Memorial Day (1998)

 

Memorial Day (1998)- * * *

Directed by: Worth Keeter

Starring: Jeff Speakman, Paul Mantee, Frederick Coffin, Mongo Brownlee, Stephanie Niznik, and Joe Estevez 

A group of deep-state government guys led by Willard (Mantee) have decided that something needs to be done about their dwindling budgets in the post-cold war era. So, naturally, he devises a supposed terrorist threat called "Red 5". When a crusading senator, a man named Lancaster (Coffin), gets too close to the truth during his efforts to root out what Red 5 truly is, a government assassin named Edward Downey (Speakman) is called in to knock off Lancaster. Just having come out of forced incarceration in a mental institution, Downey is none too happy about being a government pawn. 

So, working with journalist Robin Conners (Niznik), he risks it all to expose the bureaucratic hacks, the brainwashing, and the evil satellites causing the havoc as Red 5. If any of what you just read makes any sense to you, do check out MEMORIAL DAY!

Also, we don't want to forget to mention the uncredited appearance by Joe Estevez. He appears in the beginning of the film as "Agency/Willard's Contact", and the speech he gives is great. It really sets the tone for what is to follow, as all the backroom dealing and government conspiracy stuff is Memorial Day's strong suit. It's not really an action movie per se, it's more of a political thriller done with a low DTV budget. That being said, our old buddy Speakman does do some Martial Arts here and there, but there definitely should have been a lot more of it.

For the first half, things bounce around in a rather unfocused manner, which is part of the fun. The idea that director Worth Keeter thought that audiences would be fully engaged in this silliness is kind of amusing. A lot of the dialogue was fun to hear, because back in 1998, it was pretty ahead of its time. A lot of what they were saying still holds true today. Throw in some footage from some other movies, and you have an outing that's very redolent of the late-90's DTV scene.

The box art, complete with its Independence Day (1996) font, would lead you to believe that this is a sci-fi slog. Thankfully, it's not. The closest it gets is all the gobbledygook about satellites. Thankfully, no aliens, space stations, or the like are on show here. To see Speakman in that context, see (or, rather, do not see) Scorpio One. That film was also directed by Keeter the same year as this, 1998. Maybe he got confused. Inexplicably, there are some Star Wars-influenced music cues on the soundtrack, and the name of the ersatz terrorist group, Red Five, is a Star Wars reference. Just why they thought this was necessary, we don't know.

Interestingly, this is not the only political thriller Speakman was in around this time. As we all know, he starred with Shatner in Land of the Free, also in 1998. That's a fun movie that's well worth checking out. Not that Memorial Day is bad, as it certainly has its charm, but Keeter's best film to date is arguably L.A. Bounty (1989).

We kept wondering why they didn't call the movie Election Day, as that would have seemed to be the no-brainer title choice for this, although there is a definite reason why it's called Memorial Day. You'll just have to watch it to unlock that secret.

In the end, Memorial Day has just enough going for it to make it a worthwhile watch. It isn't explosively awesome, but it has its merits.

Comeuppance Review By: Brett and Ty

Plato's Run (1997)

Plato's Run (1997)- * *

Directed by: James Becket

Starring: Gary Busey, Steven Bauer, Tiani Warden, Maggie Myatt, Jeff Speakman, and Roy Scheider








Plato Smith (Busey), along with his fellow former-Navy SEAL buddies Sam (Bauer) and Dominick (Speakman), are just, to paraphrase both this movie, as well as the song by Ensiferum, “warriors without a war”. That all changes when a mysterious woman named Marta (Warden) enlists Plato and Sam to go to Cuba and extract the son of a powerful crime boss. At first they refuse, of course, but then they decide that the money is too good, especially because Plato’s business is failing and he’s going to be evicted from his house. Since Plato is trying to repair his relationship with his daughter Kathy (Myatt), it seems like a good move.

Of course, the job isn’t as cut-and-dry as it seems, and soon Plato is on the run because he was framed for the murder of said crime boss. Additionally, the REAL power behind the scenes, dastardly arms dealer Alex Senarkian (Scheider) is now testing/using/shipping mines all over the world and even has a mine testing facility at a secret, evil compound. 

Things go from bad to worse when Kathy is kidnapped and Sam and Plato are trapped in the testing facility. With only their wits, and outside help from Dominick, will they be able to escape their doom. Will this be Plato’s last run?

Not to be confused with Hitman’s Run (1999) or Da Vinci’s War (1993), Plato’s Run is not exactly a movie you’d put at the top of your “to watch” list. To be fair, it’s better than Busey’s Warriors (1994), and about on par with the other Busey-Scheider team-up, The Rage (1997). It all starts promisingly enough – the power trio of Busey, Bauer, and Speakman are in a Florida bar and almost apropos of nothing, a very silly barfight ensues. But then it slows down and it all becomes a bit more standard. 

Yes, there are action scenes with shooting, blow-ups, beat-ups and the like. And while the movie is shot well, and it’s all very clear, somehow something is missing. Bauer and Busey had good chemistry together, which was all well and good, but the movie needed more Speakman. Certainly it needed more Speakman Martial Arts. 

The plot is unnecessarily complicated. It should have been the big boss, Senarkian, sending out waves of baddies for our triumvirate of heroes to beat up. Instead, it gets bogged down with other things such as land mines, Busey running around a lot, and plot intrigue. The central baddie of Scheider can’t hold all that together.

Of course, we should have suspected all this because we knew two things going in: It’s a Nu-Image movie from 1997, and the director, James Becket, also made Ulterior Motives (1993). For those who may not remember, that’s the unfortunate Thomas Ian Griffith outing that somehow manages to botch the idea of TIG wielding a samurai sword. But that was Becket’s first movie. He should have picked up a few tricks by the time of Plato’s Run. It seems he did not, which is a shame. 

Despite some well-placed humor, and the fact that the ingredients are all there for a successful DTV actioner, Plato’s Run, if we’re going to be brutally honest, is video store shelf-filler. We’re always looking for titles that rise above that sort of station, but, unfortunately, despite its good points, Plato’s Run doesn’t do that.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Also check out write-ups from our buddies, The DTVC and The Video Vacuum!

Running Red (1999)

Running Red (1999)- * * *

Directed by: Jerry P. Jacobs

Starring: Jeff Speakman, Angie Everhart, Bart Braverman, Cassie Ray, and Robert Miano

Gregori (Speakman) is one of the toughest dudes in the Russian military. Previously loyal to Mother Russia, after his brother is killed during an assault on a Spanish chemical plant, Gregori renounces it all and relocates to Sherman Oaks, California. After eleven years in the States, we see that he now has a hot wife named Katherine (Everhart), and even a precocious young daughter, Amanda (Ray) To fully complete the transformation into a U.S. citizen, he grows a beard and puts on some weight, seemingly in an attempt to strongly resemble TV’s Richard Karn. 

He cleverly changes his name from Gregori to Greg, but even that doesn’t stop his past from coming back. When Russian operatives enlist him to do “one last job” because “he’s the best”, “Greg” can’t resist the lure of the classic cliches, and he actually wants to get revenge for his brother, now that he’s offered a chance to kill his murderer, a guy named Mercier (Braverman). Also he gets involved in the political assassination game as it relates to a politician named Chambers (Miano). Will Greg be running away...or RUNNING RED?

In our opinion, Running Red is the best Jeff Speakman movie. It doesn’t have any of the fat, boredom, or mind-numbing stupidity of his other works. PM is the ideal place for him, and they used him perfectly. Sure, we would have preferred more Kenpo and less gun-shooting, but in the absence of the actual Kenpo he does wear an oversized shirt that reads Kenpo Gear, and the back says “Show some respect”. 

Because it’s PM, it’s bright, well-lit, has a nice pace, and there are some classic blow-ups, car chases, car flips (even a double-car flip), gunfights, and well-choreographed action. It’s all very professional and works well. Director Jacobs has been hit or miss for us in the past; we loved A Dangerous Place (1995), but thought Freedom Strike (1998) was lame. Running Red puts another one in the win column for Mr. Jacobs. 

The title could refer to the fact that Greg is running from his red past, or the running of blood, or be a subtle reference to Everhart’s hair. It’s also the color of his daughter’s Game Boy Color. Coincidence? Part of the plot even involves Greg’s wife wanting to drag him to her high school reunion because she “wants to show him off to her friends”. Presumably she’s going to tell them she’s married to Richard Karn. But another possible title could be “Running Red Heat”, because, like Rangers (2000), the bus chase from Red Heat (1988) is interpolated into the movie. If Running Red and Rangers can afford this footage, it must be going at fire sale prices. But didn’t PM realize that action fans would likely recognize what they saw? Maybe they were banking on the fact that the whole outing feels a bit...familiar. But still, it’s Speakman at his best.

The guy who plays Mercier looks a lot like Joe Mantegna, fan-favorite Robert Miano has a small but noteworthy role (was he contractually obligated to be in every PM movie?), and instead of a drug deal gone wrong, there’s an arms deal gone wrong. Instead of a wacky taxi driver, there’s a wacky exterminator. The daughter is cute in the classic Sarah Dampf style (bet you didn’t know there was a classic Sarah Dampf style), and she loves soda and hamburgers. She also eats a cereal called Crispy Rounds. If action heroes didn’t have daughters, what would get them up in the morning?

Running Red is the perfect place to start if you’ve never seen a Jeff Speakman movie. It might be all downhill from here (though his other films do have some of their own individual merits, to be fair) - but Running Red is a winner, and quite possibly the best DTV actioner of 1999. 

Comeuppance Reviews by: Brett and Ty 

Hot Boyz (2000)

Hot Boyz (2000)- * *

AKA: Gang Law 

Directed by: Master P

Starring: Silkk Tha Shocker, Master P, C-Murder, Master P, Snoop Dogg, Shireen Crutchfield, C.Thomas Howell, Gary Busey, Mystikal, Anthony Johnson, Brent Huff, Clifton Powell, and Jeff Speakman









 Hot Boyz is the sad and tragic tale of Kool (Tha Shocker) and his homies (not something gay as you might reasonably expect). Kool is an aspiring rapper who is probably still aspiring because he can’t come up with a better name for himself than Kool. He and girlfriend LaShawna (Crutchfield) are in love, despite the protestations of her mother, who disapproves of Kool’s homie-ing ways. One night while walking down a dark alley (always a bad idea, especially in the ‘hood), LaShawna witnesses a murder and is then accused of it and thrown in jail. It turns out she stumbled into a network of fully corrupt cops like Officer Mack (Huff) to pretty corrupt cops like Det. Tully (Busey) to not-that-corrupt cops like Officer Roberts (Howell). 

While fighting for LaShawna’s release, Tully convinces Kool to infiltrate the criminal organization run by Saint (Powell).  But when things take a turn for the worst, Kool and his homeboys C-Dawg (Snoop Dogg, stretching), Moe (Master P), Remo (C-Murder), Tyrel (Mystikal), and Pee Wee (Johnson) suddenly become crime lords in their own right. Will all this gangsta-ism lead to a bad end for Kool and/or the gang? Also Jeff Speakman is Kool’s Kenpo teacher. Kool takes Kenpo lessons.

Here is your classic example of what we call the “homie movie”, but because it’s also a PM movie, it has C. Thomas Howell, Gary Busey, Brent Huff and Jeff Speakman in non-homie roles. And also a bunch of shooting, car chases, and other PM hallmarks. In between most scenes there is an aerial shot of L.A. while some No Limit rapper lays down his poppin’ fresh rhymes. 

And behind scenes of C. Thomas Howell or Gary Busey talking, there are yet more rap beats. And of course, during any chase scenes, more rapping can be heard. Pretty much every homie movie cliche is out in force: barbecue parties (where Snoop doles out potato salad), bouncing cars, basketball games, evil whiteys (especially cops), and young ghetto-dwellers dreaming of escaping using the time-honored methods of drugs and violence. I guess it’s what you’d call “Master P’s Theatre”(groan).

Sure, you feel every aspect of its low-budget, but certain personalities shine through. Clifton Powell and Shireen Crutchfield stand out as the baddie and Kool’s inexplicably devoted girlfriend, respectively. 

And you’ve got to respect Snoop - he remains one mellow cat at ALL times, whether hangin’ with his homeboys or shooting a bunch of people in a (wildly extended) shootout. For this reason, he comes off as highly naturalistic, especially compared to his screen-mates such as Mr. Tha Shocker, who is clearly trying, but in a way that suggests a child trying to fit their little feet into their parents’ shoes.  As for the fan favorites, Howell doesn’t do all that much, Huff is one-dimensionally evil, Speakman’s role is largely unnecessary to the plot (although it was welcome and we wished there was more of him) and Busey is Busey. Busey is no stranger to the ‘hood, having also been in Down ‘n Dirty (2001) and On the Edge (2002).

It almost goes without saying, but Scarface (1983) seems to be a natural jumping-off point, at least for the second half of the movie, where the “Hot Boyz” are born and form their own criminal empire. When Kool earns his black belt, Master Keaton (Speakman) says to him “now you’re a man”, and later, Saint congratulates him on going from a boy to a man. The movie also could have been called “Bar MitzvahZ”.

But we don’t think you’re supposed to think about it all that much, just get your own group of “Hot Boyz” together, pour out a 40 for your dead homiez, and pop in the DVD. If this is your thing at all, you’ll be in homie heaven.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett 

Also check out write-ups from our buddies, DTVC, The Video Vacuum, and The Unknown Movies!

Deadly Outbreak (1995)

Deadly Outbreak (1995)- * * *

Directed by: Rick Avery

Starring: Jeff Speakman, Idan Alterman, Bridget Marks, Rochelle Swanson, and Ron Silver











At a defense institution in Israel, Dr. Allie Levin (Swanson) has developed a highly advanced and extremely deadly chemical weapon. When the evil Baron (Silver) and his goons take over the institution by force because they want said weapon, all hell breaks loose. Luckily, a Special Ops escort from the U.S. embassy, Dutton Elvis Hatfield (Speakman) is in the building and plans to stop the terrorist attack. He has his wits, his Kenpo skills, Dr. Levin, and a young security guard, Ira (Alterman) to help him on his quest to take down the baddies. All Hatfield wants to do is get back to his son and play in the park. Will he be able to? Find out today!

The early-to-mid 90’s were truly the golden years for the, as we call it, “DieHardInA” movie. It’s simply amazing just how many Die Hard (1988) knockoffs came out in this short stretch of time. It seems hard to believe video store patrons of the day were really clamoring for them - at least this many of them, but the sheer numbers speak for themselves. Deadly Outbreak doesn’t exactly add much new to the sub-genre; its closest corollary is probably Lethal Tender, with maybe a little Crackerjack - but it does feature one of the best Speakman performances we’ve seen to date.

Speakman is likable, has a lot of great one-liners, and his Kenpo skills are truly fast and furious. Did we mention that he’s LIKABLE? Thank goodness for that. It seems so many DTV movies forget to have even one likable character. Unfortunately, the movie does fall into the “annoying and nagging woman” cliche with the female doctor, which we were disappointed by. That and the fact that there is not one but two “hot scientists” - the other being Starkov, played by a former Playboy Playmate (Marks), might lead to charges of insensitivity, but come on. The whole movie is entirely implausible. You wouldn’t be watching this movie if you were looking for plausibility. The main selling points are the mindless shooting, Speakman’s Martial Arts, and Ron Silver’s interesting performance, which we would dub as “level-headed evil”. One thing about Silver is that he tends to underplay his roles, speaking in quiet tones, which actually provides a nice contrast to all the bombastic shooting, stunts and blow-ups going on around him. We definitely miss Silver. We remain fans.

This is a Nu-Image movie before Nu-Image went to complete crud, although the 90’s CD-ROM-style effects at the outset of the movie perhaps point the way to the future. Although, to be fair, it was the 90’s. But it’s doubtful they looked convincing even then. Speaking of the 90s, look at the size of the word "Deadly" and the size of the word "Outbreak". Were they attempting to capitalize on the hit film Outbreak (1995)? Or just trying to trick video store patrons who aren't paying attention? The world will never know. Director Rick Avery is far more well known for being an accomplished stuntman, not for being a brilliant storyteller, and he does seem to get the most out of everyone, at least in the physicality department, from Speakman to Alterman, who looks like a young Nicolas Cage.

If you take anything away from today’s review it should be these two points: Deadly Outbreak is a textbook example of the 90’s DieHardInA movie, and that Jeff Speakman’s likable performance SAVES the movie. Without him, this would be a slog. So with those two things in mind, now you can make an informed decision as to see it. Go Dutton Elvis Hatfield!

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett

Also check out a write-up from our buddy, Explosive Action!

The Perfect Weapon (1991)

The Perfect Weapon (1991)- * * *

Directed by: Mark DiSalle

Starring: Jeff Speakman, Mako, Dante Basco, James Hong, Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa, Professor Toru Tanaka, and Mariska Hargitay





"No Gun. No Knife. No Equal."






Jeff Sanders (Speakman) has been training in Kenpo since he was a young boy. At first, it was because his father wanted to direct all his unruly, youthful energy. Now he’s a Kenpo master who abides by his own tagline, “no gun, no knife, no equal” (though technically he does use Arnis sticks). When his friend, a shop owner named Kim (Mako) comes under fire from the Korean mob, Sanders snaps into action. But will he snap some necks along the way? 

Along his quest, he must utilize the help of his brother, a cop named Adam Sandler...er...Sanders, and a young punk kid named Jimmy (Fist of the North Star (1995) and Blood and Bone (2009)’s Basco) but it’s going to take all of Jeff’s Kenpo skills to fight off Yung (Hong), Kai (Tagawa) and the intimidating Tanaka (played, unsurprisingly, by Professor Toru Tanaka). Is Jeff Sanders the PERFECT WEAPON? Find out today...

The Perfect Weapon is the best Jeff Speakman movie we’ve seen to date...and why wouldn’t it be: it was his first starring role, as well as being a major studio release tailor-made to showcase his Kenpo talents to the world. As might be expected, the fight scenes are the highlight of the production. Speakman clearly has “got game”, as it were, enough to compete with all his competitors at the time. 

The whole thing is well-shot and you can see all the moves. Refreshingly, this was before quick cuts, green screens and nu-metal corroded the action genre. Sure, it slows down before the climax, but that’s a common action movie malady we’ve seen countless times before. There’s the time honored warehouse showdown, but this time employees still work there and it’s not abandoned. So there’s a slight difference there.

Gumming up the works is the introduction of Jimmy, the classic young punk kid. He gives his scenes with Speakman an unpleasant American Ninja 5 (1993) vibe. He even un-ironically whines “are we there yet?” at one point. Now, let’s not forget Mariska Hargitay, TV’s Olivia Benson, is technically in this movie as well. Despite being top-billed, she has literally zero spoken dialogue and appears only in brief flashes. It would have been so much cooler if Speakman teamed up with her to bust some heads in Koreatown. But no, there has to be an annoying kid, and the movie goes slower with Jimmy.

At least the movie is well-made, and, plotwise, it’s actually about Kenpo, which gives the whole thing consistency. Yes, the whole thing looks like it was shot on a backlot (there are some pretty obvious sets), but some of them are cool - look at “Club Croc-Pit”. 

Notably, the film starts out with Speakman sweatily working out, shirtlessly, in sweatpants, to Snap’s “The Power”. You just know he intentionally put that song on because he believes it was written about him. You can’t get more 1991 than that. When I was eleven years old, I remember seeing a commercial on TV for this movie, and even then, thinking, “another one?” - meaning, I already knew about Arnie, Sly, Seagal, Van Damme, and perhaps others involved in the late 80’s/early 90’s action boom, and I was surprised “they” (meaning studio higher-ups) were rolling out a new guy. How could I, or anyone, have known that the U.S. action boom was about to go bust. We should really treasure what we have.

Director DiSalle has had an interesting career - he’s only directed this and Kickboxer (1989), but he produced Speakman’s Street Knight (1993), as well as Bloodsport (1988) and Death Warrant (1990). He wrote the story for Kickboxer 2 (1989), acted in all five of the aforementioned movies, and that’s about it for him. Apparently he only works with Speakman or Van Damme. Seems like a good way to go through life. Anyway, The Perfect Weapon, despite a few flaws, would prove to be the last theater-released movie from the action boom of the day. That alone makes it worth seeing.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Also check out a write-up from our buddy, The Video Vacuum!

The Expert (1995)

The Expert (1995)- * *

Directed by: Rick Avery

Starring: Jeff Speakman, James Brolin, Michael Shaner, Alex Datcher, Elizabeth Gracen, and Jim Varney











John Lomax (Speakman) is a civilian military CQB, or, “Close Quarter Battle” instructor. When his beloved sister Jenny (Nagy) is tragically murdered by a serial killer named Martin Kagan (Shaner), initially Lomax is satisfied when Kagan is sentenced to die by going to the electric chair. 

When an inexplicably sympathetic doctor, Alice Barnes (Datcher) insists that Kagan is schizophrenic and that any and all murders were committed by his alter ego Martin Mirman, the dangerous psychopath is granted a stay of execution. But not for long, as an incensed Lomax decides to put his CQB skills to work to finally erase Kagan from the planet. But first he needs to get weaponry from his old buddy Snake (Varney) and find time for romance with reporter Liz Pierce (Gracen). Will Lomax’s Expertise be enough to get the proper revenge?

The Expert starts off in classic Martial Arts movie style, with a shadowy figure displaying his moves as the opening credits roll. Unfortunately, the rest of the film doesn’t live up to this promising intro. The actual action scenes are minimal, and Speakman only Kenpo’s it up on the baddies a scant few times. The first major action scene feels strangely slow and confused. A lot of the running time is spent as a Prison Slog, with no action whatsoever. Despite the presence of James Brolin as the warden, these scenes are ultimately pointless. We liked the moment when Brolin becomes unhinged, but overall neither he, Speakman, or the rest of the cast can overcome the mediocrity within.

Michael Shaner, who we remembered from Bloodfist (1989) where he played the infamous “Baby”, and Angelfist (1993), or possibly other movies with the word “fist” in the title, portrays the main baddie in a  boo-hiss hateable style. His resemblance to a young Robert Davi made us believe fan favorite Davi also could have assayed the role. 

Because of the fact that when we first see Martin Kagan he’s fixing a copying machine and has ink on his face (and because the camera keeps cutting closer and closer on to his leering face with each successive loud musical stab), we were prepared for a first, an evil copying machine repairman. Sadly, despite the hilariously ham-fisted telegraphing of his evilness, he was just your standard baddie.

Let’s not forget that Jim Varney is also onboard as a Vietnam vet who works at a store called Gun City USA. Now that’s what I call shop ‘til you drop. Even though it’s a glorified cameo, it was nice to see Ernest himself call Speakman “The Best” and act as this movie’s Machine Gun Joe. 

Elizabeth Gracen played the typical female reporter, this time resembling Teri Hatcher, not to be confused with fellow cast member Alex Datcher. The main problem with The Expert is that it ceases to be an action movie for vast portions of the running time. 

And anyone renting or buying a Jeff Speakman movie called The Expert isn’t expecting that, and it’s a disappointment. Supposedly the great Larry Cohen and the equally-great William Lustig had something to do with this production, but went uncredited. We can see why.

A prime example of 1995 video store shelf-filler, regrettably, we were not impressed with The Expert.

Also check out a write-up from our buddy, DTVC!

Lionheart (1990)

Lionheart (1990)- * *

Directed by: Sheldon Lettich

Starring: Jean-Claude Van Damme, Brian Thompson, Abdel Qissi, Harrison Page, Deborah Rennard, Lisa Pelikan, Voyo Goric, Jeff Speakman, and Billy Blanks












Lyon Gaultier (Van Damme) is a member of the French Foreign Legion serving in North Africa. When he receives word his brother is in trouble, he asks for some time off, but his superiors say no. So he deserts the desert, stows away on a ship and ends up in New York City without a penny to his name. The problem is, he needs to get to L.A. While walking the streets, he sees an underground Punchfighting match and decides to get involved. That’s where he meets Eldridge (Page), a small-time promoter who takes a liking to him. Through Eldridge, Lyon begins making money through higher-class fights created by Cynthia (Rennard) and Russell (Thompson AKA Yahoots Magoondi). All Lyon wants to do is give the money to his destitute sister-in-law (Pelikan) and her five-year-old daughter Nicole (Johnson). Nicole ends up viewing Lyon as a father figure and loving him. 

But, as always, there’s “one last fight” and this one’s a killer: Attila (Abdel Qissi) is a brute favored to beat Lyon. On top of all that, two of his superior officers from the Legion have been tasked to bring him back, one of which is Hartog (Goric of Code Name: Zebra, 1987 fame). Will Lyon be Lionhearted enough to figure all this out?

Devised by Van Damme and frequent collaborator Sheldon Lettich, Lionheart has many of the hallmarks of classic-era Van Damme: it went to the movie theater, it’s 100 minutes or more, there’s at least one scene of JCVD nudity, he punches and kicks a lot of people, and he wears some silly outfits. It may contain all the elements, but it seems something is missing with Lionheart. Maybe it’s that Lyon isn’t that likable, and the lack of overall character development. To be fair, Harrison Page puts in a lot of much-needed energy, and his role is basically the one played by Adolph Caesar in The Hitter (1979) - a movie which clearly laid the groundwork for this.

It’s funny, Lyon isn’t in NYC for more than a few minutes before he sees the bumfighting/Punchfighting going on with all the action and people waving their money around. Then again, you have to remember that this was before Giuliani got rid of all the Punchfighting. Once Lyon gets to L.A. and takes on all comers, we see not just poolfighting, but also racquetball court-fighting. I guess something had to fill the space after the 80’s trend ended. It was nice of the Y to allow that. In the poolfighting scene, both fighters are wearing skintight black wrestling singlets, so it’s hard to tell them apart. We can only assume this is the same one Van Damme wore when he was in Breakin’ (1984). The way the whole thing is shot is very reminiscent of the “Schmitt’s Gay” sketch on Saturday Night Live.

Besides the fact that it’s very dumb, another problem with Lionheart is that there is no one, clear villain. It’s just a series of fighters. Sure, Yahoots Magoondi is here at his Yahootiest, but it’s just not enough. The cast is impressive and they do their best - even Billy Blanks and Jeff Speakman appear in tiny “blink and you’ll miss them” roles. Attila seems to be the closest thing to a main bad guy, but he only shows up in the final minutes of the film. And he’s a dead ringer for Gene Simmons, so it’s hard to take him overly seriously as a guy who will break every bone in your body.

As for the music, there’s some classic 80’s-style sax, of course, and there are musical cues that sound a lot like “There’s No Easy Way Out” and “Eye of the Tiger” - but just barely escape copyright infringement. As JCVD is jogging in a gray sweatsuit no less. No Rocky Parallels there. The end song, “No Mercy” by Bill Wray stands out as a winner in the classic action movie AOR style. It should have been used during a training montage in the movie though, not just during the credits. But there is a shopping montage, and those are always fun.

In all, Lionheart is standard, middle-of-the-road Van Damme. Fans will surely appreciate it, but newcomers to action movies shouldn’t start with it.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Also check out a write-up by our buddy, The Video Vacuum!

Land Of The Free (1998)

Land Of The Free (1998)-* * *

Directed by: Jerry Jameson

Starring: Jeff Speakman, William Shatner, Charles Robinson, and Chris Lemmon












Politician extraordinaire Aidan Carvell (Shatner) is running for the U.S. Senate. His campaign manager, Frank Jennings (Speakman) is dedicatedly working to make sure Carvell achieves his goal. However, in the course of working on his election bid, Frank discovers that Carvell is the secret head of a militia group that wants to overthrow the government. 

Now he knows too much, and he goes on the run. Carvell’s people, including McCaster (Robinson), and Thornton (Lemmon) are spearheading the “let’s chase down and kill Frank Jennings” initiative, so he takes his wife and son and joins the witness protection program. But that’s not enough for the megalomaniacal Carvell, who wants Frank, a serious thorn in his side and sole blocker of his evil plans, dead. So who will come out victorious, and who will live in the LAND OF THE FREE?

Wait. You mean to tell me there’s an actual movie where Jeff Speakman and William Shatner co-star, they get into confrontations with each other, and eventually fight? Where do I sign up? In truth, Land Of The Free isn’t quite as awesome as the presence of the aforementioned power-duo might imply, but it’s still entertaining and worth seeing. Chalk it up to PM, they really have a winning formula and they stick to it. Plenty of car chases and exploding, flipping cars are the order of the day once again. But as we’ve said before, PM has turned it into an art.

As for Shatner, he’s looking quite robust and apple-cheeked here. His classic herky-jerky line reading delivery of course is on show. Be it Star Trek, Land Of The Free, TekWar, or any of his other projects, Shatner always speaks the same way. So it’s nice that, even in a DTV PM movie, he’ll say a line such as “I don’t believe it” like “I-don’t-believe...it.” Does anyone else find it amusing that in this movie he plays a supposedly pro-American guy, but he’s really Canadian? That truly is range. And yes, his name is Carvell, which will inevitably remind you of ice cream. Adding an extra “L” isn’t the cleverest way to cover that up. Judging by the pounds that both Speakman and Shatner put on, maybe Carvel sponsored this movie. Perhaps naming Shatner’s character that is just an homage to Cookie Puss and Fudgie the Whale.

Cleverly, the filmmakers never assign a political party to Carvell. You can read your own biases into him. He’s sort of a melange: they call him a “Maverick”, which will remind you of John McCain, but his enthusiasm is very Howard Dean-esque. His political stances seem to be in the Ron Paul camp. So he’s a little bit from every party, and even the name Carvell, after all, maybe isn’t from the ice cream, it’s a sly reference to James Carville? We may never know. 

Like the world in general, the movie needed more Shatner. There are large sections where he’s not even involved with the plot. But we know one thing for sure, he really loves his antiques.

So Frank Jennings, Speakman’s character, is constantly beating people up with his trademark Kenpo style, shooting people, and using renegade tactics like jumping off buildings and wild car chases to evade the baddies. Keep in mind he’s not Carvell’s bodyguard, he’s his campaign manager! That’s one badass campaign manager. He should run for a new political position: Speakman Of The House!  But he does wear a red shirt, blue jeans, and his skin is white, so we can only assume he is, without saying it, more “American” than the evil Carvell, at least based on his wardrobe choices. And that really is the best way to express your patriotism.

People shoot their guns sideways in true “gangsta” style, there’s a restaurant that sells something called “pastrami shrimp”, and the movie is more relevant today than ever before. It’s all underpinned by inappropriately patriotic musical stings, even during car chases. Are they supposed to be especially patriotic car chases? Again, we may never know.

Especially in this election year of 2012, more people should see Land Of The Free.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett

Scorpio One (1998)

Scorpio One (1998)-* *

Directed by: Worth Keeter

Starring: Jeff Speakman, Robert Carradine, George Murdock, Lance Legault, and Brent Huff




"At the edge of space, patriotism and terrorism are about to cross the line!"







Ugh. Another space slog. Have you ever noticed most movies set on a space station are kind of boring? Well, even though it was written by Steve Latshaw of Counter Measures (1999) fame, and directed by Worth Keeter of Unmasking the Idol (1988) fame, this one succumbs to the same fate as their space-sloggy brethren...they're bloody boring. 

The plot involves a U.N. Space Station (they do nothing on earth but now they do nothing in space!) and a computer disk with the secret to cold fusion. People are dying on the spacecraft "Scorpio One" so CIA agent Stone (The Speakster) goes into space to investigate. He must battle the evil Till (Huff) and save the world. Meanwhile, on earth, the corrupt senator Treadwell (Legault) is up to his old Gary Condit-like tricks, and CIA director Wilfrid (Murdock) is an old salt with a bowtie who is on to him. Will Wilfrid save the day? Will Stone save space...and earth? Who really cares?

You might not know it from watching the movie, but Robert Carradine is here too! He's criminally underused. The filmmakers could have gotten any novice actor to play the role of Carter. But his character is not fleshed out at all. It's really a shame to treat Carradine that way.

Like with Emmanuelle, Leprechaun, Pinhead and Jason, when a franchise starts to run out of steam, they launch them into space. Well, here we have Jeff Speakman in space. While Jeffrey does do some of his trademark moves (here you could call it "space Kenpo"), it's not enough to satisfy the action fan. There is a short scene where he's in Iraq taking on the baddies, but it should have been bigger and a bit longer. Like with Dudikoff and Midnight Ride (1990), viewers want to see their hero beat up the bad guys with aplomb. Here it's a bunch of people wandering around a space station with a lot of talking.


See, there's the problem. In place of the characters relating on a human level, they mainly spout scientific space-mumbo jumbo. It's set in the present day, not the future, but the U.N. has a space station and people have laser guns (that are very Q-Zar-esque)?

The special effects are pretty funny and there are some very obvious models to represent space stations and rocket ships. It's very 50's in that way. The sets look like they have been used on many Fred Olen Ray/Jim Wynorski productions of this type, and that's quite possible with Latshaw involved. For all the movie's flaws, it's still superior to Falling Fire (1997).

The lovable Wilfrid makes the movie much, much better and his presence improves the film immensely. The movie needed more Wilfrid! He should get his own spin-off film.

Perhaps Speakman wanted to get out of the beat-em-up roles he's known for. He should stay there.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett