Falcon Down (2001)

 

Falcon Down (2001)- * *1\2

Directed by: Phillip J. Roth

Starring: Dale Midkiff, Mark Kiely, Jennifer Rubin, Judd Nelson, Cliff Robertson, William Zabka, and William Shatner 

Captain Hank Thomas (Midkiff) is a former Air Force pilot who now works with his father Buzz (Robertson) at a small, family-run airplane hangar. Thomas's quiet life is disrupted when the mysterious Harold Peters (Nelson) and Sharon Williams (Rubin) approach him. They tell him they need his expert flying skills so they can steal the Falcon, a high-tech plane. Once Major Robert Carson (Shatner) becomes involved, things get really serious.


Now roped into a crazy plan with a bunch of mercenary-types, such as Rat (Kiely), Thomas has no choice but to fly the Falcon and land it on a sheet of ice, so it can eventually be sold to the Chinese government for ten billion dollars. As if all that wasn't enough, apparently there's a conspiracy that goes all the way to the top involving Area 51 and government a cover-up (what else is new?) - will Thomas live to eat beef jerky with his stepdaughter Alisia (Roth) again? Or will the FALCON go DOWN?

Falcon Down stars William Shatner, who you may remember from Land of the Free (1998) and some other stuff that we can't quite remember right now. Thankfully, he's at his William Shatneriest here in Falcon Down, as he delivers just about every line in that herky-jerky style we all know and love. Impressively, he manages to do that even if he's only saying one word. At the important scene when he and the other members of "The Company" are trying to intimidate Midkiff into signing on to their mission, Shatner stands next to a lamp so he's in very dramatic lighting. That was a movie highlight.

In that hotel room scene, it was quite something to see Judd Nelson, William Shatner, Jennifer Rubin, and Dale Midkiff all together in one small room. Have any of them given interviews as to what it was like to be there? Oh, to be a fly on the wall.

While Dale Midkiff did his best, if he wasn't available, the filmmakers could have gotten Randall Batinkoff. And let's not forget William Zabka is on board here too. We would have liked more Zabka. More Zabka is always better than less Zabka. Both he and Jennifer Rubin shoot their handguns sideways, "gangsta" style, which was funny. When they did that, the movie perked up.


Unfortunately, there are long stretches of the movie with no Shatner. Those gaps are filled with stupid moments, dumb dialogue, boring plane sloggery, and a whole lot of nothin'. When Shatner eventually returns, he's on a flight deck of some sort with an Asian man who looks a lot like Sulu. Coincidence?


It's not all bad, however. Nelson does his best, or at least somewhere close to his best, there's an amusing warehouse shootout involving the Rat character, and we get a rare double We Got Company. Usually it's said once by one character. Here it's said twice in quick succession by two characters.


What Falcon Down should have done is concentrate more on the Area 51/Conspiracy angle than it does. It starts and ends with these "videotaped" segments that seem straight out of a show like Unsealed: Alien Files or Unsealed: Conspiracy Files. While those shows are trying to get the truth out there, it's not their fault they're on a low budget. But those more intriguing elements are not really expounded upon or capitalized upon. That's a shame, because an X-Files-esque knockoff starring Shatner, Judd Nelson, Cliff Robertson, and William Zabka is a really cool idea. But that's more or less brushed aside, sadly.


Falcon Down is a telefilm produced by City Heat Productions, a company associated with Blockbuster Video, so you can be assured that multiple copies were always available at your local branch. Another production company was the Unified Film Organization, or UFO. Coincidence?


Despite its strong cast and a smidgen of decent ideas, Falcon Down is filled with too much mush to be really exciting or interesting. It was a close call, though. In the end, it's really more of a flyover in all of our lives.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Malone (1987)

Malone (1987)-* * *

Directed by: Harley Cokeliss

Starring: Burt Reynolds, Lauren Hutton, Kenneth McMillan, Tracey Walter, Cynthia Gibb, Scott Wilson, and Cliff Robertson 












Richard Malone (Reynolds) is a former CIA assassin and Special Ops soldier whose car breaks down in the sleepy burg of Comstock, Oregon. He’s trying to escape his past, but he runs afoul of the sinister Charles Delaney (Robertson), a small-town megalomaniac who is trying to take over the world. While in Comstock, he makes friends with the kindly mechanic and garage owner Paul (Wilson), and develops an interesting relationship with his young daughter Jo (Gibb of Death Warrant  fame). The town he’s in is so small, he even develops fame among the locals as “The Guy With The Car Trouble”. Even though Jamie (Hutton) is trying to stop his violent ways, he cuts through the corruption and red tape of the local Sheriffs and takes on Delaney and his many goons. 

Malone is 90 minutes of stupid entertainment at its finest. It’s chock full with funny lines and absurd situations, way too many to recount here. Burt Reynolds' monosyllabic performance is just amazing - his contempt for the very fact that he has to be there is so open and unmasked. Luckily for the audience, that’s absolutely hilarious.  But it’s not just Reynolds who has checked out: Robertson as the smarmy land developer who sends thugs to kill off his rivals is a total paycheck role. Both men phoned in their roles to extremely funny effect. I assume this was unintentional. Perhaps Reynolds assumed his mustache, funny faces, expanding gut and bizarre toupee would carry the day. As it turns out, he was right! It totally does.

A lot of the running time of Malone is comprised of various people asking Richard Malone what his name is. There’s always a pause, and then Reynolds exasperatingly exhales “Malone”. This takes up a good 20-30 percent of the film’s running time. Fortunately, this scenario gets funnier every time it happens.

It has been noted the film’s many similarities to the classic Western Shane (1953), but it also appears the later Radical Jack (2000) was heavily influenced by Malone (as has everyone else that’s ever seen it). A mysterious man comes to a small town, a man that happens to be trained in the deadly arts, and tries to stop yet another small-town crime boss (I guess every little town has one) and must fight the “evil yokels” along the way.

On the technical side, if you live in America and have Netflix streaming, watch Malone that way. It’s in widescreen and the print they found is stunning. Even though we had seen it on VHS previously, watching it on streaming was like watching it for the first time. It really brought out the full potential and many nuances of the film.

You’ll be singing “I think we’re Malone now” as you laugh your way through this very enjoyable gem.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Shaker Run (1985)

Shaker Run (1985)-* * *

Directed By: Bruce Morrison

Starring: Cliff Robertson, Leif Garrett, Lisa Harrow and Shane Briant













Seemingly the only reason for the movie Shaker Run to exist, is to prove now, beyond any doubt, the old adage: "real men wear pink."

Judd Pierson (Robertson) is a down-on-his-luck stunt driver for the "Helldrivers Auto Circus". He's getting older, and he can't quite jump that long row of cars like he used to. The audiences are dwindling but luckily Pierson has a young and enthusiastic sidekick named Casey (Garrett). Being a passenger in speeding cars makes Casey ill, which really complicates the events about to transpire...

When scientist Dr. Christine Rubin (Harrow) approaches them to take "the box" (which is a lethal virus) from one side of New Zealand to the other, The Helldriver boys reluctantly accept. The only problem is, an endless supply of Australian baddies are hot on their trail and constantly trying to kill them. The leader of the cabal of goons is Paul Thoreau (Briant of Moving Targets fame) who is in a helicopter for most of the movie.

Can the Helldrivers and Dr. Rubin get "the box" to its destination before it is snatched away by Thoreau?



Shaker Run is an undiscovered gem of a road movie. There are some impressive car chases and stunts. Just imagine a cross between Vanishing Point (1971), Smokey & The Bandit (1977), and The Andromeda Strain (1971). While the title: "Shaker Run" might not be fully explained, I suppose "Vanishing Smokey Strain" doesn't have a good ring to it. Or maybe it does. Robertson portrays the grizzled old driver who's "The Best" with aplomb. He also has cool hat. It is not quite 10 gallon, more like 3-4 gallons. But it suits him perfectly.

Another good thing about 'Run is was made before political correctness and the "Budweiser" logo appears on cars and a simple chase that lasts for most of the movie is all you needed to get by.

One of the highlights is when our heroes are trapped on a boat. If you ever wanted to see Leif Garrett bash through a wall, here is your chance. Lastly, in a show of consideration, one of the credits at the end of the movie asks that you "please drive home safely."

"Run" to go see Shaker Run tonight!




Comeuppance Review by: Ty & Brett