Double Blast (1994)

Double Blast (1994)-* * *

Directed by: Tim Spring

Starring: Dale "Apollo" Cook, Linda Blair, Joe Estevez, Ron Hall, Ned Hourani, John Barrett, Crystal Summer, Stephen Brouse, Lorne Berfield, and Robert Z'Dar











Greg (Cook) is a professional kickboxer who has a son, Jimmy (Berfield), and a daughter, Lisa (Summer), who take after their father and also are proficient in Martial Arts. When a gang of no-goodniks led by Nadir (Estevez) and his number one goon Mongoose (Z’Dar) kidnap archaeologist Claudia (Blair) because she can translate an ancient stone tablet said to lead to the whereabouts of great riches, the kidnapping is witnessed by Lisa and Jimmy. They follow the baddies into the jungle, and are soon followed by their dad. So now everyone, good guys and bad guys alike, are trekking through jungles and caves to try and find the treasure. Who will end up with it?

Ah, to be a kid in the 90’s. You could go to your local video store, rent Double Blast and maybe a Genesis game, then go home and watch Wild and Crazy Kids while eating your Fruit By The Foot. It’s a nice scenario, and surely one that the filmmakers at Davian International (the people behind most of Dale “Apollo” Cook’s movies) were aiming for. Double Blast is nothing if not an attempt to crack the market of younger kids seeking action thrills, and in the attempt making a sort of cross between Home Alone (1990), The Goonies (1985) and Three Ninjas (1992) (one of Berfield’s only credits is a “thank you” on Three Ninjas - was he a young consultant, a stunt-kid, or was he in the running to be one of the Ninjas? We may never know...) Seeing as how the Martial Arts fights aren’t all that different from Cook’s other movies, if such a designation exists, this movie would surely be a hard PG.

Cook carries over his time-honored sweatpants-and-fannypack look into this movie. Why an acknowledged action star of the time insisted on dressing like a tourist in every one of his films remains a mystery. Lorne Berfield, the kid who played Jimmy, was very good and seemed to have a promising career ahead of him. Sadly it never materialized. Linda Blair is along for the silly ride, and Joe Estevez chews scenery as the main baddie. Robert Z’Dar holds up his end of the wackiness on show, and this is the only credited performance of Crystal Summer, who’s not a porn star as far as we know. There are some other names in the cast fans will know, such as Ron Hall, who flips around and fights in a full suit, John Barrett, who’s Cook’s fight trainer, and Ned Hourani, who plays one of the baddies who is constantly getting beat up by children.

Director Tim Spring was certainly on a tear in the mid-90’s, having directed Reason to Die (1990), Double Blast, and Raw Target (1995) all in a row. The golden age of the video store brought out the best in people, and gave us more choices than ever before. What’s good about Double Blast is that it’s at least upbeat, and there’s no annoying kid, which there easily could have been. There are zany “BOING!” sound effects while the children are beating up the grown-ups, and characters read newspapers with grammatical errors in them. Lisa has a boyfriend (Lisa has a boyfriend!) named Charlie (Stephen Brause, in his only role) who looks exactly like TV’s Zack Morris. Maybe that’s why Brause never went on to anything else. The world already had a Zack.

But perhaps the most interesting thing, from today’s standpoint, about Double Blast is how characters call each other “retard” as an insult. You CANNOT do that today. Or maybe you could, but your movie would be rated R, and you’d be accused of bullying and defamation and sued within an inch of your life. It’s all done without malice, it truly was a more innocent time back then, people didn’t know what they were saying. In the end, we watched Double Blast because of the very impressive cast, but the movie is certainly geared for younger viewers. Not unlike Little Ninjas (1990). It’s pretty dumb, but the cast basically keeps it afloat. If you have occasion to watch something of this kind, you could probably do worse than Double Blast.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Evolver (1995)

Evolver (1995)-* * *1\2

Directed by: Mark Rosman

Starring: Ethan Embry, Chance Quinn, Cassidy Rae and William H. Macy as the voice of Evolver












Now here’s a find. You won’t fail to be entertained by the greatness of Evolver!

Teen Kyle (Embry) likes to hang out at “TurboPlay Virtual Excitement”, a Virtual Reality (remember VR?) arcade of sorts. He’s so good at VR games, crowds come to watch him do his thing. So much so that his buddy Zach (Quinn) takes bets on this neo-Tommy and his neo-Pinball machine. It’s also there where he meets the cute Jamie (Rae) and they strike up a friendship/relationship. All seems to be going relatively well in Kyle’s world, and when robotics company Cyber Tronix eyes him as a popular video game fan, they announce him as the winner of the “Evolver” contest. What’s that you ask? Evolver is a robot that lives in your home and you play with him. He has built in “levels” that get progressively harder.

It seems fun, but there’s one problem. Deep in Evolver’s (or “Evo” as the cool kids call him) is government-created warfare technology. Seeing everyone as an enemy, Evo goes off the rails and begins killing and maiming people. Can Kyle and Jamie put an end to the robotic chaos? Find out today!

Evolver is a wildly entertaining movie that everyone should see. It has no fat or filler - and it doesn’t have much time to, as it can only be described as a Sci-Fi Horror Comedy Coming-Of-Age Tale. Amazingly, it all works and is a lot of fun. The movie takes cues from such movies as The Terminator (1984), Robocop (1987), The Last Starfighter (1984), Weird Science (1985), C.H.O.M.P.S. (1979) and most notably the two Short Circuit (1986) movies. But its heart is in lower-budget exploitation like Arcade (1993) or Chopping Mall (1986). The 90’s VR trend allows for some lovably dated graphics, and it all adds to the fun.

As far as the Evolver robot is concerned, this li’l homunculus is like some sort of bizarre melding of Nintendo’s Rob the Robot, a game of Laser Tag, a Tamagotchi, the “Happy Birthday Paulie” robot, a Roomba and Mr. Bucket. But instead of balls popping out of his mouth (remember the song?) - it’s metal ball bearings that shoot at you. Naturally the voice of Evo is none other than William H. Macy. It’s truly a career best performance. We’re not being sarcastic, he’s great as the tricky little bugger. Paul Dooley is on hand as the head of the robotics company, and Ethan Embry does a great job as Kyle. He’s a real teen and not a 37 year old in disguise. He really seems to care about the proceedings.

What’s great about Evolver is that it’s just an insane idea that actually got made. It’s not really that predictable for most of its running time either. It should really be more well-known. But maybe this movie was originally made as a tie-in or potential long-form commercial for a real Evolver you can buy in stores, but it never materialized. Either that, or there are hundreds of them buried in secret in the Nevada desert like the E.T. game for Atari. We just better hope they never wake up and go for revenge.

Interestingly, in Kyle’s living room at home, not only does he have an NES, but a pretty decent VHS collection, and very briefly on screen you can see an assortment of Vidmark titles (Evolver is a Vidmark). One of which is one of the American Kickboxer (1990) movies! So clearly Kyle has good taste.

Featuring the 90’s techno song “Beat the Machine”, Evolver will appeal to just about anybody. But fans of 90’s nostalgia especially will love the movie’s charms. We definitely recommend Evolver.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett

Short Fuse (1986)

 Short Fuse (1986)-* * *

AKA: Good To Go

Directed by: Blaine Novak

Starring: Art Garfunkel, Harris Yulin, Robert DoQui, and Richard Brooks









In Washington, D.C. in the 1980’s, Go-Go music was huge. Go-Go is an urban cross between funk, R&B, soul and dance music with extended songs meant for the largely African-American audiences to dance the night away to. Some of the most famous practitioners of this genre of music include Trouble Funk, Redd & The Boys, and Chuck Brown and the Soul Searchers. Max (DoQui) is a music impresario and label head who is trying to make this music go global and has a large record deal in the works for Redd & The Boys.  

Spoiling this dream, a rape and murder occurs outside a club that caters to the music, called, you guessed it, The Go-Go. Or did it? Trying to get to the truth, alcoholic newspaper reporter S.D. Blass (Garfunkel) calls Chief Harrigan of the local police precinct. Harrigan leads Blass to believe Chemist (Brooks) was involved in the crime. But along the way, Blass befriends Chemist’s little brother Beats (Daughtry) and begins to question Harrigan and his motivations. After a lot of chaos and confusion, Blass begins to sort things out - but he’s going to have to do it fast before a race riot occurs in D.C. Can he do it?

Please read in a gravelly, portentous, gravely serious Don LaFontaine-like movie trailer announcer voice: Art Garfunkel. Has a: SHORT FUSE. Coming this summer. When we think of actors that could be chosen for the lead role in a movie entitled Short Fuse, names like Clint Eastwood, Charles Bronson or Jason Statham come to mind. But for some reason yet to be fathomed by mankind, they chose noted badass Art Garfunkel for the role. And true to form, in this movie he’s such a wet noodle that he makes Toby from The Office look like The Ultimate Warrior. But in all fairness, this movie was originally titled Good To Go (and characters do say that a lot and there’s a song of the same name on the soundtrack as well).  Adding weirdness to inappropriateness, the main thrust of this movie is urban, street-level crime, in the era of boomboxes, graffiti and Kangol hats. Again...Art Garfunkel? But seriously, we could see what they were thinking because “Bridge Over Troubled Water” has some fresh beats.

And if they were so gung-ho for Garfunkel, why hire Harris Yulin as the only other White guy in the cast? They look very, very similar. So much so it’s hard to tell them apart in some scenes. But the tell is Garfunkel’s bizarre combover. It makes Donald Trump’s look positively normal by comparison. Plus the movie has a lot of product placement for Pepsi. It’s practically a 90-minute commercial for Pepsi. But it’s hard to imagine the Pepsi people being very happy that a movie about a drug-fuelled rape and murder with a bunch of shootouts and car crashes is so tied in with their product.  That observation aside, by far the best thing about Short Fuse is not, as you might expect, the length of the fuse of one Arthur Ira Garfunkel. It’s the music!

In all seriousness, the soundtrack and the live performances are uniformly excellent. All the bands mentioned above are excellent, both musically and from a showmanship perspective. We really were dancing in our seats! As a concert film documenting the Go-Go phenomenon, Short Fuse is actually an important “Art”-ifact. Robert DoQui, who was in Diplomatic Immunity (1991), and resembles Richard Roundtree but is an accomplished actor in his own right, is always worth seeing, as is future Law & Order star Richard Brooks, who also appeared in Shakedown (1988). Short Fuse is listed in some sources as a “concert drama” and seems to be little-seen, even though it was released on the Vidmark label. But the cast, as well as the musical performances keep it from ever getting boring.

Witness Art put the “funk” in “Garfunkel” and watch this oddity today!

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett

Twin Dragon Encounter (1986)

Twin Dragon Encounter (1986)-* * *1\2

Directed by: Paul Dunlop

Starring: Michael McNamara, Martin McNamara, and B.Bob

Now here’s a gem! Michael and Martin McNamara here play...Michael and Martin McNamara, two martial arts instructors on the mean streets of Canada. Tired of having to break up brawls in the park where middle-aged white men threaten to harm dogs if they’re not left alone, the two identical twins leave the big city for a week’s vacation on Twin Island, their own property in rural Pointe Au Baril, Canada. Once there, the men and their girlfriends have a grand old time swimming, boating, and avoiding bears by sleeping in a treehouse. We even get to see the twins’ prankster side. But there is a gang of “weekend warriors” trying to spoil their fun. A group called “The People’s Private Army”, led by the evil Jake (B.Bob, who else) is constantly terrorizing the couples. Eventually, the baddies kidnap the girls and the Twin Dragons must use every tool at their disposal and a fleet of vehicles hidden under leaves and twigs to rescue them. Will they be successful?

Yes, this is one of THOSE movies. You’ve heard of non-acting, now get prepared for non-directing as well. Sure, this is one notch above a home movie, but they got it released on Vidmark, and it presumably got distributed all over the world. You see, it’s not about budget or experienced actors and technicians, it’s about heart and soul. The McNamaras, and the project they built for themselves here, has that DIY spirit and they really achieved something here.

It should be noted that there is an on-screen crawl a la Star Wars to let us know we’re in for an epic experience (there’s also a brief post-movie crawl as well), and in it, among other claims, it is said that the McNamaras, and I quote, “know the meaning of life”. Far from being an exaggeration, and a weird one at that, the answer is clearly Billy Butt, the musician behind the oft-repeated tunes in this movie, “The Right to Fight” and “Faces”. These rockin’ and catchy songs, not to mention the artist’s name, must have some connection to the meaning of life.

The twins resemble Frank Zappa and have thick Canadian accents. They wear Karate outfits as daily wear, and there are many shots of their martial arts studio in Ontario, as well as their vans, emblazoned with the name, address and phone number of said studio.  Their fighting style is not bad at all, but most of the fight scenes have bizarre slow motion and wacky sound effects. Just check out the roadside diner fight, it’s really...one of a kind. 

The movie is 79 minutes long, and that includes 9 minutes of recap of what they felt were the best scenes, as well as some additional credits. That includes a credit letting us know the true independence of this movie. Kids could look up to the McNamaras, and surely in Canada, they do. The Vidmark box makes all kinds of hyperbolic claims about the classic status of this movie, and they seem to have pasted the heads of the two brothers on other people’s bodies.  But will this movie ever make it to DVD?

For a hilarious great time, check out martial arts Canada-style and Encounter this winner tonight!

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Overkill (1996)

Overkill (1996)-*1\2

Directed by: Dean Raphael Ferrandini

Starring: Aaron Norris, Kenneth Moskow, Pamela Dickerson, David Rowe, and Michael Nouri













Jack Hazard (Norris) is a Cop On The Edge who is sent down to San Carlos (actually Puerto Vallarta, Mexico), presumably because his name is too awesome for the LAPD. All Hazard wants to do is just relax and be shirtless for a while, but he runs into the nerdy Steiner (Moskow) who has, as seems to be very common in this time period, a computer disc. What’s on the disc you ask? All the dirt on an unscrupulous, evil land developer named Lloyd Wheeler (Nouri), of course. Naturally, Wheeler sends Hazard and Steiner into the “Jungle of the Shadow People” so he can hunt them down and kill them. But Hazard has a few tricks up his sleeve for Wheeler and his gang of baddies.

Aaron Norris...yes...AARON Norris here makes his bid along with relatives Chuck and Mike to be another action hero. And just in time too, as I was starting to worry that the world was running short on Norrises. He’s an odd-looking man, a sort of cross between David Heavener and Don Swayze. He’s the perfect star for those who find the work of Lorenzo Lamas too intellectually challenging. His line readings are beyond wooden, they’re petrified, much like the trees of the jungle the movie takes place in. He’s yet another goofy meathead, perfect for this movie however, which is yet another “Most Dangerous Game” retread. By 1996 they really should have known better.

Perhaps that was the prevailing feeling on the set of Overkill, (which doesn’t really live up to its name by the way, nor does the promise of the name “Jack Hazard” get fulfilled), as Michael Nouri was probably only involved so he could go to a warm, sunny location, sleepwalk through a one-dimensional role and get a nice check. You can’t really blame him, but Aaron has even less energy than Chuck Norris, he doesn’t talk much, and when he does, his performance can best be described as shirtless and mulleted. So he’s not bringing the energy level up too high.

Of course, there are the classic cliches and silly lines as well. This was director Ferrandini’s only directorial effort to date, and he’s much more well known as a stuntman, having a long and rich career in that field. He’s done stuntwork for Comeuppance classics such as Breakin’ (1984), Zero Tolerance (1994), Hologram Man (1995), and Invasion USA (1985), among other Chuck vehicles. With time, his directorial abilities may have improved, but I guess we’ll never know. Much of the movie is too dark to see, and needed more light. The plot is something we’ve all seen before and the audience must try way too hard to get invested, and at a certain point it’s just a lost cause. The movie needed some pep. Interestingly, the plot is similar to another Norris vehicle, Mike’s Death Ring (1992).

By 1996, the music for these movies was just not as good as it used to be, and the movie has no memorable song. There is a song, “Paradise”, by the perplexingly-named “Food for Feet”, but come on. The days of Steve Butler and “Always on my Mind” were clearly long gone by now.

Overkill is stupid and has an unbelievably lame ending. Our standards for movies like this are very low, but Overkill still did not meet those already rock-bottom standards. Overkill is “Hazard”ous to your health.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett

Reason To Die (1990)

Reason To Die (1990)-* * *

Directed by: Tim Spring

Starring: Wings Hauser, Anneline Kriel, and Arnold Vosloo










Elliot Canner (Wings) is a streetwise bounty hunter on the streets of NYC who always gets his man. When his number one most wanted target, the sadistic serial slasher Wesley Wilson (Vosloo) escapes the city and ends up in Angelique, South Africa, Canner is hot on his trail and he follows him there.

The situation is getting desperate, as Wilson has revved up his knife-slashings and gun-shootings to very frequent levels. So Canner enlists the reporter/love interest Lena (Kriel) to act as bait. And it doesn’t help that the local cops are always harassing Canner and not Wilson. But it seems Canner and Lena are always one step behind the nefarious and crafty killer...

Because the movie stars Wings and Vosloo, and has a similar title, you’d think this was some sort of companion piece to Living To Die (1990). But it appears to be completely unrelated otherwise. Wings is his usual charismatic, likable self, and Vosloo puts on his best scowl and evil eye as the baddie. Vosloo as Wilson doesn’t say much, but he does have a menacing presence. Plus his kill count is pretty outrageous.

The plot is as basic as could be: Wings is after the serial killer. End of plot. But because Wilson is primarily hunting hookers, Wings must delve into the seedy underbelly of the city. Sure, there’s some half-assed psychological motivation to Wilson’s prostitute murders, but what’s really interesting is seeing Wings as the hero in a relatively strange foreign land, investigating amongst the seamier side of life in a quasi-slasher movie scenario. We tended to like the horror movie elements, especially since the movie also features some decent stunt work in the action scenes. Unquestionably, Wings carries the movie.

Importantly, the Vidmark VHS released in the U.S. came in two versions: one cut and one uncut. Make sure you get the uncut version. Vidmark made it easy enough to do so, as there should be a square white sticker that says “the original unedited version” on the proper tape.

While certainly not perfect, any fan of exploitation or Wings Hauser should find some meat on the bone with Reason to Die.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett

Raw Target (1995)

Raw Target (1995)-* *1\2

Directed by: Tim Spring

Starring: Dale "Apollo" Cook, Ron Hall,  Nick Hill, Mychelle Charters, and Nick Nicholson











Johnny Rider (Cook) is a kickboxer who accidentally kills his opponent during one of his matches.  His brother Gabe was working with DEA agent Susan Wells (Charters) to take down the evil, sadistic, drug-dealing Rod Sparks (Hill). Unfortunately, Sparks found out Gabe was undercover and killed him. Now Johnny wants revenge, so he follows in his brother’s footsteps and works with Susan to infiltrate the Sparks gang.  Meanwhile, Johnny and Susan develop a romantic relationship, and the main cop working the case, Bill Williams (Hall) complicates matters because he’s involved as well. Can Johnny use his kickboxing skills to get some closure regarding his brother?

It’s a good thing kickboxers and cops have brothers, or most low-budget action movies would not get made. Luckily, Johnny Rider does, so he comes into town to get justice. It seems the filmmakers at least tried to make Dale “Apollo” Cook likable this time around. For Rider, shirtlessness is a way of life, and he always seems to run into trouble and having to kickbox his way out of it.

Because the film is under-lit and most scenes are extremely dark - this is probably the darkest film we’ve seen, darker than American Dragons (1998), Raw Target seems to have pioneered a new genre: Darkfighting. This variant of punchfighting happens when few, if any, lights are on. Perhaps this was a conscious choice by director Tim Spring, thinking that an audience would be hard-pressed to tell if punches and kicks are connecting if you just can’t see anything. But the problem is, well...you just can’t see anything!

Luckily you can see Nick Hill’s wardrobe in the film. Rod Sparks is one snappy dresser. Hill is better acting-wise in Death Match (1994)  (and Fists of Iron, 1995 for that matter), but his martial arts looks good. He tries to play an over-the-top crazy villain, but it doesn’t really come off, he seems more suited to playing the “nice guy”. But though Raw Target falls prey to such common problems for movies of this type such as some horrendous acting and some really terrible editing, once again these things don’t matter. I would assume most people that rented this from their local video store back in the day weren’t concerned with the copious padding of the running time and serious pacing issues. What fans want to see is Cook beat people up, and that definitely happens. Watch out for Nick Nicholson in a small role as well. 

After all the mindless fighting that has gone on, during the final confrontation, the same guitar riff plays over and over again in the background. Could they only afford one riff? But the movie redeems itself from that with a freeze-frame ending and an amazingly groan-inducing, dated final line. And the title song by Gracy Carlson is perfect for the movie, falling perfectly in with other songs such as “No Exit” (from Fatal Combat, 1997) and "White Fury” (from the AIP film of the same name).

Released on Vidmark on VHS in the U.S., as was most of Cook’s material, you could certainly do worse than Raw Target.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Fortune Dane (1986)

Fortune Dane (1986)-* *1\2

Directed by: Charles Correll

Starring: Carl Weathers and Alberta Watson















Det. Fortune Dane (Weathers) is a hotshot on the Washington D.C. beat. He's a former pro football player that decides to go into law enforcement. When an assassin named Warlock opens fire on everyone in an illegal gambling house with a machine gun, he didn't count on one thing: FORTUNE DANE! Dane is especially mad because Warlock murdered his midget friend Augie. Unfortunately Dane was on the premises when it happened, questioning the pit boss of the gambling house, who claims the mastermind of it all, who Warlock works for, Dexter, tried to involve him in a point-shaving scandal.

Meanwhile, in the midst of the investigation, Dane develops a relationship with big-haired D.A. Steiner (Alberta Watson). On top of all that, there is a very dramatic showdown between Dane and his elderly father. Dane was adopted and became an overachiever in order to please his father, a bank owner. Dad got in some trouble because he wouldn't accept illegal bailout money. How relevant to today.

Dane gets a suspension from the case because Internal Affairs is on his back. He ends up in "Bay City" where the Warlock chase continues. The Bay City cops don't believe he's a cop at first (probably because he's so smooth) but let him go on his merry way because they really want to take down Warlock and Dexter. What will happen next?

It seems Fortune Dane was a short-lived TV series, and Vidmark video released "parts I & II" on VHS. Apparently there are five episodes, which makes sense because the tape ends with some unanswered questions...

The intro is worth watching because it repeats the words "FORTUNE DANE" over and over again while Carl Weathers works out and gets dressed. Something for the ladies. It's pretty funny. It looks like an 80's workout video more than anything. Hey, it's a great name. It's funny when his young nephew, in a high, squeaky voice says "Hi Fortune!" They say the name a lot, but why not? It's fun to say.

Weathers is charming and likable as Dane. Apparently he was involved behind the scenes because Fortune Dane is a "Stormy Weathers" production. He wears a different stylish outfit in every scene. This is, in retrospect, a precursor to Action Jackson (1988) and Hurricane Smith (1992).

A highlight is the sax-blaring soundtrack. Not to fear, the jazz is as smooth as Fortune himself. Practically after every scene, there is a quiet storm. Mellow.

A TV show cut down before its time, I tell ya. The question isn't why Vidmark released it, but why they only released part of it. While it isn't extreme in one direction or another and there are some run-of-the-mill moments, if you ever run across it, don't run from this great 'Dane.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Merchants Of War (1990)

Merchants Of War (1990)-* * *

Directed by: Peter M. Mackenzie

Starring: Asher Brauner, Jesse Vint, and John Barrett


"He was the one man who made war on the war makers."










He's back...for some reason! The monosyllabic mullet-head returns for the better of his two headliners. And you thought his hair was his only headliner (Groan).

Asher Brauner, of American Eagle (1989), as if you didn't know, is back this time as Nick Drennen, a mercenary badass called in to do "one last mission"  - dismantle a middle-eastern terror sect in Angola. While there, he is captured and subjected to the prerequisite tortures. While there, he befriends a young boy and names him "Bugsy" because his African name is too complex for him (and because when they first met Drennen was eating bugs to survive. Bugsy gave him some Ostrich jerky and their bond was formed).

Let's not forget Drennen has some brothers in arms from his days in 'Nam to help him fight his way through the baddies. Jesse Vint plays Frank, and John Barrett appears as Tom. Barrett is always nice to see and has had a relatively under-reported-on career in action cinema. He also has a credit as Stunt Adviser on the film. Click on his tag to read more about his other films on our site.

Will Drennen and the gang be victorious against the legions of anti-American baddies after the Government cuts their ties with the mercs?

The good news is that this film is a pretty big improvement over American Eagle. Interestingly, it seems that THIS movie should have been called "American Eagle" and the other one should have been called "Merchants of War". But anyway, the direction is tighter and more professional, and the whole production seems more controlled. And it all kicks off with one killer of a theme song. Imagine a cross between Final Mission's (1984) immortal "Always on my Mind" crossed with "Livin' on a Prayer". The singer, Chris Thompson, bellows about "Merchants of Waaaaaarrrrr" with an almost-perplexing level of passion. He really cares. A little too much perhaps. But we loved the enthusiasm of it all.

Luckily, Merchants has some of the things that make action films worth watching. For some unexplained reason, a team of drunken rednecks is assembled to fight international terrorists. During a recon mission where Drennen gets some local help, he just happens to have an exploding camera. Drennen should have gone after Castro. Another great weapon in his arsenal is a dart in a slingshot. Hey, it's more original than a gun. One of the main baddies, Abdul, has absurd hair that seems to be one of the more obvious wigs we've seen. One of Drennen's comrades is oddly named  "Vincent D'Onofrio".

During the extended torture/imprisonment section of the film, Drennen is subjected to the dreaded "daily laughing". Every day, a man appears in a window solely to laugh at him, then he walks away. Chilling stuff.

It all comes to a head at the "Third World Convention". Just imagine a convention of all the hellhole countries where the leaders come to the podium and rant and rave against America. Actually you don't have to imagine the U.N. Just try and keep me away from this convention. Where do I sign up? Drennen isn't having any of this anti-American dross so he crashes the party and lets his missile launcher do the rebuttal.

For classic-era dumb action entertainment, Merchants will fit the bill solidly.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Fist of Glory (1991)

Fist of Glory (1991)-* *1\2

Directed by: Joe Mari Avellana

Starring: Dale "Apollo" Cook







"Welcome To The Apocalypse."





In this period piece set towards the end of the Vietnam war, Jake "Johnny" Reynolds (Cook) and his team are deep in the jungle fighting the VC in an unauthorized mission. During some generic Vietnam action that lasts over thirty minutes but somehow manages to completely sidestep anything resembling character development, there are constant firefights and explosions. Grass and dirt continually blow up, and it makes Eye Of the Eagle III (1989), Crossfire (1988) and Firehawk (1993) seem like episodes of Masterpiece Theatre. It gets quite brain-numbing.

Three months later, while on some temporary R&R, Jake decides to hit the town in Vietnam. He realizes his buddy "Mad Dog" Lee has been brainwashed, hooked on heroin and forced to fight in underground punchfighting matches, dubbed "Saigon's Awesome Arena of Blood". There are no rules and you must fight to the death. Concerned for his friend, Jake infiltrates the operation. He even hires a foreign trainer to help him. After nursing Lee back to health, they set out for revenge against the entire town.

In Apollo's first-ever movie role, he's as wooden and surly as ever. He has a funny haircut, and, like American Kickboxer 2 (1993), wears a pink shirt. Maybe it's in his contract.

The film boasts some decent stunts, and when the VC are shot they are a bit "flippier" than usual. They spin around a few extra times in this one. One soldier is even blown up and flies through the air in a sitting position. Just imagine Magik's immortal "sit-down dance" from Body Rock. (1984) Sure, there are constant blow-ups, but for what? Fist of Glory could have used a bit more character development and a few less unnecessary explosions. The punchfighting is a bit weak compared to some of the others in the meathead genre. However, in one match, the man Jake is fighting has "secret chilis". He has some hot peppers in a corner of the ring, and when Jake isn't looking, he eats them and then spits in his face. That was pretty novel.

In one of the battle scenes, only for a few seconds, we see a POV of Lee's machine gun. It seems it is attached to the camera. It is like a first-person shooter, which was very different in 1991. It also doesn't wear out its welcome. We enjoyed that.

Fist of Glory (whatever that means, the title doesn't make much sense) is fairly interesting because it is a hybrid Vietnam/Punchfighter, and because it is the first appearance of Dale "Apollo" Cook.


Comeuppance Review by: Brett & Ty

Little Ninjas (1990)

Little Ninjas (1990)-* *1\2

AKA: 3 Little Ninjas and the Lost Treasure

Directed By: Emmett Alston

Starring: Douglas Ivan, Steven Nelson, Jonathan Anzaldo, Alan Godshaw, Robert Hunt, and Takeshi Garcia









Predating the "Let's make ninjas palatable for kids and the masses" craze of the 1990's with such popular titles as: 3 Ninjas (1992), Surf Ninjas (1993), 3 Ninjas Kick Back (1994), 3 Ninjas Knuckle Up (1995), the Gary Daniels/Robert Z'Dar outing Pocket Ninjas (1997), and the Hulkster vehicle 3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain (1998) -- check out the original title -- "Little Ninjas" is silly fun for the whole family.

Our journey begins at Rotunga Island, where Stevie Campbell and his mom and his two friends Jon and Alan are riding on a water buffalo heading for the Temple of Penchat. On the way, they say "We're going to the temple of Penchat. Yaaaayyy!!!" and "This cart is rad!", presumably referring to the water buffalo. Stevie, Jon and Alan are about ten years old and when they get to Penchat, they see a bunch of guys stickfighting and they exclaim "They are doing martial arts!"

All is not well, however. The evil Sarak, who looks like a genie with a mustache and open shirt, wants a treasure map that is located in the town of Penchat. The kids stumble upon the map and have a badly-choreographed fight with Sarak and they throw eggs at him. After Sarak exclaims "No one escapes the wrath of Sarak", the kids escape back to Los Angeles. Sarak follows them. The kids go to "Camp Karate", a summer training camp. Sarak follows them there and a crazy conflict ensues.

Sarak has three henchmen, who are all dum-dums. One is named Zonk. Sarak calls him a "faithful elephant". He also calls Americans "foreign dogs".

A very weird moment occurs when Ken, a creepy Sensei, says "the boys are changing. I'm going to check on them". Chris Hansen will be coming to meet him soon.

The movie in a nutshell is 90 minutes of badguys yelling "Raaaaah!" and the kids running away and yelling "Aaaaaaaaah". Add to that some Benny Hill-style chases and absurd "BOING!" sound effects, and there you have it. The kids are non-actors and probably had a fun time making the film. Naturally, it ends on a funny freeze frame.

For childish fun that's off the beaten track, check out Little Ninjas.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett

American Kickboxer 2 (1993)

American Kickboxer 2 (1993)-* * *

Directed by: Jenö Hodi

Starring: Dale "Apollo" Cook, Kathy Shower and Evan Lurie















When Lillian's (Shower) 6-year old daughter Susie is kidnapped in broad daylight by a guy in a helicopter who looks like Jesse Ventura, she calls the only people on the planet who can help: Mike Clark (Cook), a hot-headed, unlikable L.A. cop and David (Lurie), a kickfighting instructor with an eye for the ladies.



Henceforth, it's "Meatheads Unite!" as Clark and David turn the city upside down looking for Susie. Will they survive the underground punchfighting matches they have to fight in, the many baddies that come after them, and who are the mysterious men "Mr. Po" and "Sam Driftie"? and most importantly will they get along long enough to complete the mission? There is also a loose subplot about who is the father of Susie. What is this? Maury?

"AK2" is not related to AK1 in any way. It is much, much sillier. Despite their unexplained bodyguards, Lillian and her new husband Howard (David Graf) don't notice a helicopter landing in their backyard until it is too late. Maybe they were both distracted by Howard's stylish shorts.

All the men in AK2 look completely ridiculous. Even the butler has a funny ponytail. Take our main heroes for example. When we are first introduced to Clark, he is wearing a pink shirt and tight stonewashed jeans even as he chases a random homie. 90% of the movie Clark is wearing a blue tanktop and ill-fitting blue sweatpants.



Despite one character enthusiastically claiming "he has great hair!" David's long mane is hilarious and he wears pants with a very high belt. He is shirtless so much, even Clark angrily remarks: "Put your shirt back on, pretty boy!" (Also as part of their rivalry, Clark insults David by saying "You have been drinking too much carrot juice!")

The opening credits misspell "Apollo" as "Appollo" - you don't often see a misspelling in movie credits. Because of his acting ability, meatheadyness, and the fact that he is always chewing on a tooth pick, Cook is downright incoherent. On the Vidmark VHS box it lists him as "five-time world champion" but doesn't say for what. The side of the box lists the genre of this movie as "Action Kickboxing".



Cook and Lurie's constant fighting is downright brain-numbing. In one sequence they are searching for a guy with a shark tattoo wearing a vest and no shirt. Of course they are.

More movie highlights include: A woman answering the phone at a bookstore by saying: "Bookstore?", when nudity appears on screen, a screeching, wailing saxophone is heard, A guy bringing a bottle of cockroaches to a big brawl just to make a baddie look down, and the best warehouse guard ever.

It ends with a freeze frame and the catchy tune "Fight For Power".

For an incredibly goofy, silly, unintentionally zany good time, don't miss American Kickboxer 2!


Comeuppance Review by Ty & Brett

White Phantom (1987)

White Phantom (1987)-* *1\2

Directed by: Dusty Nelson

Starring: Jay Roberts Jr. and Bo Svenson














When a bunch of ninjas in camouflage steal a box of weapons-grade plutonium, capable of a 5 megaton blast, from a truck driven by a slob eating a sloppy burger, the evil Sakura family goes from asking protection money from bookstores and nightclubs to the big leagues of international crime. Colonel Slater (Svenson) is on the case, chasing the nefarious family all over what we think is Japan (?) - and is using dancer Mei Lin as the undercover operative trying to get all the secrets she can from head of the family Hanzo (Jimmy Lee). Things get shaken up big time when a mysterious American stranger enters the picture...

Willi (Roberts Jr.) is an awesome dude with an attitude. He's the ultimate 80's coolguy, an unshaven cross between Keanu Reeves, Don Johnson and Bruce Willis. He even has a harmonica that he carries with him at all times. Talk about "The Return of Bruno"! He's charming, but kind of a jerk. He wears a Yankees baseball cap and a Sergio Leone-style duster coat. When he's not fighting Hanzo's stable of goons, he wants nothing more than to do some radically tubular slam dunks on the b-ball court and go to the local brothel. Is he just an American party animal? Or is there something more going on? He falls in love with Mei, which complicates matters between her, Hanzo and Slater. What is the secret of the mysterious Jay Roberts Jr.? Find out tonight!

Hanzo's goons are constantly playing rock paper scissors. One has a James Dean shirt, one resembles Oates, of Hall & Oates fame, and of course there is "Ears", a guy with not only a Hawaiian shirt, but also matching Hawaiian shorts who always has a Walkman on him. Hanzo has an interesting relationship with his controlling father, who we never actually see. He is the "White Phantom" equivalent of "Wilson" from "Home Improvement".

Willi (where's the final "e"?) even gets to say a great zinger to Hanzo when he shouts "Your triumph is your funeral, ninja!" And you thought English was his first language, unlike the rest of the cast (except Svenson).

As Mei Lin is a professional dancer, there are plenty of 80's dance sequences in the film. In fact, they pretty much replace action sequences until the climax, when the ninja action reaches its full capacity. In fact, "White Phantom" was released right smack dab in the middle of the famed 1980's Ninja Boom, where VHS boxes with the word "NINJA" emblazoned on them filled those beautiful video store shelves. Maybe they were trying for some kind of twist in the formula by including Roberts Jr. and not using the word "Ninja" in the title.

Go back to a time when the bad guys wear black and the good guys wear white in this (proudly stated on the box) 1987 release on Vidmark. Is Jay Roberts Jr. "The New American Hero"? Only you can be the judge.

Jay Roberts Jr. was clearly a national treasure and he, like so many others, should have gone on to be more well known. Find the Phantom tonight!

Comeuppance review by: Brett and Ty