The President's Man (2000)

The President's Man (2000)- * * *

Directed by: Eric Norris

Starring: Chuck Norris, Dylan Neal, Soon-Teck Oh, Jennifer Tung, and Stuart Whitman

Joshua McCord (Chuck) is just a simple college professor who teaches the ancient art of Bushido to young punks who look like Frankie Muniz. Or is he? McCord's secret, other life is that he's THE PRESIDENT'S MAN - a highly-trained Delta Force/Special Ops-style commando warrior who has as his special mission to get the President and his wife out of trouble.

When a Brazilian terrorist group named the People's Liberation Army kidnaps Mrs. President and demands 100 million dollars and high-powered weaponry, McCord swoops in to save the day. But he worries that he's getting on in years and that he may have to pass the torch to a President's Man, Jr. After an extensive search, he and his partner Que (Tung) settle upon Sgt. Deke Slater (Neal), a cocky badass/hunk. McCord then seeks the advice of his aging mentor, George Williams (Whitman), and then the extensive training begins.

It turns out they're going to need it, because McCord's old nemesis from 'Nam, General Vinh Tran (Oh), is now in South America and looking to get into the drug trade. The baddies have kidnapped a scientist and his family and is forcing the poor guy to make nuclear weapons for them. But Slater, Que, and McCord are on the case...can they rescue the family and at the same time settle the score with Tran? Find out today!

If you read our review for Logan's War: Bound By Honor (1998), a lot of what we said in that review applies here, because that movie and this are both quite similar. They're both late 90's/early 2000's TV movies produced by Norris Brothers Entertainment for the CBS network and shot in and around the Dallas, Texas area. They seem like extended versions of the classic Walker: Texas Ranger TV show. What might surprise you, however, is how entertaining these movies are. They're not nearly as "bad" as some wags out there say they are. They provide good action, amusing dialogue, and are Chuck all the way. They're even better than some of Chuck's earlier output.



How The President's man differs from Logan's War is that President's Man is more James Bond-esque. Joshua McCord is like a Texas-Fried Bond who gets into a lot of high-flying adventures. There's even a horn-based musical sting that might sound a little familiar. There's even a special room in Chuck's compound for high-tech anti-baddie gadgetry.

There are not one but two extensive training montages as McCord and Que show their new recruit the ropes. The training sequences are set to patriotic country music, as you might expect. More than just Martial Arts and target shooting, there is an alarming amount of gymnastics involved in becoming the President's Man. It was almost Gymkata-esque. To be fair, it does kind of pay off during the Prerequisite Torture scene with Slater, but still, at times we weren't sure if they were training a soldier or Mary Lou Retton.

Maybe we're biased because we saw Logan's War first, but Dylan Neal is no Eddie Cibrian. I know that's controversial and might ruffle some feathers, but, there, I said it. And I'm not ashamed. He's very similar, however, and the plot idea where Chuck trains a new recruit who looks like a soap opera hunk will invariably remind you of Logan's War.

Some further noteworthy aspects of The President's Man include the fact that evil Vietnamese generals have teamed up with Colombian drug lords, and some of the Colombian drug baddies know "Colombian Kung Fu", a funny form of Martial Arts. For a TV movie, there are more neck snaps than you might expect. Also there seems to be a lot of stock footage interpolated into the film in entertaining ways, and the sounds that arise when someone gets punched or kicked sound like Alex Van Halen's snare drum hits. In other words, they're extraordinarily loud.

If you're looking to embark on seeing Chuck's later TV movie career, The President's Man is a fine place to start. Logan's War would do the trick as well. It's recommended for people that have explored every other aspect of Chuck's career and are seeking out more of his output. There's also a sequel, so watch out for that.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Moving Target (1988)

Moving Target (1988)- * * *

Directed by: Marius Mattei

Starring: Linda Blair, Janine Lindemulder, Charles Pitt, Kurt Woodruff, Stuart Whitman, Gabriella Giorgelli, and Ernest Borgnine




“Someone’s shootin’ at us!” - Van Driver








When her boyfriend is shot in the head by a mysterious assailant dressed in black leather and wearing a motorcycle helmet, the beautiful Allison Spencer (Lindemulder) goes on the run. After suffering some form of amnesia after the boyfriend-shooting incident, she ends up going to live with a man who may or may not be related to her - tennis star Perry Spencer (Pitt). This is to the dismay of Perry’s girlfriend, Dr. Sally Tyler (Blair), who initially treated Allison. Meanwhile, Captain Morrison  (Borgnine) and his awesome partner (Woodruff) are trying to solve the case of the dead boyfriend, the girl with amnesia and the armed killer stalking the streets of Miami. He’s also trying to figure out how the gangster Joe Frank (what? No Reynolds?) (Whitman) plays into this whole scenario. What will happen?

This particular Moving Target (not to be confused with the Dudikoff or Don The Dragon movies of the same name) is total video store shelf-filler of the highest (or possibly lowest?) order. The 80’s were an amazing time when all you had to do was corral a few stars, such as Ernest Borgnine, Linda Blair and Stuart Whitman, guarantee them a paycheck, and then, voila, your movie is in video stores across America and the world. It was a unique time never to be repeated - a world in which Borgnine, Blair, and Janine Lindemulder could appear in a scene together and nobody bats an eyelash. 

There’s no question that the camera loves Janine, and Moving Target, if it’s nothing else, is an unabashed celebration of her beauty. While she’s credited as Janine Linde (perhaps someone thought the “Mulder” was too much for audiences to wrap their heads around...which is ironic considering the popularity of the X-Files shortly thereafter in the 90’s), fans who didn’t know she had a pre-porn acting career need to check out this movie.

So when director Marius Mattei put all his eggs in the B-star basket, he forgot to concentrate on just about everything else that directors normally concentrate on. While less forgiving viewers might condemn Moving Target for being shoddy and incoherent, we truly celebrate the priceless line readings and actor reactions Mattei captures. 

You know you’re in for something special when the movie starts with a meatheaded moron in a leopard-print speedo chasing Janine around an apartment. It then goes to a TV news reporter named Billie Cody (Giorgelli) who can barely speak English. Surely when she was hired at the TV station, her bosses figured the best way to win the trust of audiences is to get a reporter with an impenetrable Italian accent. You see it all the time. Not to mention her cameraman Chico, who wears some seriously rad necklaces. Then we go to Stuart Whitman in a tracksuit (shades of Bo Svenson in The Kill Reflex?) and that brings us to our “hero”, Perry...

Perry now runs a tennis school named Perry Spencer’s Tennis Clinic, which apparently does well - well enough to keep him in Veryfine juice, anyway - but they only have one tarp sign advertising the place. He dresses in tennis whites ALL the time, and his remote control-handling skills give Marion Cobretti a run for his money. He has amazing shorts. He doesn’t really have a finished haircut, it’s more of an asymmetrical hair pile. It’s easy to see why Allison is so attracted to him.

As for the music, it helps the movie: the opening tune, “One More Try” by Dee Lewis helps set the mood and the “totally 80’s” vibe. The main keyboard theme of the film sounds suspiciously like “Separate Ways (Worlds Apart)” and you think at any moment you might hear an anguished Steve Perry do his trademark “Ohhhhhhhh!!!!!” Well, someday love will find you. That seems to be the message of Moving Target, after all. 

Hurting the movie is the fact that Perry is supposed to be the hero, when it should have been Borgnine’s partner, who exudes cool from every pore. The man was totally snubbed. Helping the movie is the time-honored disco scene, and the constantly naked Janine, including some pre-Baywatch slow motion beach running.

Moving Target isn’t likely to be appreciated by too many people - but they’ve got to be out there. VHS junkies should try giving this movie some love.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Ransom (1977)

Ransom (1977)-* *

Directed by: Richard Compton

Starring: Oliver Reed, Stuart Whitman, Deborah Raffin, Paul Koslo, Jim Mitchum












Near Phoenix, Arizona, there’s a small town with the highest concentration of millionaires living there. When a psychopath in full Native American regalia (Koslo) sets up shop there and begins killing people with his bow and arrow, the townspeople soon realize he’s going to continue sniping people from long distances until he gets the millions of dollars he’s requesting.  So naturally Oliver Reed, Stuart Whitman and Jim Mitchum are called in to use their manliness to put an end to the madness. Will they succeed?

“Give me back my son!!!!!!”...is what you won’t be hearing in this tame, mediocre outing. Once again we’ve fallen prey to what we call “Lone Tiger Syndrome” - that being where we see a movie because of its stellar cast, and then are disappointed because many familiar B-movie names do not necessarily a good movie make. 

Fan favorite Jim Mitchum is decent as the cowboy Vietnam vet Tracker (great name) but he doesn’t get enough screen time to develop his character, a common problem in these “star-studded” affairs. We also love Oliver Reed, but, inexplicably, he resembles Jerry Lewis in the scenes where he wears sunglasses. A lot of his dialogue concerns his drink orders. We’ll leave it at that.

Stuart Whitman is always a professional, and Deborah Raffin of Death Wish 3 (1985) fame is onboard as the classic (and pretty cliche) female reporter. The standout character, once again, is Paul Koslo as the baddie. He strongly resembles Kurt Russell, and does a great job (not quite as great as his turn in The Annihilators 1985, but once again, he actually had screen time in that one).

While there are a handful of okay kill scenes and maybe a few chases (and one exploding helicopter), this movie is filled with, well...filler, and the whole outing is stodgy, kind of like The Hit Team (1971). The movie doesn’t fulfill the potential of the cast, and it’s just not exciting enough. 

The killer Indian should have had some goons, but perhaps the budget couldn’t allow for them because all the stars had to be paid first. Yet again we come back to the fact that there’s no one, singular character we care about. It’s all kind of a jumble with the multiple characters. Sure, Koslo tells his enemies they have to “pay the wind”, which is a precursor to Red Scorpion 2 (1994), but sadly the proceedings are slow and yawn-inducing.

As for the tape itself...no one sings the praises of Vestron more than we do, but they botched this one. It’s a horribly obvious pan-and-scan disgrace. They make it seem like the camera is resting on the seat of an exercise rowing machine that someone is tipping up, then tipping back. 

At least they used one of the more accurate of this movie’s many titles. Most of the others make it seem like it’s going to be a horror movie of some kind. If you do ever check this movie out, unfortunately we recommend NOT to view the Vestron tape.

Featuring the song “Victor’s Theme: Shoot Him” by none other than Roger McGuinn and Patrick Ferrell, Ransom leaves a lot to be desired. We’ve certainly seen a lot worse, but we wish the powerhouse cast would have done something more worthy of their talents.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Private Wars (1993)

Private Wars (1993)-* * *1\2

Directed by: John Weidner

Starring: Steve Railsback, Dan Tullis Jr., Michael Champion, Holly Floria, Vince Murdocco Michael Delano, James Lew, and Stuart Whitman

Jack Manning (Railsback) is a cop who works the seedy streets of Hollywood. Because he plays by his own rules, he is kicked off the force for insubordination. After eight years, he has hit the skids and has become a raging alcoholic. He's also a private investigator. When the local 'hood starts being terrorized by the local hoods, Manning's old cop buddy Mo (Tullis Jr.) seeks his services. It turns out these aren't random street assaults, but a conspiracy that goes all the way to the top. The top being the prerequisite evil land developer Winters (Whitman). He's sending the aforementioned punks to drive out the locals because he wants the property. But can Manning clean up the community - and his own life - before it's too late?

Private Wars is pure PM enjoyability at its finest. It has all the classic PM stuntwork we all know and  love - whether the action scene in question has to be there or not. At the flimsiest setup, action ensues. You gotta love it. And the fact that it's all spearheaded by Steve Railsback makes it all the more interesting. Whether oddly cast as an action hero or not, try to imagine Anthony Perkins as a "I'm gonna clean up this town" - style sheriff who drinks heavily and inexplicably has almost superhuman fighting abilities and you might get the picture. 

Throw in a huge dose of The Annihilators (1985) and you have a comic-booky staple of the Fighting Back (1982)-style "Take the Neighborhood Back!" movie that was so prevalent at the time. And while Ronnie is the love interest with the Christina Applegate-like good looks, special marks must go to Dan Tullis Jr. as Mo. His wonderful performance steals the movie. It should also be noted that Michael Delano and Vince Murdocco are on board as well, which adds to the fun.

But the baddies are great too. Especially James Lew as Winters' bodyguard. But the street punks are so great - they strut around town with their boomboxes against their ear (I guess iPods have eliminated this practice) and listen to NWA-like rap music.

It's important to point out that there is a large dose of humor in Private Wars, as exemplified by the "mercenary casting" scene. You'll know it when you see it. It's definitely a highlight of not only this movie, but of the whole PM canon that we've seen to date. What's great is that, whether by accident or design, this movie is so outrageously unrealistic it's hilarious and a genuine treat to watch.

Private Wars deserves better recognition. It's entertaining, funny, and a good time will be had by all who see it. Who could ask for more?

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett

Omega Cop (1990)

Omega Cop (1990)-* * *

Directed By: Paul Kyriazi

Starring: Ron Marchini, Stuart Whitman, Troy Donahue, D.W. Landingham, Chuck Katzakian, Francisco Ramirez, and Adam West





"The year is 1999...John Travis is the toughest cop alive...he is the ONLY cop alive!"







Starting with some very funny Adam West narration about global warming (written by West himself), we are first introduced to the crazy world of John Travis (Marchini), whose saga even extends to another movie, Karate Cop (1991).



Travis is part of a team of aptly-named "Special Police" run by Prescott (West). They patrol the post-apocalyptic wasteland while listening to incredibly catchy Beach Boys-type songs, and fight the scavs, who are homeless baddies. When called to break up an auction of slave women (Marchini must have a fetish for bondage as he himself is tied up in both this film and Forgotten Warrior), his team, including a guy who resembles a bulked-up Dave Coulier, are shot and killed. Thus leaving Travis as...wait for it...THE ONLY COP ALIVE!

Travis's trademark weapon is a bunch of pipes barely held together by electrical tape, meant to be some sort of multi-barreled shotgun. He is put in charge of the safety of two women, causing him to say in his trademarked deadpan monotone: "I feel like Mother Goose." Their hideout is a baseball dugout, which is apparently immune from radiation of any kind. Travis's goal is to defeat the dastardly Wraith (Chuck Katzakian, the head crime boss in Death Machines) and try to bring the girls to Montana where there is apparently fresh air and water. Will Travis succeed or die trying?



If you printed the word "silly" onto a piece of film, it wouldn't be nearly as silly as Omega Cop. The scavs have funny, nonsensical makeup and Wraith looks 75 years old, and is draped in leather. A major plot point in the movie is Travis's hat. He spies a punk scav wearing his "Special Police" cap and says: "That-guy-has-my-hat". (Remember the monotone.)



For some reason Troy Donahue and Stuart Whitman are on hand to class up the movie, but in actuality, are further muddying their careers. One feels especially bad for Whitman, in his role as a doctor. He is forced to wear ridiculous makeup and spout inane dialogue about the environment.

Like Mickey Rooney in Maximum Force (1992) and Joe Estevez in Money To Burn (1996), Adam West never leaves his one room set. He never talks to Marchini face-to-face.

West's one-roomer is welcome but the movie could've used more West antics. He says he can't leave the room because of "Solar Flares". Very convenient. His bolo tie and mullet are not enough.

Omega Cop is a supremely wacky, fun, bizarre, Marchini triumph for the ages!

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett