24 Hours To Midnight (1985)

 

24 Hours To Midnight (1985)- * * *

Directed by: Leo Fong

Starring: Cynthia Rothrock, Stack Pierce, Juan Chapa, Leo Fong, De'Ann Power, Myra, and Brinke Stevens

Harry Grady (Chapa) was a former mobster who changed his ways and is now about to testify against infamous crime lord White Powder Chan (Pierce). Before Chan has him whacked, Grady helpfully made a tape describing who Chan's gang consists of and where they can be found. He also includes a picture - a posed group shot of the gang (don't all criminal organizations do this?) and he leaves it for his wife Devon (Rothrock) (Power) (Stevens). Don't worry, we'll explain all those parenthetical names in a minute.



So, like any grieving widow would, Devon dons a black ninja outfit, breaks out a variety of different weaponry, and systematically begins killing off the entire gang. Meanwhile, there have been a rash of unrelated drive-bys going on in the streets. Detectives LeAnn Jackson (Myra) and Lester McQueen (Pock) are trying to clean up the crime, but they are then assigned to the White Powder Chan case. Naturally, it all comes to a head when Chan is last on the list and Devon is out for blood. It must be midnight, because it's now...24 HOURS TO MIDNIGHT.



Ya gotta love Leo Fong. Only he could come up with a jumble like this and make it as entertaining as it is. At film schools across the country (and world) they should show 24 Hours to Midnight to students who want to become editors. There's actually a very interesting user comment on imdb.com by the guy who assembled all the footage together into what we see today.




When you watch the film, you may notice that they had about three minutes of actual Cynthia Rothrock footage, and they just looped what they had over and over again. Meanwhile, they got De'Ann Power to do all the scenes in the ninja suit. On top of that, they got Brinke Stevens to be the voice of Rothrock both in and out of the suit. So it took - count 'em - THREE actresses to play the role of Devon Grady. I think most people will be able to understand the entertainment value of that alone.




As they say in the world of infomercials, but wait! There's more! The great Stack Pierce plays White Powder Chan. As you may know, Pierce is Black/African American. Why is his last name Chan? Hell, why is his first name White Powder? (well, we know it's because of drugs, but no other name is ever given). There are also a handful of funny shootouts, one of which is amongst the repeated footage. We get to see Rothrock crying in a car several times throughout the film, and at one point she goes to Juarez, Mexico to meet with Master Tanaka (which we see more than once).




Then the characters of Jackson and McQueen show up. McQueen is your classic 80's coolguy, and Jackson likes to work out in the weight room while wearing suspenders. Her voice is simultaneously flat and very soothing. This mysterious woman is credited solely as "Myra" and never appeared in anything else. What ever happened to Myra? Anyway, McQueen and Jackson have a classic WYC (White Yelling Chief) that they must answer to.




But even White Powder Chan must answer to someone as well, and in his case it's Mr. Big (Fong). Yes, Leo appears last-minute in an uncredited role as the boss of bosses.




The whole thing is a labor of love: handmade and stitched together like an old quilt. Watching it as viewers in 2020, we found it to be very enjoyable but you have to know what you're getting into. It won't be for everybody. But you can honestly say they don't make 'em like this anymore. We're not even sure they made 'em like this back then, usually.




24 Hours to Midnight is definitely an oddity, and quite rare these days to find. The U.S. VHS states "Look out Seagal! Watch out Van Damme! Here Comes..." over a huge name of Cynthia Rothrock. While her name is completely deserving to be amongst those others, perhaps 24 Hours to Midnight isn't the very best exemplar of her skills? Nevertheless, it shows that the action boom was in full force back then and even a movie like this, with all its quasi-unfinished issues, could get a nationwide VHS release.


In the end, 24 Hours to Midnight is quite unique, and while its appeal to the masses may be limited, fans of underground/weird movies and under-the-radar action will surely appreciate it.



Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Also check out a write-up from our buddy, DTVC!

Teenage Exorcist (1991)

Teenage Exorcist (1991)- * *1\2

Directed by: Grant Austin Walden

Starring: Michael Berryman, Brinke Stevens, Elena Sahagun, Robert Quarry, Jay Richardson, Oliver Darrow, Tom Shell, Hoke Howell, and Eddie Deezen

Don’t buy a house from Michael Berryman. Or a pizza for that matter. And if Eddie Deezen delivers said pizza, you know you’re in real trouble. When college student Diane (Stevens) moves into a spacious Hollywood home, little does she know that the spirit of the nefarious Baron DeSade (Howell) - who is pure evil, yet a homebody (he shouts “I shall live here forever!!!!”) - still inhabits the space. This somehow turns the bookish and cute Diane into a demon-possessed dominatrix, of sorts. 

Her sister Sally (Sahagun), her husband Mike (Richardson), and a potential college boyfriend (Shell), along with Father McFerrin (Quarry) and Deezen, the pizza delivery boy, all cavort around the house trying to get Diane back to normal. After some hijinx involving a demon (Darrow) and a bunch of zombies, something ensues - but is it hilarity? Find out, if you dare.

I’ve never really been a fan of horror comedies. With the possible exception of Dead Alive (1992), usually they just seem like excuses to be neither funny nor scary. However, AIP seems to like them, having released this, and the very similar Speak of the Devil (1991) in the same year. Both have evil stuff lurking in the basement, and neither of them are that funny. But of the two, Teenage Exorcist is better. 

For one thing, the cast seems to be having fun. Unfortunately, it’s not contagious for the audience. You do almost crack a smile a few times, but only because the humor is so old-fashioned. It’s almost vaudeville, and seeing as how Brinke Stevens is credited with the screenplay (although it was co-written with Ted Newsom, though he was uncredited because of a Writer’s Guild issue. I learned this from listening to the DVD commentary. And to answer your questions, yes, there is a DVD. And yes, it has a commentary track. And yes, I listened to it.) - unless she was over 80 years old or so at the time of writing (and looking really good) - it’s kind of inexplicable why the gags seem like they should be from such an earlier vintage.

So that makes Teenage Exorcist sort of a cross between Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein (1948) and Repossessed (1990), what with its old dark house and exorcist jokes. Also to the movie’s credit is the fact that it has a title song, a very catchy pop-metal ditty that would seem perfect for Hardcore Superstar to do a cover of. Elsewhere, it has a jaunty score underscoring such scenes as Brinke’s milk box inflating and deflating (a sure sign evil doings are afoot), and her carrying in her mustard in a big brown box as she moves into her house. 

But it does its best with its low budget - it all takes place, for the most part, in one location - the house (it looks like the house from Mirror Mirror 3 (1995). Even some of the end credits are first names only, kind of underscoring the buddy-buddy vibe. And, of course, when the first credit before the title of the movie are the words “Eddie Deezen in...” you know you’re in for a treat (?) But it also has Hoke Howell of Action USA (1989) fame, as well as Sahagun of Ring of Fire II (1993) and Tiger Heart (1996) fame. For a proposed first version of this movie, Fred Olen Ray made a trailer only, and it has Cam Mitchell. Too bad he couldn’t appear in the final version.

So while the title is a misnomer (there is no teenage exorcist in the film - there was supposed to be, but in an inexplicable casting decision, the teenage girl was replaced by Eddie Deezen!), if you’re in the mood for some good-natured mediocrity with a mild sexy edge, Teenage Exorcist could just be the movie for you.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett 

Chinatown Connection (1990)

Chinatown Connection (1990)-* * *

Directed by: Jean-Paul Ouelette

Starring: Lee Majors II, Bruce Ly, Art Camacho, and Brinke Stevens



“If a cop ain’t got an attitude, he’s dead”- Warren Houston










 Warren Houston (Majors II) is an L.A. Cop On The Edge or COTE for short. He has a serious attitude problem. Also he plays by his own rules. When batches of poison cocaine start killing off the local drug-taking population, Houston wants to find out who is responsible. But he is teamed up with John Chan (Ly), a Martial Arts expert with a thick Chinese accent. Chan is running an experimental program at the police precinct, where instead of suspending officers with anger issues, he teaches them Martial Arts moves in the gym. Sort of a cross between anger management and Karate class. 

The latest recruit into the program is Estes (Camacho), an ally to Houston and Chan. They are searching for an underworld figure known only as “The Scarface Man”. I guess simply “Scarface” was taken. Will these unorthodox “Kung Fu Cops” get to the bottom of the CHINATOWN CONNECTION?

You thought you loved Lee Majors. You thought he was the only Lee Majors. You thought wrong. Not only is there a son to the great Keaton’s Cop (1988) star, but his name is not simply “Lee Majors” or even “Lee Majors Jr.” it’s Lee Majors THE SECOND. Kind of like Pope John Paul II. And not only that, in this movie he’s teamed up with not Bruce Lee, Bruce Li, Bruce Le, or (personal favorite) Bruce Rhee, but with yet another “Bruce”, this time Bruce Ly. Add Art Camacho and Brinke Stevens to the mix and you have a movie that should be a bit more well known, both for the cast and for the fun moments it contains.

Sure, the movie is plotted and paced weirdly, and maybe not all the punches and kicks connect, but so what? The Houston/Chan team-up (either by accident or design) actually avoids some of the “you don’t speak English” cliches we’ve seen many times in the past. They get along well together, as best evidenced when they’re both speaking with a drugged-out informant known as “PCP”. But the only acid on display is the wash in Lee Majors II’s jeans. Though it is curious that no one ever comments on John Chan’s super-thick accent even once. It’s all just taken for granted.

It should also be noted that the police chief is the time-honored WYC (or White Yelling Chief), and Houston is known as “That Crazy Cop” (kind of like “That Darn Cat”?) and that he hates Slime. He calls criminals Slime at least twice in the movie. He has an awesome fashion sense, from his mustache down to his high-top Nike’s. Additionally, it being the 80’s, he even, inexplicably, has to face off against a Ninja at one point. 

Luckily his house is well-equipped with weaponry (this will remind watchers of The Office of how Dwight has various weapons hidden around the office). As if that wasn’t enough, one of the baddies is none other than Malibu, AKA Deron McBee. Sadly, it’s an uncredited role, but finally now we’re shedding light on it.

Despite (or, more accurately, because of) Chinatown Connection’s more amateurish qualities, there’s a lot to like about this movie. Released by South Gate to video stores in 1990, and featuring the song (which gets no credit so we don’t know who it’s by or the precise title but we think it’s called) “You Decided To Play”, Chinatown Connection is ideal for action fans that don’t take themselves so seriously.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty