Black Belt Jones (1974)

Black Belt Jones (1974)-* * *1\2

Directed by: Robert Clouse

Starring: Jim Kelly, Gloria Hendry, Scatman Crothers and Mel Novak












When the Mafia, as best represented by Don Steffano and Big Tuna (Andre Philippe and Vincent Barbi) try to overrun Pop Byrd (Crothers) and his BlackByrd karate studio because they want the land it’s on, a conflict ensues. So the best man for the job is called in to clean up the mess with the mob: Black Belt Jones (Kelly)! Enlisting the help of Sydney (Hendry), who’s one bad mama, the two do what they do best: kick and punch the unwitting baddies until their heads spin. But will the mafia give up, or will they continue to fight? Find out today!

Black Belt Jones is classic 70’s Blaxploitation all the way. It’s an extremely enjoyable and lighthearted romp, filled with everything that makes the era great: fly threads, cool cars, big hair, evil whiteys and of course the music, the theme by Dennis Coffey and the rest by Luchi DeJesus. The music is integral to the film and goes a long way towards propelling the action. It’s also completely great in its own right, and while it, surprisingly, has never been reissued on CD (as far as we know), there is a reissue LP that’s floating around out there.

It’s easy to forget this, but Jim Kelly’s actual name in the movie is Black Belt Jones. No other name is given - ever. So dialogue like this is heard: “Belt, you better get over here quick”. This among many other examples.  But Jim Kelly is one cool customer, and everything he does is cool - he even presses a button for an elevator in an amazingly cool way. Most of the movie is just entertaining and funny, in that way that movies were in the blissful age before political correctness corroded the world.

It also was ahead of its time, as it features prominently women on trampolines, predating The Man Show by 25 years, and, having a character named Big Tuna, it predates The Office by a whopping 31 years. There’s also what might be dubbed a “Black Belt Funeral” (not for Jones, of course - but don’t you want some strong Black Brothers practicing their moves next to your coffin - next to what looks to be a painting of Toshiro Mifune? We thought so.) And the movie all comes to a head at a car wash with an insane amount of suds everywhere. Apparently car washes were huge in the 70’s.

We had seen this movie on the Warner Brothers big-box VHS, but then re-watched the Widescreen DVD, which is a nice improvement and a worthwhile purchase. So travel back in time to when Martial Arts was FUN and definitely see Black Belt Jones!

Also check out a review by our buddy, The Video Vacuum! 

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett

Golden Needles (1974)

Golden Needles (1974)-* *

Directed by: Robert Clouse

Starring: Joe Don Baker, Jim Kelly, Elisabeth Ashley, Ann Southern, Roy Chiao and Burgess Meredith













There is a statue that everyone is after, because inside it are the golden needles - acupuncture needles that, if placed in exactly the right spots on the body, can turn any man into a superman (according to the poster’s tagline, they can rule the world). Since Felicity (Ashley) isn’t willing to buy it for 250,000 dollars, she hires Dan (Baker), an adventurer based out of Hong Kong, to get it for her. He agrees, and brings on board his friend Jeff (Kelly) to help him out. But it’s not going to be easy, because everyone from Lin Toa (Chiao) to eccentric millionaire Winters (Meredith) is hot on the trail of this mysterious statue as well. Every trick in the book is used to obtain the statue, including inexplicable teams of guys in gold protective suits with flamethrowers torching where they think it is. Will Dan and Jeff prevail?

Man, we’re really getting tired of these PG-rated actioners. Not that there’s anything inherently wrong with that rating, but you can’t really pull out all the stops. While there are some fights and some intrigue, and even some mild torture (inflicted on legendary actress Ann Sothern of all people), the film lacks drive and is filled with...well...filler.

For example, Jim Kelly is painfully underused here. He doesn’t show up until 47 minutes in, and does one very brief fight. Even the end credits say “Jim Kelly’s Fight Sequence Choreographed By Himself." Fight SEQUENCE? This really shouldn’t be in the singular. There should have been multiple Jim Kelly fight sequences. But we are treated to some Joe Don Baker-Fu, and it’s nice to see him looking so young, and, by his standards, vigorous.

While the film is shot very well and has a nice Lalo Schifrin score, and does have a cast of familiar faces, it’s really hard to overcome the slow pace. It would be perfect for a young kid who wants to see an action-type film, but it seems a kid would be bored by much of the proceedings. So the film is caught in a bind. Yes, it was directed by Robert Clouse, who has a lot of famous films to his credit, but Golden Needles was not released on VHS (at least not in America) during the heyday of the video store, so it never had a chance to become a cult classic. Not that it definitely would have, but it never even got a fighting chance. This happened a lot with AIP (American International Pictures, not Action International) movies. I don’t know if it was rights issues or just bad business practices, but a lot of their movies didn’t get the attention they deserved during the VHS era. This was just one of those casualties, it seems.

And, in the final analysis, despite the presence of Burgess Meredith and his awesome bowties, Golden Needles is Saturday afternoon stuff which left a lot to be desired and, sadly, is ultimately unsuccessful. It’s not without some merits, and we’ve seen much, MUCH worse, but ultimately it did not deliver the goods.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Three The Hard Way (1974)

Three The Hard Way (1974)-* * *

Directed by: Gordon Parks Jr.

Starring: Jim Brown, Fred Williamson, Jim Kelly, Sheila Frazier, Jay Robinson, Corbin Bernsen, Jeannie Bell, Irene Tsu, and Alex Rocco












When diabolical racist/fascist/evil white cracker Monroe Feather (Robinson), with the help of fellow evil whitey, scientist Dr. Fortrero (Richard Angarola) invent a red serum that is harmless to whites and lethal to blacks and plan to dump it in the water supplies of Washington D.C., Detroit and L.A., they didn't count on one thing - the awesome power of Jimmy Lait (Brown), Jagger Daniels (Williamson) and Mister Keyes (Kelly)! Can this team of righteous soul brothers take down Feather's budding, red-beret wearing neo-Nazi organization, or will millions of African-Americans perish?

They really, truly do not make them like this anymore. Films like this should be treasured. Just look at the tagline on the poster above. Can you imagine a movie coming out today that proudly, in big red letters, proclaims that they are going to save their race? Three the Hard Way, besides being a clever title (three dudes, three cities that must be saved, and three dominatrixes, but more on that later), is a golden age of blaxploitation gem. It is filled to the brim with jive talk, fly threads and funky tunes. It also has plenty of action, and who better to dispense it than the three coolest men in cinema at the time - all in one place!

Jim Brown as Lait is a successful record producer. He's so good at what he does, his collars are bigger than pizza slices, he drives a Rolls Royce with "LAIT" as the license plate, and tells the Impressions what to do in the studio. He even produces his own theme song, sung by the Impressions! The action kicks off when Feather's goons kidnap his old lady, Wendy (Frazier), and Lt. Di Nisco (Rocco) is more interested in Lait than in the bad guys. So Lait calls in his buddies Daniels and Keyes to dispense some justice with a blue van filled with automatic weapons. Mister Keyes even predates Mr. T as being a legal name, and they even have the same reasons ("so people will have to call me Mister" - although T might have the edge because his legal middle name is a dot).

Kelly gets to make more of his trademark, pre-Billy Blanks funny faces and noises, and there's even a scene which must have fulfilled the fantasies of the urban, inner-city audiences this played to at the time, where a bunch of cops harass him and try to arrest him and he beats them all up with style and aplomb and rides away. Fred Williamson is as cool and charming as ever as the cigar-chomping Daniels. A standout scene occurs when three women, Countess (Pamela Serpe), Princess (Marie O'Henry) and Empress (Tsu) ride in on red white and blue motorcycles, with outfits to match. It seems they are a team of dominatrixes and this is how our Three the Hard Way boys get the information they need. Perhaps this was such an appealing concept it inspired the movie Ebony, Ivory and Jade (1976).

Three the Hard Way is a much better version of the team-up concept than the much later Williamson/Brown outing On the Edge (2002), and provides a lot of the obvious inspiration behind the parodies I'm Gonna Git You Sucka (1988) and Black Dynamite (2008). Additionally, besides the impressive on-screen talent (we didn't even mention an appearance by TNT Jackson herself, Jeannie Bell), there are some big names behind the camera as well - director Gordon Parks Jr, cinematographer Lucien Ballard, and a stunt department that includes Hal Needham, Bob Minor and Buddy Joe Hooker, among others...you can really learn a lot if you read the credits! All of this came together in the end to produce an above-average blaxploitation film.

While it does start to drag a bit right before the climax, travel back in time to when cars were gigantic and boatlike, and when Williamson, Brown and Kelly were the undisputed kings of soulful action.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Hot Potato (1976)

Hot Potato (1976)-* *

Directed by: Oscar Williams

Starring: Jim Kelly, George Memmoli, Irene Tsu, Judy Brown, Yuen Biao, Sam Hiona, and Geoffrey Binney













It seems the nefarious Carter Rangoon (Hiona) has kidnapped the daughter of an American Senator (Brown) and has her held captive at his training camp for baddies somewhere in Thailand. Said Senator does the only rational thing he can do in that situation - he calls Black Belt Jones! This time around, Jones (he is simply known as "Jones" and no mention is made to his "Black Belt" status) enlists the help of comical fat guy Leonardo "Rhino" Pizzarelli (Memmoli), a competitive eater and all-around wild man, Johnny Chicago (Binney), the counterpoint to Rhino, a "hunk", if you will, and the local woman Pam (Tsu), enlisted to be their contact in Thailand. Will our mismatched team of heroes fight through an endless stream of wacky baddies, silly obstacles and childish music and sound effects to save the girl?

Basically an unfunny comedy that becomes really tiresome really fast, Hot Potato is Saturday-afternoon-style fare. With its PG rating, America's Funniest Home Videos-style sound effects and cartoonish score, it might be perfect for a kid in elementary school that wants to get into martial arts cinema but can't see the more violent entries in that genre. The extended (read: filler) fight and stunt scenes are filled to the brim with slapstick and have all the edge of the fights on the 60's Batman TV show. Again, that's fine if you're a kid, but these kind of juvenile antics will grate on the nerves of adults.

While Black Belt Jones (1974) is basically beloved by everyone that's seen it, and deservedly so because it has a certain verve, Hot Potato is just self-conscious. Yes, Kelly makes some funny faces, and there are some beautiful locations, shot very well in Chiang Mai, Thailand, and it is a professional, Warner Brothers production, but it is watered-down mainstream Kung Fu for the masses. No characters are even remotely developed and it becomes a slog at a certain point. It's a childish adventure picture, and while it is somewhat amusing to see people getting kicked, punched, maimed, and in some cases presumably killed in the name of high-spirits comedy and fun, somehow it never really gels or works.

If you ever get a hold of Hot Potato, simply fast forward to the end credits, as there is a montage of the "best" scenes in the movie. Seeing these highlights, you will get the same, if not a better effect as watching the movie and you will save about 90 minutes. Although you might miss the legendary Yuen Biao if you do. But then again, it's easy to miss him if you watch the movie straight through.

Anyone who wants their fond memories of Black Belt Jones unsullied should steer clear of Hot Potato.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett