Commando Squad (1987)

Commando Squad (1987)- * * *

Directed by: Fred Olen Ray

Starring: Kathy Shower, Brian Thompson, Sid Haig, Marie Windsor, Robert Quarry, William Smith, and Ross Hagen

Kat Withers (Shower) is an L.A. narcotics agent who cleans up the trash on the streets and asks questions later. Her boss, Milo (Quarry) informs her that a "renegade federal agent" named Morgan Denny (Smith) and his sidekicks Iggy (Haig) and Cowboy (Hagen) have not only moved their drug operation south of the border to Mexico, but that they've also kidnapped Withers's boyfriend Clint Jensen (Thompson). Never fearing a fight, Withers goes in search of her beloved Clint. Along the way, she faces many obstacles and challenges - but will Kat and Clint stop the baddies and their drug running? Is Kat Withers a one-woman COMMANDO SQUAD?


Fred Olen Ray is certainly no stranger to the action genre, having directed Armed Response (1986) and Operation Cobra (1997), among others. While Commando Squad boasts a strong first half, Ray seems to have lost interest around the halfway mark. Still, 'Squad has plenty to offer the 80's action film fan. For one thing, the cast of B-Movie favorites is incredibly strong. It's almost literally an all-star cast as Shower, Quarry, Smith, Hagen, Haig and Thompson are backed with Mel Welles, Russ Tamblyn, Ray regular Dawn Wildsmith, and Tane McClure and Michelle Bauer in small roles.


Perhaps the most inspired casting choice was Golden Age actress Marie Windsor as the Machine Gun Joe character, Casey. Not only that, she uses her employment at Hollywood Book & Poster as her cover! A poster for the John Savage film Soldier's Revenge (1986) is clearly seen in this scene, as are other notable background posters. Also, instead of a sign that says either Open or Closed, theirs says We Be Here or We Be Gone. Maybe locals to the area can tell us if that's their real sign.


Despite the slowdown of the second half, this is still a great role for Kathy Shower. Finally, we get to see her shooting many people and really getting in on the action. To show that she's undercover and serious, she wears a black-haired wig that gets her resembling Pat Benatar more than you might think. Interestingly, on the American VHS box cover we see Shower's blonde hair. On foreign issues, she had the short black hair. It must be a cultural thing.


From the outset, we're taken in by the sleazy backdrop, the sax and wailing guitar on the soundtrack, Shower's attitude and her shooting of baddies, and of course the fact that this is "One Last Job" for her, a cliche we always love. There's also a coke deal gone wrong, naturally enough. After they're ensconced in Mexico, we do get some action and blow-ups, including an exploding helicopter. We also get some classic Prerequisite Torture of the hero, in this case Brian Thompson. We're happy he was playing a good guy, similar to his role in Hired to Kill (1990). Sid Haig wears a Miami Vice-style white suit (remember this was 1987), and William Smith's voice is its normal, gravelly self.


A movie highlight occurs when we see that Kat Withers has what they call a Vengeance Knife. Apparently, this is a knife with an acid-filled blade. That could be the title for a film on its own.


While, overall, the whole of Commando Squad should have taken place on the streets, as it did in the first half, and things become a bit soft after that, there still is plenty of 80's charm and other noteworthy aspects that make it worth checking out.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty
 

Robo-Chic (1990)

Robo-Chic (1990)- * 

Directed by: Ed Hansen and Jeffrey Mandel

Starring: Kathy Shower, Jennifer Daly, Burt Ward, and Kip King

When self-consciously "wacky" scientist Dr. Von Colon (King) creates a beautiful cyborg called ROBO-C.H.I.C. (Shower and Daly), he believes he has created the invention of the century. When she beats up some punks in an alley, the doctor realizes she can be used to fight crime. Meanwhile, a nebbish named Harry Truman Hodgkins (Ward) has claimed in the media that he has positioned a series of bombs and is going to set them off one by one. So ROBO-C.H.I.C. has to try and stop him, and meanwhile a criminal organization led by a guy named Quentin (???), as well as some bikers, are trying to stop ROBO-C.H.I.C. from depopulating their respective criminal organizations. Will you make it through to the end to see what happens?

It's hard to tell who the intended audience for ROBO-C.H.I.C. is supposed to be. Just to be absolutely clear, this is not an action movie. AIP never should have released it. It's an insufferably unfunny so-called comedy, and why the filmmakers thought the predictable, hacky jokes would hit home with any audience remains frustratingly unclear. 

Imagine if the production staff of 80's sitcom Small Wonder attempted to make Robocop (1987). And it's even less funny than that would probably be. Of course, from today's perspective, the idea of a bomber who wants to slaughter thousands of people using homemade explosive devices doesn't scream out as being a rich vein for hearty comedic laughs. And the character was played by TV's Robin, Burt Ward, so he now has this embarrassment on his resume. Too bad he didn't follow the example of his pal Adam West, and appear in high quality productions in the 80's like Night of the Kickfighters (1988) and Omega Cop (1990) (cough!).

ROBO-C.H.I.C. is completely in keeping with our theory that bad movies are long movies. This whole annoying exercise in patience lasts an agonizing 102 minutes, and is irritating right up until the final second, just like an awful old vaudeville comedian that has to get the hook because he doesn't know when to get off the stage. 

Just like the old hokey comedian who is blatantly desperate for cheap laughs, ROBO-C.H.I.C. comes from that very same DNA of those old performers. 102 minutes. Inexcusable. 80 would have been pushing it for what would have been an intolerable 8-minute Saturday Night Live sketch. Or is that redundant? Regardless, the super-slow pacing, if it even deserves to be called pacing (calling it that would imply there is a pace, or at least one that anyone thought about), is the heart of the problem. It all moves at a torturous crawl. WHY is it so slow and long? Seriously! We demand answers!

Another of our theories that this dreck is consistent with is the "two directors (or more)" theory. Not good. Even Kathy Shower, who is credited as a producer on the project, bailed, to be replaced in various scenes with one Jennifer Daly.  One of the directors is Jeff Mandel, the writer/director of all-time AIP classic, Elves (1989), released the same year as ROBO-C.H.I.C. Talk about a schizophrenic career. He also wrote AIP entry Firehead (1991). In other behind the scenes news, the guy who played Dr. Von Colon is Chris Kattan's father. It must be genetic. 

This movie is so painfully bad, it will make you long for the subtle, biting, incisive comedy of Mango. And no amount of nudity can paste over the flaws of this turkey. But characters do smoke indoors and wear fanny packs, and you get to see the old Dunkin Donuts logo, so there's a bit of nostalgia there. But it's not nearly enough to recommend this crud. If you want to see a much better movie with a similar idea, check out Steel and Lace (1991).

On top of the humorlessness and snail's pace, the movie doesn't even seem to care whether it's good or not. The audience feels jerked around by a bunch of people who can't even put in any effort to care to make a halfway decent production. ROBO-C.H.I.C. is just so, so lame. Never see it.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Out On Bail (1989)

Out On Bail (1989)-* * *

Directed by: Gordon Hessler

Starring: Robert Ginty, Kathy Shower, Tom Badal, Dewaal Stemmit, and Sydney Lassick












 John Dee (Ginty) is a drifter who isn’t looking for trouble, but trouble always seems to find him. He rides the rails into the dusty ol’ town of Fairfield (we don’t know what State it’s set in, but the movie was shot in Johannesburg, South Africa) and instantly runs afoul of the corrupt cops, led by Sheriff Taggart (Badal). Dee forges a relationship with innkeeper Sally Anne Lewis (Shower) and her mute son Jimmy (Dewaal Stemmit), and just while they’re learning to love John Dee, he gets put into the local jail and needs local attorney Otis T. Smiley (Lassick) to defend him. But John Dee is a man who can defend himself, so to clear his good name and get to the bottom of the conspiracy that goes all the way to the top, he takes the law in his own hands. But will he be OUT ON BAIL long enough to get to the truth?

Out On Bail is fan-favorite Robert Ginty at his best. He delivers an intense performance and the audience grows to really like him. Under the direction of Gordon Hessler, an experienced guy who also directed Sho Kosugi at his best with Pray For Death (1985), and another Sho vehicle, Rage Of Honor (1987), among many other things, he brings out the best in Ginty. The movie itself has a cool, tough vibe, and is underrated. Despite a valley of slowness in the middle (brought on by its slightly excessive running time), a DVD release should be in order, because this is a film more people really should see.

Besides the great Ginty, Tom Badal puts in an excellently smarmy and hate-able performance as Taggart. It’s always nice to see Kathy Shower as well, and, as if her name subconsciously leads to this, there’s a shower scene with her (yay!) and Ginty (boo). Sydney Lassick is also a name that continually pops up. Take The Art Of Dying (1991), for example. His personality is pretty funny and wacky - he truly was the Rich Fulcher of his day. Plus the fact that his name is Otis T. Smiley should tell you all you need to know about his character. But Out On Bail on the whole is not comical, It’s just Lassick who provides a bit of comic relief at times.

The movie has a great opening, and it’s hard to maintain that energy level throughout the entire film. There are plenty of stunts with shreddin’ guitars behind them, both at the beginning and the The Gauntlet (1977) - inspired ending. Out On Bail does inDeed deliver the goods, as it’s a well-written and executed action film, that packs a surprising emotional punch as well. We give our full blessing to this highly entertaining film.

Released on the TransWorld label, and featuring the end credits song, “Now You Want To Leave” by Bridget Michele, Out On Bail is worth seeking out.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett

American Kickboxer 2 (1993)

American Kickboxer 2 (1993)-* * *

Directed by: Jenö Hodi

Starring: Dale "Apollo" Cook, Kathy Shower and Evan Lurie















When Lillian's (Shower) 6-year old daughter Susie is kidnapped in broad daylight by a guy in a helicopter who looks like Jesse Ventura, she calls the only people on the planet who can help: Mike Clark (Cook), a hot-headed, unlikable L.A. cop and David (Lurie), a kickfighting instructor with an eye for the ladies.



Henceforth, it's "Meatheads Unite!" as Clark and David turn the city upside down looking for Susie. Will they survive the underground punchfighting matches they have to fight in, the many baddies that come after them, and who are the mysterious men "Mr. Po" and "Sam Driftie"? and most importantly will they get along long enough to complete the mission? There is also a loose subplot about who is the father of Susie. What is this? Maury?

"AK2" is not related to AK1 in any way. It is much, much sillier. Despite their unexplained bodyguards, Lillian and her new husband Howard (David Graf) don't notice a helicopter landing in their backyard until it is too late. Maybe they were both distracted by Howard's stylish shorts.

All the men in AK2 look completely ridiculous. Even the butler has a funny ponytail. Take our main heroes for example. When we are first introduced to Clark, he is wearing a pink shirt and tight stonewashed jeans even as he chases a random homie. 90% of the movie Clark is wearing a blue tanktop and ill-fitting blue sweatpants.



Despite one character enthusiastically claiming "he has great hair!" David's long mane is hilarious and he wears pants with a very high belt. He is shirtless so much, even Clark angrily remarks: "Put your shirt back on, pretty boy!" (Also as part of their rivalry, Clark insults David by saying "You have been drinking too much carrot juice!")

The opening credits misspell "Apollo" as "Appollo" - you don't often see a misspelling in movie credits. Because of his acting ability, meatheadyness, and the fact that he is always chewing on a tooth pick, Cook is downright incoherent. On the Vidmark VHS box it lists him as "five-time world champion" but doesn't say for what. The side of the box lists the genre of this movie as "Action Kickboxing".



Cook and Lurie's constant fighting is downright brain-numbing. In one sequence they are searching for a guy with a shark tattoo wearing a vest and no shirt. Of course they are.

More movie highlights include: A woman answering the phone at a bookstore by saying: "Bookstore?", when nudity appears on screen, a screeching, wailing saxophone is heard, A guy bringing a bottle of cockroaches to a big brawl just to make a baddie look down, and the best warehouse guard ever.

It ends with a freeze frame and the catchy tune "Fight For Power".

For an incredibly goofy, silly, unintentionally zany good time, don't miss American Kickboxer 2!


Comeuppance Review by Ty & Brett