Ultimate Force (2005)

Ultimate Force (2005)- * *

Directed by: Mark Burson

Starring: Mirko "Cro-Cop" Filipovic and Ruza Madarevic

A man named Axon Rey (Cro-Cop) could just rest easy in life, secure in the knowledge that his name is Axon Rey. One night, he gets tranq'd while walking in the park. He wakes up in a strange science lab where he seems to be undergoing cyber-brainwashing of some sort. He now has to go on missions for S.I.N. (the State Intelligence Network, which, judging by the meatheadedness of Rey, might be an ironic name). He now has the code name of "Sphinx" and said Intelligence means beating up a series of opponents. In the midst of all this, Axon Rey or Sphinx or Cro-Cop or whatever the hell his name is reconnects with "lost love" Sari (Madarevic) and they plan to escape the evil clutches of S.I.N. forever. But can they do it? Does Axon Rey or S.I.N. wield the ULTIMATE FORCE?


Support your local police: be pro-cop. Support Axon Rey and Watch Ultimate Force: be Cro-Cop. Or something like that. According to AI, there are about 50,000 titles (both movies and TV series) on Tubi right now. Ultimate Force is...one of them.


Sure, Cro-Cop doesn't talk much, but why is that a problem? When John Wick has minimal dialogue, everyone thinks it's great. Cro-Cop looks like a cross between Vinnie Jones and Ray Stevenson and is an MMA fighter. He lacks the charisma of a Bas Rutten, or of various types of pine, spruce, or oak. But you're not watching Ultimate Force to see a master thespian at work. You want him to punch and kick people, presumably. That he does, and there are these intercut little bits that look like they're from a 90's CD-ROM game that say "Damage" or "Fatal Damage". Even though the film is from 2005, it was shot in Croatia and they probably don't have up-to-the-minute effects tech. The techno soundtrack also sounds like it's from the 90's. Whether that's a good thing or not is up to you to decide.



It's like a less-hyper Gunblast Vodka (2000) or less-crazy Diamond Cartel (2015), in that sense. It has that depressed, eastern European feel that's beyond even what's shot in Bulgaria. But those two films don't have "fire wipes" in between scenes, which have a very "My First Editing Machine" feel to them, like at any moment Homer Simpson will say, "Star wipe and we're out!" There is also some "fast motion", as we call it. We don't mean to come off harshly regarding Ultimate Force, but once you get to the point, as we have, where you've watched so many action films you've gotten to Wayne Crawford and Mirko "Cro-Cop" Filipovic movies, you just have to kind of put your hands up in the air and say, "Yeah, okay. Here we are", and just go with it.



That being said, we still get some classic cliches. Notably, dialogue like, "We go a long way back, you and me", and "He's the best!", and scenes of Prerequisite Torture of the hero. Sure, all of this has a sort of sci-fi twist involving an AI robot of sorts named Caesar, but somewhere in the mix, elements that used to be integral to filmmaking, such as dialogue, plot, characterization, decent lighting, and, not to get greedy, but emotion, surprises or twists, got lost along the way, it seems. Maybe that's what happens when you make a whole 90-minute film around a name, and an MMA name at that. This becomes especially evident in the final third of the film or so, when there is no action whatsoever. Is that because writer/director Burson thought the audience would want to spend this time watching Cro-Cop attempt to act? It's all kind of funny in its way but also quite confusing.


Not to be confused with the Ross Kemp TV series of the same name, Ultimate Force is not exactly a must-watch. MMA fans or the more masochistic among you may want to dare these strange waters. If you stay tuned until after the credits, we get a James Bond-style note: "Axon Rey will return in..." Although, to date, that has not happened, it comes off as more of a threat in this particular case.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Transformed (2005)

 

Transformed (2005)- * * *

Directed by: Efren Pinon

Starring: Leo Fong, Stack Pierce, Ken Moreno, Shirlee Knudson, Tadashi Yamashita, Fred Williamson, and George Dilman

Something dastardly is happening in the city of Westgate, California. Drug dealers are running wild in the streets, even recruiting young tots into "the life". Seemingly at the top of this food chain is Cholo (Moreno). But the corruption goes way higher than that: The Mayor (presumably he's Mr. and Mrs. Mayor's son) (Pierce) is acting as a CIA front in order to move drugs to fund their secret, illegal wars. But, on a more local level, Pastor Debra (Knudson) has had enough. Utilizing all the face-punching and groin-kicking that Jesus will allow, she becomes the community hero we didn't know was in our midst during Sunday services.

But Pastor Debra is not alone in her quest to clean up the streets. Besides the aforementioned Jesus, she also has a mysterious man known only as The Fist (Fong), and, of course, The Hammer (Williamson) on her side. But she'll also have perhaps the most unexpected help of all in the form of a certain reformed, or, shall we say, TRANSFORMED man...who will it be? Do your best to try to find out!

Transformed is the type of movie we love finding. It's a gem: a true labor of love that features "real people" - and provides homespun, homemade entertainment at its finest.

However, certain people may not "get it". The production values, if you want to call them that, couldn't really be lower - think Kindergarten "Ninja" (1994) meets Streets of Rage (1993) - but it's all part of the charm. (Plotwise, think Private Wars (1993) meets Street Corner Justice (1996)). Director Pinon and the gang didn't let something trivial like a lack of money stop them from achieving their dream. This is what we have called other, similar films in the past "Backyard Action". If you go with its flow, you will have a smile on your face the entire time as you blissfully float along in its absurd wake.

There are almost too many highlights to mention, and we want you to experience them for yourself, but certain things must be noted. The whole thing kicks off - literally - with an unexplained beating, and then goes into some Commodore 64 graphics. While the release date is 2005, Transformed could easily be from 1989, if not earlier. Not long after, we see Cholo (who in one scene and one scene only is referred to as "Spiderman") running into a Pizza Hut. (This is the first time not only in cinema history, but in world history, that someone has run in to a Pizza Hut. We've seen plenty of people run out of a Pizza Hut, but that's another story for another day).

Cholo has a son named Billy (of COURSE his name is Billy). He wants to keep him separate from his gangbanging life, so he plies him with quickly-received Pizza Hut food and then, after a shot of the Golden Gate Bridge, Cholo and Billy are at Disneyland. The movie stops for some sweet Disneyland footage, but doesn't explain the 400-mile distance covered in mere seconds.

Then the movie stops again so George Dilman (credited solely as "Ninja") can teach a class of what are presumably police recruits the art of attacking people using pressure points. We were happy that Transformed "Transformed" into a special-interest video about self-defense at this point. George Dilman IS a national treasure, and the fact that this was his only film is the real crime here. We later see him on a date, and he's still talking about pressure points. This guy loves his pressure points. He can do a split just like Van Damme but you don't see him bragging about it.

Later, we see a "corruption list" typed up on Microsoft Word, complete with Clippy on the right hand side, who is only trying to help, after all. Proving this was shot in 2005 and not 1989, a partial list of names on the list includes: George W. Rush, Dick Chen, Rumsfelt Johnson, and Byrant Street (whoever that is). I guess they had to cover themselves just in case anyone in Washington watched Transformed and noticed that list and then got mad.

Fan Favorite Leo Fong is also credited with producing the film, shooting the film (along with Frank Harris, an old Fong/Stack Pierce associate), music, and editing. A Ferdinand Galang is also credited with music (whoever did it, it's far louder than the dialogue, which is muffled, and sometimes mumbled by the amateur actors). Stack Pierce all but reprises his 24 Hours to Midnight (1985) role of White Powder Chan. Werner Hoetzinger also has a behind the scenes role to play. We would have liked to have seen him re-team with his Showdown (1993) co-star Fong.

This was the last film, only American film, and only non-Philippines-shot film for director Pinon. That's a shame. The mind boggles at what he would have come up with as a follow-up to Transformed. Also, someone says about The Hammer, "He's a cleaner who doesn't come to town unless he cleans". Hm. In what may be an in-joke, The Hammer is supposedly shooting a film in the Philippines before he flies to Westgate to help Pastor Debra. (Remember in Dead Alive (1992) when Father McGruder says "I kick arse for the Lord"? Well, Pastor Debra does too). (But you don't see her bragging about it).

We'd also be remiss if we didn't mention that Tadashi Yamashita is here too, also credited as "Ninja", which could be confusing for George Dilman fans. His fight (?) with Fred Williamson may not be a classic for the ages but it's a nice display of weaponry by Yamashita.




It's not every day that a team of Pastors have onscreen credits as consultants before a low-budget action film. Pastor Debra yells "Praise Jesus!" after beating up some baddies. Presumably the Pastors said that was okay. This is the type of movie the adults may make the kids watch at some sort of sleepaway Bible camp. And we should treasure every second of it.


A wonderful oddity, do seek out Transformed. It may tranform...you.

Comeuppance Review by Brett and Ty

No Rules (2005)

 

No Rules (2005)- * * * 

Directed By: Gerry Anderson

Starring: David Dunn, Dian Bachar, Anahit Minasyan, Randy Couture, Gary Busey, Philip Tan, Layzie Bone, Tom Sizemore, Sal Pacino, and Pamela Anderson 

Kurt Diamond (Dunn) is an MMA fighter from Jackson, Michigan. He and his sister Katie (Minasyan), and his trainer Grady (Bachar), are all dreaming of a better life. An opportunity comes when Kurt goes on a rampage after finding out Katie's boyfriend is an abusive drug dealer. After that violent confrontation, the trio flee to California. Seeking to get involved in the fight world on the west coast, Kurt turns up at House of Champions dojo. He notices immediately that they're using a logo that his famous fighting father Kain (Sizemore) always used. After a not-so-auspicious meeting with his father's former trainer Hino (Tan), he sees a flyer for an upcoming "Fight Party", and Kurt is on his way. But along the path to glory, he will have to face physical challenges - i.e., battling Mason (Couture) and his cult (yes, a cult; more on which later), but also the mental challenges of emotionally recovering from witnessing his parents' murder. He also wants to solve the murder, of course. Will Leroy Little (Busey) help him with this? All we know is that in the world of punching and kicking, there are, of course, NO RULES!




There's a lot to love about No Rules, and we might love it even more if we could actually see what was going on. All of the indoor scenes and/or night scenes are SO dark, we have to wonder if it was transferred to DVD incorrectly. Any scene in bright daylight is fine, if still a bit junky-looking, but that's not necessarily a problem. So now that we've registered our (all-too-common) complaint about the poor lighting, we can concentrate on what's good about No Rules.




ADVANCE WARNING: Going forward, should we use the words "stupid", "dumb", or some variation thereof, it is NOT to be taken as an insult. This may seem counterintuitive, but there is a shade of stupidity/dumbness that is, well, stupid, yes, but it's so earnest and enjoyable, you cannot use the word insultingly. No Rules has found that shade.




Kurt Diamond's fighting name is Diamond Boy. When ring announcers proclaim, "Kurt 'Diamond Boy' Diamond" is on the way, it does smack of a certain lack of creativity. Diamond Boy also has trouble saying the words "Santa Monica", so he may have been hit in the head one too many times.




A certain 2005 nostalgia may also be required to enjoy No Rules, as characters wearing Von Dutch shirts and hats are soundtracked to Limp Bizkit and Rage Against the Machine soundalikes. All that is stopped during any scene featuring, or about to feature, Philip Tan, so that stereotypically-Asian-sounding music can be heard.




Sometimes the stupidity is so all-encompassing it becomes dizzying, such as when a peacock walks by in the background of a scene for no reason, a slapfight breaks out a punk rock show featuring the band The Defects, or the endless parade of cameos that are fun to see, but also make you wonder why they're there or how the filmmakers got them to be involved in a bargain basement production like this. The presence of a few seconds of Pamela Anderson makes sense, because co-director/writer Gerry Anderson (presumably not the guy who did Thunderbirds) worked with her on some of her other projects, such as VIP, Stripperella, and Stacked, among others. Less explainable are Sal (not Al - Al's father) Pacino, and Kathy Pacino, Darryl "DMC" McDaniels, and Layzie Bone, not to mention a whole host of fight-world-associated people like Bruce Buffer, Gene LeBell and others. It all adds to the odd and quizzical vibe of the whole thing.




Perhaps they spent too much time gathering cameos, because the movie overall could have used more Sizemore and Busey. Busey doesn't even show up until 72 minutes in. That being said, another thing that sets No Rules apart from being a standard Puncher is that the Mason character is the leader of a cult of red-robed meatheads. They unenthusiastically chant sayings and other repetitions. We can honestly say we've never seen a meathead cult before, which was great, but not nearly enough was done with this idea. Same thing with the plot thread that Kain Diamond wrote detailed "fight books" that Kurt inherited - that look exactly like The Evil Dead's Necronomicon. Interesting ideas - not a lot of follow-through. But there are some lovably dumb fight scenes and questionable acting that power you along and take the place of those things. It's all a pretty heady brew.




So, because when any scene fades to black it really doesn't have very far to go, we're hoping that a digitally-brightened, remastered print of No Rules finds its way to Blu-ray soon. Should that ever happen, we believe it will find an audience and people will appreciate what's going on here. Unless and until that happens, we're afraid No Rules may just languish in the darkness of obscurity.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett

Crooked (2006)

Crooked (2006)- * *

Directed by: Art Camacho

Starring: Don "The Dragon" Wilson, Olivier Gruner, Gary Busey, Fred Williamson, Diana Kauffman, and Martin Kove









When a hooker with a heart of gold named Angel (Kauffman) witnesses a murder, police officers Danny Tyler (The Dragon) and Phil Yordan (Gruner) are put in charge of looking after her so there isn't any gangland retribution before she can testify. Of course, this isn't as simple as it seems, as a perfect storm of police corruption and irate mobsters coalesce around our three heroes. While they're on the run, shootouts and fights ensue. Where do Rouse (Busey) and Jake Lawlor (Kove) stand in all this? And who amongst all of them is CROOKED?

Lone Tiger Effect strikes again with Crooked, a chintzy affair that makes Detonator (2003) look classy. You'd think you couldn't go wrong with Don The Dragon, Fred Williamson, Kove, Busey, and Gruner all together. Well, unfortunately, it appears you can. Fred and Kove have glorified cameos, so you can take them pretty much out of the equation. The material the others had to work with wasn't the best. Low budgets have never been a negative for us, but if that's the case you've got to try just a little bit harder. 

The pacing is off, the dialogue is insipid, and the whole thing has that "stupid" feel. You probably know what we're talking about. Then there are the technical issues, such as poor lighting and sound, which add to the mess. However, maybe it's best that some of the dialogue isn't heard. That can only help the situation. That being said, sometimes it provides some laffs, as there's a scene early on in a police squad room where everyone's voice sounds normal except for Gary Busey's, which sounds like it was recorded separately in a large, echoey warehouse. We wouldn't normally mention it, but it's very, very obvious. And humorous. 

In the scenes where Busey is talking and it sounds like his voice was recorded in the same county, it certainly appears like they let him run wild with his own dialogue. There are a few instances of classic "Buseyisms" on display that only he could come up with. Besides that, Don's lovable woodenness is not only present and accounted for, it almost powers the movie along. Gruner's name in the film, Phil Yordan, must be a nod to the classic Hollywood-era screenwriter. But what would the original Yordan make of what he saw here? While Gruner is obviously trying, Don and Busey come out best in all this.


Yes, there is an exploding helicopter and a (weak) barfight...but we couldn't help but think that if Crooked was a PM movie that came out in 1996, it would have been done right. So why, in 2006, should things be any different? Just learn from the greats of the past. You'd think director Camacho, who worked on so many of those classic 90's productions as a stuntman, would know better. I mean, yes, Point Doom (2000) had Sebastian Bach, and Gangland (2001) had Mario Van Obama, but what does Crooked have? It appears, sadly, that the answer is diminishing returns. 

Crooked is, at best - at best - a one-time watch. And that's being generous. We're glad our favorite stars are working, and we like to see them, even in a lesser production like this. But we couldn't help but be disappointed.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Also check out a write-up from our buddy, DTVC!

Bloodfist 2050 (2005)

Bloodfist 2050 (2005)- *

Directed by: Cirio H. Santiago

Starring: Matt Mullins, Glen Meadows, Beverly Lynn, and Joe Mari Avellana

Plot: See Dragon Fire (1993). Or, better yet, see Bloodfist (1989).


Okay, okay, we won’t be as lazy as Roger Corman and we’ll do our job. Sometime in 2050, Los Angeles is still a hellhole. (It was a hellhole in 2032 in Dragon Fire). Alex Danko (Mullins) travels to L.A. to get to the truth about his murdered brother. In order to get closer to the underground Punchfighting circuit where his brother fought, he gets a trainer and begins fighting in “The Pit” himself. After many bouts, which honestly don’t have much to do with his slain brother, he finally figures out the nefarious plan. But will it be too late?

Despite what you might, understandably, be thinking, this is not the 2,050th sequel to Bloodfist. It’s only the ninth installment in the series. Noticeably, the great Don “The Dragon” Wilson is nowhere in sight. Perhaps he cottoned on to the fact that this is as junky as all get-out and has a downmarket and cheap look to it.

It all opens with some stock footage from Dune Warriors (1990) and there is some attempt at marrying this with the 2005-shot footage. Some of it looks sped-up, as do some of the fight scenes. It’s also highly likely that there are repeated and/or stock shots of crowds as they cheer on the fighters. Edited in to all of this are the Corman specialty, stripping scenes. Between the stock footage, recycled footage, sped-up footage, and stripping footage – and keep in mind this movie is (mercifully) only about 75 minutes, we as viewers aren’t left with a whole heck of a lot.

Plotwise, Bloodfist 2050 is the same movie as Dragon Fire. It is a lower-rent version of Dragon Fire. Think about that for a second. When you’re a lower-rent version of Dragon Fire, there is a definite problem. Yes, it’s post-apocalyptic for no discernible reason. Yes, it’s a Punchfighter. Yes, all the exact same plot points are covered. But the question is: why? Instead of Dominick LaBanca, now we have Matt Mullins in the lead role. It’s clear he can do Martial Arts – but the attempt to do Hong Kong-style heavily choreographed, heavily stylized, fast fight scenes come off as humorous because they’re unnecessarily acrobatic for the cheapjack overall vibe.

Also, Mullins looks like a skinnier Freddie Prinze, Jr. but with Obama-styled ears. To make matters worse, his buddy in the movie, Randy (Meadows) looks exactly like him. At least the buddy role in Dragon Fire was filled by a dude who looked nothing like the main dude. Here they’re practically twins. Philippines movie mainstay Joe Mari Avellana did his best as the ring announcer and he resembles Johnny Depp here, strangely enough. The elderly assistant from Dragon Fire is nowhere to be seen. Just another example of how Dragon Fire is better (we never thought we would ever say that…)

Honestly, this is not Cirio’s finest hour. He let us off the hook somewhat because the movie is so short, but the whole outing is amazingly dumb and unnecessary. Does Corman think so little of us as viewers that he can just regurgitate the same movie again and again, and we’ll just consume this stuff and thank him for it? It would have been nice if we, the loyal viewers of this type of material, were given a little more credit. But, oh well, they can’t all be Stick Fighter (1994), I suppose. 

Bloodfist 2050 is a stain on the series as a whole, and only worthy if you are a completist of Punchfighters, a completist of the Bloodfist series, or you want to watch something short that’s so dumb it’s almost funny. Or you want to do an A-B comparison with Dragon Fire. Otherwise, it’s probably best to avoid this one, which shouldn’t be too tough.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty 

The Protector (2005)

The Protector (2005)- * * *1\2

Directed by: Prachya Pinkaew

Starring: Tony Jaa, Johnny Nguyen, Petchtai Wongkamlao, Jin Xing, Lateef Crowder, Jon Foo, and Nathan Jones

As part of a centuries-old tradition in Thailand, certain people take on the duties to protect their all-important - and perhaps even sacred - elephants. These special people are known, naturally, as Protectors. Raised in rural Thailand as a Protector, like his father before him, Kham (Jaa) takes his responsibilities seriously - VERY seriously. When an unscrupulous gangster named Johnny Yai (Nguyen) kidnaps Kham’s two beloved elephants, Kohrn and Por-Yai (yes, the elephants have names), Kham travels to Sydney, Australia to find them and bring them back home. 

Teaming up with a Thai cop named Mark (Wongkamlao), Kham has to fight wave after wave of baddies who really take their elephant-napping to heart. It’s all being controlled by whip-wielding gangstress Madame Rose (Xing). Will Kham battle his way through the meatheads and retrieve the elephants?  Find out today!

Tony Jaa is just the Man. When it comes to Martial Arts fights, stunts, and choreography, he is arguably the best of his generation. What this man can do is unbelievably great and highly impressive. He gets the utmost respect not just for his considerable natural talent, but for his refusal to use wires or stunt doubles during fight scenes. His penchant for long takes is hugely appreciated and stands as the 180-degree opposite to the annoying “quick-cut” trend of today. 

The word on the street is, unfortunately, he has bad management that force him to do a lot of stupid movies and he went kind of nuts. He’s kind of like the action movie equivalent of Dave Chappelle. Of course, this doesn’t diminish him in any way.

The plot, simple as it is, shows a fascinating cultural difference that we really enjoyed. In most movies, a disc of some sort would be the sought-after item. In this case it’s elephants. The fact that elephants are so central to the Thai culture, and thus such a driving, motivating factor for the characters, was fascinating. To us Americans, it doesn’t seem like that big of a deal, but we had to get over that and delve into the Thai mindset as best we could. Add to that the highly-impressive fight scenes and a fruit-cart boat chase, and you get sucked in to the movie quickly and effectively. There’s even a boat-induced exploding helicopter. We don’t think we’ve ever seen that before.

Of course, there are some time-honored action movie clichés we all know and love (besides the fruit-cart chase and the exploding heli), such as the wacky taxi driver, the warehouse fights, etc. Of course, to viewers of Ong-Bak (2003), the whole structure will seem very familiar: Tony Jaa goes to a new and unfamiliar city in search of something important to his culture, and has to fight a ton of people in the process. Rather than criticize this, we applaud it. So many action movies have overly-complicated plots that don’t serve the movie well. The Protector and Ong-Bak have nice, simple plots that clear the way and leave enough room for Tony Jaa to do his thing. No fuss, no muss. Finally.

Sure, there is some shooting and a few blow-ups, but, thankfully, the talent of Mr. Jaa is given an excellent platform here. He really shines as he fights not just the “cannon fodder” type of goon but also other fighters with various levels of expertise: some of his opponents are simply labeled “Capoeira Fighter” (Crowder) and “Wushu Fighter” (Foo). Of course, he also has to take on a small gang of meatheads, but he has a secret weapon up his sleeve…

We can see all the countless hours of blood, sweat and tears that went into making this movie, and it certainly doesn’t go unnoticed or unappreciated. For a top Martial Arts viewing experience, we heartily recommend The Protector. 

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty 

Kill Zone (2005)

Kill Zone (2005)- * * *1\2

Directed by: Wilson Yip

Starring: Donnie Yen, Jacky Wu, and Sammo Hung













Wong Po (Hung) is a big man, both literally and figuratively. He’s possibly the most ruthless and evil crime lord in Hong Kong, and he has a vast network of contacts, so he’s always been able to evade the law. But Chung (Yam) is a cop who is close to retirement, and as his final wish as a member of the police force, he wants to bring down Wong Po. So he assembles a team of top-notch cops to do the job. However, they step over the line just a tad, which sets in motion a deadly and irreversible series of events. Who will enter the Kill Zone?

Out of the THREE movies called Kill Zone now on this site (the others being the David Carradine and Fritz Matthews vehicles), this one is truly the best. Wilson Yip’s Kill Zone is shot beautifully, has style to spare, and features some exhilarating fight sequences. But the icing on the cake is that the movie easily could have worked without the fight scenes. It completely could have worked on its own as a straight drama. That really is the acid test for action movies: will they work as dramas in their own right? In this case, the answer is yes, and more movies should do this. In other words, the filmmakers made a good movie, then made the fight scenes. The result is fast-paced entertainment you can’t resist.

Plus Donnie Yen is cooler than cool. We’re huge fans, and his fight scenes with Sammo Hung and Jacky Wu are astounding. Yen worked as fight choreographer, and he outdid himself, with fights with “the old guy” and “the young guy”, with himself caught in the middle. We’re also big Sammo fans, and this is a great role for him. It would have been seemingly easy to forget about him or laugh him off at this point in his career, but it was a stroke of genius to make him the tough, brutal, older gangster. Like a Chinese version of Clint Eastwood, Sammo seems to get better and tougher with age.

Kill Zone is always interesting and always keeps your attention. It’s filled with rewindable moments, which are the sign of something special. Dragon Dynasty DVD’s are symbols of quality, and this one looks great and is packed with extras. Definitely check out Kill Zone, it’s a solid winner.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

The Perfect Neighbor (2005)

The Perfect Neighbor (2005)-* *

Directed by: Douglas Jackson

Starring: Barbara Niven and Perry King













The Perfect Neighbor is another knockoff of Fatal Attraction (1987). It's not a bad movie, but it's so predictable.

Donna Germaine (Niven) is middle-aged and lonely. Her last husband leaves her. She gets into a rage about that and kills him. After that, she leaves and moves into a small town. There she meets William Costigan (King) and falls in love with him. William is married, but that doesn't stop Donna from taking over his life.



This is a movie, you watch on the Lifetime Movie Network when you're bored as opposed to watching LMN when you're excited. When are these Fatal Attraction ripoffs going to stop? There are hundreds of them. For a movie like this to succeed, it needs to be original. The acting, directing, and writing are okay, but that's not enough to warrant a look.

Comeuppance review by: Ty

Sub Zero (2005)

Sub Zero (2005)-* * *

Directed by: Jim Wynorski

Starring: Costas Mandylor, Linden Ashby and Nia Peeples











Sub Zero is very enjoyable. It's a silly DTV spin on Cliffhanger (1993). The plot is about six climbers who have to deactivate a bomb on a mountain. The bomb looks like a Rubik's cube. If it goes off it will destroy the world.

You don't watch a Jim Wynorski movie (the alias this time is Jay Andrews) and expect a masterpiece.

The acting is above-average for this type of film, the performances that stand out are Linden Ashby and Nia Peeples. The cast looks like they are having fun with the script. The special effects aren't the greatest, but who cares.

In the end: If you want to laugh and be entertained, you can't go wrong with Sub Zero.




Comeuppance review by: Ty

Brothers In Arms (2005)

Brothers In Arms (2005)-* *1\2
 
Directed by: Jean-Claude La Marre

Starring: David Carradine, Kurupt, Raymond Cruz, and Ed Lauter













Brothers In Arms is a decent "urban" western. The plot is about two brothers and his gang of thieves who plan to rob a bank. The only things that stand in their way are: The Kurupt town governor Driscoll (Carradine) and his bounty hunters.

The movie is fast-paced but the bank robbery scene\aftermath is almost half the movie and because of that there is some repetition in the dialogue.


The performances are okay. The standouts are Raymond Cruz as the Reverend and David Carradine as Driscoll. Ed Lauter and Kurupt stand around for most of the film. The gunfights could also use some improvement. When the ending comes it stops being an action movie and starts being a drama, which works actually.

In the end: Besides some minor problems, Brothers In Arms is still worth watching.




Comeuppance review by: Ty

Killer Upstairs, A (2005)

A Killer Upstairs (2005)-* *1\2

Directed by: Douglas Jackson

Starring: Tracy Nelson, Jayne Heitmeyer,Barry Flatman, Christopher Jacot, Linden Ashby, and Bruce Boxleitner





"Death is closer than you think..."








A Killer Upstairs is a decent TV movie. When Vivian Jamison (Heitmeyer) is murdered, all fingers point to her lover Michael Nowlin (Jacot), His mom Sandra (Nelson) is trying to prove her son is innocent, but the police won't listen. Is the killer still out there?

At first the movie is riddled with bad acting (Flatman lives up to his name) but eventually the movie picks up speed and it gets better. It does have some good twists and turns. Bruce Boxleitner, Tracy Nelson, and  Linden Ashby put in good performances. Overall, it's worth seeing if you are looking for a satisfactory mystery.

Comeuppance review by: Ty

Neverwas (2005)

Neverwas (2005) -* * *

Directed By: Joshua Michael Stern

Starring: Aaron Eckhart, Ian McKellen, Jessica Lange, Michael Moriarty, and Nick Nolte









Neverwas was a good family drama.

Zach Riley (Eckhart) is working as a psychiatrist in the Millwood Insane Asylum. He meets Gabriel (McKellen) who only thinks about Riley's Father (Nolte) and the fantasy book he wrote years ago.



Zach realizes that the book may be true and Gabriel holds the key to its existence.

The performances are first-rate. McKellen and Eckhart have a good chemistry together. Hurt is his usual self. Nolte and Lange don't have much to do but it's nice seeing them. One of the problems with the movie is that they criminally wasted Michael Moriarty's talent. He's in it for an actual second. Why cast him if he's gonna be a extra?



This movie has been collecting dust for over three years now. I can definitely see why. The movie is slow and not much happens.

But overall, Neverwas is worth seeing for the performances and plot-line.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty

The Crow: Wicked Prayer (2005)

The Crow: Wicked Prayer (2005)- *

Directed By: Lance Mungia

Starring: Edward Furlong, Tara Reid, David Boreanaz, Macy Gray, Danny Trejo, and Dennis Hopper










The Crow: Wicked Prayer is another weak sequel to "The Crow" series. They should've stopped while they were ahead. (Meaning the First One).

The plot this time around involves Jimmy (Furlong) who gets murdered by Luc Crash (David Boreanaz) and Lola Byrne (Reid) (Get it? "Crash and Byrne"! Wow, the script was very prophetic with the end result...) and is resurrected to be "The Crow". He wants revenge. Does he succeed?



The movie is rife with silly dialogue and terrible casting. Who in their right mind thought Dennis Hopper could be a gangsta who spouts lines like: "He'll be your homey now and forever more!"? There's no way that could be taken seriously. Furlong looks like he's trapped in the headlights and there's no way out.



Boreanaz goes way over the top. When his voice starts to deepen for no reason when he says dialogue like: "Sorry folks, I'd slit all your throats, but I gotta get to the burial grounds..." you know something's wrong. Reid was trying, even straining to make her character work. The movie has endlessly quotable lines for the wrong reasons. The action scenes are poorly edited also. They couldn't get that one right either?

In the end: The Crow: Wicked Prayer should be avoided like the plague it is.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty

Hoboken Hollow (2005)

Hoboken Hollow (2005)- *1\2

Directed By: Glen Stephens

Starring: Jason Connery, Michael Madsen, Dennis Hopper, and C. Thomas Howell









Hoboken Hollow is a disappointment.

Trevor (Connery) is a war veteran trying to take life easy and hitchhiking his way to California. While hitchhiking, a trucker named Clayton (Howell) asks him for help on his ranch. Trevor agrees only if he can leave the next day. Trevor finds out very quickly that the ranch is filled with deranged lunatics who like to torture and kill their helpers.

It's a good idea for a movie but it just doesn't work because the pacing is lethargic and the scares are minimal. Howell does a decent job as one of the killers, but Connery is wooden.



If you're thinking "Hey, Madsen and Hopper are in it! It can't be all bad...." well, I'm sorry, you're wrong this around. Hopper is in this for about two minutes and he basically says the same line over and over: "I'll give you a lift to the next town". Madsen has it worse because once again, as in "The Covenant: Brotherhood Of Evil” he has an obviously phony mustache. 2005 was the “glued on facial hair stage” in his career. One more thing: Anthony Michael Hall was one of the producers of this mess. Odd....



"Hoboken Hollow" is a very poor flick, that you should only watch if you're a Madsen or Hopper completist (I've seen "Tycus" for gosh sake. Tycus.)

Comeuppance Review by: Ty

The Covenant: Brotherhood Of Evil (2005)

The Covenant: Brotherhood Of Evil (2005) -* *

AKA: Canes

Directed By: Michael Bafaro

Starring: Edward Furlong and Michael Madsen






The Covenant: Brotherhood Of Evil has basically the same title as the "gay" The Covenant (2006), but it's different.

David Goodman (Furlong) is a young businessman on the rise. He's blinded by a random criminal and he wants revenge. He then meets Guillermo List (Madsen) who gives him an evil cane (yes, a walking cane...) to exact his vengeance. But it gets out of hand and now the powers of evil are after him!




As you can tell, the plot to this cinematic sludge is silly. If you want a good laugh, watch this. Furlong is miscast and he looks awful. He's packed on some weight and the suits he wears in the film are so tight on him, they're bursting at the seams. Madsen is okay, but once again he's there for a paycheck. He does have obviously fake facial hair. It looks glued on.




Overall, "The Covenant: Brotherhood Of Evil" is a very ridiculous film that's worth watching for the unintentional laughs.


Comeuppance Review by:Ty