Decoy (1995)

Decoy (1995)-*1\2

Directed by: Vittorio Rambaldi

Starring: Peter Weller, Robert Patrick, Charlotte Lewis, Darlene Vogel, Peter Breck, and Vladmir Kulich












Travis (Patrick), a former government op, is hired by his old commanding officer, Wellington (Breck) to protect his daughter, Diana (Vogel of Ring Of Steel fame) for a temporary amount of time because bad guys are after him and his family. Travis agrees to the job, but only if he can bring in his buddy Baxter (Weller) to help out. Even though Baxter is a nutty guy, Wellington reluctantly agrees. What then follows is Travis, Baxter and Diana moving from place to place in the woods, as Katya (Lewis), Daniel (Kulich) and other baddies try killing them using various means, but usually shooting. Most of the rest of the movie is this cat-and-mouse game, but there are a few twists every now and again to try to keep the viewers’ interest. Who is the real DECOY?

Sure, Decoy may have some bigger names, like Robert Patrick and Peter Weller, and it may be shot well using picturesque Canadian locations (shot in Regina and La Ronge, Saskatchewan), but don’t be fooled: this is just as dumb and run-of-the-mill as many other DTV productions out there. It was clearly trying to be more upper crust and be almost theater-quality, but ultimately doesn’t get there and is a disappointment.

There are some cool killings, and the baddies have these futuristic wrist rockets that they use on their enemies, but that’s really the only noteworthy invention here. And that doesn’t a good movie make. There are some utterly stupid, time-wasting “romantic” elements between Baxter and Diana for a while, which don’t need to be there. Diana is the cliched “complaining woman dragged along into an adventure” we’ve seen so many times before. On the other end of the female spectrum is Charlotte Lewis, looking amazing with her outfits and high-powered weaponry. It’s quite a change from her role in Men of War (1994). Robert Patrick puts in a personable enough performance, but it’s hard not to compare this to the awesome Zero Tolerance (1994), which is Patrick at his absolute best. Weller puts in a “quirky” performance, with his pseudo-philosophical dialogue, and he’s always good, but Decoy as a whole is mediocre, with tons of “pew-pew” gunfighting scenes that don’t really add much.

Also on board as one of the baddies is Vladimir Kulich, who has played the “Eurotrash Bad Guy” in such movies as Crackerjack (1994), Red Scorpion 2 (1995), and Breach Of Trust (1995). We’re definitely getting used to seeing him. There’s also the prerequisite torture scene, but this time the movie opens with it and gets it out of the way. But the problem with Decoy is every time it starts to get good, it pulls back. It’s almost like the movie has a fear of success.

Decoy is ultimately wasteful with what resources it has, and it never rises above your standard action premise.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Ring Of Steel (1994)

Ring Of Steel (1994)-* * *

Directed By: David Frost 

Starring: Joe Don Baker, Carol Alt, Darlene Vogel, Henry Brown, and Robert Chapin



"Death Has Just Become A Spectator Sport."








Allez: Ring Of Steel is classier-than-average direct to video fare. Just imagine the structure of a classic punchfighting movie (see: pretty much everything we’ve written) but instead of punchfighting, it is sword-fighting. Well, to be perfectly accurate, it's more like “fence-fighting”.

Alex Freyer (Chapin) is on top of the world: He’s a champion fencer on his way to Olympic gold, and he keeps his many fencing trophies right on his coffee table in the living room. He just met his new girlfriend at a fencing tourney, and his mullet is lookin’ awesome in the cool breeze. His dreams are shattered when his bouton breaks and his riposte goes horribly, horribly wrong, and he accidentally stabs his opponent in the eye, killing him.

Alex is depressed and contemplates throwing out his fencing outfit for good. One day Alex is walking down a dark alley at night (bad idea) and is about to be mugged by some local street toughs. For some reason, Joe Don Baker shows up in his limo and announces “I’ve been following you.” Why Joe Don didn’t show up at Alex’s house is unknown. He invites Freyer and his girlfriend Elena (Vogel) to his underground fence-fighting club. Like Alex’s mullet, it is a business in the front and an illegal fence-fighting party in the back.


In true Lone Tiger (1999) tradition, the big boss man says the hero is “The Best” and then proceeds to groom him to be "The Best”. Isn’t he already "The Best"? After Alex does a few exhibition matches, Elena balks and doesn’t want him to fight anymore. Naturally the bad guys kidnap her and force Alex to participate in an arbitrary number of matches before they release her.

Can he thrust and parry his way to freedom?

The main fencing baddie is a meathead who wears a “shirtless shirt” and who has wide array of not “Cosby Sweaters” but “Cosby Vests”. Baker plays “The Man In Black”. That’s his name in the movie. Baker is a kinder, gentler sort of baddie and black is quite slimming. His bodyguard looks like a cross between Allen Kalter and Robert Loggia and he makes funny faces.


Other notable characters include an overweight LARP’er who dreams of being a barbarian (imagine a live-action version of “Comic Book Guy” from The Simpsons). He stumbles into the wrong salle, and he unfortunately gets slain in real life. Alex makes a friend in the theatrical fencer Brian (Jim Pirri). When Shirtless Shirt kills him, Alex grieves the only way he can: fencing practice.

In all comes to a head when cops get wise to the “Ring Of Steel”. The final confrontation is basically in the same steam factory from Cobra (1986).

This is Chapin’s first role and he is more a fencer than an actor. When his character is not pretending to be a pirate, he is doing fan favorite yell “Noooooooo!”

Shout “En Garde” while you are watching this movie tonight!

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett