Soldier's Fortune (1991)

Soldier's Fortune (1991)- * *

Directed by: Arthur N. Mele

Starring: Gil Gerard, PJ Soles, George Buck Flower, Barbara Bingham, Janus Blythe, Cindy Guyer, Randy Harris, Wild Bill Mock, Juan Garcia, Grainger Hines, Ken Olant, Orestes Matacena, and Charles Napier

Jennifer Alexander (Guyer) and her friend Millie Prichard are just two high schoolers at cheerleading practice. Before they know it, they're being kidnapped by armed baddies who swoop down in a helicopter. Millie may or may not survive the attack. Jennifer's mother Susan (Bingham) does what any parent in that sort of situation would do: she immediately calls Robert E. Lee Jones (Gerard). A soldier of fortune (as opposed to Soldier's...Fortune), Lee, as everyone calls him, assembles a team of his former compatriots to execute the rescue mission.

Included in this team are T-Max (Flower), a grizzled old salt and current blues bar owner, Hollis Bodine (Haggerty), the town rabble-rouser and knife expert, his brother "Fresno" Bob Bodine (Mock), Low Eddie (Garcia), Big Sam (Harris), who is blind but has super-hearing, and maybe a few others. When Millie's sister Alex (Blythe) wants to join the fray, she has to overcome some classic "but you're a WOMAN!" sexism but eventually shows her mettle. But it's not going to be easy, because Col. Blair (Napier) is a longtime rival of Robert E. Lee Jones. Plus, he doesn't like him all that much. And Blair has a sidekick named Rojas (Matacena) who appears to be like Billy Drago doing a Marlon Brando impersonation. And what does Debra (Soles) have to do with any of this? Find out...today?

Gil Gerard probably hates George Peppard. One can only assume that he burned with jealousy, thinking that the "Hannibal" Smith role on the A-Team should have rightfully gone to him. Heck, their names even rhyme. Gerard probably feels the same way about Lee Majors. Once Majors became the beloved Fall Guy, Gerard must have thought he got screwed...again. Unless you count Soldier's Fortune, Gerard has been consigned to the dustbin of action history. He's just a guy with a lumbering walk who kind of looks like a cross between Treat Williams and George W. Bush. He has "Dumb Face" a la Howie Long and seems like he's going to say "HUH?" at any moment.

Thankfully, there are some quality character actors here to back him up. It was nice to see George "Buck" Flower in a solid role that isn't the town drunk. This time, he owns a bar. He's moving up in the world. His croaking voice is endearing and you gotta love him. He is also the Machine Gun Joe character this time around, but I guess he's "Machine Gun T-Max". T-Max sounds like a sort of VHS tape, but his bar sells "T-Max Tea", which is a must-try when you go to T-Max's.

We were happy Dan Haggerty was here as well. Napier gets slightly more screen time here than in Center of the Web (1992). For the supposed main baddie, we don't see him all that much. Seeing him more would have improved the proceedings overall. Ken Olandt of Digital Man (1995) fame also has a small role. Harris as Big Sam was a nice addition to the team. He was blinded by some sort of flash grenade on one of his earlier missions with Lee. As a man who is Black and blind, he took the only career path available to him: a blues guitarist.

While Soldier's Fortune features some things we like seeing: camaraderie among the assembled team, some 40-50-year-old punks, and some shooting-based action scenes (not to mention other classic cliches like the prerequisite torture of the hero (es)), it must be said that there isn't a ton of forward drive here, and no suspense whatsoever. It's all kind of staid. There are a smattering of standout details, like the bizarre scene involving a Chucky doll, the fact that Jennifer has a Bon Jovi poster on her wall, the strange names such as T-Max and Link Strutt (Hines), and the occasionally MASH-esque soundtrack. Not to mention Hollis Bodine's knife expertise. But it's all kind of middle-of-the-road.

The plot does prefigure Taken (2008) by many years, but instead of calling in Liam Neeson, she calls in Chad Everett....er, sorry, Gil Gerard, to handle business. If you were in a video store in 1991, with all the other choices on the shelves, it's hard to imagine anyone aggressively opting for Soldier's Fortune. With hindsight, and the advantages of history, we can appreciate certain aspects of it, mainly the solid B-Movie cast of familiar faces. But it all lacks a certain oomph, a certain punch that we've all come to expect.

Soldier's Fortune is by no means bad, but is missing some crucial ingredients to make it a film worth recommending.

Comeuppance Review: Brett and Ty

Cop Target (1990)

 

Cop Target (1990)- * * *1\2

Directed by: Umberto Lenzi

Starring: Robert Ginty, Charles Napier, Nina Sue Borrel, Barbara Bingham, and Arthur The Cat

Farley Wood (Ginty) is a Miami cop who may be getting close to the edge. His only friend is his cat, Arthur. Wood has a gigantic contraption in his apartment that can automatically provide Arthur with food, water, and, presumably, cat litter. This device is going to come in handy, because Wood is assigned to go to the tropical island of San Cristobal and he can't always be home to tend to Arthur personally. His assignment is to act as bodyguard and escort to Deborah Kent (Bingham), and her young daughter Priscilla (Borrel). They're scheduled to attend some fancy function, and there is a possible terrorist threat against them.



Things take a turn for the worst when Priscilla is kidnapped by the evil baddies in question. Even though his superiors tell him to leave the case to the proper authorities, Wood goes rogue in his attempt to get Priscilla back. An American embassy official named John Granger (Napes) is also involved. As Wood peels back the onion of this case, he slowly discovers dirty dealings, corrupt dealings, and political dealings, which are all pretty much the same thing. With all the terrorist guns trained against him, will Farley Wood manage to prevent becoming a COP TARGET?

With Cop Target, we have three of our favorite people together: Umberto Lenzi, Robert Ginty, and Charles Napier. We should also mention Jeff Moldovan, who we haven't seen around these parts in a while. God bless Umberto Lenzi. Even in the latter phases of his career, he still managed, seemingly effortlessly, to put together an entertaining romp that's easy to enjoy. While the film slows a bit in the middle (a very common occurrence, especially for this era of the genre), it rallies at the end and has a lot going for it overall.


The Ginty that's here is the Ginty ya want. In an era when Miami cops were all the rage, even his car has unique character. Sonny Crockett drove a black Ferrari Daytona Spyder. Farley Wood drives a beaten-up jalopy that looks to be about thirty seconds away from the car-crusher. However, beneath his gruff exterior, he's a cop with a heart. This is best expressed in his brief scenes with the young girl, Priscilla. It's clear she begins to see him as the father figure she's been missing, and perhaps she is what he is lacking in his own life as well. After all, a robotic cat litter machine can only take you so far. (But what a ride while it lasts). This motivates his drive to, against all odds, retrieve Priscilla from the clutches of the baddies. Also, when we first see her, she's dressed exactly like Madeline, who must have been quite the fashion icon for little girls at that time.


You don't get a ton of Napes, but what you do get is good, and they clearly used his real voice. It would have been a stupid move if they didn't. While his presence doesn't dominate the film, he does get to play an important ace when he ends up being the man behind the exploding helicopter. According to Imdb, the ex-heli is taken from Cobra Mission 2 (1988), and other parts of a car chase were taken from Final Score (1986). This may or may not include the fruit cart. It's tough to tell when cars are running over fruit. Lenzi should be noted for his economy in that sense. Hey, if you're gonna recycle footage, recycle from the best.


Ginty's name in here is Farley, and Napier's is Granger. Could this be a reference to the great actor Farley Granger, who was no stranger to Italian exploitation films - exemplified by Amuck, So Sweet So Dead (both 1972), What Have They Done To Your Daughters? (1974), among others? Or are those names just what Italians think all Americans are called, and those are just typical, common examples? In any case, the film should also get credit for predating American Assassin (2017) by many years, as the beach assault scene in that film seems modeled after the one in Cop Target.



We would say that was a definite, but Cop Target never got a U.S. VHS or DVD release. Sadly, a lot of Italo-Action films at this time suffered a similar fate. Cop Target would have been a perfect release for Lightning Video, or perhaps it should have gotten a clamshell box release on Imperial like Operation Nam (1986). Operation Nam is the U.S. title for Cobra Mission, and Jeff Moldovan also appeared in Cobra Mission 2, from which the exploding helicopter was sourced. See, it all comes back around.


We really believe that fans will rejoice should Cop Target get its long-overdue home video release, hopefully from Severin. Here's a box cover quote for them: It's Ginty! It's Napier! It's Lenzi! It's EXCITEMENT!" Hopefully they use that. If they don't like it, I can come up with others.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Also check out a write-up from our buddy, DTVC!

Original Gangstas (1996)

Original Gangstas (1996)- * * *

Directed by: Larry Cohen

Starring: Fred Williamson, Jim Brown, Pam Grier, Richard Roundtree, Ron O'Neal, Oscar Brown Jr., Shyheim Franklin, Paul Winfield, Isabel Sanford, Charles Napier, Wings Hauser, and Robert Forster

The town of Gary, Indiana is in dire straits. The old mill shut down, businesses and industries left, the Jackson family vacated, and the good people that remain are under the thumb of the rampant crime that proliferated in the wake of the economy collapsing. And this isn't even a post-apocalyptic thriller. When local grocery store owner Marvin Bookman (Brown Jr.) is assaulted and shot by local punks, his son John (The Hammer), a former football player, flies in from L.A. to try and help. After seeing just how bad the situation has gotten in Gary, he reunites with his old friends Jake Trevor (Jim Brown), Laurie Thompson (Grier), Slick (Roundtree) and Bubba (O’Neal). The thing is, back in the old days they were in sort of a “mark 1” version of a gang, the Rebels. They would get involved in essentially harmless no-goodery. Now gang violence involves drive-by shootings and near-constant brutality. Hence, the ORIGINAL GANGSTAS re-form to save the day. What with the new Rebels, as well as rival gang the Diablos, causing mayhem all around, the OG’s certainly have their hands full…but will they triumph over the young punks? Find out today…

If we’re fans of any two things, it’s these two things: young punks getting their comeuppance from the older generation, and Fred Williamson. Regular readers of this site will note that both have been prevailing themes for us for years. To our delight, a movie finally came along that ties both of them together: Original Gangstas. Sure, it may have its flaws, but it also combines two other genre mainstays we all love and enjoy: the ‘cleaning up the town’ movie and the ‘assembling a team’ movie. Add to all that an outstanding B-movie cast, and you have an entertaining romp.

The cast truly is one of a kind, and the concept pre-dates The Expendables (2010) by a good 14 years. We didn’t even mention Isabel Sanford, Weezy herself, as Marvin Bookman’s wife, and she gives a spirited performance. Also on board is Paul Winfield as Reverend Dorsey, a man caught in all the crossfire. All of what’s going on around him might seem awfully familiar, as Winfield was in Gordon’s War (1973), as Gordon himself. Could this be where Gordon ended up? Fan favorites Charles Napier, Wings Hauser, and Robert Forster - enough to support their own movie right there - are also on board, but in glorified (or not so glorified) cameos.

All of these familiar names are appreciated, and add to the fun and the texture of the overall movie, but, as often happens, when there’s TOO many people, roles have to be necessarily small and characters get lost in the shuffle. Even the great Roundtree and O’Neal are essentially second fiddle. We noted the young Shyheim Franklin (credited as solely “Shyheim” in the opening credits, but with the full name for the end credits) as Dink. He stood out, of all people, amongst the pack.

There are a few things you can always count on with a Fred Williamson flick - his cool, his charisma, he’ll be chomping a cigar, and there will be a live performance in a club or bar. In this case, he got the Chi-Lites, which was a good get. Like a lot of other modern-day Freds like Down N’ Dirty and On The Edge when the older actors are on the screen, classic soul music plays. When the young punks are on (and they actually get called punks by their elders), rap plays. So, to counter the Chi-Lites, in a party scene we can see Bushwick Bill and Scarface, though they don’t perform. That symmetry could only come from the mind of the great director Larry Cohen. Even we don’t know if that last sentence was sarcastic or not, but Fred is credited as co-director of OG’s.

Other things we learned: Jim Brown looks badass in a British Knights jacket, there is an actual place called East Chicago, Indiana (where some of the movie was shot), and if you don’t like Fred Williamson, you probably have mental problems. While OG’s would never come near the movie theater today, it certainly did back then, which must have been nice for everyone involved. I (Brett) even remember seeing commercials for it on TV when I was 15 or 16. It could certainly be said that this movie set the stage for the DTV Freds that came in its wake, as stylistically it is very similar.

Though OG’s predates the show South Park (only by one year, however), there are dramatic and tear-filled readings of the line “they killed Kenny!” - other mentions of people killing Kenny are said throughout the film. We know it’s just a coincidence (or IS it?) but it did kind of help to keep the movie in the goofy zone. There are people out there that are disappointed that OG’s wasn’t some sort of serious treatise on the issue of gang violence. We think the filmmakers should have gone more in the other direction: how awesome would it have been to have seen Weezy mowing down gang members with a machine gun? Or even doing Martial Arts…dare we suggest we missed an opportunity to see Weezy-Fu? Well, we should be happy with what we have.

For true OLD school Blaxploitation - though all involved probably hate that term - in the mid-90’s, pretty much the only place to turn is Original Gangstas. It provides enough entertainment to sustain its running time (the cast alone could propel pretty much anything), and DTV/action die-hards should enjoy it, or at least appreciate it. 

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Also check out a write-up from our buddy, Cool Target!

Indio 2 (1991)

Indio 2 (1991)- * * *

Directed by: Antonio Margheriti

Starring: "Marvelous" Marvin Hagler, Tetchie Agbayani, Dirk Galuba, Frank Cuervo, and Charles Napier











Marvelous Marvin Hagler is back in this sequel that should answer all your questions from the first Indio. This time around, an evil corporation (of course) wants to build a road through the rainforest. Seems logical enough, but it turns out they would be destroying the indigenous land of the Indios. So the head Indio in charge, Ugadi (Cuervo) does the only logical thing you can do in that situation: he turns to Marvelous Marvin Hagler for help. Sorry, Sgt. Iron. Iron leads the local tribes on a massive revolt (hence the subtitle) against the evil mercenary baddies put in charge of building the road. But it all comes to a head when IMC President (that’s all he’s credited as) (Napier) shows up, and then Sgt. Iron goes mano-a-mano with head builder/baddie Vincent Van Eyck (Galuba). Will the revolt be successful, or just plain revolting?

Just the fact that there’s an Indio TWO is a testament to the grandness of the video store era. Shelves needed filling, and customers were hungry for product, so, why not? Especially when master director Antonio Margheriti is at the helm once again. The guy knows action, that’s for sure. The movie is very well-shot, and the professional look adds a lot. At first, it may seem like slow going - and at 104 minutes, that is a more than reasonable thing to think - but Indio 2 is like a river in the rural jungles where it was shot. At first it may seem leisurely and rambling, but at some point it becomes rapids and then a waterfall - that really is what happens here. The final third of Indio 2 is simply great. It just takes a little time to get there.

Marvelous Marvin Hagler (he legally changed his name to Marvelous Marvin Hagler, much like how Mr. T’s legal name is Mr. T - and for those who don’t know, T’s middle name is legally a period) certainly gives Louis Gossett Jr. a run for his money. Why didn’t they play brothers in a movie? When he speaks to members of the local Indio population, he calls them “man”. 

Of course, he faces off against an evil German. Halfway through the movie, we’re told he’s supposed to be South African, but his accent is pure baddie. It’s a baddie accent, more than anything. A badcent? His sidekick is a beardo who strongly resembles Mick Fleetwood. So that is scary. We were on Charles Napier watch, and he doesn’t show up until 71 minutes in. That’s a long time. And his screentime is almost Center of the Web-style quick - it’s a glorified cameo.

Napier basically plays the role Brian Dennehy did in the first Indio, but gets much less time in the sun. Besides that, you can tell Margheriti and the gang didn’t want to do a complete retread of the first Indio. The surprising fate of that movie’s hero, Daniel Morell, would certainly indicate that. Under-the-radar action movie regular 

Tetchie Agbayani also returns from the first movie, which was nice to see, and added some continuity. Of course, there are the time honored beat-ups, blow-ups, exploding huts a-plenty, and even a rare form of exploding helicopter - not only is it a double ex-heli, but both are on land and not in the sky at the time. You never see that. George H.W. Bush’s photo is on the wall, and in another scene, there’s a picture of Stallone next to a picture of Jesus. That pretty much sums up the spirit of Indio 2 in a nutshell.

Indio 2 is a movie that gets better as it goes along. It all ends with a killer climax, and, despite some slower moments early on, it’s quite good overall and very worth seeing.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Also check out a write-up from our buddy, Explosive Action! 

Raw Justice (1994)

Raw Justice (1994)- * * *

Directed by: David A. Prior

Starring: Pamela Anderson, Robert Hays, David Keith, Stacy Keach, Ted Prior, Leo Rossi, and Charles Napier











A cool dude named Mace (Keith), who would have to be cool because his name is Mace, is an ex-cop and now a bounty hunter. He doesn’t shave, wears sunglasses, smokes, drinks, and rides his chopper. He’s also handy with gun-shooting and brawling. So, to reiterate, he’s a cool guy. So when Mayor Stiles’ (Napier) daughter is mysteriously killed, he runs straight to Mace’s pad, because he needs someone who will work “outside the law” and by his own rules, to get to the truth and find the killer. 

A goofy guy named Mitch McCullum (Hays) is the prime suspect in the murder but of course is innocent. So Mace and Mitch go on the run (as the original odd couple, of course) in an attempt to get justice, perhaps of the raw variety. Along their quest is a prostitute named Sarah (Anderson) who probably doesn’t need to be there, but no one’s complaining. And what do Lieutenant Atkins (Rossi) and Deputy Mayor Jenkins (Keach) have to do with all this intrigue? You just may have to find out today...

Here’s another David A. Prior movie from the time when he wasn’t with AIP anymore, just like Felony (1994), and even some Felony cast members are reunited here, namely Napier and Rossi. The Felony formula of “reluctant buddies on the run” is tried once again, but this time instead of Joe Don Baker and Jeffrey Combs, it’s David Keith and Robert Hays. Prior fashioned a tongue-in-cheek action/comedy with a silly overall vibe that’s pretty accessible to casual viewers. Prior clearly was unashamed to make a movie of stupid, undemanding fun. Sure, it’s dumb and all, but it’s entertaining enough to not be annoying. 

It’s perfect for 1994, and the cast of B-movie names would surely be enough to garner a rental at the old video store, especially with Pam front and center to attract potential renters.

Leo Rossi does yet another wacky “Southern” accent, Stacy Keach is almost unrecognizable, Pam Anderson does the prerequisite nudity, and Robert Hays does what we’ve always wanted from him, Robert Hays-Fu in a fight scene. Charles Napier barks his lines as we all expect, and David Keith is the main hero. Keith really seemed to give his all and be very invested in the role of Mace. But given the chance to be Mace, wouldn’t you throw yourself into it too? 

Of course, being the ultimate gentleman, when Robert Hays drops off his date at the end of the night, he gives her one of those Troll dolls that were so big at the time. And his date doesn’t even care about it. Apparently she doesn’t find that shock of upturned pink hair charming, so she deserves to die.

And what would a DTV movie of the day be without some time-honored cliches: sax on the soundtrack, a mysterious and sought after computer disc, mindless shooting, mindless chases, a handful of blow-ups, a barfight or two, an exploding helicopter, and an absurd blackmail plot, among other notable examples. 

We’ve reviewed many of Prior’s movies on this site, because we’re fans of his, and he’d refined his style at this point to its most professional level to date. Odds are, if you’re reading this, you’re a fan too, or are at least interested in becoming one. So while it’s no Deadly Prey (1987), Raw Justice is a pretty harmless way to spend an hour and a half.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett 

Silk Degrees (1994)

Silk Degrees (1994)- *1\2

Directed by: Armand Garabidian

Starring: Marc Singer, Mark Hamill, Deborah Shelton, Adrienne Barbeau, Michael Des Barres, India Allen, Gilbert Gottfried, and Charles Napier










When actress Alex Ramsey (Shelton) witnesses a murder by gangster Degrillo (Des Barres), she has to go into witness protection. Degrillo had previously been under surveillance by federal agents Rick Baker (Singer, not the famed makeup artist portraying himself) and Johnson (Hamill). Ramsey doesn’t want to leave her glamorous Hollywood life, though she is tired of being bossed around by her TV director, Rene (Gottfried). Baker and Johnson decide the best course of action is to go to a rural inn and get some country livin’ during her sequestration. 

While hiding out from Degrillo and his goons, they meet local folk such as Violet (Barbeau) and Sheila (Allen), who work at the inn, as well as bumpkins looking to sell meth to bikers. Schultz (Napier) is a classic WYC (White Yelling Chief) who constantly screams at Baker to do his job. But naturally there’s romance in the air as Ramsey and Baker – as well as Sheila and Johnson – succumb to the cabin fever and pay-cable 90’s nudity ensues. Will our heroes return to civilization un-shot at and intact?

Erotic thrillers. Gilbert Gottfried. Two things that have gone together since time immemorial. But for some reason, this time the two don’t mix. Silk Degrees typifies the movie you would see on the shelf of your local video store, look at it quickly, shrug your shoulders, say “meh...” and keep walking by. Hence, it’s a “walk-by”, a term we would like to start using. 

Having Mark Hamill and Marc Singer be partners was a novel idea, if only for the fact that we can see the both of them together in the same place at the same time, thus proving that they are indeed two different people. The difference in the two men is academic; casting them as partners is just confusing. At least have one of the federal agents have dark hair, a mustache, a scar, something to distinguish the two. But judging by the mediocrity of it all, the writers must have said “meh...” too.

So why should we, as viewers, care? Is some nudity meant to be enough to keep our attention? Because even that is doled out sparingly. Fan favorite Napier just goes through the motions as he did so many times during his 90’s career, Hamill and Barbeau don’t even really need to be there, and the presence of Gilbert Gottfried is off-putting. 

To be fair, Shelton is attractive and does a decent job, and Singer puts in a respectable amount of energy. But the whole thing is lazily written, and it’s nothing you haven’t seen a million times before. For a far better movie about someone put under witness protection, check out Hit List (1989). 

Silk Degrees isn’t softcore porn, so fans of that will be unsatisfied, it’s not a biopic of Boz Scaggs where he reveals the secrets of the Lido Shuffle, and it’s not a decent mystery, thriller, procedural, or drama, so fans of those will be left wanting. And it’s certainly not an action movie, though there is one really funny moment at the end (that should have happened a lot earlier, and more moments like it to boot - more stupidity on the part of the filmmakers) - but that’s not enough to save it.

The perfect time and place for Silk Degrees was Skinemax in the mid-90’s. In 2015 (or whenever you happen to be reading this), it, sadly, doesn’t cut it.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty 

Felony (1995)

Felony (1995)- * * *

Directed by: David A. Prior

Starring: Lance Henriksen, Leo Rossi, Charles Napier, David Warner, Jeffrey Combs, Cory Everson, Ashley Laurence, and Joe Don Baker












When a “Cops”-like reality show films a drug bust, and said bust goes sideways, everyone in town wants the tape it was filmed on. The heinous massacre of twelve police officers caught on video was masterminded by arch-baddie Cooper (Warner), and the cameraman who barely made it out of there alive, a guy named Bill Knight (Combs) finds the next couple of days quite trying indeed. 

Everyone from Cooper’s right-hand man Taft (Henriksen) to the mysterious Donovan (Baker) wants a piece of Knight. Meanwhile, Detectives Duke (Napier) and Kincade (Rossi) are working the case and trying to get to the truth of this tangled web. But when Knight meets an attractive nurse named Laura (Laurence), things seem to be looking up for Mr. Knight...but in this complicated web of twists, turns, and constantly changing allegiances, who can really tell? And who is going to commit the ultimate FELONY?

David A. Prior, known to action fans all over as the AIP guy, here corrals an amazing B-movie cast for this non-AIP outing. It was 1995, video stores were booming, and with the right cast, they had a place for Felony on their shelves. With Jeffrey Combs as the main character, Ashley Laurence as the female lead and sidekick, and Lance Henriksen with an impressive array of multi-colored shirts, that was just the beginning. 

We get Joe Don Baker with a triumphant introduction to his character, with an alley rescue scene that is really a lot like the one in Ring of Steel (1994), also with Baker. Maybe rescuing people in alleys is his “thing”. And with his fringed jacket that he no doubt bought at the local buckskinnery, he gives Seagal a run for his money. Then there’s Napier playing a guy named Duke, as he would right around the same time on The Critic, and Leo Rossi doing his best southern accent. Add to that David Warner with a grenade launcher and a small role from Cory Everson, and you have a recipe that raises Felony above the average dreck.

Prior was surely going big-time with this one, indicated by not just the cast, and the fact that it was released by New Line, but also the level of stunt work, with PM-style car-flipping and blow-ups. Cooper even kills off a lot of cops just like baddies do in PM movies. And of course there is the standard pew-pew bullet shooting. He was aiming high, and it works for the most part. At least it’s better-acted than usual, thanks to the experienced cast of familiar names. 

It’s basically as dumb as an AIP movie (and we mean that in the best possible way, of course), with plot holes so big, Stephen Hawking has warned us all that they could potentially slow down the space-time continuum. But this time Mr. Prior has more resources at his disposal than usual. There are even some interesting contemporary references, like to the Tonya Harding-Nancy Kerrigan hoo-hah that everyone was talking about at the time. If only we could have heard David Warner utter the name “Gillooly”, Felony would have shot up a few points.

So go back to a time when strippers stripped to sleazy heavy metal (presumably this is the song “Dynamite” by a band called Psychic Underground listed in the end credits), and to a time when an array of B-movie stars such as this could assemble for a project like this.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett

The Last Match (1991)

The Last Match (1991)- * *1\2

Directed by: Fabrizio De Angelis

Starring: Oliver Tobias, Ernest Borgnine, Melissa Palmisano, Henry Silva, Charles Napier, Jeff Moldovan, and Martin Balsam











Cliff Gaylor (Tobias) is a football player with an attitude. When his daughter Susan (Melissa Palmisano in her only screen credit) gets framed for having illegal drugs while on vacation in either a Caribbean or South American country (not really sure), and is imprisoned, Gaylor at first tries all the traditional channels to free her. He first goes to see his American Consul (Napier, here credited as “American Consul”) but he’s useless. He then goes to see a local lawyer (Balsam, credited as “Lawyer”), who also is incapable of helping him. So Gaylor then does the next natural thing: he calls his football coach (Borgnine, here credited as “Coach”. Sensing a pattern here?) - and gets his entire football team to stage a commando raid on the prison, but not before arming and training them in the usage of machine guns. 

Of course, the whole team agrees and Coach “coaches” the mission. But they’re going to have to get past sadistic prison warden Yashin (Silva) and his underling Prison Guard (Moldovan). Will the team be able to punt, spike, blitz, sack, snap, and tackle their way towards reaching their (field) goal? Find out today!

The Last Match had a lot going for it: a strong cast, an amazing concept, and the football players in full regalia brandishing machine guns and grenade launchers visually just looks awesome. Unfortunately, the movie only really kicks into high gear in the final third. 

Most of the movie is a staid and bland “My Daughter’s In Prison” drama with echoes of Midnight Express (1978). One thing Midnight Express did not have is a bunch of crazed footballers on the rampage shooting machine guns at Henry Silva while Ernest Borgnine happily gives instructions through a headset as to what to do next. Unless we blinked and missed that part. But because of the rarity of this movie, most people haven’t gotten to see the cast of Borgnine, Balsam, Silva, Napier, Moldovan, and the footballers do their thing so audiences can decide for themselves. Had this been released on VHS in America during the golden age of video stores, it might have had a shot at being a well-known cult movie. Now it’s just a not-so-well-known cult movie, which is only really justified by the last third.

Also of note are the “whosh-whosh” sounds on the soundtrack that sound like someone is waving a piece of cardboard in the air, Borgnine being especially jovial about his wartime experiences, the evil drug dealer who has a shirt that says “NEWS”, and the subplot about saving an Elian-like kid from the third-world hellhole that is the unnamed country they’re trying to escape from. 

Also there’s a guy in the cast named Jim Kelly who’s a White guy and not the Jim Kelly we all know and love. So to recap, the country is unidentified, half the characters don’t have proper names, and the football team also has no name. We realize they didn’t have the budget to use an NFL team name, but it would have been funny if they had come up with an attempt, like the “New York Sharks” or something to that effect. But then again, the way it is is pretty funny.

Another good thing about the movie is that the whole “Football Commandos” idea is played completely straight. It doesn’t appear that the filmmakers thought this was a wacky or ironic idea - they seemingly thought it was a perfectly sane concept for an action movie. And thank goodness for that. We get more than enough irony these days as it is. 

Just look at the training sequence where fully suited up football players shoot machine guns at targets. That’s why we keep going back to these Italian productions. They always seem to deliver in some way, shape or form. But the fact that a quality idea like this didn’t really take off to its full potential shows that by 1991 things were starting to run out of gas. Much like Martin Balsam, who gives a bizarre, stuttering performance in a complete sit-down role. He seems really confused as he reads his lines off a piece of paper. Compare that to Borgnine, who injects the movie with some much-needed energy during the interminable first and second portions.

In the end, The Last Match has a killer concept, but ultimately doesn’t hit the mark. Or score a touchdown, if you will.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett

Also check out a write-up from our buddies Outpost Zeta and Good Efficient Butchery!

Down N' Dirty (2001)

Down N' Dirty (2001)-* * *

Directed by: Fred Williamson

Starring: Fred Williamson, Gary Busey, Tony Lo Bianco, David Carradine, Bubba Smith, Sam Jones, Andrew Divoff, Randy J. Goodwin, and Charles Napier








Dak is back! That would be Dakota “Dak” Smith (Williamson) to be precise. First seen in Night Vision (1997), Down ‘n Dirty is his second appearance, followed by On The Edge (2002). He also portrayed Dak in The Rage Within (2001) the same year as D’ND, 2001. This time around, the Dakster is in a whole heap o’trouble after his partner of many years is suddenly shot. As he tries in his inimitable style (ranging between cynical Cop On The Edge to smooth ladies man) to get answers, he runs up against resistance and even outright hostility in his own department - everyone ranging from his Captain, Teller (Napier), to Det. Ward (Lo Bianco). It turns out there’s corruption and conspiracy involved from D.A. Casey (Busey), who is in contact with the mysterious Gil Garner (Carradine) - who commands an army of goons such as Jimmy (Divoff). Naturally, they all want Dak’s head, because he’s trying to get to the truth. Does even his friend Det. Cale (Smith) believe him? Dak is going to have to team up with photographer Nick Gleem (Goodwin) to ultimately find out. Can he do it?

Somehow Fred is able to corral all these great stars to be in his movies. Sure, as we noted in our review for On the Edge, the dialogue is muffled at times, and the music drowns it out - because apparently for us, the audience, hearing electronic drums bashing away is more important than hearing valuable plot points - but thankfully the great Fred Williamson carries the 70’s/80’s-style cop drama/thriller into the 21st century, with no apologies. To the jaded and cynically minded, you could say it’s filled with all the cliches we’ve all seen thousands of times before, but those people are overlooking one crucial detail: the charm of Fred Williamson. Fred’s charisma absolutely carries this movie, as well as many of his others, and even the filler (which there’s plenty of, and as a result this movie could have been shorter) is enjoyable. The cliches are fun cliches, and the filler is fun filler, and we should be happy this movie was made in the first place.

Let’s not overlook that this is Bubba Smith at his absolute best. His line deliveries are priceless. He’s a giant man who wears a short tie that only reaches to about his sternum, and his hair is just...inexplicable. It looks like as if the top of his head - which doesn’t match the sides, mind you - is a cross between Frankenstein, Alfred E. Neuman and a black lacquer floor. Moving on, fan favorite Sam Jones makes a very brief (one scene) appearance, and looks highly uncomfortable. He also has an unexplained bearded biker dude as his sidekick. So many questions, so few answers. There’s minimal Jones, minimal Divoff and minimal Carradine. Carradine does a “sit-down” role and both he and Busey don’t appear until 51 minutes in.

Nick Gleem, as the sidekick, and who adds “like the toothpaste!” every time he introduces himself, ends up being called simply “Toothpaste” as his nickname. Not to be confused with “Speedboat” from Snake Eater II (1989). In the “awesome urban compound word nickname” awards, Toothpaste has the wackier hat, so we’ll give him the prize. And, unrelated to Mr. Toothpaste, as in Direct Contact (2009) when someone says “What if he goes AOL?” here, in Down N’ Dirty, someone says “Get it to me SAP”. Either this guy is REALLY in a hurry, so much so he has no time for the initial “A”, or maybe he wants to use his TV remote to watch his favorite shows in Spanish, but like a lot of things in this movie, it remains unexplained.

Besides Fred’s screen presence and a cast of familiar faces, the other thing that keeps this movie afloat is the music. By Johnny Ross (some songs are credited to J.R. and Li’l Big - we assume J.R. is Johnny Ross), the standouts are the main title theme and “Come Back Dak”. It sounds like it could be the same singers who sang “Dakota Smith - You‘re 12 Steps Away”, from Night Vision, but we’re not sure. We love the idea that Fred Williamson has his own personal singers who are on call for him at any time. Hopefully that is the case. Supposedly, the legendary Volt label released the soundtrack, and the main title features the line “If you’re on the take, you made a big mistake”, so it might be well worth finding. You don’t hear lyrics like that every day. More top 40 hits should be about systemic inter-office police corruption.

There is plenty to enjoy here for Fred fans such as ourselves...and for non-Fred fans: what’s wrong with you? Become a Fred fan.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett

Dragonfight (1990)

Dragonfight (1990)-*1\2

Directed by: Warren A. Stevens

Starring: Michael Paré, Robert Z'Dar, Charles Napier, Paul Coufos, George "Buck" Flower, Tom Magee, Fawna MacLaren, James Hong, and Joe Cortese











In the deserts of Arizona, two men face off in a battle to the death: the maniacal Lochaber (Z’Dar) and the honorable Falchion (Coufos). Because this is the future, the two men are being controlled by their corporate masters. One big corporation, led by the smarmy, ponytail-wearing businessman Michael Moorpark (Paré) and his associates Asawa (Hong) and the creatively-named Kyoto (Aleong), have millions of dollars riding on the success of their chosen fighter. The other businessmen, led by Baybington (Cortese) are their rivals, backing their own guy. They sit in their cushy offices watching the proceedings play out on TV monitors. Falchion decides he’s had enough and defects. He goes on the run, refusing to fight. It’s on his travels away from Lochaber that he meets a desert Ranger, Moochow (Napier) (who presumably, based on his name, will get a Chicago-based talk radio show) and a drunken stranger, Jericho (Flower), who decides to narrate the whole story. There’s also the magical hot chick, Dark Servant (MacLaren), who has the power to heal. But the time comes when all men must fight, and Falchion realizes he must face off against the murderous Lochaber (who has gone rogue and started killing innocent civilians). Who will be victorious in this so-called “Dragonfight”?

Oh dear. Dragonfight is one choppy, nonsensical mess of a movie. It’s more an off-kilter mishmash of stupidity and half-baked concepts than a fully-fleshed out film. We were happy to see a top-billed Robert Z’Dar, and a second-billed Paul Coufos, especially on a tape released by a major label (Warner Brothers, though we don’t understand why; this definitely seems like something that would come out on a much smaller label - but then again, we’re happy some of our fan-favorite actors got wider distribution than normal, even if it’s not an ideal vehicle for them). Paul Coufos, star of Busted Up (1986), strongly resembles Huey Lewis - we suppose this is as close as we’ll get to seeing Lewis in an “action” film, though Falchion needed more goons to fight, not just one, and he spends most of the movie running from the fight. That’s bad policy for a supposed action movie with the word “fight” somewhere in the title.

Michael Pare has a very limited amount of screen time, and of that, his ponytail steals his performance away from him. The movie as a whole has some classic line readings, some of which are said by James Hong, but just about every character says a stupid and/or confusingly-written piece of dialogue in an appropriately-confused manner. That’s why the first 30 minutes or so of Dragonfight is so wacky and funny. But the desert sequences are mostly slogs and have an unfortunate Albert Pyun feel, and things slow down tremendously then. Some nice cinematography can’t fix the egregious problems this movie has.

Z’Dar runs around the desert yelling “RAAAAAHHH!!!!” and wearing a too-small suit of chainmail, complete with codpiece. Charles Napier has a cap with the word “Ranger” on it in tiny type, so small you can barely read it. Were smaller-than-average chainmail suits and “Ranger” embroidered patches cheaper than normal-sized ones?  Then George “Buck” Flower (or is it Randall “Tex” Cobb? Not really sure...) shows up, and most of his dialogue (and inexplicable narration) is so grumbly, mumbly, and slurred, he makes William Smith seem like a master of elocution. And lest we forget Tom Magee as Bull, the token meathead. Naturally a movie about mystical sorcery wouldn’t be complete without the Canadian 1982 World Powerlifiting Champion. Also he was in Stone Cold (1991) and Street Knight (1993).

Director Warren Stevens also is responsible for Lone Tiger (1999) - how does he keep assembling impressive B-movie casts for these nonsensical movies? Sure, the writing, editing, and directing are very off, but our question is: did Stevens think it made sense? Did he think it would make sense to audiences? Or does he know it makes no sense, and he doesn’t care? These are the questions we’re curious about. But naturally, there is a lot of repetition to pad out the running time. We also noted that the movie Digital Man (1995) is very similar to this. Of all the movies to imitate, why Dragonfight? Is it really that inspirational? Add in a little Cyber Vengeance (1997) and you have...well, something.

The first half-hour is fairly mind-boggling, but then the silliness subsides for most of the rest of the film. We felt the corporate-based scenes were more interesting than the desert slog scenes, of course. So that led to an overall feeling of dissatisfaction. Featuring the song “Take My Stand” by Velvet Hammer, Dragonfight is, despite author John Stanley giving it a glowingly positive review in his book Creature Features, a confusing disappointment after its opening promise. But there are some unintentional laughs along the way.

Also check out a review by our buddy, The Video Vacuum!

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty