Falcon Down (2001)

 

Falcon Down (2001)- * *1\2

Directed by: Phillip J. Roth

Starring: Dale Midkiff, Mark Kiely, Jennifer Rubin, Judd Nelson, Cliff Robertson, William Zabka, and William Shatner 

Captain Hank Thomas (Midkiff) is a former Air Force pilot who now works with his father Buzz (Robertson) at a small, family-run airplane hangar. Thomas's quiet life is disrupted when the mysterious Harold Peters (Nelson) and Sharon Williams (Rubin) approach him. They tell him they need his expert flying skills so they can steal the Falcon, a high-tech plane. Once Major Robert Carson (Shatner) becomes involved, things get really serious.


Now roped into a crazy plan with a bunch of mercenary-types, such as Rat (Kiely), Thomas has no choice but to fly the Falcon and land it on a sheet of ice, so it can eventually be sold to the Chinese government for ten billion dollars. As if all that wasn't enough, apparently there's a conspiracy that goes all the way to the top involving Area 51 and government a cover-up (what else is new?) - will Thomas live to eat beef jerky with his stepdaughter Alisia (Roth) again? Or will the FALCON go DOWN?

Falcon Down stars William Shatner, who you may remember from Land of the Free (1998) and some other stuff that we can't quite remember right now. Thankfully, he's at his William Shatneriest here in Falcon Down, as he delivers just about every line in that herky-jerky style we all know and love. Impressively, he manages to do that even if he's only saying one word. At the important scene when he and the other members of "The Company" are trying to intimidate Midkiff into signing on to their mission, Shatner stands next to a lamp so he's in very dramatic lighting. That was a movie highlight.

In that hotel room scene, it was quite something to see Judd Nelson, William Shatner, Jennifer Rubin, and Dale Midkiff all together in one small room. Have any of them given interviews as to what it was like to be there? Oh, to be a fly on the wall.

While Dale Midkiff did his best, if he wasn't available, the filmmakers could have gotten Randall Batinkoff. And let's not forget William Zabka is on board here too. We would have liked more Zabka. More Zabka is always better than less Zabka. Both he and Jennifer Rubin shoot their handguns sideways, "gangsta" style, which was funny. When they did that, the movie perked up.


Unfortunately, there are long stretches of the movie with no Shatner. Those gaps are filled with stupid moments, dumb dialogue, boring plane sloggery, and a whole lot of nothin'. When Shatner eventually returns, he's on a flight deck of some sort with an Asian man who looks a lot like Sulu. Coincidence?


It's not all bad, however. Nelson does his best, or at least somewhere close to his best, there's an amusing warehouse shootout involving the Rat character, and we get a rare double We Got Company. Usually it's said once by one character. Here it's said twice in quick succession by two characters.


What Falcon Down should have done is concentrate more on the Area 51/Conspiracy angle than it does. It starts and ends with these "videotaped" segments that seem straight out of a show like Unsealed: Alien Files or Unsealed: Conspiracy Files. While those shows are trying to get the truth out there, it's not their fault they're on a low budget. But those more intriguing elements are not really expounded upon or capitalized upon. That's a shame, because an X-Files-esque knockoff starring Shatner, Judd Nelson, Cliff Robertson, and William Zabka is a really cool idea. But that's more or less brushed aside, sadly.


Falcon Down is a telefilm produced by City Heat Productions, a company associated with Blockbuster Video, so you can be assured that multiple copies were always available at your local branch. Another production company was the Unified Film Organization, or UFO. Coincidence?


Despite its strong cast and a smidgen of decent ideas, Falcon Down is filled with too much mush to be really exciting or interesting. It was a close call, though. In the end, it's really more of a flyover in all of our lives.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Land Of The Free (1998)

Land Of The Free (1998)-* * *

Directed by: Jerry Jameson

Starring: Jeff Speakman, William Shatner, Charles Robinson, and Chris Lemmon












Politician extraordinaire Aidan Carvell (Shatner) is running for the U.S. Senate. His campaign manager, Frank Jennings (Speakman) is dedicatedly working to make sure Carvell achieves his goal. However, in the course of working on his election bid, Frank discovers that Carvell is the secret head of a militia group that wants to overthrow the government. 

Now he knows too much, and he goes on the run. Carvell’s people, including McCaster (Robinson), and Thornton (Lemmon) are spearheading the “let’s chase down and kill Frank Jennings” initiative, so he takes his wife and son and joins the witness protection program. But that’s not enough for the megalomaniacal Carvell, who wants Frank, a serious thorn in his side and sole blocker of his evil plans, dead. So who will come out victorious, and who will live in the LAND OF THE FREE?

Wait. You mean to tell me there’s an actual movie where Jeff Speakman and William Shatner co-star, they get into confrontations with each other, and eventually fight? Where do I sign up? In truth, Land Of The Free isn’t quite as awesome as the presence of the aforementioned power-duo might imply, but it’s still entertaining and worth seeing. Chalk it up to PM, they really have a winning formula and they stick to it. Plenty of car chases and exploding, flipping cars are the order of the day once again. But as we’ve said before, PM has turned it into an art.

As for Shatner, he’s looking quite robust and apple-cheeked here. His classic herky-jerky line reading delivery of course is on show. Be it Star Trek, Land Of The Free, TekWar, or any of his other projects, Shatner always speaks the same way. So it’s nice that, even in a DTV PM movie, he’ll say a line such as “I don’t believe it” like “I-don’t-believe...it.” Does anyone else find it amusing that in this movie he plays a supposedly pro-American guy, but he’s really Canadian? That truly is range. And yes, his name is Carvell, which will inevitably remind you of ice cream. Adding an extra “L” isn’t the cleverest way to cover that up. Judging by the pounds that both Speakman and Shatner put on, maybe Carvel sponsored this movie. Perhaps naming Shatner’s character that is just an homage to Cookie Puss and Fudgie the Whale.

Cleverly, the filmmakers never assign a political party to Carvell. You can read your own biases into him. He’s sort of a melange: they call him a “Maverick”, which will remind you of John McCain, but his enthusiasm is very Howard Dean-esque. His political stances seem to be in the Ron Paul camp. So he’s a little bit from every party, and even the name Carvell, after all, maybe isn’t from the ice cream, it’s a sly reference to James Carville? We may never know. 

Like the world in general, the movie needed more Shatner. There are large sections where he’s not even involved with the plot. But we know one thing for sure, he really loves his antiques.

So Frank Jennings, Speakman’s character, is constantly beating people up with his trademark Kenpo style, shooting people, and using renegade tactics like jumping off buildings and wild car chases to evade the baddies. Keep in mind he’s not Carvell’s bodyguard, he’s his campaign manager! That’s one badass campaign manager. He should run for a new political position: Speakman Of The House!  But he does wear a red shirt, blue jeans, and his skin is white, so we can only assume he is, without saying it, more “American” than the evil Carvell, at least based on his wardrobe choices. And that really is the best way to express your patriotism.

People shoot their guns sideways in true “gangsta” style, there’s a restaurant that sells something called “pastrami shrimp”, and the movie is more relevant today than ever before. It’s all underpinned by inappropriately patriotic musical stings, even during car chases. Are they supposed to be especially patriotic car chases? Again, we may never know.

Especially in this election year of 2012, more people should see Land Of The Free.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett