The Last Match (1991)

The Last Match (1991)- * *1\2

Directed by: Fabrizio De Angelis

Starring: Oliver Tobias, Ernest Borgnine, Melissa Palmisano, Henry Silva, Charles Napier, Jeff Moldovan, and Martin Balsam











Cliff Gaylor (Tobias) is a football player with an attitude. When his daughter Susan (Melissa Palmisano in her only screen credit) gets framed for having illegal drugs while on vacation in either a Caribbean or South American country (not really sure), and is imprisoned, Gaylor at first tries all the traditional channels to free her. He first goes to see his American Consul (Napier, here credited as “American Consul”) but he’s useless. He then goes to see a local lawyer (Balsam, credited as “Lawyer”), who also is incapable of helping him. So Gaylor then does the next natural thing: he calls his football coach (Borgnine, here credited as “Coach”. Sensing a pattern here?) - and gets his entire football team to stage a commando raid on the prison, but not before arming and training them in the usage of machine guns. 

Of course, the whole team agrees and Coach “coaches” the mission. But they’re going to have to get past sadistic prison warden Yashin (Silva) and his underling Prison Guard (Moldovan). Will the team be able to punt, spike, blitz, sack, snap, and tackle their way towards reaching their (field) goal? Find out today!

The Last Match had a lot going for it: a strong cast, an amazing concept, and the football players in full regalia brandishing machine guns and grenade launchers visually just looks awesome. Unfortunately, the movie only really kicks into high gear in the final third. 

Most of the movie is a staid and bland “My Daughter’s In Prison” drama with echoes of Midnight Express (1978). One thing Midnight Express did not have is a bunch of crazed footballers on the rampage shooting machine guns at Henry Silva while Ernest Borgnine happily gives instructions through a headset as to what to do next. Unless we blinked and missed that part. But because of the rarity of this movie, most people haven’t gotten to see the cast of Borgnine, Balsam, Silva, Napier, Moldovan, and the footballers do their thing so audiences can decide for themselves. Had this been released on VHS in America during the golden age of video stores, it might have had a shot at being a well-known cult movie. Now it’s just a not-so-well-known cult movie, which is only really justified by the last third.

Also of note are the “whosh-whosh” sounds on the soundtrack that sound like someone is waving a piece of cardboard in the air, Borgnine being especially jovial about his wartime experiences, the evil drug dealer who has a shirt that says “NEWS”, and the subplot about saving an Elian-like kid from the third-world hellhole that is the unnamed country they’re trying to escape from. 

Also there’s a guy in the cast named Jim Kelly who’s a White guy and not the Jim Kelly we all know and love. So to recap, the country is unidentified, half the characters don’t have proper names, and the football team also has no name. We realize they didn’t have the budget to use an NFL team name, but it would have been funny if they had come up with an attempt, like the “New York Sharks” or something to that effect. But then again, the way it is is pretty funny.

Another good thing about the movie is that the whole “Football Commandos” idea is played completely straight. It doesn’t appear that the filmmakers thought this was a wacky or ironic idea - they seemingly thought it was a perfectly sane concept for an action movie. And thank goodness for that. We get more than enough irony these days as it is. 

Just look at the training sequence where fully suited up football players shoot machine guns at targets. That’s why we keep going back to these Italian productions. They always seem to deliver in some way, shape or form. But the fact that a quality idea like this didn’t really take off to its full potential shows that by 1991 things were starting to run out of gas. Much like Martin Balsam, who gives a bizarre, stuttering performance in a complete sit-down role. He seems really confused as he reads his lines off a piece of paper. Compare that to Borgnine, who injects the movie with some much-needed energy during the interminable first and second portions.

In the end, The Last Match has a killer concept, but ultimately doesn’t hit the mark. Or score a touchdown, if you will.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett

Also check out a write-up from our buddies Outpost Zeta and Good Efficient Butchery!

Hammer (1990)

Hammer (1990)- * * *1\2

Directed by: Enzo G. Castellari

Starring: Daniel Greene, Melonee Rodgers, Donna Rosea, Jorge Gil, Jeff Moldovan, and Frank Zagarino










Hammer (Greene) is a Cop on the Edge. Back in ‘Nam, he and a group of buddies had a small clique known as the Storm Riders. When one of said old buddies, Greg (Moldovan) reaches out to him, seemingly in trouble, Hammer responds, but then Greg is murdered by a mysterious assassin (Zagarino). Now Hammer is a cop over the edge. He chases the man, but he escapes. It’s then that Hammer goes on vacation to Jamaica, and proceeds to go on a rampage and cause all sorts of havoc while there. Hammer must fight through corruption, drug dealers, liars, cheaters, and just about every sort of baddie there is. Will he ever make it back to U.S. alive? Find out today!

“Wow, there’s actually a movie with Daniel Greene, Frank Zagarino and Jeff Moldovan and it’s directed by Enzo G. Castellari? That’s amazing!” That quote was taken from...us, when we realized the movie Hammer existed. And you thought Fred Williamson was the only Hammer. Well, it turns out Daniel Greene can Hammer it up with the best of them. With his hair lookin’ better than ever, Greene puts in a winning lead performance. The greatness of Enzo just proves itself even more with this highly entertaining and enjoyable romp.

The opening chase between Greene and Zagarino is an impressive movie highlight, and they even get a jet ski chase again later. Zagarino is perfectly cast, because he doesn’t say anything and he’s the slippery bad guy who the audience can readily hate. Plus he has some awesome sunglasses. Weirdly enough, during the first chase scene, on the soundtrack we get the “Sweet Child O’ Mine” guitar solo, but it’s never credited anywhere. Could it be a possible under-the-radar steal? It does firmly place the movie in 1990, however. Right where movies should be.  It was also nice to see Masterblaster (1987) co-stars Moldovan and Donna Rosea reunited in a different movie.

In all fairness, the movie does start to run out of steam just a tad somewhere towards the middle/end, but that’s a common thing and very slight in this case. Enzo hits all the right action notes, including the time-honored final warehouse shootout. There really is plenty here for fans to sink their teeth into, and this movie should be more well known.

Featuring the catchy tune “Island Man” by Charlie Cannon, Hammer should satisfy anyone’s craving for classic early-90’s action. 

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Striker (1987)

Striker (1987)-* * *1\2

Directed by: Enzo G. Castellari

Starring: Frank Zagarino, John Phillip Law, John Steiner, and Melonee Rodgers













When journalist Frank Morris (JPL) is jailed by the Sandinistas in Nicaragua, the one and only John “Striker” Slade (Zags) is sent in to rescue him because he’s the “best in extraction from hostile territories”. While in country posing as a Canadian photographer, he teams up with a local woman, Marta (Rodgers), who acts as his guide and confidante. Soon enough, the Strikester proceeds to decimate the population of Managua. But the true baddie behind it all is Kariasin (Steiner). His name even sounds evil (i.e. “carry a sin”.) With the odds stacked against him, will Striker be able to complete the mission and make it out alive? Find out today!

Striker is very fun, classically 80’s action and one of the better Rambo knockoffs we’ve seen to date. Marrying that with another popular DTV genre of the day, the El Presidente movie (don’t forget Nicaragua was a hot subject at the time and in the news a lot), and tied together in that wonderfully Italian way by co-writer Umberto Lenzi and the great director Enzo Castellari, there’s plenty to enjoy here.

One Frank Anthony Zagarino, or Frankie Zags as we like to call him, has one of the better (?) super-wooden monotones committed to film. His speaking voice is the equivalent to a hospital life-support flatline. He makes Don “The Dragon” Wilson sound like Crazy Eddie. His elocution aside, he has some radically awesome sunglasses that say to the world “the ultimate badass has arrived”. Plus he has a wide variety of ways to kill his enemies. Some movies contain just constant shooting and that can get boring after awhile. The makers of Striker had the good sense to realize that variety is the murderous spice of life. Famously, he even has a killer slingshot, making him look like Dennis the Menace in a fit of ‘Roid Rage.

Striker is, for all intents and purposes, what we normally call a Jungle Slog, but thankfully there’s really not much slog. There’s too much highly implausible and funny action on display. The movie basically succeeds in spite of the performance of Zags. For as little energy and screen presence as he brings to his dialogue scenes, that is counterbalanced by John Phillip Law (or JPL as we call him) - he really is at his absolute best in this movie. Plus Striker has one of the better exploding helicopters we’ve seen in a while, and naturally it has the prerequisite torture scene.

Not to be confused with any of the many other action heroes named Striker in the 80’s, this one has enough entertainment value to raise it above the level of many of its contemporaries. Chalk up another winner to AIP. Plus Jeff Moldovan is credited as a “Special Action Supervisor”, and Daniel Greene is on board in an uncredited role as a trucker. So you really can’t lose.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett

Masterblaster (1987)

Masterblaster (1987)-* * *

Directed by: Glenn R. Wilder

Starring: Jeff Moldovan, Raymond Forchion, Donna Rosea, Joe Hess, Earleen Carey, Richard St. George, Yoshimitsu Yamada, and Big Mike Tiederberg












Somewhere in the wilds of Florida, the "First Annual Master Blaster Grand National Championships" is going on. Here, the best people in the world at paintball (truly something to be proud of in life) assemble to win the fifty thousand dollar prize. But something sinister is afoot. Someone in their midst is using real weapons and killing off these "weekend warriors" for real.  Will the Vietnam Vet loner/drifter Jeremy Hawk (Moldovan) be able to save the day, meanwhile romancing the ex-cop with a tragedy in her past, Samantha Rosen (Rosea)?

A clear attempt to marry the prevailing 80's trends of paintball and wilderness horror movies best exemplified by most of the Friday the 13th series, with a dash of Romps thrown in for good measure as exemplified by some of the crude and juvenile summer-camp humor, Masterblaster truly exemplifies the phrase "jack of all trades but master of none" and fails at providing fans of any of these three things with what they really want. But that's not to say the movie is a failure. The way we see it, these malformed elements place it in a unique position to be an underground 80's classic. The ridiculous music (check out the awesome title song by Ezo Hernandez), hair and clothes, not to mention the absurd cast of characters, provides entertaining fun for most of its running time.

Speaking of some of the crazy characters (the movie is a character study if nothing else), we have Moldovan as Jeremy Hawk (not Jay Sherman's friend from The Critic), a man who really knows how to look at stuff. His reaction shots are priceless and worth the price of admission right there. As this is a "rural" movie, we have menacing redneck Leon (Antoni Corone), Snake and Monk (George Gill & St. George, respectively), the Cheech and Chong of the film. Many of the competitors have painted-on beards, which seems odd for the people that are supposedly the best in the world at this activity. There's Yoshimitsu Yamada as Yamada, "The Shadow Warrior", a nod to the Ninja Boom going on at the time. The "Oriental" music on the soundtrack every time he appears could be described as ill-advised, if not downright racist. Speaking of the soundtrack, there's bizarre, funny male operatic vocals that appear at times. Just weird.

There are others vying for the top paintball spot, but top, top honors go to Ray Forchion as Lincoln. He steals the movie with his hilarious performance. The man really stands up for his Kobe beef.

It's silly, there's funny dancing, alliances between paintballers (or "blasters" as they are called), and it all has a Young Warriors (1983)-style schizophrenia to it. It's pretty clear the filmmakers had no real grasp of what makes things suspenseful or interesting, but that's what makes Masterblaster so engaging. In the grand tradition of other "paintball gone wrong" movies such as TAG: The Assassination Game (1982), Gotcha! (1985), Hostile Intent (1997), and Backwoods (2008) , Masterblaster is recommended, even with its flaws, for Moldovan's stare, the performance of Ray Forchion, and all the 80's goodness it provides.

NOTE: Masterblaster was released on VHS in the U.S. by Prism. The box states the running time is 95 minutes, but it is actually 80 minutes.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Knights Of The City (1985)

Knights Of The City (1985)-* * *

Directed by: Dominic Orlando

Starring: Leon Isacc Kennedy, Stoney Jackson, Jeff Moldovan, Janine Turner, with Jeff Kutash, and with Special Appearances by: Kurtis Blow, The Fat Boys, and Smokey Robinson











Could it be that there is a movie that combines Body Rock (1984) with Chains (1989)? Yes, it exists: Knights of the City has to be one of the silliest movies ever, and, coming from us, that's really saying something.

The Royals are a street gang in Miami. The core members are also in a band called the Royal Rockers. The Mechanics are a rival gang moving in on their turf. One night after a rumble, they end up in jail. Like most jails, The Fat Boys and Kurtis Blow are there and everyone in the cell starts dancing and rapping. Luckily, Delamo (Ansara) is in the cell next door for being a raging alcoholic. Of course, he is the head of Twilight Records. He likes what he hears and sees, so he gives the band a business card. The next day, the band shows up at the offices and drops off their demo tape (which sounds exactly like Michael Jackson). His daughter Brooke is in charge of A&R and wants to sign them, but they didn't leave any contact info on their tape. So she starts a contest, "Street Contest", to try and find acts in the inner city. This was pretty ahead of it's time; try to imagine a ghetto "American Idol" or "America's Got Talent". She finds the band, but the leader of the Royals/Royal Rockers, Troy (Kennedy) falls for her. Conflicts ensue when her high class world meets his lower-class one. But wait! There's more!

Joey (Nicholas Campbell) is a die-hard Royal, and, due to the rising popularity of the Royal Rockers, thinks Troy is losing his edge and forgetting his roots. But fellow Royal/guitarist Mookie (yes, Mookie) (John Mengatti) wants to go the music route more, and Troy is torn between them.  But Troy sees winning the Street Contest as his way out of the ghetto. Thanks to Brooke, he's seen the other side of life, and now wants to be a part of it. But there's yet another conflict at hand. Jasmine (Wendy Barry), Troy's former girlfriend is competing against him in the contest...and she's being coached by none other than Carlos (Moldovan), the evil head of the Mechanics! And did we mention their bad-ass gang hideout is an abandoned TUGBOAT!?!?  A freakin' TUGBOAT! As if all that wasn't enough, both gangs are constantly being harassed by grumpy cop McGruder (Floyd Levine)! How will Troy deal with all this, to quote him, "Jive"?

CRUCIAL PLOT POINT THAT I FORGOT TO MENTION: In rehearsing for the contest, they decide their dance moves are not good enough so they hire Flash (Jeff Kutash) to show them how to get down and get funky in the proper manner. Naturally this leads to a montage of dance training. Don't ever forget about Kutash.

Besides the aforementioned Body Rock and Chains, Knights of the City can also be compared to a cross between West Side Story (1961), Beat Street (1984) and The Warriors (1979). There are gangs, and they do gang-y things, but they will throw down some breakdancing moves at the drop of a hat! At any moment, a dance could break out. Even Denny Terrio of Dance Fever fame appears as himself, along with all the other guest musical stars!

Forget all the ham-handed acting (or in the case of Nicholas Campbell as Joey, yelling and screaming) where everything every character says ends in "man!"...the TRUE stars of Knights of the City are THE COSTUMES! The clothes that people wear in this movie are truly astounding. They must be seen to be believed. NO 80's movie or music video you have seen before can prepare you for the awesome outfits. Top honors go to Costume Designers Celia Bryant and Beverly Safier. No wonder it took two people. If there were any justice in this world, they would be more recognized for their abilities. I would try to describe the clothes for you, but not only is that pointless, I think it might also count as a "Spoiler Alert"!

In another completely absurd turn, none other than Smokey Robinson shows up as the MC of the contest. He seems stiff and confused. Maybe getting onstage in front of judges such as Dean Dean made him nervous.

The Royals are a ragtag group of street ragamuffins, and they supposedly are rude, crude and have a dangerous 'tude, but in actuality they are obnoxious and annoying. No wonder Troy wants to drop them like a bad habit. For example, Carlos' big insult to Troy is to repeatedly call him "Fish Lips". But there does seem to be some weird, last-minute editing out of swear words, so that might make sense. But the movie is still rated R, so...why? But at its core, Knights of the City is really a movie with a message. Reach for the stars!

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett