Falcon Down (2001)

 

Falcon Down (2001)- * *1\2

Directed by: Phillip J. Roth

Starring: Dale Midkiff, Mark Kiely, Jennifer Rubin, Judd Nelson, Cliff Robertson, William Zabka, and William Shatner 

Captain Hank Thomas (Midkiff) is a former Air Force pilot who now works with his father Buzz (Robertson) at a small, family-run airplane hangar. Thomas's quiet life is disrupted when the mysterious Harold Peters (Nelson) and Sharon Williams (Rubin) approach him. They tell him they need his expert flying skills so they can steal the Falcon, a high-tech plane. Once Major Robert Carson (Shatner) becomes involved, things get really serious.


Now roped into a crazy plan with a bunch of mercenary-types, such as Rat (Kiely), Thomas has no choice but to fly the Falcon and land it on a sheet of ice, so it can eventually be sold to the Chinese government for ten billion dollars. As if all that wasn't enough, apparently there's a conspiracy that goes all the way to the top involving Area 51 and government a cover-up (what else is new?) - will Thomas live to eat beef jerky with his stepdaughter Alisia (Roth) again? Or will the FALCON go DOWN?

Falcon Down stars William Shatner, who you may remember from Land of the Free (1998) and some other stuff that we can't quite remember right now. Thankfully, he's at his William Shatneriest here in Falcon Down, as he delivers just about every line in that herky-jerky style we all know and love. Impressively, he manages to do that even if he's only saying one word. At the important scene when he and the other members of "The Company" are trying to intimidate Midkiff into signing on to their mission, Shatner stands next to a lamp so he's in very dramatic lighting. That was a movie highlight.

In that hotel room scene, it was quite something to see Judd Nelson, William Shatner, Jennifer Rubin, and Dale Midkiff all together in one small room. Have any of them given interviews as to what it was like to be there? Oh, to be a fly on the wall.

While Dale Midkiff did his best, if he wasn't available, the filmmakers could have gotten Randall Batinkoff. And let's not forget William Zabka is on board here too. We would have liked more Zabka. More Zabka is always better than less Zabka. Both he and Jennifer Rubin shoot their handguns sideways, "gangsta" style, which was funny. When they did that, the movie perked up.


Unfortunately, there are long stretches of the movie with no Shatner. Those gaps are filled with stupid moments, dumb dialogue, boring plane sloggery, and a whole lot of nothin'. When Shatner eventually returns, he's on a flight deck of some sort with an Asian man who looks a lot like Sulu. Coincidence?


It's not all bad, however. Nelson does his best, or at least somewhere close to his best, there's an amusing warehouse shootout involving the Rat character, and we get a rare double We Got Company. Usually it's said once by one character. Here it's said twice in quick succession by two characters.


What Falcon Down should have done is concentrate more on the Area 51/Conspiracy angle than it does. It starts and ends with these "videotaped" segments that seem straight out of a show like Unsealed: Alien Files or Unsealed: Conspiracy Files. While those shows are trying to get the truth out there, it's not their fault they're on a low budget. But those more intriguing elements are not really expounded upon or capitalized upon. That's a shame, because an X-Files-esque knockoff starring Shatner, Judd Nelson, Cliff Robertson, and William Zabka is a really cool idea. But that's more or less brushed aside, sadly.


Falcon Down is a telefilm produced by City Heat Productions, a company associated with Blockbuster Video, so you can be assured that multiple copies were always available at your local branch. Another production company was the Unified Film Organization, or UFO. Coincidence?


Despite its strong cast and a smidgen of decent ideas, Falcon Down is filled with too much mush to be really exciting or interesting. It was a close call, though. In the end, it's really more of a flyover in all of our lives.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Red Scorpion 2 (1994)

Red Scorpion 2 (1994)-* * *

Directed by: Michael Kennedy

Starring: Matt McColm, Michael Ironside, Jennifer Rubin, Paul Ben-Victor, Réal Andrews, George Touliatos, and John Savage











From the mind of the notorious Jack Abramoff comes...

To stop the evil neo-Nazi Andrew Kendrick (Savage) from taking over the world with the stolen artifact the "Spear Of Destiny", Col. West (Ironside) and Sam Guinness (Rubin) assemble a ragtag team to infiltrate their compound. The leader, a "roguish superagent", is Ben Affleck dead-ringer Nick Stone (McColm). Other team members include:
1. Good ol' boy Billy Ryan (Michael Covert), the sharpshooter,
2. The token computer nerd Vince D'Angelo (Ben-Victor), the irritating "George Costanza" of the group,
3. Token Asian Joe Nakamura,
4. And token black man Winston "Mad Dog" Powell (Andrews). If this were the show "Criminal Minds", he would be the Shemar Moore character. He gets to call the evil skinheads "eggs with legs" and screams loudly every time he fires a machine gun.

They are all under the command of Gregori (Touliatos). They don't need to be, but the movie needed a connection, no matter how tenuous, to the first film. Gregori claims to have trained Nikolai, as played by Dolph Lundgren. Dolph is not in this film. So now they are all in the "Red Scorpion Brigade" and have small scorpion tattoos on their arms. It all Matt McColminates with some shooting and explosions (which they should have just done from minute 1 of the movie, but then there would be no movie).



Will this team be able to work together and infiltrate and dismantle Kendrick's nefarious operation? Could Matt McColm look any MORE like Ben Affleck? Will it be "Armageddon" all over again for our heroes? And what is "Kendrick's Roulette" exactly? Find out today!

Silly fun that is brain-numbingly dumb, Red Scorpion 2 has quite possibly every cliche in action movie history. Stone is going on "one last mission", he jumps from an explosion in slow motion, the unnecessary training sequences (which primarily consist of the team endlessly rock climbing), the old abandoned warehouses, the old, dying master and much much more.



John Savage as Kendrick makes a great bad guy. When he first sees the "Spear Of Destiny" he keeps saying "Ohhhhh" over and over again. He's such an evil Nazi, he has a glove drawer. He has a command center with film of Hitler running on a continuous loop. He also has some great underlings. Mr. Benjamin's only talent is counting in an extremely ominous and strained tone. Hans (of course that's his name), is a weird cross between Dolph Lundgren, Kelsey Grammer as Frasier and David Hyde Pierce as Niles. If you've ever wanted to see a cast member of "Frasier" execute a spin kick, this is the movie for you.

By contrast, McColm as the appropriately-named Stone is about as animated and lively as petrified wood. His "martial arts" consists of clumsily slapping his opponents. Michael Ironside looks really bored and unchallenged by his pat role.

It is insulting to the audience. When we see bad guys getting away, someone says "they're getting away!" When an oil drum with the gigantic letters "GAS" rolls toward our heroes, one of them yells "it's gas!" This can also be seen in Street Fighter (1994) E. Honda says that line and Matt McColm performs a "1000 hand slap" just like Honda and both movies came out the same year. Coincidence? I think not.

Despite the fact that the movie is silly, dumb and cliche-ridden, we loved how funny Red Scorpion 2 is and we had a lot of fun watching it.

Discover the "Spear Of Destiny" tonight with this classic!

Comeuppance Review by: Ty & Brett