Diamond Cartel (2015)

Diamond Cartel (2015)- * * *1\2

Directed by: Salamat Mukhammed- Ali

Starring: Armand Assante, Don 'The Dragon' Wilson, Michael Madsen, Bolo Yeung, Olivier Gruner, Cary Hiroyuki Tagawa, Tiny Lister, and Peter O'Toole as Tugboat 

To the extent that it's possible for a human mind to comprehend it, Diamond Cartel appears to be about a gangster named Mussa (Assante) and another gangster named Khazar (Tagawa), who both want a large diamond. Somehow a boyfriend-girlfriend team in Kazakhstan get the diamond and go on the run. In the meantime, a parade of cameos appear before our eyes, which include such fan favorites as Michael Madsen, Tiny Lister, Bolo Yeung, Olivier Gruner, Don "The Dragon" Wilson, and, of course, Peter O'Toole as Tugboat. In his final film role, of course. Sure, it's an utterly confusing mess, but that's part of the fun...we think.


Get ready for a nutso trip to Kazakhstan if you dare to enter the kooky, wacky, and crazy world of Diamond Cartel. As if the fact that it makes no sense wasn't enough, there's also narration over the top of it, as if that clears anything up. In addition to that, just about everybody in the film is dubbed in a highly amusing manner, the two most noteworthy examples being Don "The Dragon" Wilson and Peter O'Toole. We're not sure why they dubbed The Dragon here. But, then again, we're not sure why they did anything they did.

As fans, we know Wilson's inimitable voice. You could say he has one of the most recognizable voices in DTV action. So when you see him on screen, and this odd, other voice comes out, you can't help but laugh. Same goes for Peter O'Toole. Just how they got O'Toole to be in this oddity is anybody's guess, but when they did, they used someone else's voice, and he sounds a bit like Darth Vader. Like many in the cast of fan favorites, his screen time is very limited.


Speaking of limited screen time, Madsen, Lister, and Gruner - who, by themselves, would make a great cast in their own right - get very minimal roles. All three together probably equal about a minute of screen time, if you can believe that. It's really mere seconds for the bunch. Bolo gets more, including a fight at the end, and he only says one word in the film - "Yo".

There's a section at roughly the halfway mark that runs for about 15-20 minutes where everyone's voices echo. Then it goes away. It makes about as much sense as anything else going on around here. There are ridiculous green screen and other CGI-type effects. People yell while shooting machine guns. Sometimes there are shootouts, blow-ups or fights. Out of all the stars of the film, we get to see Armand Assante the most. He wears several absurd outfits, including a suit with no shirt underneath the jacket. He screams and yells, just as you want him to. At least he dubs his own voice. It would be a real tragedy if he didn't.

What else can we say about Diamond Cartel? It's just one of those movies you have to see to believe. For the cast, plus the nonsense, we would actually recommend it. But just keep in mind you will be puzzled throughout the experience.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett

Immortal Combat (1994)

Immortal Combat (1994)- * * *

Directed by: Dan Neira

Starring: Roddy Piper, Sonny Chiba, Kim Morgan Greene, Tiny Lister, Meg Foster, and Deron McBee

John Keller (Piper) and his partner J.J. (Chiba) are cops. J.J. is also a ninja. Keller travels to the Caribbean island of Saint Marta and discovers that a company called HybriCo is manufacturing a race of super-warriors, presumably so they can be victorious in punchfighting matches around the globe. Quinn (Foster) is the lead baddie-ess who controls her nefarious employees, who look like off-duty Ghostbusters. HybriCo’s main success story is Muller (McBee, AKA fan favorite Malibu), an unkillable super-oaf who wears a sleeveless tuxedo shirt with a red bowtie and red matching cummerbund. While in Saint Marta, Keller makes friends with Yanagi (Lister), and develops a romantic interest with (yet another) journalist named Karen (Greene), but while initially J.J. stays home and trains, eventually he joins Keller on Saint Marta so they can put an end to all the madness...but will their combat be IMMORTAL? Find out today...

Immortal Combat is classic 90’s fun all the way. It kicks off with a bang-up opening sequence and pretty much maintains a peppy pace throughout, with plenty of action, fight scenes, and other shenanigans. The filmmakers were in tune with what fans want, which is a rarer phenomenon than you might think. While the movie overall is a winner, truth be told, it is overlong at 109 minutes. If they could have trimmed it down to 90 or less, we’d be talking about an all-time classic right now. As it stands, it’s still a winner - it’s what Overkill (1996) SHOULD have been. Just imagine a Raw Force (1982) for the 90’s - but with more shirtless men punching each other. 

Roddy, as usual, is engaging and charming in the lead role, and he brings energy to his fight scenes. Chiba brings an old-school badassery that’s a nice counterpoint to Roddy. Chiba’s English isn’t that great, which doesn’t really help when he’s getting emotional in the scenes with his pretty, white, blonde daughter (he’s explaining why he has one, which we wish they didn’t bother doing), but it doesn’t matter when he’s doling out ninja stars like playing cards. Besides, it gave off a Chinatown Connection (1990) vibe, which is never a bad thing. Plus, Roddy has found himself in a similar situation in Last To Surrender (1999).

It was nice to see Roddy teamed up with his old They Live (1988) pal Meg Foster, and she does indeed make the most of her role here. We also enjoyed seeing a happy, upbeat Tiny Lister, instead of the usual evil version. Why he plays an Asian (?) man named Yanagi remains to be discovered. Of course, the real star of the show (in all of our hearts) is Malibu, who, naturally as a course of being immortal, grunts a lot and makes strange noises. More than usual. His hair is especially Lorenzo Lamas-esque this time around. 

There’s punchfighting, slo-mo gun-shooting, a WYC (White Yelling Chief), and the whole concept of putting Roddy Piper in a situation with ninja action was inspired. Rounding out the 90’s cred, it even goes into a Surviving the Game/Most Dangerous Game situation at one point. We wish the Karen character wasn’t a cliched reporter role, and had more involvement in the butt-kickery, but hey, it goes with the territory.

Featuring plenty of songs by Liz Constantine, including “Resort To Kill” (also the alternate title of the film, which, presumably, was changed at the last minute to cleverly put a spin on SubZero, Johnny Cage, Sonya, Scorpion, Joe Lieberman, and the gang), and released by A-Pix entertainment on VHS, despite its length, Immortal Combat is a gem and well-worth seeking out. 

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett

Also check out write-ups from our buddies, DTVC and 10k Bullets!

Street Corner Justice (1996)

Street Corner Justice (1996)-* *

Directed by: Chuck Bail

Starring:  Marc Singer, Steve Railsback, Soon-Teck Oh, Kim Lankford, Tommy "Tiny" Lister, Clint Howard, and Bryan Cranston



 "The law of the land just came home to stay."








 The wonderfully-named Mike Justus (Singer) is “The Best”. The best cop in Pittsburgh, that is. Because of his rogue ways and defiance of authority, his higher-ups decide to let him “retire early”. Justus sees this as a good time to fix up and re-sell a house his aunt left him in the suburbs of Los Angeles. Upon arriving in a section of L.A. called Norwood, he finds it overrun by criminals, hoodlums, punks, ne’er-do-wells, scofflaws, loiterers, scapegraces, Sir-Lucius-O’Triggers, delinquents, ruffians, thugs, hooligans, and the like. Not getting any help from local cop Freeborn (Railsback), Justus, along with a rainbow coalition of people in the community such as restauranteur Lee (Oh), stereotypical Irish Priest Father Brophy (Cranston), stereotypical Bible-quoting tough guy Angel (Lister), and video store proprietress/love interest to Mike Justus Jenny (Lankford), form a Guardian Angels-like group called TNB, or “Take Norwood Back”. This doesn’t sit well with the local gangs, so a showdown ensues. Will Justus actually get STREET CORNER JUSTICE?

As far as “take back the community” movies go, Street Corner Justice isn’t as good as The Annihilators (1985) or Private Wars (1993) (which also featured Steve Railsback, who must really care about his community). It’s one of our favorite themes for DTV movies, so we could never get sick of this formula, but this one in particular is just relentlessly dumb. It’s also too long, and oddly paced at that. Even though director Chuck Bail is a veteran of the movie industry, it’s like he was a newbie in the production department. 

That aside, at least he had the raw nerve to name the main character Mike Justus. As if to drill the point home to viewers who may be even dumber than this movie, at one point Justus says, “There’s no justice. There’s just us.” Yes, we get it. But Mike Justus smokes - because he’s cool - and that’s something you’d never see today. No hero would ever smoke in our ridiculously P.C. society of the 2000’s. Also Singer looks a lot like David Spade in this movie. If you’ve ever wanted to see David Spade beat up bad guys and chase rapists that are Clint Howard, this might be your only chance.

‘Justice is riddled with cliches and stereotypes (there’s even a fast montage of nothing but cliches early on in the movie, watch out for it) and these are fun to watch, but is it enough to support a whole (overlong) movie? There are some moments which aren’t in the box of cliches, such as the fact that the main baddie and supposedly the toughest gang member in town wears a sweatervest, and the fact that this whole “citizens vs. punks” war was initiated when a fat guy couldn’t play a game of Street Fighter II. All the way up until the time-honored final abandoned warehouse fight, there’s plenty of unmitigated stupidity on show. But that may be your thing.

There’s also an “evil playground” that we haven’t seen since Balance Of Power (1996) - it might even be the same one as Balance Of Power, which would be weird. That’s one seriously evil playground. We can see why two movies have highlighted it. And the video store that Kim Lankford’s character, Jenny, works at is called Cine-Video, and looks like a real place. Lankford gets to sing not one, but two songs on the soundtrack. But no rockin’ tunes, just ballads. It’s a shame, a faster song might have bumped up the energy level a bit more.

Considering Mike Justus fought his whole life against red tape, it’s pretty ironic that this movie comes housed in a red tape. But no amount of gimmickry or colored inks can blot out the fact that Street Corner Justice is video store shelf-filler and a waste of a nice B-movie cast.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett

Men Of War (1994)

Men Of War (1994)-* *1\2

Directed by: Perry Lang

Starring: Dolph Lundgren, Charlotte Lewis, B.D. Wong, Tommy "Tiny" Zeus Lister, Kevin Tighe, Thomas Gibson, Catherine Bell, Tim Guinee, and Trevor Goddard











Nick Gunar (Lundgren) is a down-and-out former mercenary who is tired of the life. While weary, he yearns to get back to his family, so he accepts a job to go to a small island in the South China Sea and extract the resources it contains (and just wait until you find out what those resources are). He assembles a team of his former buddies to accomplish this task. Once on the island, his group begins to splinter. Some believe the island should be spared because inhabitants like Po (Wong) and Loki (Lewis) would have their lives destroyed, and others simply want to plunder. Adding to all this is super-evil bad guy Keefer (Goddard), Gunar’s - and everyone else’s - arch-nemesis. Naturally, Gunar and Loki fall in love so they fight to save the island...but THEN what will happen?

Men of War sports a high-quality look and feel thanks to excellent cinematography that captures the beauty of the local indigenous culture. Add to that a very strong supporting cast (Including Tiny “Zeus” Lister, Kevin Tighe and Thomas Gibson, among others) and a script co-written by none other than John Sayles, you get some symbols of quality. That being said, this movie is very much like McBain (1991) in many regards - the female member of the team really brings that comparison into perspective (Catherine Bell does an admirable job and its nice to see a female character getting into the action with the guys and not being another reporter).

Of course, Dolph is named Gunar (with one N, apparently). And rather than being yet another Russian character, here he’s known as “Nick the Swede”, which actually pays tribute to his true nationality. Dolph puts in a strong performance and has a cool hat. Charlotte Lewis is always welcome, but why is she playing a girl of Thai descent? Trevor Goddard makes an excellent baddie and you really hate him. So his job was done well.

This is what you’d call a classic “Assemble-a-team” movie - a common theme in action films perhaps best exemplified by Kill Squad (1982). There’s even a scene or two of Punchfighting as Dolph assembles his team. But even though the aforementioned John Sayles was onboard, this movie becomes a fairly standard jungle/exploding hut/exploding guard tower movie. Also it suffers from the common ailment of needing more action right before the climax. But there are some scenes of humor to leaven it all out like the cinematic fried dough that it is.

Shot in Krabl and Phang Nga, Thailand, Men of War has a lot going for it, but despite all its pluses, it just barely won us over.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Universal Soldier (1992)

Universal Soldier (1992)-* * *1\2

Directed by: Roland Emmerich

Starring: Jean-Claude Van Damme, Dolph Lundgren, Ally Walker, Tiny Lister, Leon Rippy, Ralf Moeller, Simon Rhee, and Jerry Orbach




"The Future Has A Bad Attitude"







Back in ‘Nam, soldier Luc Deveraux (Van Damme) met and became mortal enemies with the sinister fellow soldier Andrew Scott (Lundgren). Luc objected to Scott’s killing of civilians, and in the ensuing brouhaha, they end up killing each other. Or so we think. In 1992, they, along with other former soldiers have been turned by the government into “Universal Soldiers”, or “Unisols” for short. 

They are part man, but part machine as well, and have been programmed to follow orders emotionlessly. But slowly both Luc and Andrew start to regain more and more of their humanity. Luc escapes the compound with reporter Veronica Roberts (Walker) - but Andrew is not happy about that. So now Luc and Veronica are on the run, with Andrew chasing them everywhere they go and causing a lot of mayhem along the way. Old grudges die hard as the final fight proves. What will happen?

Universal Soldier is a classic from the golden age of action in America. This was a time from the late 80’s to early 90’s when movies like this went to the theater and had decent budgets behind them. And this in particular was such a success that is spawned four (soon to be five as of this writing) sequels. But the high quality of this production goes a long way and is nice to see, especially in light of the brutal violence and constant, messy head shots which are usually reserved for lower-budget outings.

But, beyond the violence, there are some interesting messages at work. One is that humanity will always remain in us and is stronger than any outside force. Despite all that has happened to them, Luc is still good and Andrew is still evil. The movie also tries to make modern-day parallels to their ‘Nam experiences. Funnily enough, there’s a (probably inadvertent) pro-steroid message, as characters get stronger and win fights after they inject a chemical into themselves.

Besides Van Damme and Lundgren together at last, we shouldn’t forget Ralf Moeller is on hand as well. That’s right, Brakus himself plays a Unisol. Now that’s an amazing power-trio if there ever was one. As if that wasn’t impressive enough, Tommy ‘Tiny’ Lister and Simon Rhee also play Unisols. 

Of course, the whole program was developed by Lennie - i.e. Jerry Orbach - who really doesn’t get a lot of screen time. Ally Walker as the classic know-nothing reporter who serves as some kind of audience identification is okay, not great. But Dolph puts in a rare animated performance and seems to relish being the super-evil baddie here.

While the movie follows a very definite formula, there’s also plenty of humor so the proceedings don’t get too dour. Part of that, presumably, is the surprising amount of un-asked-for, unneeded Van Damme nudity. But the Unisols are kept in cold storage like so many hot dogs, and their eyepiece resembles an evil monocle, adding to their scary appearance. It’s also amusing to see Belgians and Swedes fighting in the Vietnam War...but come to think of it, this movie can really be summed up in three words: Necklace Of Ears.

Just get some action stars and a solid budget and entertainment will ensue. If only Hollywood kept on this path, but sadly they didn’t. If you haven’t yet seen it (or haven’t seen it in a long while), see Universal Soldier.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Stealth Fighter (1999)

Stealth Fighter (1999)-* *1\2

Directed by: Jim Wynorski

Starring: Ice-T, Costas Mandylor, Erika Eleniak, Tommy "Tiny" Lister, Andrew Divoff, William Sadler, Sarah Dampf, John Enos III, and Ernie Hudson





"The Ultimate Street Fight At 50,000 Feet!"






As if Desert Thunder (1999) wasn't enough, from the team of Jim Wynorski, Lenny Juliano, some stock footage, miniatures, and a green screen comes Stealth Fighter, the tale of Ryan "Iron Man" Mitchell (Mandylor) a Harry Connick Jr. lookalike who is a member of a special ops team who reports directly to President Westwood (Hudson). When his former buddy Owen Turner (-T) starts working for evil terrorist mastermind Roberto Menendez (Divoff), bad things start to happen.

They sink a submarine with a full crew on board, initiate the killer satellite Thanatos to blow up the world, and on top of that, Turner steals a stealth fighter jet. Meanwhile Mitchell is trying to repair his family life with his wife Erin (Eleniak) and daughter J.P. (Dampf). So he offers to go on this one last mission to save the world. 


You know Menendez is evil because he sports an ascot. Lister plays his muscle named Berg. All he does is bug out his eyes. The best actor in the movie is Sarah Dampf as Mitchell's precocious daughter. The code name "Eagle One" makes another appearance just like in Desert Thunder. The movie is filled to the brim with silly slang and you have to activate the closed captioning to understand the dialogue: "You've just been splashed!", "The Bird", The usage of "SAMS", etc. There's also the funny mission names such as "Black Raven" and "Operation: Clean Sweep".



A tongue-in-cheek scene occurs when William Sadler, as Mitchell's commanding officer Frank Peterson, sits behind his desk and yells "You're a wild card!" Also in that scene, Sadler calls him "Kenny" for some reason. Strangely, his daughter claims to have a boyfriend named Kenny. In that same scene, his wife offers Mitchell some iced tea. Of all drinks, why that?

Speaking of the man, he wears some funny shirts and spits out his lines in his own inimitable way. He's part tough, part goofy. Somehow he doesn't seem like an expert with planes. In the final battle between him and Mitchell, we even get to see his martial arts stylings, or Ice-Fu if you will.



Many things in Stealth Fighter are prescient. Ernie Hudson is cast as the President, predating Obama. They talk about Electromagnetic Pulse attacks, which have been in the news recently.

The title has two meanings: Mitchell himself, and the plane in question. The submarine subplot wasn't substantial, it was pretty subpar.



In all, if you like cardboard planes, goofy DTV action, Jim Wynorski, or Desert Thunder (which is superior to this) and you want slang-filled, utterly brainless action, then watch Stealth Fighter.


Comeuppance Review: Ty & Brett

Love Chronicles (2003)

Love Chronicles (2003)-* *1\2

Directed by: Tyler Maddox-Sims

Starring: Terrence Howard, Robin Givens, Aries Spears, Clifton Powell, and Tommy "Tiny" Lister










Love Chronicles  is a decent romance\drama. The plot consists of 4 stories about finding love in different ways. Terrence Howard plays the DJ who listens to these nice but goofy stories.

The writing and directing are average. The best part of the movie are the performances. Terrence Howard, Robin Givens, and Aries Spears have funny roles. The only weaknesses are that some of the comedy bits don't work, and there are predictable moments.

Overall, Love Chronicles is worth seeing.

Comeuppance review by: Ty

Supreme Sanction (1999)

Supreme Sanction (1999)-* * *

Directed By: John Terlesky

Starring: Michael Madsen, Kristy Swanson, Tommy "Tiny" Lister, and Ron Perlman









Supreme Sanction is a fun little flick. 

 Kristy Swanson plays a hit-woman who betrays her contract and now the government wants to kill her. Michael Madsen and Ron Perlman play the heavies.

Madsen puts in his usual good performance and as contracted he has to wear a Hawaiian shirt. Swanson does the best she can in the main role. I don't want to forget "Tiny" Lister. He plays a tough black guy and does it well. Perlman is only in it for a few minutes but he makes an impact. The action is fast-paced and entertaining.



Supreme Sanction is definitely worth watching for Madsen fans.


Comeuppance Review by: Ty

Hologram Man (1995)

Hologram Man (1995)-* * *

Directed By: Richard Pepin

Starring: Joe Lara, Evan Lurie, Tommy "Tiny" Lister, and Michael Nouri








Hologram Man is another entertaining movie from the PM Group. They released the most explosion-packed movies to video stores in the 90s. They are now defunct, but at the time they were the kings. Hologram Man is like the straight to video cross between the classics Virtuosity (1995) and Demolition Man (1993).



The plot is: Slash Gallagher (Evan Lurie) is baddest criminal around. When he kills the Governor, he gets sent to "Holographic Stasis", which means his body is discarded for a holographic one. But during his parole hearing five years later, he escapes and only one cop can bring him down: Kurt Decoda (Joe Lara).

This movie has non-stop explosions. Every car, person and building is blown up. They spared no expense on the pyrotechnics this time around. The body count is also very high, with hundreds getting killed. It makes for a fun evening. The acting is also first-rate. Evan Lurie and Joe Lara put in exciting performances. Michael Nouri, on the other hand, looks like he's reading cue cards. Overall, this is a very cool flick that's worth seeing.



Comeuppance Review by: Ty