Phoenix (2023)

 

Phoenix (2023)- * * *1\2

Directed by: Daniel Zirilli 

Starring: Natalie Eva Marie, Neal McDonough, Bai Ling, Oleg Prudius, Chuck Zito, Jonathan Camp, and Randy Couture

Fiona Grant (Marie) is a very tough army Sergeant, teaching hand-to-hand combat in Afghanistan. When General Shackleton (McDonough) informs her that her father Everett (Couture) was found dead, he all but forces her to take a leave of absence, such is her dedication to the military. So Fiona, who is nicknamed "Phoenix" for reasons that become apparent later, returns to her hometown of Miami and begins her quest for justice and answers.


After her first order of business, dyeing her hair her trademark pink, she is then ready to take on the gang of Russian mobster Maxim Vasiliiv (Prudius), which includes Scavenger (Ling), among others. This syndicate of baddies is creatively named The Syndicate. Shackleton offers to help Fiona even though he's still back in Afghanistan. But Phoenix has local help: family friend Bullet (Zito) joins the fray, and her father's former bodyguard Artemis (Camp) is there too. Obviously it all comes down to the final fight between Fiona and Maxim...will this PHOENIX rise again?


Here's a pro tip before starting to watch Phoenix: just glue your face to your palm, because if you don't, that action will be repeated so often, you may injure your elbow. Or your face. And here's a warning as well: if you're going to watch Phoenix, you HAVE to like stupidity. You really have to enjoy watching stupid things, or you will not get the full benefit of what this film has to offer. Thankfully, we do, and the fun, humor, and charm of Phoenix quickly becomes apparent.

The opening shipping yard fight with Couture (there are a lot of establishing shots of shipping yards, as if that would somehow wow the viewers: "Cool! Look at all those shipping containers! Radical!") is highly ridiculous and has that "dumb" factor that makes the viewer say, "Uhhhh...." That sort of vibe does not let up from there on out, thankfully.


Another wise choice by the filmmakers was having Natalie Eva Marie be the main star and have her carry the film. Her flat affect is so flat, we've seen the EKG's of dead people that were less flat. However, it's important to understand that this is not an insult. We loved her performance and the movie as a whole is highly entertaining, mainly because of her. We hope to see more Marie in the future and we hope she doesn't ever change. You put her together with other master thespians like Bai Ling, Chuck Zito, and Randy Couture, plus English-as-a-second-language co-stars like Prudius, and it's all a 4th of July fireworks show of "bad" acting, non-acting, incomprehensible acting, amateur acting, flat acting, and the like. And we wouldn't want it any other way.


Presumably, director Zirilli was there while all of this was going on. So we as viewers can assume that all of this was what he wanted (?) He's been directing DTV action films for a while now so presumably that's the situation. In any case, it does appear that some time was spent on the fight and action scenes, which is what fans really are there for, which is what Zirilli must have thought. Of course, the hand-to-hand combat scenes are much better executed than the gun-shooting and blow-ups, which feature muzzle flashes, bullet hits, and fire gags that are home-computer level. But, at this point, let's just chuck all that into the mix and have a great time.


It's all wrapped up in a scant 82 minutes, which feels shorter because it's all so entertaining. Then the viewer is treated to the world's slowest end-credits crawl. You really have to see how slow this is to believe it. There's no shame whatsoever in having an 82 minute film. To us, that's a good thing and more movies should be that length. But it does appear the filmmakers were embarrassed by that for some reason. Either that or Tubi forced them to do it.


Joyous stupidity reigns supreme with Phoenix. We say watch it and have a great time.

Comeuppance Review by Ty and Brett

Also check out a write-up from our buddy, DTVC!
 

Female Fight Squad (2016)

 Female Fight Squad (2016)- * * *

AKA: Female Fight Club

Directed by: Miguel Angel Ferrer 

Starring: Amy Johnston, Dolph Lundgren, Sean Faris, Levy Tran, Courtney Palm, Rey Goyos, Folake Olowofoyeku, Jeanette Samano, and Chuck Zito

Rebecca "Bex" Holt (Johnston) just wants to leave her former life as an underground Punchfighter behind. She now works at Waggin' Tails animal pound and dreams of moving to another animal sanctuary in Africa. However, when she's approached by her wayward sister Kate (Palm), and she tells Bex that she owes evil Punchfighting promoter Landon Jones (Goyos) $125,000, Bex is forced into a tough spot. Moving from L.A. to Vegas to help Kate, she ends up training not just her, but her fellow female fighters Winter (Olowofoyeku), Lisa AKA Spring Roll (Tran), and Gaby (Samano). Meanwhile, Bex reconnects with figures from her former life, such as old flame Potter (Faris) and trainer Zeke (Zito). But on top of everything else, she must iron out the issues with her wrongfully-imprisoned father (Dolph). Can Bex train and punch her way out of all her personal issues and demons? Or will another approach be required? Find out today...


In the pantheon of like-minded films such as Fight Valley (2016) and Chokehold (2019), Female Fight Squad is perhaps best of the three. It's even on par with fellow Johnston outing Lady Bloodfight (2016). It's certainly a heck of a lot better than Brawler (2011). If you like any or all of the above titles, you'll most likely warm to FFS. The look of the film is professional-low budget, so it's no strain on the eyes. Johnston is well-cast for a number of reasons: her fighting moves are top notch, her acting is improving, and she legitimately looks like she could be Dolph's daughter.

There are some classic and much-loved cliches on display here: not only does Bex not want to fight but eventually does, so do the FFS not want to listen to her sage and masterly advice. They initially mock and ridicule her for some reason, but, of course, they come around to her way of thinking. It's all very reminiscent of Cynthia Rothrock in American Tigers (1996). The Punchfighting goes on in the back of an import/export warehouse, and the FFS are all a ragtag, multi-ethnic Benetton rainbow. Bex's boyfriend is played by noted Himbo Sean Faris. His status as a Himbo, first noticed in The King of Fighters (2010), remains unchanged here.


But going back to actors who have markedly improved, we have one of Chuck Zito's best roles we've seen to date. He practically steals the movie, just like he did with Redline (1995). But for slightly different reasons. Now, on to the Dolphiness of this outing. He's not in it all that much, but, to be fair, he's not the main character. Perhaps they shot this around the time of Riot (2015), because he was stuck in jail in that one too. He gets a nice fight scene and a handful of decent moments. To be even more fair to the Dolphster, even the gals of the FFS aren't in the movie as much as you'd think - and it's called Female Fight Squad! The focus, naturally enough, is on the Bex character and her struggles.


It all comes to a head as Bex has to fight her way to Landon Jones, and then there's the inevitable final showdown with him. It's here that the movie really shines and there should have been more of that sort of thing. That being said, it's all done in a slicker way than you might expect and the drama is not bad, if it is a bit standard. It would have been a cool addition if Jones had an evil underling (or two or three) that Bex had to fight her way through in order to get to the big boss. But, still and all, Female Fight Squad is solid and entertaining.


In the end, fans of Punchfighting, Dolph, and Amy Johnston will get the most out of this, and they - and others with adjacent interests - are encouraged to check it out.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Also check out a write-up from our buddy, DTVC!

Scarred City (1998)

Scarred City (1998)- * * *

Directed by: Ken Sanzel

Starring: Stephen Baldwin, Tia Carrere, Chuck Zito, and Chazz Palminteri

NYC cop John Trace (Baldwin) is very close to being On The Edge. Because of his trigger-happy style of policing, he is noticed by Lt. Laine Devon (Palminteri), the head of the SCAR Unit. The SCAR Unit is a super-secret sect within the police department that is more or less a vigilante-style execution squad that kills baddies with no remorse or consequences. Because John Trace is basically a good guy, he doesn't really fit in with the SCAR's rogue, and, at times, amoral ways.

When he saves the life of Candy (Carrere) during a SCAR raid on a Colombian drug lord's home, the two must go on the run because they're now a threat to this mostly-illegal operation. Now Trace's former compatriots are after him, and, as we've seen, they are relentless in their pursuit of who they deem is a threat. Will Trace and Candy ride off into the sunset...or will they be just two more victims of the SCARRED CITY?

Sort of Sudden Impact (1983) meets The Sweeper (1996), Scarred City is a pretty entertaining romp through the world of DTV police thrillers. One of the things that sets Scarred City apart from the other "rogue police unit" movies is that it gets right to the vigilante-ism. It doesn't make you wait like the other entries. It wants to get that going right out of the gate so it can concentrate on how Trace and Candy are going to figure out what to do next once the SCAR Unit is after them.

The movie never totally explained what SCAR stands for, but they did give us the first two letters - Selected Crime. The A and the R are apparently up for debate. Arrest Record? Able Resource? Acapulco Remoulade? We may never know. Well, it's not that important. But it does tie back into the title of the film, so you'd think they'd make it more clear. One of the alternate titles was Scar City, and there is indeed a scarcity of explanation about that. 

There is a lot of gun-shooting and a car chase. It's a Nu-Image movie but Charla Driver from PM was involved in the production. So it's something of a mix of the styles those production companies are known for. For a DTV movie from 1998 with Stephen Baldwin, it's a lot better than you might expect. There are some cool moments and the script is above average. 

Tia Carrere helps a lot. She sings two songs and she rises above what could have been the cliched "annoying sidekick along for the ride" role. We're grateful they didn't go down that road. Her character becomes a true partner to Trace and she does get in on the action. Baldwin and Palminteri reunite here after The Usual Suspects (1995) and it really shows how Hollywood is a funny place. 

One minute you're starring in a pretty much universally-beloved film with wide distribution, and the next, you're doing a low-budget cop movie with Chuck Zito as Guard #3. That's the magic of the DTV world, we suppose. That's why we'll keep bringing movies like this to light as long as we can.

Sometimes these late-90's DTV outings can get kind of dire, but Scarred City manages to set itself apart from the many lesser entries in the low budget, cop/shooting subgenre. If that sounds good to you, it's certainly worth checking out.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Red Line (1995)

Red Line (1995)- *1\2

Directed by: John Sjogren

Starring: Chad McQueen, Dom DeLuise, Michael Madsen, Jan-Michael Vincent, Roxana Zal, Corey Feldman, Robert Z'Dar, Julie Strain, and Chuck Zito

Jimmy (McQueen) is an auto mechanic and part-time stick-up man who uses the cars people drop off to speed away in after he finishes his petty heists. Despite the disapproval of his boss, Jerry (DeLuise), Jimmy ends up working for crime boss Keller (Vincent) as a driver. 

While doing this, a series of events occurs: He discovers the truth about Tony (Feldman) and Crystal (Strain) – the brother and wife respectively of rival crime boss Mr. Lawrence (Madsen), and he also gains possession of a special Corvette with a surprise inside. Even though Gene (Z’Dar), one of Keller’s goons, is on his trail, Jimmy manages to go on the run with Gem (Zal), who is escaping the clutches of her abusive boyfriend Dick (Zito). Is any of this making sense? Or, when it comes to seeing this movie, will you be drawing a RED LINE in the sand?

The Lone Tiger effect, as we call it, seems to be something we can never escape. Any time we see a cast list of this many B-Movie faces, it draws us in and proves impossible to resist. Yet again, sadly, we were disappointed. Despite the star power involved, Red Line just isn’t that…well…involving. 

One of the bright spots was the brief appearance of Dom DeLuise, who is just too talented to be hemmed in by a dire production like this. The supposed hero, Jimmy, is an unlikable criminal and he’s the guy we’re supposed to be rooting for? Evidently Chad McQueen thought so, as not only was he the star, he’s also credited with stunt driving, casting, and producing. He was really involved with this project, and while, on the whole, it’s probably a better movie than Money to Burn (1996) - produced by and starring a lot of the same people – it’s not as funny as MTB. But it’s about as dumb, so that equation doesn’t really work out well in the viewer’s favor. Most of Chad’s shirts have sleeves this time around, so it looks like our Chad is finally growing up. 

Jan-Michael Vincent’s grotesque appearance – apparently the result of a real-life car accident – only helps his character, but it’s all pretty unpleasant. Chuck Zito’s line readings are pure gold, and the presences of Robert Z’Dar and Julie Strain are always welcome. Even Joe Estevez and none other than Ron Jeremy have cameos. Corey Feldman wears a silly jacket and holds his gun sideways. Roxana Zal plays the inexplicably pretty car wash girl. What drew all these people to be in this substandard movie? Maybe director Sjogren has a lot of charisma. Frankly, we’re surprised Ian Jacklin isn’t involved. 

Ron Jeremy plays a gardener whose name is Gardner. So, that’s the level of intelligence on display here…but did you expect anything else going in? We, as viewers, have to wait a whopping 63 minutes until we get to Michael Madsen to be in the mix of this broth. But really, there are no surprises on show with Red Line. It’s a very long 90 minutes. It’s similar to Sjogren’s Strip N’ Run (2000), also starring Madsen.

There should have been scenes of Chad McQueen beating up the many goons the crime bosses send after him, or some such action setpieces. But aside from some driving stuff and a few mild blow-ups, the action factor is low. Just imagine No Man’s Land (1987) but with no Charlie Sheen, nothing really interesting happens, and there are boom mike shadows on the walls. This could have been a really easy fix: make the hero likable and give him goons to fight. Boom. Better movie. But no, sadly, Red Line opts for the stupider road less traveled (that’s less-traveled for a reason). 

In the end, despite the stellar cast, Red Line stalls out.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett

Bad Blood (1994)

Bad Blood (1994)-* * *1\2

Directed by: Tibor Takacs

Starring: Lorenzo Lamas, Joe Son, Hank Cheyne, Kimberly Kates, Frankie Thorn, Chuck Zito, Sigal Diamant, Cole S. McKay and Simon Rhee



"It's Killing Time."







Travis Blackstone (Lamas) is a man whose name tells you he means business.  He works in a salvage yard working on trucks and being as manly as humanly possible. Because he has a sweet side, he coaches little league in his spare time. The problem is, he used to be a cop, but when he destroyed evidence to protect his annoying brother Franklin (Cheyne), he went to prison and was kicked off the force. 

Now that pesky Franklin is at it again, owing five million dollars to an underground criminal syndicate populated by baddies Jimmy Chang (Son), Baggy (McKay), Lee (Rhee), and the sadistic enforcer Toots (Zito). As if all this wasn’t enough, Travis’ girlfriend Lindee (Kates) believes he is cheating on her with former love Rhonda (Thorn) so Lindee, in an unjustified act of female revenge, works with the baddies and helps them find Blackstone. Now the stage is set for the ultimate confrontation. Will Travis Blackstone clear up all the BAD BLOOD?

Lorenzo Lamas is truly the man we love to love. As far as we’re concerned, based on what we’ve been viewing lately (his 90’s action output), his star is in the ascendant. We believe he is underrated and underappreciated. He always has a cool quip, some cool Martial Arts moves, is handy with guns, and lest we forget his luxurious hair. What more can the man do to win you over? Here, every time he executes a cool move, there is a corresponding musical sting. Sure, his southern drawl may go in and out, but he pioneers the art of “Brickfighting” - and whether by accident or design, Travis Blackstone can defy gravity. Like how if you were on another planet, you would weigh much less, Travis seems to have less gravity in his body. Maybe he’s from another planet. Just check out the infamous “super jump” (Thank you to DTVC for the hotlink to the pic below) around 64 minutes into the movie. Plus, he’s equally adept at playing jazzy piano as he is beating up baddies at the drop of a hat.

Another nice thing about Bad Blood is its cast of B-movie names. A standout is Joe Son, who also appeared in Shootfighter (1993), Shootfighter 2 (1996), Bloodfist V (1994) and Army Of One (1993), among not too much else. Even though he’d been in a bunch of things we’d seen, it took until us viewing this to really notice him, but to be fair his part is more substantial here. 

Cole McKay finally gets a decently sized part after all his great stunt work, while Simon Rhee’s part is not too big. Cheyne was good casting as Lamas’ brother, that does certainly look possible. And we didn’t even mention John P. Ryan (of Avenging Force (1986) and Delta Force 2 (1990) fame as their father) and Sigal Diamant (who also appeared in Shootfighter and Army of One, as well as other Lamas vehicle Blood for Blood (1995). The list goes on and on! Also we noticed Gordon Hessler was second unit director, who is a great director in his own right, having done the Sho Kosugi movies Pray For Death (1985) and Rage of Honor (1987), as well as the underrated Out on Bail (1989).

The final warehouse shootout certainly gives Hard Target (1993) a run for its money, and the many goons allow Bad Blood to deliver the action goods. The heroic music booms as Lamas proceeds to kill everybody. Just like he did in Blood for Blood. It’s a toss-up as to whether Bad Blood or Blood for Blood is the better Blood Lamas movie - but let’s not forget there is an alternate edit for this movie under the title of Viper. From what we’ve been able to tell, they’re the same except for a sequence of a baddie killing a kid was removed from the Bad Blood edit. So there are no other major differences that we know about. But seeing as how only one character calls Travis “Viper” only once in the movie, perhaps all references to that being his name were taken out, but we don’t know that for sure.

Bad Blood is classic 90’s video-store action all the way and is a lot of fun to watch. We recommend it.

Comeuppance Review by Ty and Brett

Also check out reviews by our buddies DTVC and Cool Target!

Neon City (1991)

Neon City (1991)-* *1\2

Directed By: Monte Markham

Starring: Michael Ironside, Arsenio "Sonny" Trinidad, Creed Bratton, Vanity and Lyle Alzado




“Take a deep breath, it may be your last. Welcome to the year 2053!”








In the year 2053 the world is a post-apocalyptic wasteland. In this movie it is called “The Outland”, with a blatant disregard for the Sean Connery film of the same name. “The Outland” doesn’t have a lot of clean air or water. People are eating dogs for sustenance.

Enter Harry M. Stark (Ironside), a no-nonsense bounty hunter who looks like Jack Nicholson. His job is to bring Reno (Vanity) back to Neon City. He handcuffs himself to her because she is always escaping. There are so many outlaws in “The Outland” that one can collect “Red Star Credits” for bringing them to justice. What you can exchange these for aren’t explained. Is it like Skee Ball tokens or “Coconut Coins”?

The world may never know.

Luckily there is a bus going to Neon City. The movie never explains where they are and how long it takes to get to Neon City. The bus driver is named Bulk and he is played with aplomb by Lyle Alzado. As if the name “Bulk” wasn’t enough, he is nicknamed “The Killer Tomato” because “He crushes people’s heads as easily as an overripe tomato”. Bulk and Harry don’t get along at first because Bulk is an ex-con that Harry brought in.



Also going to Neon City in this bus are a bad stand-up comic looking for work, a sketchy doctor with a mullet, a spoiled rich girl and a woman who looks like Hillary Clinton. Riding shotgun with Bulk for most of the journey is a mysterious Asian man named Wing (Arsenio “Sonny” Trinidad)

Along the way there are many obstacles and pitfalls. Besides the obvious personality clashes, there are roving bands of killers dubbed “Skins”. They ride souped-up, broken down motorcycles if such a thing is possible. They are continuously chasing the bus and shooting at it. We don’t know why. Stark shoots back with a laser that makes a classic laser noise: “Pew! Pew!” The many chase sequences are very repetitive and strongly reminiscent of the “Orange Grove Chase” from the classic Cobra (1986).

Other dangers our heroes have to face include something called a “Zander Cloud” which is a poisonous cloud. It would make more sense if it was a “Zzand Cloud”. Similarly, there are some hot lights which are a silly menace that pads out the running time. Not to mention if they are so hot, why don’t they melt all the snow around the area?

They take a million breaks on the way to Neon City and they could have gotten there a lot faster. The importance to getting to Neon City is negated with all the breaks. One of the important breaks involves healing water that Harry and Reno take. It doesn’t make much sense.

After all those breaks, they finally get to Neon City which is just a “Neon Room” (No city is actually seen) They are welcomed into the room by none other than “The Office’s” Creed Bratton (Who was also a grip on the film). Already overlong at this point, after multiple endings Stark confronts his commanding officer (who is also evil) and is named “Jenkins”.

There are some twists as far as relationships are concerned: Will Stark and Reno stay enemies or become an item? Will that annoying comic get his comeuppance for selling poison to cave-dwelling burn victims? And will Bulk get his wife’s ring back from the “Skins”? and is Wing (once again played by Arsenio “Sonny” Trinidad) who he seems to be? All will be answered if you watch the entire thing.

Neon City closely resembles the recent box office smash The Book Of Eli (2010), obviously the Hughes Brothers closely studied this flick. Honestly, the movie is a Mad Max (1979) knockoff and scenes from it are ripped off wholesale.

Make sure to watch Neon City in the future!

Interesting side note: Fan favorite Chuck Zito did some stunt work on the film.

Comeuppance Review by Ty and Brett

Money To Burn (1996)

Money To Burn (1996) -*1\2

AKA: Squanderers

Directed By: John Sjogren

Starring: Chad McQueen, Don Swayze, Joe Estevez, Chuck Zito and Julie Strain






"They have the money and the guts to spend it!" - the tagline (that should indicate the level of intelligence at work here).




"Money To Burn" is dumb...really dumb. It makes Beavis and Butthead look like Masterpiece Theatre.

The plot is minimal: Two mentally-challenged pals named John and Scott (McQueen and Swayze...by that I mean Chad and Don) come across some illegal money from some bad guys. Lt. Ford (Estevez) is watching some surveillance footage of a bank heist and stays in the same room for most of the movie, looking at the same bit of video, which is repetitive and maddening at the same time. Even the presence of the "wacky" security guard can't save these unending sequences.

John and Scott go on a spending spree which takes up most of the movie. They buy guitars at Guitar Center and at least one other shopper stares at them and smiles as they "rock out", as if to say, "you guys are some wicked awesome dudes and you totally rock"...seemingly unaware these are some of the biggest dum-dums alive. 

A further example of this, as if one was needed, is that when Scott's Grandma inquires about their doings, they say, REPEATEDLY, "It's for a school project". It is not explained what type of project, not to mention what type of school, these two sub-literate dirtbags in their mid-thirties were admitted to.

They buy some hot cars, a mansion in Malibu and they naturally do what any nouveau-riche do: ride their BMX bikes in the pool. This scene of bike-pool riding represents their newfound decadence and how blissfully unaware they are of EVERYTHING, not the least of which is that the baddies are closing in and they have guns. The problem is, you don't really care if Scott and John get shot, in fact you're kind of banking on it.

McQueen and Swayze play dumb a little TOO well. I mean, they're supposed to be dumb, but, come on. Is there really any joy in watching a movie with characters and situations that are this dumb? Only the viewer can decide. But watching Money To Burn is a great way to lose brain cells without the use of drugs or alcohol.

The front of the VHS box loudly states "MCQUEEN-SWAYZE-ESTEVEZ", conveniently leaving out the first names in a bold faced attempt to trick the viewing public. However, it could be said that this movie brings shame on these famous Hollywood families. Even the appearance of Chuck Zito and the brief appearance of Julie Strain can't save this disaster of dumbness.

Yes, we ACTUALLY watched "Money To Burn". For all its flaws, and they are many, for some reason, it IS entertaining, and provides some great unintentional "laffs".

Squander your time with this classic tonight.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett