Crooked (2006)

Crooked (2006)- * *

Directed by: Art Camacho

Starring: Don "The Dragon" Wilson, Olivier Gruner, Gary Busey, Fred Williamson, Diana Kauffman, and Martin Kove









When a hooker with a heart of gold named Angel (Kauffman) witnesses a murder, police officers Danny Tyler (The Dragon) and Phil Yordan (Gruner) are put in charge of looking after her so there isn't any gangland retribution before she can testify. Of course, this isn't as simple as it seems, as a perfect storm of police corruption and irate mobsters coalesce around our three heroes. While they're on the run, shootouts and fights ensue. Where do Rouse (Busey) and Jake Lawlor (Kove) stand in all this? And who amongst all of them is CROOKED?

Lone Tiger Effect strikes again with Crooked, a chintzy affair that makes Detonator (2003) look classy. You'd think you couldn't go wrong with Don The Dragon, Fred Williamson, Kove, Busey, and Gruner all together. Well, unfortunately, it appears you can. Fred and Kove have glorified cameos, so you can take them pretty much out of the equation. The material the others had to work with wasn't the best. Low budgets have never been a negative for us, but if that's the case you've got to try just a little bit harder. 

The pacing is off, the dialogue is insipid, and the whole thing has that "stupid" feel. You probably know what we're talking about. Then there are the technical issues, such as poor lighting and sound, which add to the mess. However, maybe it's best that some of the dialogue isn't heard. That can only help the situation. That being said, sometimes it provides some laffs, as there's a scene early on in a police squad room where everyone's voice sounds normal except for Gary Busey's, which sounds like it was recorded separately in a large, echoey warehouse. We wouldn't normally mention it, but it's very, very obvious. And humorous. 

In the scenes where Busey is talking and it sounds like his voice was recorded in the same county, it certainly appears like they let him run wild with his own dialogue. There are a few instances of classic "Buseyisms" on display that only he could come up with. Besides that, Don's lovable woodenness is not only present and accounted for, it almost powers the movie along. Gruner's name in the film, Phil Yordan, must be a nod to the classic Hollywood-era screenwriter. But what would the original Yordan make of what he saw here? While Gruner is obviously trying, Don and Busey come out best in all this.


Yes, there is an exploding helicopter and a (weak) barfight...but we couldn't help but think that if Crooked was a PM movie that came out in 1996, it would have been done right. So why, in 2006, should things be any different? Just learn from the greats of the past. You'd think director Camacho, who worked on so many of those classic 90's productions as a stuntman, would know better. I mean, yes, Point Doom (2000) had Sebastian Bach, and Gangland (2001) had Mario Van Obama, but what does Crooked have? It appears, sadly, that the answer is diminishing returns. 

Crooked is, at best - at best - a one-time watch. And that's being generous. We're glad our favorite stars are working, and we like to see them, even in a lesser production like this. But we couldn't help but be disappointed.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Also check out a write-up from our buddy, DTVC!

Point Doom (2000)

Point Doom (2000)- * *

AKA: Gang's Traffic

Directed by: Art Camacho

Starring: Richard Grieco, Jennifer O'Dell, Andrew "Dice" Clay, Angie Everhart, Zach Galligan, John Enos III, Ice-T, and Sebastian Bach

Rick Hansen (Grieco) is a Hollywood talent agent lookin’ for love in all the wrong places - namely, the Play Pen, his local strip club. When he goes there to visit his buddy Frankie (The Diceman), the club’s owner, Rick is served by a waitress named Stephanie (O’Dell). Instantly enraptured by her, he essentially stalks her until she agrees to do a screen test for him. Unfortunately for the lovesick Rick, Stephanie is in an abusive relationship with a murderous biker named Blackie (Enos III), who has a mean jealous streak. He and his violent gang, the Satan’s Slaves - which includes Spider (Galligan) - have stolen some money and drugs, and their rivals, who include Ringman (Ice-T) and Slim (Sebastian Bach) want them bach. Sorry, back. As if all that wasn’t enough, Stephanie also lives with, and cares for, her epileptic sister Jessica (Everhart). Does Rick Hansen know the maelstrom of trouble he’s just walked into? Will things finally all come to a head at...POINT DOOM?

According to Wikipedia, “Point Dume is a promontory on the coast of Malibu, California that juts out into the Pacific Ocean. The point, a long bluff, forms the northern end of Santa Monica bay.” The mysterious elves that write Wikipedia entries might be more right than they realize, as Point Doom is indeed a long bluff, at an overlong 99 minutes - and we’re not sure what the point actually was. Once again, we’ve been snookered by what we call the Lone Tiger Effect - when you want to see a movie because of its great cast, but the movie itself is not so hot. It was directed by our old buddy Art Camacho (we don’t actually know him, but we feel as if we do because we’ve seen his name in the credits so many times), and, yes, it is a low-budget DTV movie from 2000. Our expectations should have been lower because of the latter fact. But let’s break this down: 

                - Zach Galligan - as a member of the Galligang, he plays a heavy and seems to be running from his past as a Gremlin wrangler.

                - John Enos III plays almost the same role as he did in Missionary Man (2007), as the memorably-named Jarfe.

                - Angie Everhart, like Galligan, stretches in an unglamorous role as a woman with medical problems who mainly wears sweatpants.

                - Sebastian Bach  was a welcome and unusual presence and deserved more screen time. He must have been a “slave to the grind” of this particular production. Hmm.

                - Ice-T had some funny and ridiculous dialogue, which of course was delivered in that inimitable Ice-Tean way.

                - Richard Grieco is “Grieco Suave” as he plays the romantic lead - though in the “talent agent vs. biker” fight...well, we’ll let you guess who wins.

                - Jennifer O’Dell - we don’t have much to say, other than that she wears some pretty outstanding outfits.

                - Andrew “Dice” Clay steals the movie with his charisma, and is, funnily enough, the voice of reason amongst all the crazy goings-on. His thick Brooklyn accent is unmistakable.

The movie suffers from bad pacing - it starts off with a bang, but it didn’t know to quit while it was ahead, and some editing problems hamper things as well. Though on the bright side, there is a PM-style car flip/blow-up, and Enos rides his motorcycle in slo-mo away from the flames. Of course, there’s the time-honored barfight, but this one features a White Zombie song during the brain cell-depleting stupidity. Besides some of our favorite B-Movie names in unorthodox roles, Point Doom is also noteworthy in that it features some original songs by the original artists - Motley Crue, Motorhead, and the very catchy 80’s classic “White Horse” by Laid Back. But despite the cast and soundtrack, Point Doom is junky, too long, and needed a lot more pep in certain places. 

Much like Cape Fear, you'd have to be pretty brave to venture a trip to Point Doom. But if you've wanted to see Sebastian Bach shoot and punch people, this is the movie for you. 

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett