Crime Of Crimes (1989)

Crime Of Crimes (1989)- * * *

Directed by: Alfredo Zacarias

Starring: David Carradine, Aldo Ray, Richard Yniguez, Miguel Rodriguez, Jimmy Williams, and Jeff Celentano 

Something sinister is happening on the streets of L.A. A kidnapper of children, using an ice cream truck for cover, is on the loose. A man by the name of Johnson (Ray) is the driver of said truck, but he's not a molester as you might think. He's shipping them off to someone credited as The 'Mad' Doctor (Williams) so their organs can be sold on the black market. Unfortunately for a good-natured dad named Paco Mendoza (Yniguez), two cops named Young (Celentano) and Silva (Rodriguez) think he's the culprit. Captain Frank McEntire (Carradine) doesn't know what to believe.

When Paco's daughter is abducted while he's being held in jail, the officers reluctantly have to admit he's not their guy. But now it's a race against time to find the organ harvesters and stop them before Paco's daughter is the next victim. Can anyone put an end to the CRIME OF CRIMES?

Just to avoid any confusion, Jesus Christ is the King of Kings. An obese, sweating Aldo Ray luring children into his ice cream truck so he can sell their organs is the Crime of Crimes. Now that that's cleared up, we can move on.

You might be wondering why we're taking such a lighthearted tone with such supposedly dark subject matter. That's because Crime of Crimes is such a goofball movie - as you might expect from director Alfredo Zacarias, the man behind the wonderfully whackadoo classic Demonoid (1981). COC (that's Crime of Crimes, not Corrosion of Conformity, as I'm sure the two get mixed up all the time), despite its presumably serious (?) intentions, comes off like one of those "disconnected from reality" movies, the closest comparison here being the canon of Amir Shervan. Besides, it's hard to see the seriousness of abducted children when a container of pee is being thrown in an old man's face. Yes, that happens. And it's not in a romp like Screwball's Vacation (1984). It's right here in Crime of Crimes!

Organ-harvesting movies have a rich tradition going back many years. B.O.R.N. (1989), The Harvest (1992), Pound of Flesh (2015), the list goes on and on. But Crime of Crimes has something all its competitors don't: a cast made of 80 percent English-As-A-Second-Language speakers. It's almost like Zacarias went out of his way to go to an ESL night class to cast his movie. Of course, the first credit you see on screen when you start the tape is "A David Carradine Production" - always words you want to see - so maybe he's behind that decision. Carradine chomps a cigar so enthusiastically, you can't tell a word he's saying either. 

Consequently, this might be the most unintelligible movie we've seen in years. Needless to say, that's a compliment, as it only adds to the ridiculous nature of everything we're seeing here, including the faces people make, their reactions, line readings, etc. It's all gold. Especially the enjoyably silly plot contrivances you just have to see to truly appreciate.


Jeff Celentano (credited here as Jeff Weston), was in Code Name Zebra (1987) and The Revenger (1990), among other action movies, before this one. He helps a lot to keep the movie afloat, and his partner Silva, as played by Miguel Angel Rodriguez, can't speak English too well, but that's ignored by everyone. It didn't stop Rodriguez from having a huge career in Mexico, however. Aldo Ray and Carradine are the names here (although Yniguez was on seemingly every TV show in the 70's and 80's) and it's all a bunch of fun, "what were they thinking?" sort of entertainment.


Released in the golden year of 1989, the VHS tape of Crime of Crimes appears to be quite rare. Released on VCI Home Video, as if this whole outing wasn't nutty enough, after the credits there is a PSA done by an organization from Carrollton, Texas that is trying to save the children. They seem very well-meaning. They didn't seem to realize that putting their PSA after a nutty movie like Crime of Crimes might not be the best way to achieve their goals. But, hey, you gotta start somewhere.

Crime of Crimes is a solid case of "only in the 80's, only in video stores could this have happened". Do check it out. For the CHILDREN!

Comeuppance Review by: Brett  and Ty

Young Rebels (1989)

Young Rebels (1989)- * * *

Directed by: Amir Shervan

Starring: Robert Z'Dar, Aldo Ray, Christine Lunde, Jon Greene, and Tadashi Yamashita

Mr. Vincenzo (Rivas) is a local California mob boss. His son Joey (Z’Dar) and his goons are causing havoc all over town. The Sheriff (Ray) (That’s all he’s credited as) is ineffectual against the reign of terror caused by the Vincenzo family. That is, until Charlie (Greene) shows up. And, to a lesser extent, his girlfriend Liz (Lunde). They decide to take on the mob family the only way they know how – extended scenes of mindless shooting. Of course, Joey Vincenzo is the scary final boss…will Charlie be man enough to take him down?

One of our favorite directors of silly movies, Amir Shervan, once again provides silly dubbing, silly editing, silly plotting, silly performances, and filmmaking that is from every angle – not to put too fine a point on it – just downright silly. Sure, while it may be a bit amateurish and repetitive, it’s also a ridiculous good time that you can’t help but love. Or at least appreciate, especially considering they really don’t make movies like this anymore. Whether that’s a good thing or not is up to you…well, we’re the ones writing the review, and we say it’s a bad thing that they don’t make absurd gems like this anymore. So there. 

Yes, there are countless shootouts, chases, barfights, and stripping scenes, and some unfathomable subplot about smuggling illegals into the U.S., but really a lot of the running time of the film consists of weird-looking people beating up other weird-looking people.



Aldo Ray is in two scenes, attired in an ill-fitting Sheriff’s getup. He steals both scenes. There should have been more instances where a confused and angry Aldo Ray yells at people. Shervan mainstay and fan favorite Robert Z’Dar is also here, as chinny as ever, but the real question is: why is this movie called Young Rebels? Who are the Young Rebels? And what are they rebelling against?



Maybe it was this unanswered question that caused the lack of a wide release for this movie (although it is entirely fitting because it makes just as little sense as anything else on show here). As far as we can tell, it never got any kind of release at all, even though it was made in the golden video store year of 1989. It’s available, as of this writing, on Amazon Prime, and pretty much nowhere else. For its rarity alone (if not any of its other qualities) it’s worth seeing.


So, if you’ve seen the other Shervan Classics and are missing out, you pretty much know what to expect. It’s funny, it’s ridiculous, it’s absurd, and…forget seeing a boom mike at the top of the frame or its shadows, those can be seen in lots of low-budget efforts. Only in Young Rebels do you see a crew member clack the slate before a scene begins (It happens towards the end).

For a laughable and ludicrous good time, do check out Young Rebels.

The Executioner, Part II (1984)

The Executioner, Part II (1984)- * * *

Directed by: James Bryan

Starring: Chris Mitchum, Aldo Ray, and Renee Harmon











A vigilante the press have dubbed “The Executioner” is running around L.A. dealing with punks in his own inimitable way. When Police Commissioner (Ray) (that’s all he’s billed as) demands answers, Lt. Roger O’Malley (Mitchum) is on the case. Meanwhile, O’Malley’s daughter Laura becomes addicted to drugs, and, needing money, turns to her loud-voiced, giggly friend for help. 

She naturally suggests she go into prostitution, but to watch out for a sadist named “The Tattoo Man”, who may abuse her in the process. Some sort of gangsters are involved and putting pressure on the local pimp, and only a delusional Vietnam vet (is there any other kind, according to low-budget actioners?) holds the key to it all. Will O’Malley stop the O’madness? Or will he let it continue as long as The Executioner is cleaning up the streets? Find out today!

The Executioner, Part II is a gem. Essentially a 78-minute, incoherent, incomprehensible mess, it’s easy to love a movie that’s this disjointed and sloppy. In the grand tradition of Surf II (1984) and Leonard Part 6 (1987), there is no Executioner, Part I (just the fact that there’s a comma, a space, and a “part” after the title is a major clue to the insanity/inanity going on). Clearly the structure (?) of the movie was modeled after The Exterminator (1980), complete with a Vietnam-set battle intro, which segues into a modern urban environment. It seems so obvious that 21st Century Film Corporation was trying to trick distracted theater patrons/video renters, but, hey, it was the golden age of exploitation, and if this is the end result, it can’t be all bad.

Try to imagine a cross between Rescue Force (1990)and Death Promise (1977)- complete with straitlaced, unnecessary narration, poor lighting, non-editing, and the star of the show - the dubbing. The dubbing this time around is laugh out loud funny. TE, PII (as all the cool people call it) is one of those “another planet” movies - the filmmakers seem so out of touch with the way human beings actually talk and behave, it seems like it was made in some far-away world. 

This was director James Bryan’s first in a trilogy of films he did with the great Renee Harmon - the follow-ups being Hell Riders (1984) and Lady Street Fighter (1985). Brilliantly, the movie was released on a big-box double feature VHS with Harmon’s Frozen Scream (1975). Apparently Continental Video was really gunning for that rich mine of Renee Harmon fans. Well, we still remember it fondly. Only in the 80’s, we tell you. Only in the 80’s.

Fan favorite Chris Mitchum is in full effect here as well. Sporting dark hair and a dark mustache, he fights Middle-Aged Punks (MAP’s) with the best of ‘em, featuring some of the best (?) fight choreography in recent memory. He even has what has to be the first beeper of all time. But while the Executioner has an ace up his sleeve in the way he deals with the epidemic of punks, the punks have their own means of intimidation - pouring milk on people’s heads.  No wonder Aldo Ray wants answers.

Featuring one of those classic, funky soundtracks (much like the aforementioned Death Promise), The Executioner, Part II certainly marches to the beat of its own whacked-out drummer. There comes a point when cinematic ineptness becomes a treasure. This is that point.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty 

Also check out a write-up from our buddies, Cool Target and Bleeding Skull!

Hollywood Cop (1987)

Hollywood Cop (1987)-* * * *

Directed by: Amir Shervan

Starring:  James Mitchum, David Goss, Brandon Angle, Julie Schoenhofer, Tony Katsaras, Aldo Ray, Lincoln Kilpatrick, and Cameron Mitchell














John “Turky” Turquoise III (Goss) is the titular Hollywood cop, and you better believe that a. He’s on the edge and b. he plays by his own rules. When Rebecca (Julie Schoenhofer), a woman from a rural area of California, finds out  her son Stevie (Brandon Angle) has been kidnapped by gangsters because her former husband Joe Fresno has made off with six million dollars and the baddies want to exchange the kid for the loot, she comes to “the big city”, Hollywood, California, to right the situation. She quickly runs into Turky (why wouldn’t he be named “Turky”?) and he agrees to help her. Teaming up with his partner Jaguar (Kilpatrick), the duo not only have to face angry chief Bonano (Mitchell) and the questionable fellow cop Lt. Maxwell (Donahue), but they also must do battle with crime lord Feliciano (Mitchum) and his army of goons. Will Turky save the boy and woo his comely mother...all in time for Thanksgiving? Find out today!

God bless Amir Shervan. We should all pause just one minute in our busy lives to honor this great man. He’s an unheralded cinematic genius that has enriched all our lives with awesome entertainment. Both this and Samurai Cop are must-see, one-of-a-kind films. There are many similarities plotwise between his two “Cop” movies...so many that it would be pointless to run them all down, but Samurai Cop (1989) is kind of a remake/re-imagining of Hollywood Cop, and we should all be glad Shervan took this route. If he felt this formula had some more juice, we applaud him for trying it again. We’re just happy he continued/was allowed to make more movies after Hollywood Cop.

Shervan assembled a killer cast this time around to help execute his singular filmmaking vision. David Goss, who has a criminally small filmography, but also appeared in Armed Response (1986), plays the main hero we all want on our side. If only his Samurai Cop counterpart Matt Hannon would team up with Goss in a movie, we’d all be the better for it. Hopefully they’re not rivals. Fan favorite Cam Mitchell appears as the forever-disgruntled police Captain. He puts in an appropriately irritated performance. Remember, he has no patience for Turky’s rogue ways. Troy Donahue is on board as well and it’s nice to see him, and Aldo Ray has one scene as a man inexplicably named “Fong”. He doesn’t seem to be channeling Leo J. James Mitchum plays the gang boss role, and he does a good job, but the kid, Brandon Angle, who plays Stevie, practically steals the movie. He’s a talented child actor that sadly didn’t seem to pursue a career in acting after this. Maybe he figured he couldn’t possibly top Hollywood Cop. He reached the pinnacle of his profession as a tot.

Special mention should also go to Lincoln Kilpatrick as Jaguar, a man with a long and distinguished career that goes back to the 50’s. When he wasn’t starring opposite Charlton Heston in The Omega Man (1971) and Soylent Green (1973), he was playing some of the best BYC’s on film in such classics as the Gary Busey Bulletproof (1988) and the Wings vehicle Deadly Force (1983). The plot of Hollywood Cop basically stops at one point so he can hot-oil wrestle with some bikini’d babes. His name should be more well known.

It’s slightly more coherent than Samurai Cop, but Hollywood Cop truly has it all from an entertainment perspective: the B-list stars you know and love, a killer score (by Elton Ahi), tons of laugh-out-loud moments, sleaze, violence, and top-flight ridiculousness. It’s all pretty inexplicable. The main song, “Restless” by Andy Madadian, is a catchy winner that puts the icing on an already heavily-frosted cake.

When you pop the Celebrity Video VHS in your VCR, there Goss the neighborhood. Don’t be a turkey and check out the awesomeness of Turky tonight!

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett