Phoenix (2023)

 

Phoenix (2023)- * * *1\2

Directed by: Daniel Zirilli 

Starring: Natalie Eva Marie, Neal McDonough, Bai Ling, Oleg Prudius, Chuck Zito, Jonathan Camp, and Randy Couture

Fiona Grant (Marie) is a very tough army Sergeant, teaching hand-to-hand combat in Afghanistan. When General Shackleton (McDonough) informs her that her father Everett (Couture) was found dead, he all but forces her to take a leave of absence, such is her dedication to the military. So Fiona, who is nicknamed "Phoenix" for reasons that become apparent later, returns to her hometown of Miami and begins her quest for justice and answers.


After her first order of business, dyeing her hair her trademark pink, she is then ready to take on the gang of Russian mobster Maxim Vasiliiv (Prudius), which includes Scavenger (Ling), among others. This syndicate of baddies is creatively named The Syndicate. Shackleton offers to help Fiona even though he's still back in Afghanistan. But Phoenix has local help: family friend Bullet (Zito) joins the fray, and her father's former bodyguard Artemis (Camp) is there too. Obviously it all comes down to the final fight between Fiona and Maxim...will this PHOENIX rise again?


Here's a pro tip before starting to watch Phoenix: just glue your face to your palm, because if you don't, that action will be repeated so often, you may injure your elbow. Or your face. And here's a warning as well: if you're going to watch Phoenix, you HAVE to like stupidity. You really have to enjoy watching stupid things, or you will not get the full benefit of what this film has to offer. Thankfully, we do, and the fun, humor, and charm of Phoenix quickly becomes apparent.

The opening shipping yard fight with Couture (there are a lot of establishing shots of shipping yards, as if that would somehow wow the viewers: "Cool! Look at all those shipping containers! Radical!") is highly ridiculous and has that "dumb" factor that makes the viewer say, "Uhhhh...." That sort of vibe does not let up from there on out, thankfully.


Another wise choice by the filmmakers was having Natalie Eva Marie be the main star and have her carry the film. Her flat affect is so flat, we've seen the EKG's of dead people that were less flat. However, it's important to understand that this is not an insult. We loved her performance and the movie as a whole is highly entertaining, mainly because of her. We hope to see more Marie in the future and we hope she doesn't ever change. You put her together with other master thespians like Bai Ling, Chuck Zito, and Randy Couture, plus English-as-a-second-language co-stars like Prudius, and it's all a 4th of July fireworks show of "bad" acting, non-acting, incomprehensible acting, amateur acting, flat acting, and the like. And we wouldn't want it any other way.


Presumably, director Zirilli was there while all of this was going on. So we as viewers can assume that all of this was what he wanted (?) He's been directing DTV action films for a while now so presumably that's the situation. In any case, it does appear that some time was spent on the fight and action scenes, which is what fans really are there for, which is what Zirilli must have thought. Of course, the hand-to-hand combat scenes are much better executed than the gun-shooting and blow-ups, which feature muzzle flashes, bullet hits, and fire gags that are home-computer level. But, at this point, let's just chuck all that into the mix and have a great time.


It's all wrapped up in a scant 82 minutes, which feels shorter because it's all so entertaining. Then the viewer is treated to the world's slowest end-credits crawl. You really have to see how slow this is to believe it. There's no shame whatsoever in having an 82 minute film. To us, that's a good thing and more movies should be that length. But it does appear the filmmakers were embarrassed by that for some reason. Either that or Tubi forced them to do it.


Joyous stupidity reigns supreme with Phoenix. We say watch it and have a great time.

Comeuppance Review by Ty and Brett

Also check out a write-up from our buddy, DTVC!
 

Falcon Rising (2014)

Falcon Rising (2014)- * * 

Directed by: Ernie Barbarash

Starring: Michael Jai White, Laila Ali, and Neal McDonough

John “Falcon” Chapman (MJW) is a suicidally depressed ex-Marine with PTSD whose emotional problems are exacerbated by alcohol abuse. That may seem dark, but things start to look up for Falcon when a new mission gives him renewed purpose in his life. Unfortunately, though, the mission involves his sister Cindy (Ali), who was attacked and hospitalized while in the favelas of Brazil. Falcon arrives in Sao Paulo and proceeds to beat up a bunch of people in his quest for answers. Teaming up with old contact Manny Ridley (McDonough), as well as gaining some new friends and foes along the way, Falcon discovers some surprising revelations about the crime syndicates of Brazil - the Japanese Yakuza is all over the place. Will Falcon find out who his sister’s attackers were without getting himself killed in the process?

We love Michael Jai White, or MJW as we call him, and we’re happy to report he’s still “got it”. His Martial Arts abilities are cool, brutal, and top-notch. By far the best thing about Falcon Rising are the fight scenes, all of which involve White. Unfortunately, the movie AROUND it isn’t so hot. The plot is paint-by-numbers and you don’t get hooked in to the storyline like you could or should. We know a lot of people criticize action movies, saying that they’re dumb and the plots are perfunctory window dressing so that the action setpieces can exist. In the case of Falcon Rising, that’s a valid observation.

If you take another DTV movie we watched recently, Green Street 3, it doesn’t compare to Falcon Rising at all, because GS3 works any way you slice it - with action, without action, low budget, high budget, whatever. It’s just a good movie that satisfies the viewer. The acid test for action is - would the movie be good if you took out the action scenes? In the case of GS3 the answer is yes. In the case of Falcon Rising it’s no. Director Barbarash was responsible for the Van Damme films Assassination Games (2011) and 6 Bullets (2012) so he should know the rules by now. And he commits another no-no…

We don’t like CGI bullet hits. We don’t like CGI blood. We don’t like CGI anything. “Speeding up” the action to cover it up doesn’t work, and turning the blood into a “mist” is not a valid masking device either. Is doing this less expensive than squibs? Is it somehow an improvement in the development of mankind that nerds on a computer can now hit Alt-B for blood and Alt-E for explosion? This is considered acceptable and good? Especially when you have a charismatic and talented Martial Artist like MJW at the helm, CGI stuff should be eschewed.

Michael Jai White fans - and action fans in general - will appreciate the action scenes, which are quite good. The movie around it, not so much. 

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

One Man's Justice (1996)

One Man's Justice (1996)-* *1\2

AKA: One Tough Bastard

Directed by: Kurt Wimmer

Starring: Brian Bosworth, Jeff Kober, Bruce Payne, DeJuan Guy, M.C. Gainey, Neal McDonough, Robert LaSardo, and Hammer











Sgt. John North (The Boz) is an Army drill instructor and close-combat specialist. But he also has a sensitive side. He loves his young daughter and wife and would do anything for them. When his loved ones are tragically murdered by professional scumbag Marcus (Kober) and North is put into a coma by sustaining multiple bullet wounds, his life spirals out of control. 

Upon regaining his consciousness, he devotes his life to revenge. As he climbs up the baddie food chain, he finds Karl Savak (Payne), a long-haired, nose-ringed corrupt Federal Agent, and the villain of all villains this century, M.C. Hammer. Actually he has the classic bad-guy name of Dexter Kane, but it's still, of course, the Hammer we all know and love. Gumming up the works of North's revenge mission is 12-year old tot Mikey (Guy) who always seems to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Despite the presence of Mikey, will North achieve his mission, especially with the odds stacked against him?

Here's some imagery for you: a bowl of hearty soup with a fly in it. A rich, creamy cheesecake with a cockroach on it. A succulent deluxe lobster with a rat on it. All potentially lovely food items, but you cannot eat around the fly, cockroach or rat. One Man's Justice (or totally badass alternate title One Tough Bastard) is like that. All the scenes with The Boz are gold. The fight scenes are fun, the baddies are nice and bad, and The Boz is on a revenge mission in L.A. All seems right with the world. 

But when are filmmakers going to learn that red-blooded males who watch action movies don't want to see precocious brats preventing roided-up meatheads from exacting brutal, violent revenge? To put it another way: we hate when kids play too prominent a role in action movies. There are exceptions to every rule, of course, as Sarah Dampf, Smith, Lisa Boynton, and the cast of Double Blast (1994) prove, kids aren't ALWAYS bad. But the presence of the Mikey character here prevents One Man's Justice from being all it can be, much like Sgt. John North would want you to be in the Army.

So, while they should have edited out Mikey and added some more fights, car chases or even a test pattern, let's leave that aside for a moment. One Man's Justice is classic 90's. That's a good thing, by the way. The cast is excellent, with Boz doing a stellar job, plus favorites Kober, playing a bad guy as always (you know he's evil because he wears a leather vest), Bruce Payne hairing it up, and a rare dark-haired Neal McDonough making a brief appearance. 

We've also got Robert LaSardo in the tattoo parlor fight sequence, and, in what has to be a cinematic first, both M.C. Gainey and M.C. Hammer together in the same movie. M.C. Hammer is even billed as "Hammer", perhaps so he wouldn't be confused with the rap career of Gainey. While in The Peacekeeper (1997), Montel Williams teamed up with Dolph, here, The Boz and Hammer are at odds. We'll give you a moment to unravel that last sentence. Mr. Hammer gives us his full acting range, even showing us sad Hammer, or, as it's known, Sammer.

The 90's-ness of it all comes through insofar as all the time Mikey is involved, the movie devolves into a cross between Cop and a Half (1993) and one of those classic anti-drug PSA's from back then. At any moment you think some drugged-up bugs are going to come out from behind a wall. Then it swerves into Homie Movie territory, but Jeff Kober is the lead homie. It's all very confusing. It tries to be relevant, commenting on the trend of mugging people for their sneakers. And the fact that Mikey looks like Mac Dad from Kris Kross firmly places this movie in its 90's place and time. The soundtrack, in the relevant places, features rap from UGK and Kool Moe Dee. 

The original North (1994), John North is a man you can believe in. Fun fact about Brian Bosworth's career: much like how Tony Danza strictly only plays guys named Tony, Bosworth mainly plays guys named John. In Stone Cold (1991), he was John Stone, in Blackout (1996), he was John Gray, in the TV series Lawless, he was, awesomely enough, John Lawless, and of course today we have John North. One Man's Justice is perhaps the second-ultimate Boz movie, after Stone Cold of course. 

He was born to be in B-grade action product, and you can tell from the many training sequences that this is truly in his wheelhouse. The movie has some of our favorite cliches, such as when, during the climax, the baddie says the hero's name many times, and the all-time classic "you just couldn't let it go, could you?" speech.

We loved all the non-Mikey scenes in this movie. His presence is just too prevalent and inappropriate here. I mean honestly, what is this, One Tot's Justice? But just as you cannot eat around the offending vermin in your food, we can't just watch around Mikey. Your enjoyment level of this movie will depend on your tolerance for children in your action movies.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Also check out write-ups by our friends, DTVC, The Video Vacuum, and  Cool Target!

88 Minutes (2005)

88 Minutes (2005) -* *1\2 

Directed By: Jon Avnet

Starring: Al Pacino, Amy Brenneman, Neal McDonough, Alicia Witt, Leelee Sobieski, Deborah Kara Unger, and William Forsythe











88 Minutes is a minor disappointment.

Jack Gramm (Pacino) is a professor who gets a death threat from a mysterious killer say he will die in 88 minutes. Can Jack stop time and his death from happening?

The movie has been languishing on a shelf somewhere for years only to reemerge on DVD in Brazil, almost with good reason. Pacino is good as always, but seems uninterested most of the time. He has one good scene when he explains about his daughter. It's the only well-acted scene.


All the other actors are outmatched by him. Brenneman does a decent job and Forsythe is wasted as usual. Alica Witt comes off the worst with some weak line readings and expressions. The plot seems like a fast-paced thrill ride but it's anything but. It picks up towards the end but most of the suspense seems forced and squeezed out.

Overall, it's for Pacino fans only.




Comeuppance Review by: Ty