Hell's Heroes (1987)

Hell's Heroes (1987)- * *

Directed by: Stelvio Massi

Starring: Fred Williamson, Miles O'Keefe, Scott Green, Gabriele Gori, and Chuck Connors

Set in the jungles of ‘Nam during the war, Hell’s Heroes tells the tale of Sgt. Darkin (O’Keeffe), a badass soldier whose badassery is constantly hampered by bureaucratic red tape. Naturally, this causes Darkin to become disillusioned with the war. When Senator Morris (Connors) comes to visit the troops on some sort of a press junket, Darkin expresses his dissatisfaction with life and the TV cameras and radio microphones eagerly pick it up. When Senator Morris and the soldiers he’s with are ambushed by some sneaky Viet Cong bad guys, Darkin is made the scapegoat even though he had nothing to do with it and was merely expressing his opinion. During his period of punishment, he meets up with other rebellious soldiers such as Feather (Fred), Trash (Green), and Bronx (Gori). Now a team with nothing to lose, will the men fight their way out of Vietnam when there are traps and gunfire everywhere? You just may find out…

Hell’s Heroes is yet another mediocre jungle slog that even Miles O’Keeffe, Fred Williamson, and Chuck Connors could not enliven. That should tell you how dreary it can be. Granted, fan favorites Fred and Connors don’t get a lot of time to shine here. That’s one of the problems. The major issues are, as we’ve seen time and time again, a lack of lighting, and the fact that there’s no one central villain. You’d think those would be no-brainer inclusions to an exploding-hutter like this, but no. The lights are off for about 60 percent of this movie’s running time and truly no one is home.

Just some mindless machine gun shooting, helicopters flying around (none explode), and huts exploding – not to mention O’Keeffe doing his Clint Eastwood impression again – is not really enough to get this plodding mush off the ground. Having more Chuck Connors would have been an improvement, but it must be said that his exit is grand, as is befitting the great man. It is highly appropriate that O’Keeffe’s character is named Darkin – we’re certainly in the dark for the majority of the film. It’s almost like they were thumbing their noses at us, the loyal audience. If that’s the case, that’s not cool, man. When a movie is so dark that the only light sources are muzzle flashes or explosions, that’s not good. It all adds up to an Italian-made jungle slog that we really wanted to like, but the lack of lighting and  too-brief appearances of the fan favorites made that difficult…actually, impossible.

This same year, 1987, director Stelvio Massi again teamed up with Fred Williamson for the more entertaining Black Cobra. Perhaps he wanted to make amends for Hell’s Heroes and use Fred in a more workable context. The naming of the incidental characters Bronx and Trash will immediately remind genre fans of Mark Gregory and 1990: The Bronx Warriors (1982) and Escape from the Bronx (1983), where he, of course, played Trash. Is this something we were supposed to pick up on? Because if so, then the character name of Darkin does indeed seem more like a nod to the fact that only the most minimal lights were used and nothing is seeable during the night scenes – and they knew it. Stelvio Massi is also known for his spate of Poliziotteschi movies in the 70’s, so he knows how to make fast-paced action. Something must have gone awry in the jungle this time…a bungle, to paraphrase Jethro Tull.

In the end, Hell’s Heroes is dull and not indicative of the talents of those involved. There’s a reason it was included with the 4-movie set “Inglorious Bastards 2 Hell Heroes 4 Inglorious Film Collection”, the title of which we’ve chastised before for being almost incomprehensible, and not released as a standalone disc. It’s not worth that treatment, and only die-hard fans of this type of movie are encouraged to seek it out.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty 

The Bronx Executioner (1989)

The Bronx Executioner (1989)- * * *

Directed by: Vanio Amici

Starring: Alex Vitale, Margie Newton, Gabriele Gori, and Woody Strode

“I need a box!” - Dakar

In the future, the Bronx is divided into two zones: the one controlled by the humanoids, and the one controlled by the androids. Rather than celebrate how similar they are to each other, they’re constantly at war. The androids are led by the beautiful Margie (Newton), and the humanoids are led by the great Dakar (Vitale), a robot/meathead hybrid with a surprisingly sensitive soul. When James (Gori) enters the fray, he yearns to be Sheriff of the Bronx. Why, we don’t know, but he must go through an extensive training regimen from Warren (Strode), the old salt who is getting on in years and wants to make James his successor in the profession of keeping the peace between the humanoids and the androids. Dakar, wanting revenge for what his rivals did to his lost love, forges an uneasy alliance with James. Despite the fact that none of this makes a lick of sense, someone will have to be...THE BRONX EXECUTIONER!

The Bronx Executioner is a great example of how to make a movie out of nothing. All the Woody Strode footage is from The Final Executioner (1984), and we think some of the Margit Newton footage is too. Director Amici then fashioned some footage to wrap around the rather puzzling remainder, and the result is completely incoherent, but about 80% entertaining. For this type of movie, who needs consistency and continuity anyway? Those things are boring. We’d take The Bronx Executioner - which is like an Italian version of a Godfrey Ho movie - over a lot of other possible choices.

Perhaps the best reason to recommend this movie is Alex Vitale as Dakar. This is a man-mountain who is too muscular for even the most basic shirt. He’s practically as tall as he is wide. Yet, he has feelings - call him an “emohead” if you will. Just about everything he says is pure gold, and simply watching him walk is more entertaining than several Seagal movies combined. Vitale appeared in Comeuppance classics such as Hands of Steel (1986) and Strike Commando (1987), but here he really comes out to shine. In the world of 80’s Italian action, he truly is a star.

The rest of this mix n’match mishmash of goulash contains dudes on motorbikes poppin’ wheelies in a rock quarry, lots of bang-bang shooting, great costumes, do-it-yourself tech, guys who twirl before they shoot, guys who twirl after they’ve been shot, classic NYC footage including the Statue of Liberty and the World Trade Center towers, Paolo Rustichelli music, and a rather obvious Woody Strode stand-in for when Gabriele Gori is talking to “him”, dogs controlled by beeping lights, a Dakar/dog fight, and the time-honored Final Warehouse Fight. There’s a lot of other stuff jumbled in, but why list it all? You’ll be seeing it eventually, especially because the DVD is available for a dollar in most places where it’s sold.

Yes, there are some slow moments, and the movie loses momentum after the halfway mark (we would say it loses direction, but that would imply it ever had one), but if you’ve ever wanted to see a training sequence where the trainer isn’t there, this is the movie for you. It’s all wonderfully 80’s - they truly don’t make ‘em like this anymore, and solely for the archival value, The Bronx Executioner is worth watching, if not owning. 

But, honestly, it’s not in the same league as gems like Escape From the Bronx (1983) or 1990: The Bronx Warriors (1982), which are movies all of a piece and not cobbled together, so maybe it’s an unfair comparison. But you have to love the 80’s - Italian-made “Bronx” movies were so hot in video stores, someone thought they would capitalize on that. It truly was a magical time.

Though he did other things in the Italian film industry, most notably as an editor, this is the only writing or directing credit for Vanio Amici. The mind boggles upon thinking what his other projects might have looked like. At least he added to the rich tapestry of 80’s video-store movies with his lone offering. While the DVD is dirt-cheap, according to the Video Hound, the VHS version contains an intro by none other than Michael Dudikoff. That might be worth tracking down just to see what he could possibly have to say about The Bronx Executioner - a neglected Italian actioner from a time when coherency was not even close to being king. 

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty