The Substitute (1996)

The Substitute (1996)- * *1\2

Directed by: Robert Mandel

Starring: Tom Berenger, Ernie Hudson, Glenn Plummer, Raymond Cruz, William Forsythe, Marc Anthony, Diane Venora, Richard Brooks, Cliff DeYoung, Willis Sparks, and Luis Guzman

“Don’t cry, sit down and have a shrimp roll” - Shale

Shale (Berenger) is a Vietnam vet and mercenary. He has a team of mercenary buddies that he does missions with – Rem (Guzman), Wellman (Brooks), the reliable Joey (Cruz), and the unhinged Hollan (Forsythe). After having gone through hell and back during numerous wars and dangerous escapades, nothing can prepare them for the most threatening and perilous mission yet – high school!

When Shale’s love interest Jane (Venora) is attacked in true Nancy Kerrigan-Tonya Harding fashion, Shale does the only logical thing – he goes undercover as her substitute while she’s out convalescing. Unfortunately for Shale, the school is a chaotic jungle of drugs, gangs, bad language and tardiness. Principal Claude Rolle (Hudson) seems to be doing his best, but a gang called the Kings of Destruction rule the school. KOD (not to be confused with “Youth of the Nation” band POD) is led by Juan Lacas  (Anthony), so Shale, now teaming up with not just his merc buddies but also some teachers and a few of the better students, try to get to the bottom of all the criminality going on at that particular Miami high school. Will the baddies succeed, or will they graduate from SHALE University? Find out today…

The Substitute is a movie that was a popular enough rental on VHS that it spawned three sequels to date, and in our minds remains tied to the video store era. It almost feels like cheating for us to re-watch it on DVD (never mind Blu-Ray), but it’s hard to resist the inexpensive DVD collection that compiles all four Substitute movies for one low price. It has a junkier, grainier look than we remembered from those golden days when we chose it from among the many options at our local video store. It’s also significantly longer than we remembered – at almost two hours, it’s unnecessarily lengthy. But, then again, it did play in theaters, and “theater movies” always think they have to be longer than they need to be. Needless to say, this would never make it to the theater today.

If you take all the “bad school” movies that have been with us for such a long time – everything from Blackboard Jungle (1955), to The Principal (1987), Class of 1984 (1982), Class of 1999 (1990), Dangerous Minds (1995), Detention (2003), and, of course Class of 1999 II: The Substitute (1994), not forgetting the parody of such films, High School High (1996), and amalgamate them, and add some “Mercenary Humor”, you get The Substitute. One thing the aforementioned movies don’t have, of course, are Tom Berenger’s stunning purple shorts. Or Raymond Cruz’s man bun. He was quite ahead of the current man bun trend. We think that’s what The Substitute will really be remembered for.

Sure, there’s a lot of silly dialogue, a couple of brain-numbing action scenes, and your typical 35-year-old teenagers, and that’s all well and good, but sadly there’s some bathroom humor, mostly typified by the character of Wolfson (De Young). Just why an overlong movie felt it had the time to include bathroom-humor scenes remains a frustrating question. That aside, the library scene is a winner, even though you have to wait almost an hour to get there. The presence of Marc Anthony as Lacas makes you understand why J. Lo fell so madly in love with him. One thing you have to give The Substitute is that the cast is really strong, with plenty of names/faces we all know and love. Although, not to be mean, Berenger looks a little chunky to be a mercenary in fighting-fit shape. Maybe that’s why he didn’t return for the sequels and the great Treat Williams took his place. Or perhaps we should say substituted for him. Sorry about that, but I guess we have substitutions on the brain, as this movie teaches us that the practice of substituting solves all of life’s problems.

Finally, special mention should go out to one Willis Sparks as the character of John Janus. He was a competing mercenary who even had a truly awesome “mercenary demo reel”, which was unquestionably a movie highlight. (It ought to be; Janus informed us that it was created by a guy who normally does “rock videos”). Janus’s demo reel should have been this movie. Or it at least should have spun off into a movie of its own. It would have done in the 80’s, but by this point we were firmly entrenched in the 90’s, so, consequently there was no John Janus spinoff movie. Too bad.

At this point in our nation’s history, The Substitute has attained “Video Store Classic” status, so anyone who remembers it from that time will appreciate it still, but to be honest it’s not without some significant flaws. In other words, it’s no Substitute 3: Winner Takes All (1999), that much we can tell you.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

The Last Marshal (1999)

The Last Marshal (1999)-* * *

Directed by: Mike Kirton

Starring: Scott Glenn, Constance Marie, Raymond Cruz, Randall Batinkoff, Vincent Castellanos, Lisa Boyle, Ralph Wilcox, Wayne Duvall, and William Forsythe








Cole McCleary (Glenn) is a tough, racist, hard-drinkin’, hard-fightin’ and hard-swearin’ Texas Deputy Marshal. Naturally, his superiors and colleagues don’t approve of his rogue ways. They seem to be oblivious to the fact that he always gets results. When super-evil bad guy Torres (Castellanos) and his “weak link” partner T-Boy (Cruz) do some REALLY bad stuff and abscond to Miami, Cole follows them.

Now a complete fish out of water, this throwback of a Texas lawman must contend with a multi-racial environment and a lot of bright colors and upbeat people. He’s NOT happy about this. His new partner is Jamie (Batinkoff), a young, hip dude who Cole doesn’t really take a shine to. It turns out the criminal mastermind behind all the murder, drugs, kidnappings and probably a lot of other things is DeClerc (Forsythe). Cole must take down the evil empire in his own way - as well as get involved with Rosa (Marie) in a romantic relationship, showing he may have a soft spot after all.

Scott Glenn is simply awesome in his role as Cole. He’s completely believable as the old-school Texas badass who hates everyone in equal measure. He’s grizzled and plays by his own rules. You should watch this movie for his performance alone. Sure, towards the middle of the film there’s some unnecessary justifications/psychological explanations for his ways, but you kind of HAVE to do that, and it doesn’t take long. One of the more interesting aspects of The Last Marshal is how true it is to its title - Cole truly is the last of a dying breed, and a man out of time. The movie should have explored this aspect just a little bit more - how no-nonsense enforcers like Cole are slowly being replaced by pretty boys who are just prissy and ineffectual.

Speaking of the title, it is misspelled in the film. Director Kirton (also responsible for the Forsythe vehicle Strike Force 2003, and who has an extensive stunt background) finds some good locales - from the Texas-set opening of the film, to the Miami “Steak n’ Strip”, a combination steakhouse and strip joint, one of the most macho eateries we’ve yet seen on film. Kirton scores big points for releasing such a politically incorrect (for the most part) film in 1999. In fact, except for the music, this movie could have been made in the 80’s.

We can’t forget William Forsythe with his “German” accent and his sidekick Sunny (Boyle). He and his goons certainly raise a high bar for pure evilness. But Cole only wants the goons. He’s not interested in solving every single problem in life. Just the ones that came to his Texas turf and ruined his day.  The Last Marshal has DTV violence and fun cliches in equal measure. Just check out the classic-of-all-classic Black yelling police chief Lukowski (Wilcox).

What the world needs now, more than ever before, is Cole McCleary.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett

Brothers In Arms (2005)

Brothers In Arms (2005)-* *1\2
 
Directed by: Jean-Claude La Marre

Starring: David Carradine, Kurupt, Raymond Cruz, and Ed Lauter













Brothers In Arms is a decent "urban" western. The plot is about two brothers and his gang of thieves who plan to rob a bank. The only things that stand in their way are: The Kurupt town governor Driscoll (Carradine) and his bounty hunters.

The movie is fast-paced but the bank robbery scene\aftermath is almost half the movie and because of that there is some repetition in the dialogue.


The performances are okay. The standouts are Raymond Cruz as the Reverend and David Carradine as Driscoll. Ed Lauter and Kurupt stand around for most of the film. The gunfights could also use some improvement. When the ending comes it stops being an action movie and starts being a drama, which works actually.

In the end: Besides some minor problems, Brothers In Arms is still worth watching.




Comeuppance review by: Ty