Extreme Force (2001)

 

Extreme Force (2001)- * * *

Directed by: Michel Qissi

Starring: Hector Echavaria, Michel Quissi, Youssef Qissi, and Nikki Lemke

Marcos DeSantos (Echevarria), Cole (Youssef Qissi) and Bianca (Lemke) are a trio of thieves. But they're not your garden variety smash-and-grab types. They use slick and intelligent methods against high-class targets. After their latest score, Marcos wants out. He's not such a bad guy after all and he decides he's had enough. This doesn't sit well with the malevolent Cole, who is always on to a new score. Cole, being the baddie and all, shoots Marcos. This isn't a spoiler. It's just the beginning.



For some reason, some of the political higher-ups of Mongolia are visiting Orlando, Florida, where our trio of thieves are based. After Marcos gets shot, he is spirited away to the secret beachside base of said Mongolians. Part of his recuperation involves re-training everything he knows with the taciturn Martial Arts master Kong Li (Michel Qissi). He has to convalesce in much the same way Radical Jack once did. R-Jack didn't have Kong Li, but you get the idea. Once at odds, now partners, even Kong Li has to succumb to Marcos's winning charm.



What follows is a sort of Original Odd Couple revenge mission as Kong and Marcos try to find Cole to get justice (but not Cole Justice). Will our two heroes employ some classic EXTREME FORCE against the baddies?



It's called EXTREME FORCE. Of COURSE we're going to watch and review it! The only question is why it took so long to get here. Well, good things take time. Yes, the budget is quite low and the cinematography isn't exactly Kubrick-level. Just about everyone in the cast sounds post-dubbed, which gives an otherworldly feel to the proceedings. Especially with all the accents. But you're not watching Extreme Force for the technical whys and wherefores. If you're going to nitpick that sort of stuff, best avoid it altogether. But if you want to have some fun as Hector Echevarria and Tong Po...sorry, Kong Li, get involved in one silly beat-em-up fight after another, you may have a winner on your hands here.



There are not one, but two barfights. Clearly, with Qissi as director and co-writer, not to mention a plot that isn't the most intricate on God's green earth, special time and attention is paid to the fight scenes, which paid off. They're very fun to watch. A special highlight comes when Marcos and Kong are riding horseback in the countryside and they come across some bumpkins who want to steal their pants. That's right, I said pants thieves. You gotta watch out for 'em. Marcos, Cole and Bianca want diamonds and jewels, these dudes want pants. Circle of life. Hakuna Matata. Anyway, it doesn't go well for the bumpkins.


There are some pacing issues: after a fast-paced and fairly intricate fight scene, it takes seemingly double that amount of time just for Marcos to leave the building. There are other examples, but no matter. Hector Echevarria seems like his usual happy self throughout - he was in Los Bravos the same year; no wonder he was so happy. At one point he gets in the back of a limo and the driver is blasting this Latin music and he does a sort of sitting-down Merengue. You can't help but love it.


Then Marcos/Hector is in an elevator with two elderly women. The elevator stops and he gets out and walks away. The two oldsters then mention how he should be in Chippendales and say, "Look at THAT!", like Hector is the biggest hunk on earth. It's scenes like the above-mentioned that make Extreme Force Extreme Force. Even the end credits are Extreme - they blast in and out in a way that we've never seen before, but seems entirely appropriate to what we just watched.

If you liked Los Bravos, you should definitely check out Extreme Force. If you haven't seen that, and have no idea what we're talking about, see both anyway. Ignore the typical low-budget pitfalls and just have some fun.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Los Bravos (2001)

 

Los Bravos (2001)- * * *

Directed by: Paulo Schultz

Starring: Hector Echavarria, Trudie Petersen, Jonathan Osteen, Michel Qissi, Myck Stormer, Warren Beckford, Ryan Watson, Louis Iacoviello and Bill "Superfoot" Wallace 

Hector Riviera (Echavarria) seems like your classic family man - he has a wife, Nicole (Petersen), a young son, Jonathan (Osteen), and he wears a suit and tie to work, and when he comes home after a hard day, he says "Honey, I'm home!" and then grabs a sandwich that just happens to be lying right there on the counter at that very moment. However, the idyllic Riviera family life is about to take a turn for the deadly.


As it turns out, Riviera is a veteran of the Falklands War. After he meets up with an old war buddy from their native land of Argentina, Tomas (Iacoviello), they get into a bar brawl at Superfoot's. Luckily, Superfoot's is owned by Bill "Superfoot" Wallace (who evidently is portraying himself) and he joins the fray. But the real danger comes in the form of DeFuego (Qissi) and his nutbar hitman Reaper (Watson). They are systematically killing off all the old members of Riviera's Falklands unit. After his wife and son are kidnapped by DeFuego and Reaper, Riviera snaps into action to fight the bad guys and rescue his family. 

All the while, a seemingly-ineffectual pair of detectives, Sims (Beckford) and Levy (Stormer), are on his trail. Will Riviera evade the cops (who suspect him of the killings, of course), beat the baddies and save Nicole and Jonathan? It may seem like a tall order, but Hector Echavarria...er, sorry...Hector Riviera is up to the task!


We've got some surprising good news to report - we really liked Los Bravos! You'd think, just from looking at the cover, that it would be one of those gangbanger/barrio movies (sort of the Latin equivalent of Homie Movies) - but it isn't at all. There are no homies of any sort anywhere here. Los Bravos is a straight-up Martial Arts action movie of the sort we all love and enjoy. Sure, of course it's all done on a low budget, which may put some people off, but if you're one of those people, why are you watching Los Bravos?


There's a lot to enjoy here: Hector Echavarria is very likable, which is crucial to the whole thing hanging together. You really care about him and his plight. You root for him as he fights the baddies and tries to be a good husband and father, all the while struggling with his English pronunciations. There's something endearing about that. Both he, and the movie itself, are really trying. That goes a long way with us, the audience.


The Falklands angle gave the proceedings a different spin, which we appreciated. There are also a panoply of entertaining side characters, such as Hector's boss, who seems like he would be in an infomercial of that time, the bickering boyfriend and girlfriend, the mall security guards, and even the two cops, Sims and Levy. It appears effort was made to make this more than a 'kick you in the face' movie. But even if it was just that, it would probably still be a good one: the beginning alley fight is very stupid in the best possible way, and the inevitable bar brawl at Superfoot's was highly entertaining.


All the fighting with Echavarria, Qissi and Ryan Watson (AKA Reaper) is great stuff and is gold for fans of the genre. Reaper even has one especially fantastic trick up his sleeve. We wouldn't dare spoil it here, of course. The whole package is tightly wrapped up with a 77-minute running time and a great time is had by all.


While the release date for Los Bravos is 2001, the copyright date at the end of the credits states 1998, which means that it was likely shot throughout '97-'98, which makes sense when you watch it. Jonathan is playing what appears to be a Sega Genesis game with his gaggle of 12-year-old buddies (a scene familiar to us all; it seemingly would be incomplete without at least one plate of Totino's Pizza Rolls). There's a great moment when Hector and his son are sitting in front of a computer and Hector says something like, "Do you know how to use the internet?" - Hector even does an early version of FaceTime/Skype with his boss.

Don't be put off by the uninviting box art for Los Bravos. Give it a shot, and you'll be very entertained.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Hard As Nails (2001)

Hard As Nails (2001)- *

Directed by: Brian Katkin

Starring: Andrew Craig, Allen Scotti, Matt Westmore, Lorissa McComas, Stella Farentino, John Timmons, Matthew Pollino, and Jade

Centered primarily around an L.A. strip club, Hard as Nails tells the tale of Vlad (Craig), a morbidly obese Russian gangster, who is involved in some sort of turf war with a Japanese gang. While Takura (Westmore) is attempting to assert himself as a new gang leader, young lovers Alexi (Scotti) and Deb (McComas) are caught in the middle. Adding to this brew is plainclothes cop Tony (Timmons) and his relationship to a prostitute named Margo (Farentino). Of course, a pair of ruthless assassins named Tic and Tac (Jason and Pollino, respectively) are beating up and/or slaughtering people left and right. What the heck is going on - and who amongst this bunch is truly HARD AS NAILS?


Copies of Hard as Nails should come with a warning: "You are now about to enter a brain cell-free zone". Or something to that effect. Somehow managing to be both low rent and bargain basement, it's rather obvious that this Corman production did not spend a single penny it did not need to. Not that that's a problem in its own right, but the junky factor mixed with the stupid factor adds up to an overwhelmingly dumb experience you'll feel stupider for having watched. However, it's only 75 minutes. But it does feel longer.


Director Brian Katkin, who did Enemy Action (1999) for Corman, attempted to do John Woo with zero budget. The Martial Artists Tic and Tac, featured on the front of the VHS box, are meant to recall The Matrix with their sunglasses and trenchcoats, but you could probably call that misleading. We give credit to the Martial Artists here, who probably worked hard to make the fight scenes what they were, under the trying circumstances. The film is more in line with other Corman action/stripping movies such as Bloodfist 2050 (2005), Mortal Challenge (1997), and Future Kick (1991), among others. It's also like an even cheaper version of King of Fighters (2010) (complete with a similar Himbo), or Equal Impact (1995), but without the majesty of Joe and Jay Gates. Now that's a problem.


It seems like all the nudity and stripping scenes were employed to distract viewers in an attempt to paper over all the many, many flaws. While we love Lorissa McComas, and she tries gamely in the face of all this muck, even she can't save it. As in a lot of DTV films of this type, many actors are involved that look like other people. Someone looks like Mario Lopez here, someone resembles Daniel Bernhardt there, and there may be a Michael J. Pollard type hanging around. In a better film, John Rhys-Davies would have played Vlad. But, then again, if it was a better movie, it wouldn't be Hard as Nails.


See, the thing is that we as viewers can't just settle for any old thing. Just putting a movie out there to put it out there, under the bare minimum of conditions, usually doesn't yield the best results. We should demand more than this. Seeing as how Hard as Nails opens with someone being punched repeatedly in the face, we can't help but see that as a metaphor for what you'll experience if you watch it.

Hard as Nails? More like Dumb as Dirt.

 
Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Invincible (2001)

 Invincible (2001)- * *

Directed by: Jefery Levy

Starring: Billy Zane, Stacy Oversier, David Field, Dominic Purcell, Tory Kittles, and Byron Mann

There are immortal beings called Shadow Men and they want to destroy the earth. One formerly-evil Shadow Man defects and becomes a good guy intent on preserving the world. His name is Os (Zane). His main rival is Slate (Field), and in order to defeat him, Os assembles a team of four warriors: Michael Fu (Mann), Serena Blue (Oversier), Ray Jackson (Kittles), and Keith Grady (Purcell). Over the course of a lot of training, Os takes these unwitting people and transforms them into "Protectors" - they represent the powers of Air, Fire, Water, and Steel. Of course, the final battle with Slate awaits, and we will then see who is truly INVINCIBLE...


When the first credit you see on screen when you start watching Invincible is "TBS SuperStation Presents", you kind of get an idea of what you're in for. Coming hot on the heels of the Mortal Kombat and Street Fighter films, but before video game movies such as The King of Fighters (2010), Invincible seemingly takes those influences and melds them with The Matrix (1999) - a TBS SuperStation Matrix.

When certain characters wear long trench coats, have sunglasses, and are doing anti-gravity Martial Arts up and down walls, you can imagine a kid sitting at home on Saturday afternoon, who is too young to go see The Matrix in theaters, so he watches Invincible instead. Sure, it's not as good, but it's there. And it's free.


There is a lot of that Chinese-style Martial Arts on display, where characters are always flying around and doing crazy stuff. But, as usual, Billy Zane is the best thing here, and he anchors it all with his personable performance. As a sort of cross between Neo and Captain Planet, he is the leader of the group and also has some humor that makes him a bit more relatable and not just a cardboard cutout.


Some of Invincible is incoherent, but we always enjoy a good "assemble a team" subplot. After the 45-minute mark, things start to slow down and it kind of falls off before the final battle. There is some philosophy going on in the film, but it's also from the makers of Red Water (2003). So, make of that what you will.


Let's put it this way: for a TBS TV movie from 2001, Invincible is just barely watchable most of the time. Unfortunately, it dispenses with character development, coherent plotting, or any songs by Pat Benatar. That being said, Zane is good in the film, so if you're a big Zane fan, check it out, but everyone else may be less than impressed.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Falcon Down (2001)

 

Falcon Down (2001)- * *1\2

Directed by: Phillip J. Roth

Starring: Dale Midkiff, Mark Kiely, Jennifer Rubin, Judd Nelson, Cliff Robertson, William Zabka, and William Shatner 

Captain Hank Thomas (Midkiff) is a former Air Force pilot who now works with his father Buzz (Robertson) at a small, family-run airplane hangar. Thomas's quiet life is disrupted when the mysterious Harold Peters (Nelson) and Sharon Williams (Rubin) approach him. They tell him they need his expert flying skills so they can steal the Falcon, a high-tech plane. Once Major Robert Carson (Shatner) becomes involved, things get really serious.


Now roped into a crazy plan with a bunch of mercenary-types, such as Rat (Kiely), Thomas has no choice but to fly the Falcon and land it on a sheet of ice, so it can eventually be sold to the Chinese government for ten billion dollars. As if all that wasn't enough, apparently there's a conspiracy that goes all the way to the top involving Area 51 and government a cover-up (what else is new?) - will Thomas live to eat beef jerky with his stepdaughter Alisia (Roth) again? Or will the FALCON go DOWN?

Falcon Down stars William Shatner, who you may remember from Land of the Free (1998) and some other stuff that we can't quite remember right now. Thankfully, he's at his William Shatneriest here in Falcon Down, as he delivers just about every line in that herky-jerky style we all know and love. Impressively, he manages to do that even if he's only saying one word. At the important scene when he and the other members of "The Company" are trying to intimidate Midkiff into signing on to their mission, Shatner stands next to a lamp so he's in very dramatic lighting. That was a movie highlight.

In that hotel room scene, it was quite something to see Judd Nelson, William Shatner, Jennifer Rubin, and Dale Midkiff all together in one small room. Have any of them given interviews as to what it was like to be there? Oh, to be a fly on the wall.

While Dale Midkiff did his best, if he wasn't available, the filmmakers could have gotten Randall Batinkoff. And let's not forget William Zabka is on board here too. We would have liked more Zabka. More Zabka is always better than less Zabka. Both he and Jennifer Rubin shoot their handguns sideways, "gangsta" style, which was funny. When they did that, the movie perked up.


Unfortunately, there are long stretches of the movie with no Shatner. Those gaps are filled with stupid moments, dumb dialogue, boring plane sloggery, and a whole lot of nothin'. When Shatner eventually returns, he's on a flight deck of some sort with an Asian man who looks a lot like Sulu. Coincidence?


It's not all bad, however. Nelson does his best, or at least somewhere close to his best, there's an amusing warehouse shootout involving the Rat character, and we get a rare double We Got Company. Usually it's said once by one character. Here it's said twice in quick succession by two characters.


What Falcon Down should have done is concentrate more on the Area 51/Conspiracy angle than it does. It starts and ends with these "videotaped" segments that seem straight out of a show like Unsealed: Alien Files or Unsealed: Conspiracy Files. While those shows are trying to get the truth out there, it's not their fault they're on a low budget. But those more intriguing elements are not really expounded upon or capitalized upon. That's a shame, because an X-Files-esque knockoff starring Shatner, Judd Nelson, Cliff Robertson, and William Zabka is a really cool idea. But that's more or less brushed aside, sadly.


Falcon Down is a telefilm produced by City Heat Productions, a company associated with Blockbuster Video, so you can be assured that multiple copies were always available at your local branch. Another production company was the Unified Film Organization, or UFO. Coincidence?


Despite its strong cast and a smidgen of decent ideas, Falcon Down is filled with too much mush to be really exciting or interesting. It was a close call, though. In the end, it's really more of a flyover in all of our lives.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

The Ghost (2001)

The Ghost (2001)- * * *

Directed by: Douglas Jackson

Starring: Michael Madsen, Julie Lee, Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa, Richard Hatch, Michael Paul Chan, Al Leong, George Cheung, Brad Hunt, Louis Herthum, James Hong, Brad Dourif, and Henry Smalls as Henry

Jing (Lee) is an assassin for the Tongs who is so elusive, she's known as "The Ghost". After she gets on the wrong side of evil baddie Chang (Tagawa), he vows to hunt her down and kill her. She makes that much harder for him by flying from Hong Kong to Los Angeles so she can pose as the Asian mail-order bride to a man named Edward Cosgrove (Hatch). While initially the relationship between the two is just for her cover, she gradually begins to genuinely fall for the good-natured Edward.

Meanwhile, an underling for Chang, Inspector Wu (Chan), and a bunch of his heavies, follow Jing to L.A. But because they don't know where she is, they end up at the doorstep of one Daniel Olinghouse (Madsen), of Olinghouse Bail Bonds. Olinghouse and a Lt. Garland (Dourif) of the LAPD have a working relationship despite some past troubles, and the men are tasked by Chang and Wu to find Jing. 

But it comes at an ever-increasing price. Olinghouse's bail bondsmen Browner (Herthum) and Sink (Hunt) may be masters of disguise, but it's going to take all the ingenuity of Olinghouse to finally track down the crafty Jing. Will anyone finally bust THE GHOST?

Yes, The Ghost is stupid and dumb and all that, but thankfully it's the GOOD kind of stupid and dumb. It's all very enjoyable and entertaining - far more so than you'd think it might be. Of course, there are the standard low-budget pitfalls: a cheap overall look, rough edits, amateurish acting, questionable fight choreography, and the like, but somehow, against all odds, it manages to win you over. You have to love it. It only adds to the viewing experience. 

If you like awkward dialogue delivered awkwardly amidst awkward stagings, The Ghost is the movie for you. It easily could have been another dud like Double Deception (2001), but it manages to sidestep that by having a silly charm all its own.

The solid cast and 85-minute running time also help a lot. First off, we have Julie Lee as The Ghost. Her character does go through an important arc: she starts off as an Asian Minnie Driver, but she ends up as an Asian Anjelica Huston. We really grew to love her flat-as-a-board line readings in her husky (some wags might say "mannish") voice. Especially in her "beating up MAP's (Middle-Aged Punks)" scene, she was reminiscent of Tiana Alexandra going undercover as "Cinderella Pu" in Catch the Heat (1987). She was good in her Martial Arts fight scenes, but it's hard not to be upstaged by Henry Smalls as Henry.

The Ghost, as a film in total, needed more Henry! His character was unquestionably the movie's highlight. Any time he was on screen, we shouted "Yes!" We loved him, and we should have seen more of him. 

Of course, there's plenty of Michael Madsen here for us all to enjoy. He brings his classic charisma, gravelly voice, and fantastic fashion choices to the fore. He's sort of the nucleus of the film and what we see revolves around him. The scenes between Madsen and Brad Dourif showcase an "odd couple" vibe that's fun to watch. Tagawa plays - you guessed it - a bad guy, just as he's done in every role in his career. We'd love to see something where he plays the good guy. But it seems he was typecast just because he looks evil. It's a shame.

On the other end of that spectrum, Richard Hatch plays the innocent guy caught up in all this, not to mention the romantic male lead, and honestly it's probably the best Hatch we've seen to date.

B-Movie mainstays such as Al Leong, George Cheung, and James Hong, among others, round out the cast. The whole outing is amusing and funny. Maybe you have to have a sense of humor to enjoy The Ghost, which it seems not everybody does.

The early 00's were not the best time for movies, so that means that The Ghost is probably the best movie of 2001 by default. For B-Movie DTV denizens such as ourselves, it's well worth seeking out.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Exit Wounds (2001)

Exit Wounds (2001)- * * *

Directed by: Andrzej Bartkowiak

Starring: Steven Seagal, DMX, Tom Arnold, Anthony Anderson, Michael Jai White, Bill Duke, Isiah Washington, Bruce McGill, Jill Hennessy, Drag-On, and Eva Mendes

Orin Boyd (Mr. Seagal) is a Detroit cop who doesn’t play by the rules, is a lone wolf, doesn’t like authority, and all that stuff. Even though his valiant efforts saved the life of the Vice President, because he cut through all the departmental red tape, he must be punished for that. So he gets transferred to a much more “urban” police precinct. While the department is headed by the well-intentioned Annette Mulcahy (Hennessy), Boyd uncovers a cadre of corrupt cops under her command. However, besides putting a stop to the corruption, Boyd has to deal with having to attend anger management classes. It’s here he meets local TV host Henry Wayne (Arnold). Finally, Boyd has to contend with Latrell Walker (DMX) and his partner Trish (Mendes) – not to mention their compatriot T.K. (Anderson) - in the quest for justice. Who will suffer the most EXIT WOUNDS?

Exit Wounds is an enjoyable, fast-paced, and professionally-made Seagal outing. Its mix of action and comedy is palatable, and the production values are high. Sadly, this was one of the last times Seagal would go to the movie theater. Within the next couple of years, he became stranded on DTV island. Since this was before that, the violence never gets too brutal (at least it’s not sadistic) and Seagal even gets to exercise his comic timing. 

Most of the comedy, however, is left to Tom Arnold and Anthony Anderson, with generally good results. After the movie ends, and during the credits, there is a scene with just the two of them riffing off one another, and it’s one of the better scenes in the movie. Director Bartkowiak just sat them in chairs next to each other and let them rip. Smart idea. One of the other strengths of ‘Wounds is its cast. Perhaps realizing that, by 2001, Seagal couldn’t carry a movie all by himself, the movie got loaded up with great people and familiar faces. 

For instance, Boyd, for all intents and purposes, gets both a WYC (White Yelling Chief) AND a BYC (Black Yelling Chief) in the forms of McGill and Duke, respectively. It’s always nice to see them both. And lest we forget DMX, who acquits himself admirably. In many scenes, DMX is onscreen while DMX music is playing in the background. That’s DMX on top of DMX. He even gets to act alongside one of his fellow Ruff Ryders in a few scenes. At least Drag-On got to go to the theater once in his life.

Somehow Jill Hennessy looks better and younger here than she did in Law & Order. And, finally, there’s fan favorite Michael Jai White. The fight between Seagal and White should have been longer and better. That was a minor disappointment, but apparently the fight wasn’t planned and was more or less improvised on the set. Bearing that in mind, it’s not that bad, but it still left something to be desired. 

Bartkowiak also directed the very similar Romeo Must Die (2000) and Cradle 2 the Grave (2003). Though he was born in 1950 in Poland, somehow he really understands the American “urban” experience. Or at least his Hollywood bosses think he does. Perhaps he is just homies with DMX. You gotta love DMX-fu. Bartkowiak keeps things moving well, and while there are some very silly moments during the fight scenes (not the least of which include speed-ups/slow-downs and wirework), all in all it’s pretty enjoyable stuff. The energy level remains high (Tom Arnold alone is like a one-man generator) and the audience remains entertained, and isn’t that the important thing? Plus it has one of the best exploding helicopter scenes we’ve seen to date. 

In the end, Exit Wounds is a career highlight for Seagal. Outside of his initial “three-word” trilogy, this is probably one of his best movies.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett 

Air Rage (2001)

Air Rage (2001)-*1\2

Directed by: Fred Olen Ray

Starring: Ice-T, Cyril O'Reilly, Kim Oja, Alex Cord, Jack McGee, Steve Hytner, Gil Gerard, and Glynn Turman




"Altitude gets Attitude."






During a court martial, Col. John Sykes (O’Reilly), and his cohorts as well, are dishonorably discharged. The Chief Judge Adjutant, General Harlan Prescott (Cord), throws out their initial plea agreement, probably so he could bellow at them and then give them the maximum punishment. Later on, Prescott boards a plane with his assistant that looks exactly like Eugene Levy. Sykes and his disgraced army men board the same plane and take it hostage. Now with complete chaos on board, only one man can come in and save the day: Matt Marshall (Ice-T). But because he gets wounded in a firefight, he isn’t as active in day-saving as he should be. That’s when spunky flight attendant Kelly Young (Oja) gets into the act. One minute she’s serving drinks to obnoxious passengers like Morton (Hytner), the next minute she’s killing baddies and flying the plane. Will everyone on board make a safe landing…or will they be overcome with their AIR RAGE?

First came Executive Decision (1996). Then came Strategic Command (1997). Now comes Air Rage, an overlong, unnecessary addition to the plane-hostage movie canon. Over its 100-minute running time, you won’t see anything you haven’t seen before. Another plane is taken hostage, another strike force is brought in to save the day, another terrorist wants yet another CD-ROM filled with information, and it all seems very, very familiar. The only actual air rage is felt by the viewer as he takes in this repetitive muck. 

After we were watching the movie for a while, we noticed Ice-T was nowhere in sight, so we went on Ice-T watch. Despite appearing very prominently on the box art, Ice doesn’t show up until exactly 40 minutes in. And even after that, he’s not a forceful hero because he’s injured and in pain for a good amount of time. If there’s a main hero here, it’s Kelly the Stewardess. We were happy to see Oja not be put in an ineffectual stewardess role and instead get in on the action. But she’s not on the box art. Could it be sexism? Maybe because he was fresh off of fellow plane flick Stealth Fighter (1999), where he was the baddie, perhaps Ice-T was sick of planes and he doesn’t care as much this time around. And is it just us, or is it racist that Ice-T of all people leads a Black Ops team where the code name is Blackbird?

Pretty much the only bright spot in this air disaster of a movie is the presence of Alex Cord as the General. His presence is great and his voice is fantastic. He should have narrated the movie. That might have fixed things. As seems to be standard for Fred Olen Ray, while the movie itself is substandard, he gets a lot of great character actors to shoulder the weight of the project. This seems to mitigate the cruddiness of the proceedings somewhat. Jack McGee, Glynn Turman, and Gil Gerard are all welcome faces and they do their best. Even Steve Hytner, immediately recognizable as Banya from TV’s Seinfeld, is here and he plays an unlikeable jerk very well. But it’s just not enough to overcome the lack of originality here and the boredom that ensues from it.

Pro tip: If you want to watch something like this, but want to see a movie that’s actually good and very entertaining, watch Passenger 57 instead.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Critical Mass (2001)

Critical Mass (2001)- *1\2

Directed by: Fred Olen Ray

Starring: Treat Williams, Lori Loughlin, Andrew Prine, David "Shark" Fralick and Udo Kier

Mike Jeffers (Treat) is a humble security guard at the San Miguel nuclear power plant. When the self-serving, vain Senator Cook (Prine) and his press secretary, Janine (Loughlin) arrive at the plant with a camera crew in tow for a tour of the plant, Jeffers is put in charge of said tour. There’s only one problem with the Senator’s jaunt – the arrival of a gang of international terrorists led by Samson (Kier) and his second in command, Rand (Fralick). They threaten to blow up the plant if their demands aren’t met. Naturally, that means Jeffers and Janine have to try, against all odds, to save the day. With no help from Washington, our heroes are alone in the face of overwhelming odds. Will they triumph, or will all of the sheer stupidity on show reach CRITICAL MASS?

Another day, another “DieHardInA” movie. These Die Hard (1988) knockoffs are so common in the DTV world, even ones set at nuclear power plants are a cottage industry unto themselves. For a more complete list of them, please see our Sudden Death (1995) review. This particular run-through of the classic Die Hard scenario is probably most similar to Deadly Outbreak (1995) and the Jerry Trimble outing Stranglehold (1994). It even borrows (?) the plot device of having a politician visit the facility before it’s taken hold of by the baddies. While we’re not entirely sure if director Fred Olen Ray saw Stranglehold, he’s certainly not afraid of borrowing ideas. Or footage.

It seemed to be common practice, starting in the early 2000’s as DTV movies started to go downhill, for filmmakers to borrow footage from other movies, particularly the bigger setpieces the lower budget versions couldn’t afford. It happened in Rangers (2000), it happened in Gale Force (2002), it happened in Extreme Limits (2000), and now it’s happening here. Anyone who has seen Terminator 2 (1991) or Universal Soldier (1992) will know when those scenes are intermixed with the more recently-shot stuff. Samson and his fellow baddies even steal their nuclear material from Cyberdyne Systems. Did they have to get permission to use that name? Isn’t that copyrighted material? Nevertheless, old footage of people shooting guns and blowing up stuff is interpolated with new footage of people shooting guns and blowing up stuff. Think of Fred Olen Ray as a bartender and here he’s making a cinematic Shandy. 

We love Udo Kier (or Udo Dirkschneider, or anyone named Udo), and he does his best, but of course he plays the typical Eurotrash baddie with an accent that means he’s evil. Just as Christopher Plummer did in Crackerjack (1994) or as pretty much any baddie has in any Die Hard knockoff. So that cliché remains unchanged. As has the “he’s just the security guard!” cliché, modified from Under Siege (1992) and its “he’s just the chef!” line of thinking.

Besides Critical Mass’s stubborn and out-and-out refusal to come up with any remotely original ideas, the main problem, really, is that it is repetitive and very, very dumb. Halfway through the movie you feel like you’ve been watching it for four hours because you’ve seen this type of movie so many times before in your life. It just starts to pile on at about that point. Even the great and mighty Treat Williams can’t salvage things. No one’s bigger Treat fans than us. He’s charming, likable, and a very capable hero. He’s even from the great state of Connecticut. But despite all that, Critical Mass’s monolithic wall of stupidity is just too all-encompassing for even Treat to surmount. 

We were happy to see Lori Loughlin on board, and this is certainly a departure from Full House, and the other character actors are quite good, but come on…ANOTHER “DieHardInA”? We would say to the filmmakers churning out this crud: Give us, as viewers, a little more credit. Don’t you think we’re tired of the same-old same-old? Don’t you think we can handle something a little more challenging; something with a tad bit of originality? Are we really supposed to be going back to the same old slop again and again? On the bright side, though, the key to Samson’s world domination and nuclear supremacy looks like the inanimate carbon rod from that episode of The Simpsons.

Sadly, despite the actors that are on board who put forth their best, Critical Mass is a dud. It’s a prime example that DTV was out of its glory days of the 80’s and 90’s and had entered its period of doldrums.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett 

Kiss Of The Dragon (2001)

Kiss Of The Dragon (2001)- * * *1\2

Directed by: Chris Nahon

Starring: Jet Li, Bridget Fonda, Tcheky Karyo, Cyril Raffaelli, Burt Kwouk, Didier Azoulay, and Max Ryan

Liu Jian (Jet Li) travels to Paris from his native China to stop a drug kingpin and get to the bottom of his illegal doings in France. A top cop in his home country, Liu utilizes his amazing Martial Arts abilities to bring the baddies to justice. But he meets his match in the super-evil Richard (Karyo), who commands an army of goons, who in turn keep a stable of his prostitutes – all the while leading a double life as the head of the Vice Squad in Paris. 

As Liu tries to keep his bearings while in this foreign land, fighting Richard’s goons at every turn, he reluctantly teams up with one of his prostitutes, Jessica (Fonda) in the search for answers. It seems Richard is keeping Jessica’s daughter locked in an orphanage as leverage so she won’t spill the beans on his many, many illegal activities. His criminal empire seemed impenetrable…but he never had to contend with Liu Jian! Will justice be served, and will Jessica get her daughter back? Find out today…

Kiss of the Dragon is fast-paced fun, with a lot of the typically-excellent Martial Arts Jet Li is known for. It has a lot of lively, quick fights and is loaded with very impressive stunts. It’s all very cool and slick. It has a nice, professional look and has tons of action – as well as a likable hero and a very evil baddie. Just those things alone put it head and shoulders above a lot of other movies of this kind. There is minimal CGI and wirework – it’s mostly all-real fights (with a couple of exceptions, of course). We appreciated the idea of Liu’s “acupuncture bracelet”, and the fact that he has some knock-down, drag-out fights with guys that resemble Street Fighter characters Guile and Balrog. The Guile guy is even seen reading a “Where’s Waldo?” book at one point. We know this came out in 2001, but if that’s not 90’s, we don’t know what is.

Of course, all of this is highly reminiscent of The Replacement Killers (1998) of a few years previously. While that was a Hollywood vehicle for Chow Yun-Fat, this is for Jet Li. Instead of teaming up with Mira Sorvino, here it’s Bridget Fonda, and instead of Jurgen Prochnow as the baddie, here it’s Karyo. Needless to say, if you liked one, you will like the other. We also welcomed the fact that it was really Paris we were seeing, not Bulgaria masquerading as Paris, or some green-screen fakery. Nowhere was this more evident than on the boat fight scene, which is clearly on the Seine, and you cannot fake what they did. Maybe we’ve watched too many Seagal movies, but we loved the change of scenery.

As with Contract Killer (1998), Cradle 2 the Grave (2003), and Romeo Must Die (2000), the filmmakers have decided to pair Jet Li with rap beats. In this case we have not one, but TWO songs by Mystikal. While it certainly places the movie in a particular time period, we kind of wish it wasn’t Mystikal. What, were Jadakiss and Silkk tha Shocker songs unavailable? Also, it should be noted that Richard, the bad guy, is so evil, he keeps a turtle in his desk drawer. 

Another thing we noticed was that in the scene where Liu and Jessica go to the orphanage, the floor and room number where the daughter can be found is “B13”. District B13 (2004) is also a France-set Martial Arts extravaganza, and a Luc Besson production. This must have some significance to him. It was just a little thing we noticed.

Kiss of the Dragon is an entertaining ride that is well worth watching. The great Jet Li is in top form and a pleasant time will be had by all who view it.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett 

The Fourth Angel (2001)

The Fourth Angel (2001)- * * *

Directed by: John Irvin

Starring: Jeremy Irons, Forest Whitaker, Charlotte Rampling, and Jason Priestley

Jack Elgin (Irons) is a hardworking magazine editor. He loves his wife, son, and daughter, and he decides to combine work with a family vacation when they all fly to India. Unfortunately, terrorists hijack the plane and kill a lot of people along the way - including two members of the Elgin family. Suddenly, the genteel Elgin becomes irritated and aggressive, and has revenge on his mind. After, typically, trying all the traditional channels to get justice, he realizes the only true justice will come by his own hand. 

Along his road to revenge he meets CIA agent Davidson (Priestley), FBI agent Bernard (Whitaker), and reconnects with old contacts such as a woman named Kate (Rampling). Will our unorthodox hero iron out the bad guys once and for all...or will he find out he has too many IRONS in the fire? Find out today...

Before Taken (2008), Before Harry Brown (2009), before The Gunman (2015), and before the trend of what Hollywood snidely dubbed “GeriAction”, we had The Fourth Angel. If a bunch of high-class British people made a Death Wish sequel in their own milieu, and instead of Charles Bronson got Jeremy Irons, The Fourth Angel would be the likely result. There’s something awesome about Jeremy Irons one minute wearing white pants and a polo sweater or off pheasant hunting, and the next minute he’s wearing the time-honored Revenge Jacket, speeding down the street on a motorcycle, smoking a cigarette and blowing away the bad guys with an arsenal of guns and grenades. 

Director John Irvin, who has had a long and distinguished career but would be known to us and fans of the site as the director of the classic Arnie vehicle Raw Deal (1986) - no one gives Schwarzenegger a Raw Deal, just in case you forgot - and Dot.Kill (2005), does more than a solid job; he is in control of the proceedings and directs with style, excitement, and fluidity. The Fourth Angel rarely gets boring, and you really care about Jack and his son. You truly want Jack to blow the baddies to kingdom come, but with style, aplomb, and some classic British restraint.

The movie delivers the goods on a lot of levels, and is a satisfying watch. Irons is backed up well by his co-stars: Rampling has a small role but always adds something to whatever she’s in, Forest Whitaker we all know has charisma and commitment, and Jason Priestley is too old to be a teenager, but too young to be a CIA agent. He’s caught in the middle, age-wise, but we’re glad he’s here. We guessed the filmmakers thought Luke Perry would be too much of a Himbo to take on the role. So naturally they got Priestley instead.

The Fourth Angel is certainly what you would call a classy revenge film, which shows that our favorite subgenre has many flavors and varieties. Just when you think you’ve seen ‘em all, along comes Jeremy Irons to show terrorists the true meaning of “Class Warfare”! We give a hearty recommendation to this fine film. 

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty