Fair Game (1995)

Fair Game (1995)- * * *

Directed by: Andrew Sipes

Starring: William Baldwin, Cindy Crawford, Salma Hayek, Jenette Goldstein, Christopher McDonald, Miguel Sandoval, and Steven Berkoff











When KGB assassins target the life of Attorney Kate McQuean (Crawford) because of her associations with a mysterious boat, only one man can come to her rescue: Marion “Cobra” Cobretti -- er...Max Kirkpatrick (Baldwin)! According to the movie’s tagline, he’s a Cop on the Edge - or COTE, as we call them. With the baddies using all kinds of high tech (for 1995) gizmos to track their whereabouts, Max and Kate will always have to stay one step ahead of the highly-mobile evildoers. If that means a few car chases, stunts, shooting and...romance...then so be it. With nowhere to run and no one to trust, will our heroes be FAIR GAME for the bad guys?

Hey, if we wanted to see movies that are Cobra (1986) without being Cobra, we’d probably just watch Black Cobra (1987), starring Fred Williamson. Because it’s based on the same Paula Gosling novel that spawned one of our all-time favorite movies, Fair Game seemed very familiar to us. But instead of Stallone cutting pizza with scissors and Brigitte Nielsen posing with robots, we have one of the Baldwins and Cindy Crawford. Why does Hollywood always do this? What, Cobra wasn’t good enough for them? They thought that they could improve upon perfection by haughtily going back to the original title, getting a big budget and a glossy look and no one would notice? Now, while this may be a needless run-through of Cobra, it’s not without some charm of its own, but we felt we should get that out there as our opening salvo.

As we’ve said before, there are many kinds of dumb when it comes to movies - dumb is not one size fits all. Thankfully, despite (or maybe because of) its retread status, Fair Game is very dumb; sort of a cross between “Hollywood Dumb” and “90’s Dumb”. The key question is: is it entertaining? And the answer is yes. The cliches are so broad and the plot so paint-by-numbers, I’m surprised the script wasn’t written with a paintbrush and printed on an easel. It doesn’t seem like there was ever an attempt to make it any other way. The dialogue may be groan-inducing, but the action scenes are solid and well-executed, if a bit on the silly side (Baldwin flying sideways while shooting).

Maybe out of a guilty conscience, the movie can’t seem to let go of its Stallone connections - at one point, someone calls Baldwin “Sly”, even though his name is Max. Baldwin smokes cigars, clearly a reference to the fact that Marion Cobretti said smoking is bad for your health. In Cobra, Brigitte Nielsen was a model, so naturally that led to the casting of Cindy Crawford as her replacement. And this may be a stretch, but the whole 90’s Dumb/Hollywood Dumb connection comes through clear as day when you look at the similarities between this and Stallone’s The Specialist (1994). The natural humor of Cobra is replaced with “humor set-pieces”...but is that what kept this flying off video store shelves in the 90’s?

As for Cindy Crawford, hey, she gave it a try. If you’re looking for us to criticize a non-actor for having a flat affect when speaking, you won’t find that here. Lord knows we’re used to seeing that around these parts. 

The fact that she’s a lawyer in the movie is a bit of a leap; perhaps she could have been a model working at night for her law degree, or maybe a paralegal. But Crawford as a full-on lawyer was a bit much...yes, there is some light Crawford nudity, but is it really her? With all the 90’s tech on display, it’s easy to get distracted. The baddies know where to find her because they hack into her pizza account. HER PIZZA ACCOUNT. Well, if there’s any takeaway from this movie it’s this: don’t have an online account with any local pizza joint. Instructive.

Fair Game is 90’s Hollywood action in a nutshell: dumb, stupid, and actually very entertaining. Fascinatingly, this is director Andrew Sipes’s only directorial effort to date. Maybe he got depressed because he tried to out-Cobra Cobra, didn’t do it, then gave up entirely. It may have been Fair Game for the critics, but who cares? This site is all about the fans, and if you see it on cable or find it cheap on DVD, check it out. You could do a LOT worse.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett

Also check out a write-up from our buddy, The Video Vacuum!

Legionnaire (1998)

Legionnaire (1998)- * *

Directed by: Peter MacDonald

Starring: Jean-Claude Van Damme, Steven Berkoff and Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje












Alain Lefevre (Guess Who?) is a boxer in Marseilles, France in the 1920’s. When some mobsters ask him to take a dive in the ring, Alain refuses, and the gangsters come after him. In a desperate bid for escape, he joins the French Foreign Legion. Probably because he knows the Legion “doesn’t ask questions about a man’s past.” 

Thus, it is something of a ragtag bunch of misfits. Even though the Legion marches and fights hard against its enemy in Morocco, to Alain it’s surely still preferable to being killed by the gangsters that are after him. Unfortunately, some of said baddies enroll in the Legion to find Alain. But Alain also made some friends while serving his time. Will this brotherhood of men with nothing to lose defy all the obstacles put before them? Find out today (?)

Legionnaire is one of the first Van Damme movies to go straight to video (at least here in the U.S.). Sure, it has a professional look and is somewhat glossy, but it’s an old-fashioned war movie - almost in the vein of those boredom-inducing Sunday-afternoon programmers so beloved by the elderly. Why the filmmakers would take that approach is somewhat confusing, until you realize Van Damme probably wanted to break out of his cycle of “beat-em-up” movies and appeal to a wider audience. Unfortunately, this leaves die-hard action fans in the cold, as, yes, there are some battle scenes but almost no Martial Arts.

But it does conform to the now-standard Van Damme formula of the time: It was written by Van Damme and frequent collaborator Sheldon Lettich, it’s 100 minutes or more, and features at least one scene of Van Damme nudity. It’s almost like they have not simply a movie script, but a page of check-boxes that must be ticked before the movie can be released. And since it takes place in the past and/or features Van Damme trying to escape his troubles via ship, it can be easily compared to Lionheart (1990) or The Quest (1996). In fact, in Lionheart, he plays a Legionnaire, so Legionnaire could be almost a prequel of sorts.

It could’ve gone to the theater, there’s certainly nothing junky about it that screams “Direct To Video”, but at this point, the action boom of the 80’s and early 90’s was definitely on the wane. Plus, there are no other real names in the cast to help and support Van Damme. But, plotwise, the enemy the Legionnaires are fighting is unclear, and there’s no one strong, central villain to boo and hiss at. In a supposed action movie, that’s a major problem. Hence, it becomes sort of a morass of unfocused incidents - nothing sticks with you - it’s in one eye and out the other. Nothing much memorable happens.

And while there is some mild Punchfighting at one point, it seems the sole reason Legionnaire was made was to tout the coolness of those awesome hats the Legionnaires wear. Obviously Van Damme wanted to display some national pride (even though he’s not from France) - but perhaps “Legionnaire Hat” isn’t as snappy a title.

If you ever end up in a scenario where you’re going to watch a Van Damme movie with your parents or grandparents, Legionnaire is seemingly made for that purpose.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett

Also check out a write-up by our buddy,  DTVC!