Maximum Impact (2017)

Maximum Impact (2017)- * *

Directed by: Andrzej Bartkowiak

Starring: Mark Dacascos, Kelly Hu, Polina Butorina, Alexander Nevsky, Bai Ling, Matthias Hues, Danny Trejo, Eric Roberts, Tom Arnold, and William Baldwin

When Secretary of State Robert Jacobs (Roberts) travels to Russia on an important mission, his teenage daughter Brittany (Butorina) tags along. The main reason she does this is so she can run off with a boy band pop star she’s been texting with. This seems like the ideal time for a baddie named Tony Lin (Dacascos) and his sidekick Ian (Hues) to kidnap her. 

After a lot of bumbling around, they finally manage to do this, and so an American CIA (?) agent named Kate (Hu) has to team up with a Russian FSB strongman named Maxim Kadurin (Nevsky) to save the girl, and, if time allows, her date. As if that wasn’t enough, a criminal mastermind of some sort named Sanchez (Trejo) and his goons are causing trouble all over Russia. How do Barnes (Arnold), Scanlon (Ling), and, perhaps most enigmatically, “Man In Shadows” (Baldwin) all fit into this picture?

Much like director Bartkowiak’s prior Exit Wounds (2001), Maximum Impact is a mix of action and comedy that features Tom Arnold. The emphasis this time around seems firmly on the side of comedy, even though there are some silly and not entirely serious fight scenes and some car chases, both of which appear to be green screen-enhanced. Stick with Exit Wounds. Or, also featuring Dacascos, Drive (1997).

The jokey tone and childish dialogue start to get tiresome after a while, and expecting the viewer to tolerate this over the course of an inexcusable 109-minute running time is just asking too much. On the plus side, it has a lot of energy and a fast pace, but it just goes on and on too long. 

Yes, there are fruit cart chases and a lovely framed Eric Roberts picture on the wall, but on the other end of the spectrum there are green screen missiles and helicopters, teenagers texting, and dialogue that mentions Instagram and Snapchat. Have we really fallen that far from Charles Bronson blowing away the bad guys with a rocket launcher? If this is truly the state of action in 2017, we’ll stick with the old classics, please.

There are too many people in the cast to really break down fully, but let’s just say this is a classic case of Lone Tiger Effect. Hell, it even has Matthias Hues, as if to underline the point that much more. Did all these people know they were signing on for a goofy comedy? It has all the Bartkowiak trademarks, such as putting hip hop beats under the dialogue scenes, and a wacky coda during the credits. 

William Baldwin just makes wacky faces into a screen. There’s a place called Grump International Plaza. Tom Arnold’s running gag is about his bladder. We could go on, but we won’t. That being said, Alexander Nevsky somehow manages to come out of all this relatively unscathed. Maybe that’s because he’s credited as a producer on the film.

Comedies and action movies shouldn’t be more than 90 minutes. Don’t filmmakers know this by now? Maximum Impact wears out its welcome quickly and leaves minimal impact on the viewers.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Fair Game (1995)

Fair Game (1995)- * * *

Directed by: Andrew Sipes

Starring: William Baldwin, Cindy Crawford, Salma Hayek, Jenette Goldstein, Christopher McDonald, Miguel Sandoval, and Steven Berkoff











When KGB assassins target the life of Attorney Kate McQuean (Crawford) because of her associations with a mysterious boat, only one man can come to her rescue: Marion “Cobra” Cobretti -- er...Max Kirkpatrick (Baldwin)! According to the movie’s tagline, he’s a Cop on the Edge - or COTE, as we call them. With the baddies using all kinds of high tech (for 1995) gizmos to track their whereabouts, Max and Kate will always have to stay one step ahead of the highly-mobile evildoers. If that means a few car chases, stunts, shooting and...romance...then so be it. With nowhere to run and no one to trust, will our heroes be FAIR GAME for the bad guys?

Hey, if we wanted to see movies that are Cobra (1986) without being Cobra, we’d probably just watch Black Cobra (1987), starring Fred Williamson. Because it’s based on the same Paula Gosling novel that spawned one of our all-time favorite movies, Fair Game seemed very familiar to us. But instead of Stallone cutting pizza with scissors and Brigitte Nielsen posing with robots, we have one of the Baldwins and Cindy Crawford. Why does Hollywood always do this? What, Cobra wasn’t good enough for them? They thought that they could improve upon perfection by haughtily going back to the original title, getting a big budget and a glossy look and no one would notice? Now, while this may be a needless run-through of Cobra, it’s not without some charm of its own, but we felt we should get that out there as our opening salvo.

As we’ve said before, there are many kinds of dumb when it comes to movies - dumb is not one size fits all. Thankfully, despite (or maybe because of) its retread status, Fair Game is very dumb; sort of a cross between “Hollywood Dumb” and “90’s Dumb”. The key question is: is it entertaining? And the answer is yes. The cliches are so broad and the plot so paint-by-numbers, I’m surprised the script wasn’t written with a paintbrush and printed on an easel. It doesn’t seem like there was ever an attempt to make it any other way. The dialogue may be groan-inducing, but the action scenes are solid and well-executed, if a bit on the silly side (Baldwin flying sideways while shooting).

Maybe out of a guilty conscience, the movie can’t seem to let go of its Stallone connections - at one point, someone calls Baldwin “Sly”, even though his name is Max. Baldwin smokes cigars, clearly a reference to the fact that Marion Cobretti said smoking is bad for your health. In Cobra, Brigitte Nielsen was a model, so naturally that led to the casting of Cindy Crawford as her replacement. And this may be a stretch, but the whole 90’s Dumb/Hollywood Dumb connection comes through clear as day when you look at the similarities between this and Stallone’s The Specialist (1994). The natural humor of Cobra is replaced with “humor set-pieces”...but is that what kept this flying off video store shelves in the 90’s?

As for Cindy Crawford, hey, she gave it a try. If you’re looking for us to criticize a non-actor for having a flat affect when speaking, you won’t find that here. Lord knows we’re used to seeing that around these parts. 

The fact that she’s a lawyer in the movie is a bit of a leap; perhaps she could have been a model working at night for her law degree, or maybe a paralegal. But Crawford as a full-on lawyer was a bit much...yes, there is some light Crawford nudity, but is it really her? With all the 90’s tech on display, it’s easy to get distracted. The baddies know where to find her because they hack into her pizza account. HER PIZZA ACCOUNT. Well, if there’s any takeaway from this movie it’s this: don’t have an online account with any local pizza joint. Instructive.

Fair Game is 90’s Hollywood action in a nutshell: dumb, stupid, and actually very entertaining. Fascinatingly, this is director Andrew Sipes’s only directorial effort to date. Maybe he got depressed because he tried to out-Cobra Cobra, didn’t do it, then gave up entirely. It may have been Fair Game for the critics, but who cares? This site is all about the fans, and if you see it on cable or find it cheap on DVD, check it out. You could do a LOT worse.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett

Also check out a write-up from our buddy, The Video Vacuum!

One Eyed King (2001)

One Eyed King (2001)-* * *

Directed by: Robert Moresco

Starring: William Baldwin, Armand Assante, Rick Aiello, Jason Gedrick, and Jim Breuer








This movie came out on 2001 but it was released on video in 2004.

William Baldwin plays a guy who wants to bring his low level gangster buddies back to reality like having a wife or children, but instead his friends deal drugs and commit other crimes under the watch of Holly (Assante).



This is a pretty good movie, but it does have weaknesses like: The editing of some scenes (most of the flashbacks) come at the wrong time and it's confusing. Other that that all the performances are pretty decent. The stand out is Assante as Holly. Holly seems like a nice guy but if you double cross him he'll kill you in a heartbeat. Assante does an excellent job, bringing out the psycho aspects of the character. Overall, the movie is worth seeing.

Comeuppance review by: Ty

Art Heist (2004)

Art Heist (2004) -***
Directed By: Bryan Goeres
Starring: William "Billy" Baldwin, Ellen Pompeo, and Ed Lauter










"Art Heist" feels like "The Return of Bruno" CD by Bruce Willis.

I say that because the backup singers do most of the work. Just like William Baldwin, Abel Folk, and Ed Lauter do most of the work. Ellen Pompeo, like Willis, can't carry the heavy load of being the main character (or Singer). The script is a little weak and Pompeo makes it worse, with her dull line readings. Thank the Baldwin God, because William swoops down to save it. He plays Bruce Walker, a loose cannon cop who wants to stop Sandra (Pompeo) from getting too over her head. The action scenes are well filmed and William has dethroned Daniel as the sweatiest Baldwin, which is great!....Don't believe me? Take a look at this....




Don't take "Art Heist" too seriously and you'll have a good time.



Comeuppance Review by: Ty