Omega Cop (1990)

Omega Cop (1990)-* * *

Directed By: Paul Kyriazi

Starring: Ron Marchini, Stuart Whitman, Troy Donahue, D.W. Landingham, Chuck Katzakian, Francisco Ramirez, and Adam West





"The year is 1999...John Travis is the toughest cop alive...he is the ONLY cop alive!"







Starting with some very funny Adam West narration about global warming (written by West himself), we are first introduced to the crazy world of John Travis (Marchini), whose saga even extends to another movie, Karate Cop (1991).



Travis is part of a team of aptly-named "Special Police" run by Prescott (West). They patrol the post-apocalyptic wasteland while listening to incredibly catchy Beach Boys-type songs, and fight the scavs, who are homeless baddies. When called to break up an auction of slave women (Marchini must have a fetish for bondage as he himself is tied up in both this film and Forgotten Warrior), his team, including a guy who resembles a bulked-up Dave Coulier, are shot and killed. Thus leaving Travis as...wait for it...THE ONLY COP ALIVE!

Travis's trademark weapon is a bunch of pipes barely held together by electrical tape, meant to be some sort of multi-barreled shotgun. He is put in charge of the safety of two women, causing him to say in his trademarked deadpan monotone: "I feel like Mother Goose." Their hideout is a baseball dugout, which is apparently immune from radiation of any kind. Travis's goal is to defeat the dastardly Wraith (Chuck Katzakian, the head crime boss in Death Machines) and try to bring the girls to Montana where there is apparently fresh air and water. Will Travis succeed or die trying?



If you printed the word "silly" onto a piece of film, it wouldn't be nearly as silly as Omega Cop. The scavs have funny, nonsensical makeup and Wraith looks 75 years old, and is draped in leather. A major plot point in the movie is Travis's hat. He spies a punk scav wearing his "Special Police" cap and says: "That-guy-has-my-hat". (Remember the monotone.)



For some reason Troy Donahue and Stuart Whitman are on hand to class up the movie, but in actuality, are further muddying their careers. One feels especially bad for Whitman, in his role as a doctor. He is forced to wear ridiculous makeup and spout inane dialogue about the environment.

Like Mickey Rooney in Maximum Force (1992) and Joe Estevez in Money To Burn (1996), Adam West never leaves his one room set. He never talks to Marchini face-to-face.

West's one-roomer is welcome but the movie could've used more West antics. He says he can't leave the room because of "Solar Flares". Very convenient. His bolo tie and mullet are not enough.

Omega Cop is a supremely wacky, fun, bizarre, Marchini triumph for the ages!

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett

Death Machines (1976)

Death Machines (1976)-* * *

Directed by: Paul Kyriazi

Starring: Ron Marchini, Chuck Katzakian, Michael Chong, Joshua Johnson, and Eric Lee










"Nothing and Nobody can stop them!"



"The Death Machines" are three men that dress in black and work for an Oriental woman with big hair. They know Kung-Fu and many other ways to kill. Also it is basically impossible to kill them. They are almost supernatural.

They are going around town killing gangsters in funny ways. Most notably, crushing a guy in a phone booth with a bulldozer. The head gangster meets with the Oriental lady and tries to convince her to have the Death Machines (or DM's for short) stop killing his men.

Soon there is a big brawl in a karate studio where the DM's kill everybody except one man who loses his hand in the fight. While in the hospital, he begins a romance with the nurse taking care of him. He then vows to get revenge on the Death Machines. Also, two detectives are assigned to the case to see what the heck is going on.

Could this be Ron Marchini's greatest role ever? The only thing he "says" in the movie is when he screams "Raaaaaa!!!" like a banshee. Other than that, it is a totally silent performance. He lets his ballet-like karate moves do all the talking. Marchini has never been more light on his feet and graceful. His Ron-Fu really shines in this effort.




There are a lot of great 70's suits and mustaches, and the keyboard soundtrack really stands out. There are some fun brawls and action sequences, including a scene with a certain fan-favorite weapon: a rocket launcher.

A memorable scene occurs when Marchini just wants to sit in a diner and very slowly eat his hamburger. Without any provocation on Marchini's part, a bunch of sleazy and crude bikers hassle him by calling him "Tarz'n" repeatedly. On the soundtrack there is a song about the holy trinity and then all three Death Machines kick into action and beat up all the bikers. Funnily enough, there is a biker who wears a jean jacket with no shirt underneath, and only the bottom snap is holding it all together.

Another worthy beat-em-up scene involves the guy with one hand (his one glove pre-dates Michael Jackson) and some local toughs who just want to trash their local watering hole. After turning over some tables and smashing the front window to pieces for no apparent reason, he punches Hand-man and he lies on the bar unconscious. There is a fountain behind him and it appears that the water is being spurted out his nose. His girlfriend comforts him, but the scene is very comical.



When the movie finally ends, there is an always-welcome freeze frame. But in a shocking twist, it overstays its welcome. There are no end credits at all, but the freeze frame is there for about the same length as the credits would be. So it is a very, very long shot of the Death Machines in their spiffy suits.

Interestingly, the trailer makes it seem like it is a futuristic sci-fi thriller. What it is, is a very fun, ridiculous, silly action-packed drive-in flick 70's style.

If you have any appreciation for this kind of movie, you will be sure to love "Death Machines"!


Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty