Karate Warrior (1987)

Karate Warrior (1987)- * *

Directed by: Fabrizio De Angelis

Starring: Kim Stuart, Ken Watanabe, Jared Martin, Janet Agren, Enrico Torralba, and Jannelle Barretto











Anthony Scott (Stuart) is an American teen who goes to the Philippines to visit his father, Paul (Martin) (credited, in classic ‘lost in translation’ style, as “Anthony father”), a journalist currently living there. After a lot of bonding time with Anthony father, Anthony runs afoul of local gangster Quino (Enrico Torralba), who also happens to be a Karate master. 

Quino and his thugs are even involved in a protection racket with the store owned by the father of Anthony’s love interest, Maria (Jannelle Barretto). Eventually, Quino beats up Anthony and leaves him in the forest. He is then found, and nursed back to health, by reclusive monk Kimura (Watanabe). Master Kimura also goes through great pains to teach Anthony Martial Arts (mainly because Anthony complains and resists most of the time) - but will he learn the “Dragon Blow” in time for the big tournament - the face-off with Quino? Find out, at some point...

Karate Warrior is a very earnest and straight-ahead film that seems like it’s simultaneously trying to be like the Karate Kid movies and at the same time trying NOT to be like them. One of the main problems is that our hero (?), Anthony, is very whiny and not too likable. Only the gaffes provided by the unintentionally funny dubbing give him any likability. He does have a classic 80’s “Cool” look, but that’s about it. (Maybe it was the “hair stilist”, another misspelled credit, who helped him look so cool).

When Anthony arrives in Manila, after getting a ride from the time-honored Wacky Taxi Driver, a bunch of punks beat him up and steal his Walkman. Not a good start. He was only asking around trying to find where his dad lives, a town apparently called Los Banos (if my high school Spanish is correct, doesn’t that mean “The Bathrooms”?), but he quickly runs into arch-baddie Quino, not to be confused with Kimo or Beano. Why his dad didn’t pick him up at the airport, like he did when his mom Julia (Agren) arrived, we don’t know. Maybe that’s why they were estranged from each other.

After a motorbike chase and Anthony gets beat up by Quino, we go into the extensive forest training sequence we’ve seen many, many times before. Master Kimura yells at Anthony to RELAX NOW! That seems kind of counterintuitive, but maybe it’s all part of Kimura’s plan to deal with this whiny brat. 

There is no pounding, inspirational song during the training, which would have helped a lot, but the Simon Boswell music overall is catchy and stands out as being good. Also, we should mention that at this point Anthony hasn’t been wearing a shirt for a decent chunk of the movie’s running time. How can you have a protracted, shirtless training program and no song? That being said, the “Ha-do-ken”-type move, the Dragon Blow, is very cool and the movie should have gone more in that direction. Presumably the audience hopes Anthony will figure out how to use said blow at The Battle of the Karate Champions, the big tournament in town, which does look very well-attended. They also have fireworks after people get beat to a pulp.

Director Fabrizio De Angelis, AKA our good old pal Larry Ludman, turns in a kind of workmanlike product here. It could have used more action and less whining - the whole thing is so darn slow. Sidestepping some of the cliches might have been nice too, but we can’t ask for a miracle. Released on Imperial Video back in the VHS days, this does seem to fit with a lot of their other output. But they did not release Karate Warrior 2, or any of the many other Karate Warrior sequels...we wonder why

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

The New Gladiators (1984)

The New Gladiators (1984)-* * *

Directed by: Lucio Fulci

Starring: Fred Williamson, Jared Martin, Hal Yamanouchi, Claudio Cassinelli, Al Cliver, Eleonora Brigliadori, and Howard Ross












In the future, two TV networks, Seven Seas and WBS (World Broadcasting System) are vying for ever higher ratings. Seven Seas’ hottest show is “Killbike”, where, you guessed it, dudes on strange looking, tricked-out motorcycles beat, slay and decapitate each other, assuming one of them doesn’t blow up in the process. WBS’ competition to that is “The Danger Game”, in which contestants think they are facing scary and gruesome situations, but it’s all a carefully manufactured hallucination. However, Station Manager Of the Future Cortez (Cassinelli) wants to trump his rivals once and for all, and, because he’s based in Rome, decides on a fight-to-the-death biker romp in the coliseum featuring death row criminals sentenced to die, calling it “The Battle of the Damned”. (Noteworthy cons include Williamson as Abdul and Cliver as Kirk). But, despite their cynicism, in order for this to be a ratings bonanza, they still need a hero. And in order to get a hero, he has to be on death row. So popular good guy Drake (Martin) is framed for his wife’s death. With all the pieces seemingly in place, only Drake - perhaps with the help of Sarah (Brigliadori) - can stop the madness and end the ratings wars for good. But can he survive?

Not since the late night wars of the early 90’s has TV competition been this fierce...say what you want about The New Gladiators, the movie was definitely ahead of its time. It predated the proliferation of reality shows, especially the ones that feed off your fear, such as Fear Factor. (That’s all “The Danger Game” really is). It predicted the ever-more-vicious competition between networks that leads to the lowest common denominator being aired. It predicted companies conglomerated only in the hands of a few huge concerns. It even predicted reality shows such as “Full Metal Jousting”. In the movie world, ideas and concepts included in this movie predate Robocop (1987), The Running Man (1987), Strange Days (1995), and Fatal Combat (1995). It even predicted GPS, especially having it on a bracelet you cannot take off, just as criminals have today.  All that being said, Rollerball (1975) and Blade Runner (1982) seem to be the major influences. Jared Martin even resembles James Caan. But Fulci and his team deserve a lot of credit for being so forward thinking.

Of course, this is Fulci’s entry in the Italian post-apocalyptic sweepstakes (technically we don’t know if an apocalypse happened this time around, so let’s just say “futuristic”). It has the touches of gore Fulci is synonymous with, but there are plenty of impressive stunts as well, especially the motorbike extravaganzas. Working on a low budget, it’s pretty evident all the capital in this movie is conceptual and idea-based, not so much budgetary. But, as ever, the Italians are wizards at getting the most out of a little, and the sets look amazing, the outfits and cycles impressively decked out, and we’d rather see meticulously-built miniatures than gag-inducing CGI any day of the week. And what would a movie of this era be like without the sax on the soundtrack and the prerequisite torture scene? So everything is present and accounted for, and Fulci makes it all work.

There’s so much we didn’t even mention, like the mysterious network boss “Sam”, an evil dude named Raven (Ross) who is part of a “Pretorian guard”, and on and on. Even the ultra-modern furniture is at least a little interesting. Needless to say, the presence of Fred Williamson livens things up, and he has an impressive cast to back him that fans of Italian genre cinema will certainly recognize. Not to be outdone, the movie even predates seizure-inducing strobe effects that wouldn’t hit big until Pokemon. We applaud Fulci and the gang for approaching this subject matter differently than his peers. It’s not just a bunch of cars crashing in the Italian countryside, there are actually some interesting ideas going on here. But any viewer could miss them if they’re not paying attention.

Because of the typically lame Troma DVD, Fulci will yet again not get the credit he deserves for making ingeniously put together, even thought-provoking movies. But we’re pretty sure you’ll have a wheelie-poppin’ good time when you watch The New Gladiators.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett

Quiet Cool (1986)

Quiet Cool (1986)-* * *

Directed by: Clay Borris

Starring: James Remar, Adam Coleman Howard, Daphne Ashbrook, Jared Martin, Joe Sagal, Chris Mulkey, and Nick Cassavetes

Joe Dylanne (Remar) is an NYC cop on the edge who always gets his man. One day, he gets a call from his former girlfriend Katy (Ashbrook), asking for his help. It seems some of her relatives have disappeared and she wants Joe to investigate. He agrees, and he travels to a very, very rural town called Babylon somewhere in the Northwest (the movie doesn’t specifically say what state, but it was filmed in California). It turns out that evil marijuana growers and dealers are taking over the town, and Katy’s family ran afoul of them. The only survivor was Josh (Adam Coleman Howard). Now the city cop with the bad attitude and the rural survivalist boy must team up in order to get revenge on the baddies, led by Prior (Martin) and Valence (Cassavetes).

Quiet Cool is a highly entertaining and solid film that deserves more attention. God bless the 80’s, when movies like this were being made by the boatload. The only problem is, the quality was coming so thick and fast back then, it was hard to keep up and a lot of movies that should get more recognition fell through the cracks. That’s yet another reason why video stores are so important. Quiet Cool is one of those movies. It’s 80’s awesomeness through and through, from its sax-drenched soundtrack to its Western-style ending.

Remar is perfect as Dylanne, the guy that doesn’t go anywhere - ANYWHERE - without his motorcycle. He plays the country mouse/city mouse role but with an edge. He’s a law and order kind of guy, but realizes that these villains are ruthless and evil, and this is now the law of the jungle, or at least forest. His conversion to the ways of revenge will have you cheering. Howard as the boy who shows a surprising aptitude for killing people is a worthy foil. Cassavetes as Valence strongly resembles Elvis.

It’s important to remember that back in the 80’s, pot dealing was thought of as a much more serious threat than it is today. Now all the pot stuff you see is played for dumb laughs, so, when viewing Quiet Cool through 21st century eyes, you might say “what’s the big deal”, but that’s incorrect. You have to think back to Nancy Reagan and “Just Say No”. Here, the pot dealers are EVIL and that’s perfectly valid. In many ways, Quiet Cool resembles The Devastator (1985), but it had the power of the burgeoning New Line behind it, so it just has a more professional look.

Naturally, there is a title song, and this one’s very impressive. It’s rockin’, it says the name of the film, and is unbelievably catchy. “Quiet Cool” (the song) by Joe Lamont should have been a huge hit on the charts. Quiet Cool (the movie) has some good violence, and doesn’t waste a minute of your time. With a schedule-friendly running time of less than 80 minutes, there’s no excuse for not checking out this fine film.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett