Critical Mass (2001)

Critical Mass (2001)- *1\2

Directed by: Fred Olen Ray

Starring: Treat Williams, Lori Loughlin, Andrew Prine, David "Shark" Fralick and Udo Kier

Mike Jeffers (Treat) is a humble security guard at the San Miguel nuclear power plant. When the self-serving, vain Senator Cook (Prine) and his press secretary, Janine (Loughlin) arrive at the plant with a camera crew in tow for a tour of the plant, Jeffers is put in charge of said tour. There’s only one problem with the Senator’s jaunt – the arrival of a gang of international terrorists led by Samson (Kier) and his second in command, Rand (Fralick). They threaten to blow up the plant if their demands aren’t met. Naturally, that means Jeffers and Janine have to try, against all odds, to save the day. With no help from Washington, our heroes are alone in the face of overwhelming odds. Will they triumph, or will all of the sheer stupidity on show reach CRITICAL MASS?

Another day, another “DieHardInA” movie. These Die Hard (1988) knockoffs are so common in the DTV world, even ones set at nuclear power plants are a cottage industry unto themselves. For a more complete list of them, please see our Sudden Death (1995) review. This particular run-through of the classic Die Hard scenario is probably most similar to Deadly Outbreak (1995) and the Jerry Trimble outing Stranglehold (1994). It even borrows (?) the plot device of having a politician visit the facility before it’s taken hold of by the baddies. While we’re not entirely sure if director Fred Olen Ray saw Stranglehold, he’s certainly not afraid of borrowing ideas. Or footage.

It seemed to be common practice, starting in the early 2000’s as DTV movies started to go downhill, for filmmakers to borrow footage from other movies, particularly the bigger setpieces the lower budget versions couldn’t afford. It happened in Rangers (2000), it happened in Gale Force (2002), it happened in Extreme Limits (2000), and now it’s happening here. Anyone who has seen Terminator 2 (1991) or Universal Soldier (1992) will know when those scenes are intermixed with the more recently-shot stuff. Samson and his fellow baddies even steal their nuclear material from Cyberdyne Systems. Did they have to get permission to use that name? Isn’t that copyrighted material? Nevertheless, old footage of people shooting guns and blowing up stuff is interpolated with new footage of people shooting guns and blowing up stuff. Think of Fred Olen Ray as a bartender and here he’s making a cinematic Shandy. 

We love Udo Kier (or Udo Dirkschneider, or anyone named Udo), and he does his best, but of course he plays the typical Eurotrash baddie with an accent that means he’s evil. Just as Christopher Plummer did in Crackerjack (1994) or as pretty much any baddie has in any Die Hard knockoff. So that cliché remains unchanged. As has the “he’s just the security guard!” cliché, modified from Under Siege (1992) and its “he’s just the chef!” line of thinking.

Besides Critical Mass’s stubborn and out-and-out refusal to come up with any remotely original ideas, the main problem, really, is that it is repetitive and very, very dumb. Halfway through the movie you feel like you’ve been watching it for four hours because you’ve seen this type of movie so many times before in your life. It just starts to pile on at about that point. Even the great and mighty Treat Williams can’t salvage things. No one’s bigger Treat fans than us. He’s charming, likable, and a very capable hero. He’s even from the great state of Connecticut. But despite all that, Critical Mass’s monolithic wall of stupidity is just too all-encompassing for even Treat to surmount. 

We were happy to see Lori Loughlin on board, and this is certainly a departure from Full House, and the other character actors are quite good, but come on…ANOTHER “DieHardInA”? We would say to the filmmakers churning out this crud: Give us, as viewers, a little more credit. Don’t you think we’re tired of the same-old same-old? Don’t you think we can handle something a little more challenging; something with a tad bit of originality? Are we really supposed to be going back to the same old slop again and again? On the bright side, though, the key to Samson’s world domination and nuclear supremacy looks like the inanimate carbon rod from that episode of The Simpsons.

Sadly, despite the actors that are on board who put forth their best, Critical Mass is a dud. It’s a prime example that DTV was out of its glory days of the 80’s and 90’s and had entered its period of doldrums.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett 

Double Deception (2001)

Double Deception (2001)-*

Directed by: Shundo Ohkawa

Starring: Louis Mandylor, James Russo, Rei Kikukawa, Maya Hoshino, Udo Kier, and Joe Estevez












Luke Campbell (Mandylor, not the guy from 2 Live Crew) is a bodyguard hired to protect Lisa Ozaki (Kikukawa), the daughter of a wealthy Japanese businessman. Due to a recent spate of kidnappings perpetrated by the evil Snake (Russo), Mr. Ozaki hired a lookalike named Maria (Hoshino) to confuse the kidnappers and keep his daughter safe. However, when a two million dollar ransom is at stake, things get very confusing indeed as allegiances and alliances change and shift, while Luke and Lisa go on the run. Will this kidnapping plot go as planned?

Double Deception is a junky, low-budget film that feels low budget. Many times, thanks to quality acting and writing, movies can overcome a lack of funds. Unfortunately, that is not the case here. There are plenty of stupid fights and chases, and some amazingly moronic dialogue thus making this movie a tough sit. It’s a standard plot that you’ve seen before, but this time there are Japanese actors with extremely thick accents that are hard to understand. The quality of the tape is muffled and there’s plenty of wooden acting on top of that. So, from an audio standpoint, there’s a lot to be desired.

From the minute, early on in the movie, when we see some baddies with those cheap plastic glow-in-the-dark Jason-style hockey masks, it’s easy to see there’s trouble brewing. Udo Kier seems to take things somewhat seriously, but it’s hard to tell as his role is basically a cameo and is nothing more than an all-too-brief walk-on role. Same thing with Joe Estevez. It’s hard to believe this is the second time we’re saying this, but: This movie needed more Joe Estevez! Apparently he’s more important to the structural integrity of movies than we heretofore believed.

There’s a guy in the movie that’s like a stupider Gary Busey, and there’s plenty of 90’s-style high-waisted pants, and a large dose of “90’s tech” cell phones. It’s hard to believe this movie came out in ‘01. It feels more mid-90’s. Rei Kikukawa is attractive, but she should have been subtitled. It would have been more coherent and possibly some entertainment value could have been gained from her trying to communicate with Louis Mandylor. As it is now, Double Deception suffers from a lack of just about everything, with cohesiveness being the main casualty.

It’s hard to imagine anyone renting this in a video store back in the day, but here it is. We can safely say, this movie exists. That’s pretty much all there is to say.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty