Kickboxer: Vengeance (2016)

 Kickboxer: Vengeance (2016)- * *

Directed by: John Stockwell 

Starring: Alain Moussi, Darren Shahlavi, Dave Bautista, Gina Carano, and Jean-Claude Van Damme

Kurt (Moussi) and Eric (Shahlavi) Sloane are Kick-Fighting brothers from Venice, CA. When Eric gets an invitation to go fight the infamous Tong Po (Bautista), the audience screams, "No, Eric! Don't do it!" But, of course, Eric flies to Thailand and ends up facing off against Mr. Po to tragic results. Naturally, Kurt follows because he wants KICKBOXER VENGEANCE. While in Thailand, he trains (and trains and trains and trains) with Master Durand (Van Damme), a mysterious Muay Thai master, as his name indicates. Of course, the Bangkok police are on to the illegal Punchfighting matches, and somehow Marcia (Carano) is involved in all this. Will Kurt Sloane avenge his brother by finally vanquishing Tong Po in the ring once and for all?



All of the above might seem a bit familiar to anyone who has seen the original Kickboxer (1989), which, presumably, is anyone reading this. Evidently, this takes place in a different Kickboxer universe than the first one, because Van Damme plays Durand, and Moussi plays Kurt Sloane. While director Stockwell does a good job with the technical aspects - the film is shot well, lit well, etc. - there really aren't too many surprises in store here, and the character development leaves a lot to be desired. That means that audience attention begins to flag around the halfway mark. It all feels like a slickly-done, but "Why?" run-through of classic Kickboxer moments.


As for our main hero, was he Joe Flanagan? Matthew Reese? John Krasinski? It's hard to tell. He seems to do well throughout all the extensive training sequences, but Van Damme looks like he was in shape too. He should have fought Tong Po. Or, if Po is as good as everyone keeps saying, how about a 2-on-1 fight with Durand, Sloane, and Tong Po? That would have been something new. But, no, the film doesn't do any twists or anything like that.


Dave Bautista, or David Bautista, as he's credited here, has very silly hair. Somehow trying to put classic Tong Po hair on his head just doesn't quite look the same. T.J. Storm is here, playing a guy named Storm, which was nice to see. Gina Carano is also on board, but she does no Martial Arts. Fans may be disappointed by that. She and director Stockwell worked together on In The Blood (2014), so maybe she had fun doing that and wanted to do a small role here. Who knows? But her not fighting was a missed opportunity.


The marketplace fight, the barfight, and the fact that one of Kurt's training exercises is to pull Durand around on a rickshaw are movie highlights. But truly the best was saved for last, because at the beginning of the end credits, we get a split screen with a clip of Van Damme doing his classic dance from the original Kickboxer on the right, and Alain Moussi imitating his moves on the left. That was probably the best part of the whole movie. Rather than save it for the end, they should have had Kurt Sloane find himself at a roadside diner in the middle of the film, where he then starts dancing. That might have improved things a bit.


In the end, if you always wanted to see Kickboxer, but really needed to see it done in a modern style with Chokehold (2019)-style flat line deliveries, this is really the movie for you. And where is Sasha Mitchell in all this?

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Also check out a write-up from our buddy, DTVC!

Born To Raise Hell (2010)

Born To Raise Hell (2010)- * *

Directed by: Lauro Chartrand

Starring: Steven Seagal, Darren Shahlavi, and Dan Badarau

Our old buddy Seagal plays Robert “Bobby” Samuels, an agent for the “IDTF”, or International Drug Task Force, in Romania. When a psycho named Costel (Shahlavi) begins going around raping and killing people, not only does this upset Bobby, but it also tees off a criminal overlord named Dimitri (Badarau) whose toes Costel is stepping on. Despite initially being rivals because they’re on opposite sides of the law, Bobby and Dimitri enter into an uneasy alliance so they can both achieve their aim: stop Costel. Will they accomplish  their goal, or will they succumb to the depression of Eastern Europe? Dare you find out...?

In 1994, Motorhead, Ugly Kid Joe, and Ice-T all teamed up for the song “Born To Raise Hell”, which featured on the soundtrack to the movie Airheads, released that same year. Presumably they weren’t singing about Steven Seagal, but there are plenty of airheads in this run-of-the-mill latter-day Seagal DTV yawner. Perhaps Seagal himself is still bitter he wasn’t invited to perform on the track, as he is a musician, don’t’cha know. He’s really got the blues. One minute he wants to be an Asian Martial Artist, the next minute a Black bluesman, the next minute a Southern “Lawman”. Anyone but himself. 

Our working psychological theory for now is that 
Seagal is constantly running from his true self, which is why he constantly uses voice and body doubles as well. What he’s running from, we don’t know.  But he should run more often (we’ll try to keep the fat jokes to a minimum, but no promises).

As for the movie itself, it has that bleak Romanian DTV vibe regular viewers will recognize by now. To its credit, it doesn’t hide the fact that it was shot in the land of Vlad the Impaler and pretend it’s New York or something, but Seagal more closely resembles Count Chocula than anyone else more fearsome. Maybe his next movie will be a ghost story where he takes on the title role of Boo Berry. 

Born to Raise Hell just presents us with more depressing, soulless brutality served up as undemanding entertainment for less discerning viewers. Sure, it’s all tempered by the fact that we can now gauge the BMI of Seagal’s stuntman and Seagal himself is always shot with these bizarre shadows on his face, but none of this muck is really floating our boat as viewers. Seagal (or whoever is doing his ADR) is a bit more animated and less whispery this time around, but you’ll still need the subtitles on the DVD if you want any hope of knowing what people are saying.

It’s loaded with those quick-cut editing effects that are inexplicably used by moviemakers of the modern DTV era. Unless it’s all a conspiracy by LensCrafters and Pearle Vision Centers working behind the scenes with them so we all need glasses after watching a few DTV’s, there’s no reason for them to exist. They’re not cool, they’re just annoying. 

The same could be said for the dumb dialogue said in this movie, and what Seagal says is not tough-sounding, and doesn’t add to his image. It just makes him look like a cross between Eddie Munster and a walrus in an oversized leather coat. He ends most sentences with the words “boy” or “man”. Evidently he is judging how mature you look, which is just creepy.  After the second half of the movie, it just spins its wheels, nothing noteworthy happens and you’re mentally checked out and thinking about what you’re going to be eating for dinner that night. Not unlike...well, you get it.

While we appreciated the presence of fan favorite Shahlavi as the baddie, and perhaps the quick-and-silly fight/action scenes, we just thought it was typical crude oil from the Seagal spigot. Seagal fans may defend this one, as they are wont to do, but we just weren’t feeling it.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Also check out a write-up from our buddies, Cool Target and DTVC

Pound Of Flesh (2015)

Pound Of Flesh (2015)- * *

Directed by: Ernie Barbarash

Starring: Jean-Claude Van Damme, Aki Aleong, John Ralston, and Darren Shahlavi

Deacon Lyle (Van Damme) is just a guy out on the town in the Philippines, when he brings a nice lady home from a disco. When he wakes up in the morning, he is in a pool of his own blood and discovers someone has opened him up and stolen his kidney. Deacon then teams up with his religious brother George (Ralston), his old buddy Kung (Aleong), and the mysterious Ana (Peters), all in some sort of mission to get to the bottom of the kidney conspiracy. A baddie named Drake (Shahlavi) - a man more unpleasant than the music made by his namesake - may be behind this, or is there a conspiracy that goes...ALL THE WAY TO THE TOP? Further complicating things is the fact that Lyle’s niece is on the kidney transplant list. Will Deacon Lyle kidney-punch his way back to renal health? Just try to hold in your excitement...

They’ve Taken (2008) my kidney! is basically Van Damme’s battle cry in this somewhat puzzling new outing. Somehow a missing kidney isn’t as compelling a motive for revenge as a missing daughter...or are we missing something? He still has one left, as far as we know. Van Damme is good in the fight scenes, and he moves especially well for someone who has just had some unauthorized, highly-invasive surgery done on him. There’s even a novel excuse for him to do his famous split (yes, he’s still doing it, and proud of it, it seems) - but some not-so-novel excuses for rampant Van Damme nudity. We don’t need to see your whole body to know you’ve been kidneynapped.

But we give ol’ JCVD credit for trying. The opening alley fight is a standout, and the overall vibe of the movie is on the serious side, in keeping with most of the recent DTV JCVD output. Perhaps to maintain the “dark” vibe, to counterbalance the kidney-stealing plot, there are some religious themes that run throughout. This is mainly achieved by the brother character, the fact that Van Damme is named Deacon, and the fact that Deacon beats people up with a bible. Yes, as a society, we’ve reached a point where we’re subjected to Biblefighting. This might not be a good thing. 

But rather than concentrate on “dark” subject matter, director Barbarash - of fellow Van Damme vehicle Assassination Games (2011) and Michael Jai White vehicle Falcon Rising (2014) fame - REALLY should have “turned off the dark”, if we may paraphrase the title of that brilliant Broadway play. Why, oh, why do we always have to ask that filmmakers turn the lights on in their movies? Is that really so much to ask? And another no-no is here that is painfully obvious - green screen and CGI. Is it really so much better and easier to have chintzy-looking computer-graphic bullet hits on walls and gunsmoke? We’re really getting tired of what we call “Alt-E”, meaning some dork in an editing suite somewhere hitting “Alt-E” for “Explosion” instead of employing the technical mastery of pyrotechnics experts.  So, to recap, we have barfights, darkfights, and biblefights. (We didn’t mention the barfight before, but of course it’s there).

With the money they spent on CGI and green screen, they could have used on lighting. Priorities, people. There is some light Punchfighting, but it’s barely there and hard to see (like everything else). Van Damme’s buddy Kung - played by Aki Aleong of Gang Wars (1976), Out for Blood (1992) and Deadly Target (1994), among others - could have been played by Mako, if he hadn’t died in 2006. Actor Darren Shahlavi - so memorable as the baddie in Bloodmoon (1997) passed away in 2015 and the film is dedicated to him. With his passing, we’ve lost another actor/Martial Artist so integral to the fabric of the DTV action movies we’ve dedicated ourselves to celebrating. He will be missed.

On a lighter note, one of the highlights of the movie, appearing almost exactly an hour in, is when we see the actual kidney donor list. This might mark the first time we’ve seen an English-as-a-second-language attempt at a list of people’s names. We have Varko Bosilhoc, Consuela Pym, John Smythe II and even Simon Rants III. Will this be important to the plot? Just wait and find out. Also there was a Boris Sharlyakov, but it looked like it said Borts Sharlyakov. We wish it said Borts. We really do. There are other names on the list, but those were some highlights. Maybe it’s just us, but we found that funny.

Some elements of Pound of Flesh are worth your time, but what’s good about the movie is dampened by the inability to see anything, the insistent usage of green screen/CGI, and some pretty dumb dialogue. (Let’s just say Kung talking about how much he loves coffee isn’t likely to rival anything said by Portia from The Merchant of Venice anytime soon). It’s kind of a mixed bag for Van Damme. It doesn’t change his standing in our eyes or anything like that, but with some simple tweaks, it could have been significantly better. 

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty 

The Package (2012)

The Package (2012)- * * *

Directed by: Jesse V. Johnson

Starring: "Stone Cold" Steve Austin, Dolph Lundgren, Eric Keenleyside, Monique Ganderton, Darren Shahlavi, Mike Dopud, Lochlyn Munro, and Jerry Trimble









Tommy (Austin) and his partner Julio (Dopud) are Iraq and Afghanistan veterans who work for big shot mob boss Big Doug (Keenleyside). They go around collecting debts for Mr. Big and everything seems peachy keen. One day, Tommy is entrusted to deliver THE PACKAGE to rival crime lord The German (Dolph). Seems simple enough, but Tommy’s life is about to get a lot more stressful, because hordes of baddies start chasing him because they want what he’s supposed to deliver. 

Devon (Shahlavi) commands a gang of highly-trained assassins, including token female gang member Monique (Ganderton), and others, such as Carl (Trimble) fight Tommy every step of the way. Tommy just wants to get back to his wife Darla (Kerr) but it’s going to be a battle to get there. Will Tommy survive, or will The Package be marked Return to Sender? Find out today...

We enjoyed The Package. It had an old-school vibe that we could really get into. All the movie really consists of is a series of fights between Stone Cold and various other characters. For us, the highlights naturally were the fight with Darren Shahlavi, who was so memorable as the baddie from Bloodmoon (1997), the fight with none other than Jerry Trimble, who we thought looked and sounded great, time has been very kind to him and we hope this revives his movie career, and of course the Dolph-Stone Cold battle that the whole film leads up to. Dolph is known only as “The German” - it seems he plays a lot of Russian, American, and now German characters, never any Swedish ones it seems - and it was nice to see him as a baddie after a long string of hero roles. It seems his last bad guy role, or at least the only one that comes to mind, was way back as Ivan Drago.

Not to be confused with the Gene Hackman vehicle The Package (1989), this particular The Package makes for entertaining and pleasant DTV action viewing, and has a different look and feel than another Anchor Bay-released Dolph outing, The Killing Machine (2010) (which interestingly also featured actress Monique Ganderton) - so if you’re worried that Anchor Bay is just pumping out a mindless, samey stream of Dolph movies, have no fear, that’s not the case. Besides, where else will you see Dolph extolling the virtues of a good fruit salad? That alone makes The Package worth at least one viewing. 

Of course, the classic cliches are also delivered (pun intended?) - the Prerequisite Torture of the hero, the wife of the hero who wants him to quit his dangerous job/lifestyle, and a favorite of ours, when the baddies find a place where they know the hero is, then break out at least one machine gun and proceed to shoot up the place from outside, in an extended shooting scene, rather than go inside, giving the hero ample time to survive.

It was comforting to watch a solidly-made modern-day actioner - it always helps to know you’re in capable hands (speaking about the writing and direction, and all the other technical aspects, which were all pretty much right on target). Director Johnson had previously made Pit Fighter (2005), so we were familiar with him from that. The Package gets our stamp of approval.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett

Bloodmoon (1997)

Bloodmoon (1997)-* * *1\2

Directed by: Kuang Hsiung

Starring: Gary Daniels, Chuck Jeffreys, Darren Shahlavi, Nina Repeta, Brandie Rocci, Keith Vitali, Rob Van Dam, Leigh Jones, and Frank Gorshin

In New York City, a serial killer with a very silly costume (Shahlavi) is going around beating up/killing all the meatheads in town. Chief Hutchins (Gorshin) assigns police detective Chuck Baker (Jeffreys) to the case. Aside from being an avid martial artist and cop, Baker also enjoys magic tricks. But when the man known only as “the killer” ramps up his evil doings by taunting the NYPD via his mastery of the newly-formed “internet”, a serial killer expert, Ken O’Hara (Daniels) is brought in to assist Baker. 

O’Hara is a good-natured divorced man with a young daughter, Lauren (Jones). Of course, he is also a highly skilled martial artist. When it is discovered that The Killer has murdered O’Hara’s beloved, elderly, mustachioed Kendo instructor, and is now after his cousin Kelly (Rocci), O’Hara finally gets angry and wants revenge. Naturally, at first O’Hara and Baker don’t get along, but they must team up to stop the mysterious killer with the detachable metal fingers.

Bloodmoon is a very entertaining movie, and has a pretty insane, off-kilter vibe. Sure, it’s a bit overlong at 100-plus minutes, and some of the more repetitive aspects of the movie could have been trimmed, but the excellent fights make up for any other minor flaws. It’s all Hong-Kong style fast-paced, creative moves meant to please fans of this genre. 

No doubt this was due to the fact that this is a Seasonal Films production directed by  Kuang Hsiung, who recently served as one of the action directors for Ip Man (2008). And the writer, Keith Strandberg, is responsible for penning the No Retreat, No Surrender (1986) and American Shaolin (1991) series. So that should give you some idea of what to expect here.

Chuck Jeffreys has charisma and humor coming out of every pore of his body, and even his magic tricks come complete with wacky sound effects. His resemblance to Eddie Murphy/Robert Townsend is uncanny.

Gary Daniels is, as always, extremely likable as the “mind hunter”, or profiler. He really gives Richard Norton a run for his money in the “white guy with an accent who is an excellent martial artist but is also very personable and likable” department. The legendary Frank Gorshin is awesome as the stereotypical angry chief. It was nice to see him, especially in a role like that. 

Let’s not forget Jeffrey Pillars as the classic computer geek Justice, and there’s even an early appearance from wrestler Rob Van Dam. Brandie Rocci is nice as the spunky Kelly in a role that will remind you of Cynthia Rothrock. Shahlavi as the baddie, complete with metal shoes that make for painful kicking, was a cross between impressive martial arts and out-and-out silliness. Kind of like the movie itself, really.

Add to that the nostalgic 90’s computers (and surely some of the earliest references to the Internet, GPS, and texting ever seen on film - movies like this never get credit for being ahead of their time) and you have a rollicking good time.

Great quality fights and many funny moments are the name of the game for Bloodmoon.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett