring about the huge cash prize, Jason arranges it so that the two rival schools fight it out with no audience and no awards, just a Bloodfight for honor in their own unsanctioned tournament. Will Jason and Oyama patch up their differences? Who will come out victorious in the new, more underground Karate Wars?

We wanted to like Karate Wars (or Bloodfight 3 if you prefer). We really did. But it kept disappointing us at every turn. The movie is incredibly repetitive, with just about every other scene taking place in a bare-bones room that’s supposed to be the gym at the school (high school? College? Who can say?) where Jason and his compatriots go to train and train and train. Those are interspersed with Oyama’s Black & White flashbacks of his fateful, deadly bout. Over and over and over again. Boredom looms over almost every scene, because there’s really only about three scenes shuffled around for 90 minutes or so.

Barely breaking up the monotony are scenes of ham-fisted drama that aren’t really based on anything. Those scenes are in conflict with the overall goofy tone of the film (which includes some of our dreaded bathroom humor). It has a ground-zero low-budget look to it and the sound quality is muddy at best. Unfortunately, there’s more…

Jason, the hero (?) of the piece – who looks like an attempted hybrid of Tom Cruise, Judd Nelson, and Charlie Sheen – is unlikable. His shining moment is when he throws a hissyfit in the locker room. He’s involved with not one, but TWO fights in the same parking lot in the span of about ten minutes. One is with Oyama, who he’s constantly whining to. Both fights are very, very dumb. Why not change the location just to spice things up? But no, both are in a dull, drab parking lot.

Even Gerald Okamura and the great noises he makes can’t save this wreck. It’s just that nothing interesting ever happens. Director David Huey has directed some action heavyweights in his time, including Gary Daniels, Richard Norton, and Olivier Gruner, so he should really know better. For this particular outing, he goes by the nom d’crud David Hue. Why? Was he hiding, or was he trying to sound more Asian?

Anyway, we hate to say this, but Karate Wars is rare for a reason. Whatever you do, do NOT spend 88 Euro for this on Amazon.fr. Sadly, they can’t all be winners, and this falls into the loser category.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

The Last Boy Scout (1991)

The Last Boy Scout (1991)- * * * *

Directed by: Tony Scott

Starring: Bruce Willis, Damon Wayans, Halle Berry, Billy Blanks, Danielle Harris, Bruce McGill, Chelsea Field, Kim Coates, Taylor Negron, and Noble Willingham

Joe Hallenbeck (Willis) is a jaded private detective just trying to keep his family life together when he takes on the case of Cory (Berry), a stripper involved in a blackmail plot. When Cory’s boyfriend Jimmy Dix (Wayans), a former pro-footballer for the L.A. Stallions gets involved, the two unlikely partners become embroiled in a conspiracy that goes…you guessed it, all the way to the top. Along the way, they have to avoid many perilous situations, trouble from goons, and perhaps a surprise appearance from Dick Butkus. Will Joe Hallenbeck truly be THE LAST BOY SCOUT?

Shane Black for President, man. Shane Black for freakin’ President. That pretty much sums up our feelings for this great film, and if you haven’t seen it in a while, we say it’s time to revisit it. We guarantee you won’t be disappointed. The great Mr. Black was the writer behind Lethal Weapon (1987), and here he develops that style even more – it’s cool, it’s funny, it’s tough, it has action, it’s totally entertaining, everything works, and everything ties up beautifully. As a writer of intelligent, masculine movies, Black is the heir apparent to John Milius. We’re happy to give the movie this sort of enthusiastic praise.

It all opens with a slam-bang opening featuring fan favorite Billy Blanks, and never lets up from there. Even the accompanying video/song “Friday Night’s a Great Time for Football” by Bill Medley sets the tone well. Bruce Willis is at his absolute best as the burned-out, grizzled private detective - smoking heavily, spitting out un-PC dialogue, and engaging in the sort of witty repartee you just don’t see in movies anymore. Damon Wayans, also at his best, is “action Wayans”, and we should have seen more of that later in his career. Despite their supposed character flaws, both men remain likable, and the viewer is highly invested in their fate.

While the movie was allegedly beset by production problems and changes, it remains extremely coherent and you’d never know that if you didn’t read about it somewhere. If it’s this good as it is now, one has to wonder would it be as good if there was no studio meddling – or maybe better? We’ll never know, but let’s appreciate what we have. It’s also packed with many familiar names in the supporting cast, and although a lot of action movies feature a daughter, Danielle Harris as Hallenbeck’s daughter Darian has to go on record as the one with the most edge. She has a lot more attitude than the normal tot (she’s 13 in the movie but we tend to call them tots). There’s even a WYC (White Yelling Chief) to top off the overstuffed package of punching, shooting, chasing, blow-ups, plot developments, and clever dialogue.

Sadly, they don’t make movies like this anymore, but at least we have gems like this. What Shane Black has done is essentially fashion a Philip Marlowe or Sam Spade tale, but updated for 1991. The results are stellar, and we strongly recommend The Last Boy Scout, a movie that has proven itself over time to have reached classic status.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett 

Kill Line (1991)

Kill Line (1991)- *1\2

Directed by: Richard H. Kim

Starring: Bobby Kim and Marlena Shapiro

On the hunt for a missing two million dollars in cash, some evil baddies end up massacring a man’s family while attempting to get a hold of the money. Unfortunately for them, it was Joe (Kim)’s family. Traveling from San Francisco to Colorado in the hunt for answers, or maybe some revenge if time allows, Joe ends up running afoul of the cruel and sadistic sheriff of the town and his minions, but also finds a sympathetic partner in the inexplicably named Oggie (Shapiro). It appears the stage is set for the ultimate battle…where will Joe draw the (Kill) Line?



We found Kill Line to be pretty disappointing. All the ingredients – and then some – were there to create a great action movie, or at least a decent one. But those elements were never capitalized on. It’s a shame, really, as we found star Bobby Kim likable. He’s very Bronsonesque (that would be Charles, not Pinchot, just to clarify). His thick accent is reminiscent of other video store stars of the 80’s such as Leo Fong, Sho Kosugi, and even Miami Connection’s Y.K. Kim (any relation? Probably not, but who knows?) – anyone expecting Miami Connection-style awesomeness will surely be disappointed…


Taking its cue from First Blood (1982), and highly redolent of the Thunder series, Kill Line is very sincere and earnest…to a fault. It takes itself so seriously, it forgets to have a fun vibe, and the pace is slower than freakin’ molasses. Sadly, this is what we refer to as a “Lacktion” movie. The dearth of actual action – presumably why viewers are watching Kill Line to begin with – ultimately kills Kill Line. Audience members are shown a classic barfight (with some MAP’s – Middle-Aged Punks), which sets up Kim as a guy with good fighting skills. Unfortunately, it appears he IS afraid to use them. Viewers are tantalized and then left hanging. That’s a no-no.


There is a weak car chase, some weaker gun-shooting scenes, and then somehow we’re at the final battle. It seems drama and dialogue scenes took up the majority of the running time. Not that that would be such a bad thing in another kind of movie, of course, but this is KILL LINE. We wanted to see some…KILL LINE. Perhaps most frustrating of all, it’s never explained what the term Kill Line means. If it refers to the line readings of some of the actors, that could work, because there are a bunch of funny ones. When a movie relies on the unintentional humor of that and some amusing racism by the local yokels, you’ve got a big problem on your hands.


Interestingly, the evil sheriff at odds with Joe strongly resembles Christopher McDonald. This wouldn’t be interesting in and of itself, but the original Christopher McDonald stars in Best of the Best 3 (1995), which shares a lot of similarities with this movie. Probably just a coincidence, like how the baddie underlings in the movie are named Mark and Paul, but Gosselaar is nowhere in sight. This may seem like we’re stretching, but that should show you how empty Kill Line is of things of noteworthy mention.

It's tragic but Kill Line doesn't come anywhere near fulfilling its potential. A true wasted opportunity, Kill Line doesn't deliver the goods.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty 

The Death Merchant (1991)

The Death Merchant (1991)- *1\2

Directed by: James Winburn

Starring: Lawrence Tierney, Ivan J. Rado, Melody Munyon, Monika Schnarre, Robert Viharo, Martina Castle, and Andrew Singleton

“History has shown us that death merchants have always attempted to close the “ultimate deal”. Let us hope that their evil endeavors continue to fail.” – Closing words of The Death Merchant



Ivan Yates (Tierney) is some sort of death merchant. What is a death merchant, you ask? Well, in the case of Yates, the answer appears to be an elderly and ailing black marketer who wants a special microchip so he can control the world’s nuclear arsenal. In addition to that, he wants a priceless urn containing the ashes of the ancient Egyptian Shohamen. Also he talks to his pet fish named Seymour.


When an archaeologist, Dr. Farraday (Rado), and his daughter Amanda (Schnarre, of Peacekeeper fame) get tangled in the web of Ivan Yates, only one man can help them out of their predicament: one David McKinley (Singleton), from the Cultural Affairs Department of the U.S. Government. Realizing he needs more power because he is somewhat of a nerd, McKinley turns to 1991-era coolguy Jason Cardwell (Viharo). So now McKinley, Cardwell, Farraday and Amanda have to come up against the conniving and duplicitous Death Merchant, who also has as backup baddie-esses Martina (Castle) and Natasha (Munyon). Who will come out victorious in the battle between the Death Merchant and the entire U.S. Navy?


James Winburn is known primarily as a stuntman, but he has directed three movies in his career: One is The Death Merchant, another is Evil Altar (1988) starring Robert Z’Dar, and the final movie in his trifecta is Miami Beach Cops (1992). While, taken together, that is impressive, if you must see one Winburn movie, see Miami Beach Cops. The Death Merchant appears to suffer from some technical problems, as the sound is horrendously shoddy, and the picture isn’t so hot either. The fact that the movie has audio issues is especially egregious because the movie stars the late, great Lawrence Tierney. Tierney’s inimitable voice CARRIES this movie. If it wasn’t for Tierney and his voice, this movie would be nothing.

We were worried that, though the movie features Tierney, it would be a mere sit-down role. Thankfully, it’s not. Tierney gets a lot of great screen time, and in not all of it is he sitting. Winburn used the man to his full potential, as far as rock-bottom budget AIP movies shot towards the end of his life would allow. Tierney is truly “America’s Angry Grandpa” as he barks and growls his way through the muddy and muddled proceedings. This ‘Merchant must think it’s “Of Venice” because of all the highfalutin and pseudo-Shakespearean dialogue. It’s a clumsily written film, and the lines are delivered awkwardly by a cast of inexperienced actors (except Tierney and Rado, of course).


Our main “hero”, McKinley, is played by Andrew Singleton, and, oddly, this is his one and only movie role to date. He has a penchant for skinny ties and he has a curly mullet. So, obviously he’s the hero. Martina, on the other side of the Death Merchant/anti-Death Merchant divide, was last seen in Total Exposure (1991), released the same year as ‘Merchant. What a year it must have been for her.


There’s a car blow-up and some very weak gun-shooting, but despite its release on ACTION International Pictures, there’s not really any action here to speak of. Most of what we see is a lot of nonsensical “intrigue” that the limited means of the production didn’t really have the wherewithal to support. Perhaps that is best evidenced by the fact that the opening of the film is the exactly the same as the climax. Literally it’s the same footage we already saw. Granted, there’s some McKinley footage spliced in during the second go-around, but come on. In general, though, we give the filmmakers points for trying, and Tierney is fantastic, but The Death Merchant is a no-sale.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

The Last Ride (1991)

The Last Ride (1991)- *1\2

Directed by: Karl Krogstad

Starring: Dan Ranger, Michael Hilow, Ron Ben Jarrett, Amy Nohavic, Renn Richards, George Dietrick, and William Winship

"Debbbbiiiiieeeeee!!!!!!"- Bart





A man named Michael Smith (Ranger) finally gets out of jail after eight years. He seems like a nice enough guy, and he claims he was innocent. After saying a heartfelt goodbye to his long-time cellmate Adams (Jarrett), Smith hits the road to soak up his newfound freedom. Unfortunately, Smith’s life on the outside takes a dark turn when a psychotic trucker named Phil Holtman (Hilow) picks him up while hitching. You’ll understand the reason for the italics momentarily. Meanwhile, our old buddy Phil is off acting crazy and killing people. Local waitress Debbie (Nohavic) is at risk. While initially a suspect, Smith ends up working with the authorities in the area, Sheriff Bolt (Winship) and policeman of the year Bart (Dietrick). Will Michael Smith get out of this jam? Or will this be his LAST RIDE?


The Last Ride is AIP’s take on The Hitcher (1986). The plot, the structure, and even individual scenes are, let’s say, HIGHLY influenced by it. Because it’s all done in that inimitable AIP style, imagine a cross between The Hitcher and Maximum Breakout (1991). If you ever watched The Hitcher and thought its one impediment is that its budget was too high, this is the movie for you.


Dan Ranger has an awesome name. We wish we were Dan Ranger, or even had his name. We would be sitting pretty. The original Dan Ranger, or Daniel P. Ranger as he is credited here, never seems to have capitalized on his fantastic name. He was only in this movie and Cop Out (1991) the same year. What a year that must have been for Mr. Ranger. Of course, during the filming of Cop Out he had to contend with David Buff, who challenged his supremacy in the awesome name sweepstakes. Ranger must have felt humiliated and left the movie industry forever. Ranger looks a lot like Jan-Michael Vincent and he does his best.

The main baddie, Phil, is more annoying than scary. And the doctor who comes to save the day, Dr. Jim Rouchet (Renn Richards, in, amazingly, his only screen role to date) looks like a mustachioed Dick Clark. It appears all his dialogue was post-dubbed, and by a stage-trained master thespian with a lot of gravitas. Speaking of master thespians, that brings us to George Dietrick as Bart, one of the police officers. At one crucial point in the story, he realizes this is his “Streetcar Named Desire” moment and he gives it his all. We commend him for that.


The usual AIP mainstays are here, of course – the movie was written by Ted Prior and co-produced by David A. Prior, and it was shot in and around Fall City, Washington. It retains that regional vibe, and the whole thing is 75 minutes long, not including the world’s slowest end credits crawl. Despite its brief length, it feels longer because this is not one of AIP’s more creative or energetic outings. It feels almost like it’s going through the motions. Sure, there are a handful of standout moments, but that’s all they are – moments. Sadly, director Krogstad and most of the rest of his cast never developed their talents beyond this initial venture. It would have been interesting to see that evolution, but here we just get a taste of what could have been.

In the competitive world of DTV in the early 90’s, you had to be on your game, and it seems The Last Ride just didn’t have what it takes to survive. Thus it became, unfortunately, just more video store shelf-filler. It didn’t have to be that way, but more twists, surprises, verve, or originality might have helped.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty