Transformed (2005)

 

Transformed (2005)- * * *

Directed by: Efren Pinon

Starring: Leo Fong, Stack Pierce, Ken Moreno, Shirlee Knudson, Tadashi Yamashita, Fred Williamson, and George Dilman

Something dastardly is happening in the city of Westgate, California. Drug dealers are running wild in the streets, even recruiting young tots into "the life". Seemingly at the top of this food chain is Cholo (Moreno). But the corruption goes way higher than that: The Mayor (presumably he's Mr. and Mrs. Mayor's son) (Pierce) is acting as a CIA front in order to move drugs to fund their secret, illegal wars. But, on a more local level, Pastor Debra (Knudson) has had enough. Utilizing all the face-punching and groin-kicking that Jesus will allow, she becomes the community hero we didn't know was in our midst during Sunday services.

But Pastor Debra is not alone in her quest to clean up the streets. Besides the aforementioned Jesus, she also has a mysterious man known only as The Fist (Fong), and, of course, The Hammer (Williamson) on her side. But she'll also have perhaps the most unexpected help of all in the form of a certain reformed, or, shall we say, TRANSFORMED man...who will it be? Do your best to try to find out!

Transformed is the type of movie we love finding. It's a gem: a true labor of love that features "real people" - and provides homespun, homemade entertainment at its finest.

However, certain people may not "get it". The production values, if you want to call them that, couldn't really be lower - think Kindergarten "Ninja" (1994) meets Streets of Rage (1993) - but it's all part of the charm. (Plotwise, think Private Wars (1993) meets Street Corner Justice (1996)). Director Pinon and the gang didn't let something trivial like a lack of money stop them from achieving their dream. This is what we have called other, similar films in the past "Backyard Action". If you go with its flow, you will have a smile on your face the entire time as you blissfully float along in its absurd wake.

There are almost too many highlights to mention, and we want you to experience them for yourself, but certain things must be noted. The whole thing kicks off - literally - with an unexplained beating, and then goes into some Commodore 64 graphics. While the release date is 2005, Transformed could easily be from 1989, if not earlier. Not long after, we see Cholo (who in one scene and one scene only is referred to as "Spiderman") running into a Pizza Hut. (This is the first time not only in cinema history, but in world history, that someone has run in to a Pizza Hut. We've seen plenty of people run out of a Pizza Hut, but that's another story for another day).

Cholo has a son named Billy (of COURSE his name is Billy). He wants to keep him separate from his gangbanging life, so he plies him with quickly-received Pizza Hut food and then, after a shot of the Golden Gate Bridge, Cholo and Billy are at Disneyland. The movie stops for some sweet Disneyland footage, but doesn't explain the 400-mile distance covered in mere seconds.

Then the movie stops again so George Dilman (credited solely as "Ninja") can teach a class of what are presumably police recruits the art of attacking people using pressure points. We were happy that Transformed "Transformed" into a special-interest video about self-defense at this point. George Dilman IS a national treasure, and the fact that this was his only film is the real crime here. We later see him on a date, and he's still talking about pressure points. This guy loves his pressure points. He can do a split just like Van Damme but you don't see him bragging about it.

Later, we see a "corruption list" typed up on Microsoft Word, complete with Clippy on the right hand side, who is only trying to help, after all. Proving this was shot in 2005 and not 1989, a partial list of names on the list includes: George W. Rush, Dick Chen, Rumsfelt Johnson, and Byrant Street (whoever that is). I guess they had to cover themselves just in case anyone in Washington watched Transformed and noticed that list and then got mad.

Fan Favorite Leo Fong is also credited with producing the film, shooting the film (along with Frank Harris, an old Fong/Stack Pierce associate), music, and editing. A Ferdinand Galang is also credited with music (whoever did it, it's far louder than the dialogue, which is muffled, and sometimes mumbled by the amateur actors). Stack Pierce all but reprises his 24 Hours to Midnight (1985) role of White Powder Chan. Werner Hoetzinger also has a behind the scenes role to play. We would have liked to have seen him re-team with his Showdown (1993) co-star Fong.

This was the last film, only American film, and only non-Philippines-shot film for director Pinon. That's a shame. The mind boggles at what he would have come up with as a follow-up to Transformed. Also, someone says about The Hammer, "He's a cleaner who doesn't come to town unless he cleans". Hm. In what may be an in-joke, The Hammer is supposedly shooting a film in the Philippines before he flies to Westgate to help Pastor Debra. (Remember in Dead Alive (1992) when Father McGruder says "I kick arse for the Lord"? Well, Pastor Debra does too). (But you don't see her bragging about it).

We'd also be remiss if we didn't mention that Tadashi Yamashita is here too, also credited as "Ninja", which could be confusing for George Dilman fans. His fight (?) with Fred Williamson may not be a classic for the ages but it's a nice display of weaponry by Yamashita.




It's not every day that a team of Pastors have onscreen credits as consultants before a low-budget action film. Pastor Debra yells "Praise Jesus!" after beating up some baddies. Presumably the Pastors said that was okay. This is the type of movie the adults may make the kids watch at some sort of sleepaway Bible camp. And we should treasure every second of it.


A wonderful oddity, do seek out Transformed. It may tranform...you.

Comeuppance Review by Brett and Ty

24 Hours To Midnight (1985)

 

24 Hours To Midnight (1985)- * * *

Directed by: Leo Fong

Starring: Cynthia Rothrock, Stack Pierce, Juan Chapa, Leo Fong, De'Ann Power, Myra, and Brinke Stevens

Harry Grady (Chapa) was a former mobster who changed his ways and is now about to testify against infamous crime lord White Powder Chan (Pierce). Before Chan has him whacked, Grady helpfully made a tape describing who Chan's gang consists of and where they can be found. He also includes a picture - a posed group shot of the gang (don't all criminal organizations do this?) and he leaves it for his wife Devon (Rothrock) (Power) (Stevens). Don't worry, we'll explain all those parenthetical names in a minute.



So, like any grieving widow would, Devon dons a black ninja outfit, breaks out a variety of different weaponry, and systematically begins killing off the entire gang. Meanwhile, there have been a rash of unrelated drive-bys going on in the streets. Detectives LeAnn Jackson (Myra) and Lester McQueen (Pock) are trying to clean up the crime, but they are then assigned to the White Powder Chan case. Naturally, it all comes to a head when Chan is last on the list and Devon is out for blood. It must be midnight, because it's now...24 HOURS TO MIDNIGHT.



Ya gotta love Leo Fong. Only he could come up with a jumble like this and make it as entertaining as it is. At film schools across the country (and world) they should show 24 Hours to Midnight to students who want to become editors. There's actually a very interesting user comment on imdb.com by the guy who assembled all the footage together into what we see today.




When you watch the film, you may notice that they had about three minutes of actual Cynthia Rothrock footage, and they just looped what they had over and over again. Meanwhile, they got De'Ann Power to do all the scenes in the ninja suit. On top of that, they got Brinke Stevens to be the voice of Rothrock both in and out of the suit. So it took - count 'em - THREE actresses to play the role of Devon Grady. I think most people will be able to understand the entertainment value of that alone.




As they say in the world of infomercials, but wait! There's more! The great Stack Pierce plays White Powder Chan. As you may know, Pierce is Black/African American. Why is his last name Chan? Hell, why is his first name White Powder? (well, we know it's because of drugs, but no other name is ever given). There are also a handful of funny shootouts, one of which is amongst the repeated footage. We get to see Rothrock crying in a car several times throughout the film, and at one point she goes to Juarez, Mexico to meet with Master Tanaka (which we see more than once).




Then the characters of Jackson and McQueen show up. McQueen is your classic 80's coolguy, and Jackson likes to work out in the weight room while wearing suspenders. Her voice is simultaneously flat and very soothing. This mysterious woman is credited solely as "Myra" and never appeared in anything else. What ever happened to Myra? Anyway, McQueen and Jackson have a classic WYC (White Yelling Chief) that they must answer to.




But even White Powder Chan must answer to someone as well, and in his case it's Mr. Big (Fong). Yes, Leo appears last-minute in an uncredited role as the boss of bosses.




The whole thing is a labor of love: handmade and stitched together like an old quilt. Watching it as viewers in 2020, we found it to be very enjoyable but you have to know what you're getting into. It won't be for everybody. But you can honestly say they don't make 'em like this anymore. We're not even sure they made 'em like this back then, usually.




24 Hours to Midnight is definitely an oddity, and quite rare these days to find. The U.S. VHS states "Look out Seagal! Watch out Van Damme! Here Comes..." over a huge name of Cynthia Rothrock. While her name is completely deserving to be amongst those others, perhaps 24 Hours to Midnight isn't the very best exemplar of her skills? Nevertheless, it shows that the action boom was in full force back then and even a movie like this, with all its quasi-unfinished issues, could get a nationwide VHS release.


In the end, 24 Hours to Midnight is quite unique, and while its appeal to the masses may be limited, fans of underground/weird movies and under-the-radar action will surely appreciate it.



Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Also check out a write-up from our buddy, DTVC!

Fight To Win (1987)

Fight To Win (1987)- * * *

Directed by: Leo Fong

Starring: George Chung, Hidy Ochiai, Bill "Superfoot" Wallace, Chuck Jeffreys, Juan Chapa, Richard Norton, Cynthia Rothrock, and Ronnie Lott

Ryan Kim (Chung) is an enthusiastic young Martial Artist that loves nothing more than training with his Sensei (Ochiai). One day after a tournament, the mysterious Armstrong (Norton) approaches them and offers Ryan the opportunity to fight Tankson (Superfoot). The reason for this is that Sensei has three ancient statues and the wealthy Armstrong wants them for his collection. When Tankson defeats Ryan, Sensei offers a “double or nothing” rematch, which the overconfident Armstrong can’t refuse. 

When Sensei is hospitalized after a heart attack, a new trainer is brought in – a woman named Lauren (Rothrock). At first, the immature and perhaps sexist Ryan doesn’t want to be trained by her. But after experiencing her brilliant skill, not only does he fall in line, he also falls in love. The stage is set for the ultimate showdown…and there’s even a raid on Armstrong’s compound that features Ryan’s buddies Michael (Jeffreys), Jerry (Chapa), and Randy (“All-pro football star Ronnie Lott”). It’s time for Ryan and the gang to FIGHT TO WIN!

From George Chung (not to be confused with one of the producers here, the prolific George Cheung), the mastermind behind Hawkeye (1988) and Kindergarten “Ninja” (1994), and director/fan favorite Leo Fong, comes Fight to Win, another wacky, screwball blend of Martial Arts, comedy, and an indefinable element that can only be found in the magical productions of the 80’s. If you’ve seen either of the aforementioned Chung outings, here you get more of the same (thankfully) – a low budget, but plenty of energy and upbeat attitude, silly dialogue and situations, and highly-skilled Martial Arts. The dialogue isn’t recorded very well so undoubtedly some of Chuck Jeffreys’s bon mots are missing in the mix, but the sense of fun is infectious, and the whole movie is imbued with a – dare we say – feeling of childlike wonder and whimsy.

It’s really impossible to dislike Fight to Win, and we feel sorry for anyone that does, as they probably have no heart or soul. The cast is killer: We have the aforementioned auteur George Chung, who gives his all here, Chuck Jeffreys, the Eddie Murphy of low-budget DTV Martial Arts movies, doing his usual stellar job, Troy Donahue in a blink-or-you’ll-miss-him cameo, Bill “Superfoot” Wallace as Armstrong’s tough-guy fighter, David Heavener lookalike Juan Chapa, Martial Arts legends Hidy Ochiai and Master Hee Il Cho, All-pro football star Ronnie Lott, and of course the teaming of Comeuppance hall of fame all-stars Cynthia Rothrock and Richard Norton, who do interact and have some fight scenes together. With Leo Fong as director, this cocktail can’t possibly fail, and it doesn’t. Rothrock is as charming as ever and Norton plays the baddie with aplomb. It’s a joy to watch everyone’s Martial Arts skill on display.

While there’s plenty of extensive training which the presence of Rothrock as the trainer helps to make more enjoyable, and some casually-racist Middle-Aged Punks (classic MAP’s), truly the showstopper is when the movie essentially stops so George Chung can have a one-man music video where he combines Martial Arts with razzle-dazzle dance moves. 

With this heady combination of Bruce Lee, Tae-Bo, Footloose, Flashdance, and Zumba, Chung – and thus the movie as a whole – truly shines. This dance element (which was foreshadowed earlier on during one of the tournament scenes) sets the movie apart and makes it stand out even more – and it was already a fairly odd duck to begin with. And we mean that in the best possible way, of course. Fight to Win is a delight from start to finish. Criminally, it never received a U.S. VHS release (and as of this writing has yet to receive a U.S. DVD or Blu-Ray release). The fact that just about everyone in America did NOT see this back in the day is painful to contemplate. Interestingly, it was released on video in Greece under the title “China O’Brian [sic] 3”, even though it came out three years before the other two sequels! At least they got to see it, however.

Well, there you have it. George Chung turns in another winner. They truly don’t make movies like this anymore, and in the self-serious modern era, Fight to Win just stands out that much more.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty 

Blind Rage (1978)

Blind Rage (1978)- * *1\2

Directed by: Efren C. Pinon

Starring: Leo Fong, Leila Hermosa, Charlie Davao, Fred Williamson and Golay as Chan










In the wake of the Vietnam war, the United States plans to send millions of dollars in aid to Southeast Asia, in order to prevent a feared "domino effect" of instability in the region. For some reason, the U.S. government didn't foresee that a criminal mastermind named Johnny Duran (Davao) has hired a woman named Sally (Hermosa) to corral a group of blind men to stage a robbery on the bank where the money is being held. BLIND MEN ROBBING A BANK. That's pretty much it. That is, until Jesse Crowder (Williamson) shows up to get to the bottom of the heist and get justice. Will the blind indeed lead the blind...to a multi-million dollar payoff? Find out today...?

The original Blind Fury (1989), Blind Rage is the original vision impairment-based action movie. While we absolutely fell in love with the concept of the film: namely, a group of multi-racial blindies getting together for a bank heist, a couple of things weigh down the movie as a whole. The main detriment is the slow pace. There are long, extensively detailed scenes of "robbery practice" where Sally teaches the blind boys of Alabama how to properly execute the heist. The other thing is a mixed blessing. It's the inclusion of Fred Williamson. His appearance towards the end of the film rescues the movie from the doldrums, but the problem is, Fred should have been involved the whole time. Let's not forget this is from the same director as Ninja Assassins (1978), the movie where Cameron Mitchell didn't appear until the third act. Maybe that's director Pinon's idea of playing his last ace.

There are plenty of things to admire about Blind Rage, however. The 70's style we all know and love is in evidence, best exemplified by the massive cars that are roughly the size of aircraft carriers. The funk on the soundtrack and the rotary phones reinforce the vibe as well, not to mention the loudly patterned shirts and wood-paneled rec rooms. Speaking of the soundtrack, there's this one annoying high-pitched note that appears at least twice in the movie, and it's so ear-shatteringly irritating, and is held for such an interminably long time, we actually had to hit mute. Hopfully that wasn't Pinon's idea of suspense music. But that one note (not to be confused with the movie's idea) is washed away by the funk, as well as the presences of Fong and Williamson.

Fong plays a guy blinded during a fight with the triads, and Fred is just cool (he even exits a car in an extremely cool manner), but the rest of the acting is hilariously stilted and packed with funny pauses. That alone makes Blind Rage worth seeing, despite its flaws. And let's not forget the immortal credit "Golay as Chan". Yes, there is a man (?) out there simply named Golay. He's obviously the Cher or Madonna of the Philippines. And he played Chan. So now you know. Golay, we hardly knew ye.

Featuring a song we think is called "The System" by Helen Gamboa (Manila's answer to Shirley Bassey?), Blind Rage does have some dull moments and is flawed, but the overall concept and some of the sillier moments make for relatively painless viewing.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty 

Showdown (1993)

Showdown (1993)-* * *

Directed by: Leo Fong

Starring: Leo Fong, Werner Hoetzinger, Michelle McCormick, Troy Donohue, and Richard Lynch




“How would you like a shovelhead?”
- James Long











 Kincade (Hoetzinger) is the leader of an evil biker gang that’s involved in everything from drugs to burglary to murder. After stealing some money from a racetrack, the gang finds a little town in rural Nevada with a population of 500 people named Sanctuary. Once there, they start terrorizing the townsfolk and causing all kinds of mayhem. 

The Commander (Lynch) needs help ridding his town of these people, so he calls in a Martial Arts instructor named James Long (Fong). They team up with Mickey (McCormick), a young girl whose father was murdered by the gang. But Sanctuary is named “Sanctuary” because it is filled with old retired gangsters, mobsters and criminals, and for some reason, federal, state and local laws do not apply there. So it’s going to be an uphill battle, but who will come out victorious at the end of the SHOWDOWN?

Leo Fong is someone we keep coming back to. Most people don’t know the meaning of the word “wooden” until they see one of his performances. But there’s something compelling about him you just can’t deny. Showdown seems to be his baby, as he stars in, produced, wrote and directed it. So it has that Fong-y feel you would expect. Yet he doesn’t seem all that excited to be there. But then again, he was 65 years old at the time of shooting, so maybe he was thinking about other things. Naturally it was released by AIP, this stuff is right up their alley. Luckily, this movie is funny for a variety of different reasons, not the least of which are its amateurish feel and non-actors - not to mention some hilariously choppy editing.

It starts with a fist-pumping hair-metal anthem as Hoetzinger rides in on his Harley. Despite getting top billing, with his name alone in a huge credit, this is his only film role to date. It’s a shame, he could have been a classic meathead actor of the day. Richard Lynch is on hand as “The Commander” - not to be confused with Chuck Connors as “The Colonel”. Lynch is more a sheriff than a commander, but it’s always nice to see him, especially in a good-guy role. Troy Donahue is here as “Police Captain”. You can see Fong put a lot of effort into naming his characters. It’s really just a cameo, he doesn’t have a real presence in Showdown.

There are some great styles on display, notably Fong’s Member’s Only jacket, and the bikers have plenty of stonewashed denim, as well as mustaches and crazy long hair to keep you interested.  A picture of them would have made a perfectly fine cover for the VHS, but for AIP, apparently, that would have been too sane and made too much sense, so they got some models who are not in the movie to appear on the cover. Why these people are better than the ones actually in the movie, we don’t know. So be aware that this picture is unrelated to the proceedings. 

Even though this was released in 1993, there’s still plenty of classic hair metal on the soundtrack from such bands as Riot House and DV8 (we don’t know them either). But another standout song is something called “Feast or Fantom” by Adrena. When is the soundtrack to Showdown going to be released?

If you can’t get enough Leo Fong or AIP silliness, you can't go wrong with Showdown.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett

Blood Street (1990)

Blood Street (1990)-* * *

Directed by: Leo Fong

Starring: Leo Fong, Richard Norton, Chuck Jeffreys, Kym Paige, and Stack Pierce













Starting, inexplicably, with a Star Wars-style crawl of text going up the screen informing us of the ever-important back story (and where "San Francisco" is misspelled), we are then re-introduced to P.I. extraordinaire Joe Wong (Fong), last seen in Low Blow (1986). The trouble begins when Vanna MacDonald (Paige) walks into Wong's office and asks him to find her missing husband. Thus, Wong begins an odyssey into the criminal underworld to find Aldo MacDonald, the gangster with the funny bug-eyes. The father-son team of Solomon (Pierce) and Bones (Jeffreys) work as Aldo's muscle, and lest we forget Malcolm Boyd (Norton) a kickboxer/gangster who stages illegal cage fighting matches in his living room. Teaming up once again with Woody Farmer (the guy who played "Fuzzy" in Low Blow) and his accountant (or perhaps his lawyer) Mark, can Wong avoid an oncoming gang war, dirty cops, many bullets, and a rock-bottom budget in order to get to the truth?

Leo Fong is back! He's got a new car, a new hat, and a new attitude. Also, the hat may contain magical properties. 

In this lesser-seen sequel to the aforementioned Low Blow, Leo Fong, who starred in, wrote, and directed the film, gets to indulge all his Sam Spade-like film noir fantasies, putting himself in the driver's seat alongside some of his buddies like Stack Pierce (and Director of Photography Frank Harris, but surprisingly no Cam Mitchell), drowning it all in a moody sax soundtrack. One character even calls him "a cross between Bruce Lee, Philip Marlowe and a Catholic priest". I guess that's the beauty of writing a starring role for yourself. His flat delivery and brutal martial arts moves remain unchanged, and this time it's topped off with a voice-over by Fong himself, containing many groan-inducing single-entendres. But at least you can hear and see everything this time around, despite the bad video quality and junky overall feel.

One of the villains' names is Aldo MacDonald, but it sounds like Fong is calling him "Old MacDonald". Many other characters have funny voices, and Chuck Jeffreys MUST be related in some way to Eddie Murphy. Fong has really ramped up the brutality this time around, and, because it is Fong, sadism has never been so funny. Blood Street is also fairly nonsensical: right in the middle of Joe Wong's journey, we see a title card that says "Four Years Earlier" and we go back in time to basically another plot where he's chasing down this dude in Mexico. Add to that the fact that the plot has more twists and turns than Lombard street in Fong's beloved San Francisco, and you have another mind-bending (or perhaps numbing) Fongtabulous experience.

The S.F. locations are a highlight of the film, and another great facet of Blood Street is that it is filled with dialogue and racial slurs you would never hear today. Fong is the most lovable wooden thing since the Nutcracker and you can't help but admire the guy and his work, defying the rules of budgets, acting, technical ability and even filmmaking itself to produce a highly entertaining product strictly meant to delight his fans. And it works.

Released on VHS in the U.S. on the small KB Releasing label (does anyone out there know anything about them?), the running time stated on the box is 88 minutes, but in fact is is a brief 79.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett

Low Blow (1986)

Low Blow (1986)-* * *

Directed by: Frank Harris

Starring: Leo Fong, Cameron Mitchell, Troy Donahue, Patti Bowling, Akosua Busia, Diane Stevenett, Woody Farmer, Stack Pierce, and Billy Blanks



"Tell the bank the check is in the mail."-Joe Wong









Joe Wong (Fong) is a private investigator, and he has a unique way of doing his job. He's behind on all his bills, his office is a pig sty, and all he really wants to do is go to his favorite eatery and have some chicken feet soup. He and his perky partner Diane (Stevenett) are barely staying afloat. One day John Templeton (Donahue), not to be confused with The Protector (1999), (who could surely handle this problem on his own), walks into Wong's office and hires him to find his daughter Karen (Bowling) who has gone missing. Despite Wong's warning that he "is expensive", much like Rod Armstrong, Donahue gives him the money and Wong is on his way.

It turns out Karen has been brainwashed by the Universal Enlightenment cult and is spending most days farming at their compound called Unity Village. The leader of this mysterious cult is one Yarakunda (Mitchell) and his "sister-wife" Karma (Busia). Since this secretive organization doesn't take kindly to outsiders, meaning there are plenty of armed guards, Wong hits the local punchfighting (or in this case, pit fighting) circuit to hire some recruits to help him invade the cult and save Karen. Of all the ninjas, women, Chicanos and fat guys that all fight each other, he chooses Fuzzy (Farmer) and some others and then they all go to complete the mission. Using just their martial arts abilities and their wiles, will they succeed?

Here the usual gang of troublemakers (Fong, Pierce, Mitchell and director Frank Harris, among others) reunite once more for another round of wacky, dumb fun. Despite the common low-budget pitfalls of bad film quality, choppy editing, and major issues with what must have been a script at one point, Low Blow remains "Low Brow" entertainment. Fong plays the goofy P.I. with some serious car troubles with nothing but flatly delivered catchphrases. The main issue of Low Blow is you can't hear anything. The sound quality is so amazingly bad, the entire movie is unhearable. It doesn't help that Fong never speaks above a whisper, and he has an accent. But what we could hear is funny. And when he's attacking the bad guys' car with a chainsaw, he always remembers his safety goggles.

Cameron Mitchell, as the Jonestown-inspired guru, wearing a black hooded cloak and sunglasses, never stands up in the movie and appears drunk. It's a more laid-back Cam performance, especially in comparison to his bad guy role in Killpoint (1984). Also as counterpoint to Killpoint, Stack Pierce here is fairly underused as Corky. Yes, his name is Corky. But we can't forget an early appearance of Billy Blanks as a camp guard that fights Joe Wong. Unfortunately, the climax of the movie takes place at night and the filmmakers forgot to turn on any lights, so we can't see what transpires very well.

The introduction of the punch/pit fighting adds a lot of color and flavor to the proceedings, and the addition of Fuzzy to the national consciousness was surely a good thing, though he lacks the joie de vivre of a Jack S. Daniels or a Bear. Also of note is the U.S. Vestron video VHS box art (seen at top of page). While a pretty cool piece of artwork in its own right, this person you see is not in the film. They invented him for the box art. What, was a picture of Leo Fong not good enough? That's shameful. But at least we can now see what it would look like if your fist was basically the size of your head.

Yes, the movie is inept on almost every level, and the attempts at humor are...attempts at humor, but Low Blow proves ineptness isn't always a bad thing - it can be pretty entertaining if you are in the right mood. 'Blow isn't as bad as some say it is (although some technical aspects certainly are, but so what).

If you need more Fong in your life, a good place to continue your obsession would be Low Blow.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett

Killpoint (1984)

Killpoint (1984)-* *

Directed by: Frank Harris

Starring: Leo Fong, Richard Roundtree, Cameron Mitchell, and Stack Pierce













When a cache of guns is stolen from a local armory, and street thugs are running wild shooting everyone in sight, there's only one man tough enough to stop the madness: Lt. James "Jim" Long (Fong)! But he's been feeling depressed lately as his wife had been raped and killed earlier that year. So he teams up with ATF agent Bryant (Roundtree) and the entire Riverside, CA police department to track down the baddies responsible. Luckily for Long's revenge scheme, the same evildoers are behind the attack on his wife as well as the stolen guns: crimelord and all-around kingpin bad guy Joe Marks (Mitchell) and his murderous assistant Nighthawk (Pierce). Will Long and Bryant bring the culprits to justice, and, more importantly, will local TV station KHUD report the story accurately?

The stars of Revenge of the Bushido Blade (1980) reunite for this amateurish, haphazard effort that, while certainly imperfect, has its entertaining qualities and would have been ideal for undiscerning drive-in audiences of the day. For example, the editing is choppy: one minute we're seeing Cam Mitchell having a grand old time as Marks, the next we get a several-minute training sequence with Fong in a gym with absolutely no setup or dialogue, then we're back at the police station with Roundtree, etc. 

Add to that the use of mumbling non-actors in a semi-documentary style (members of the Riverside police department are named extensively in the credits), and the hilariously wooden anti-acting (read: clearly reading from a written source) of Michael Farrell (not the guy from MASH) as Long's Captain, Skidmore, and you get a few yuks, but nothing substantial.

Fong as Long is as perfectly wooden as he usually is, and his hair is charmingly Ramones-ish this time around. But the star of the show once again is the immortal Cam Mitchell. He looks like he's having a ball as the nefarious Marks, and hams it to the max, but in the best way imaginable. Marks/Mitchell is the type of villain whose main activities include wearing sunglasses and an ascot to bed, and teaching his dog (Sparky) to smoke, as well as boring stuff like killing prostitutes and enabling the L.A. area to go into martial law. God bless Cameron Mitchell. We'll never see another like him.

Stack Pierce, besides having an awesome name, is suitably menacing as Marks' consigliere, and looks like what would happen if Bill Cosby turned evil. The great Richard Roundtree is under-utilized and should have done much more. After teaming up with Leo Fong, he'll probably go back to teaming up with Harrison Muller, Jr. Either that or Ernest Borgnine.

So yes, it does have some of the trappings of low-budget filmmaking such as poor audio and a weird pace, but it was director Frank Harris' first directorial film. Unfortunately, his mediocrity seems ingrained, as his next two features, Low Blow (1986) and The Patriot (1986) seem to prove. In the action department, it's pretty much shootings and training sequences and not much else, although Fong does give one unlucky suspect an interrogation he'll never forget.

Starring Sparky the dog as himself (as his credit goes) in a movie-stealing performance, though he can't quite top Mitchell, they work well together. Killpoint was released by Crown International, and then put out on VHS in the U.S. by Vestron. Featuring the catchy closing song "Livin' on the Inside" by Ramona Gibbons, Killpoint isn't really a great movie, but its personalities like the repeat-offender crew of Fong, Pierce and Mitchell make it reasonably worthwhile.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Revenge Of The Bushido Blade (1980)

Revenge Of The Bushido Blade (1980)-* *1\2

AKA: The Last Reunion, Ninja Nightmare

Directed by: Jay Wertz

Starring: Leo Fong, Hal Bokar, Cameron Mitchell, Phillip Baker Hall, Stack Pierce, and Joe Mari Avellana













During the Japanese occupation of the Philippines in 1945 (starting exactly like previous Fong vehicle Murder in the Orient, 1974), a group of American soldiers invade the home of Japanese general Matsuda. The soldiers proceed to rape and murder his wife, and eventually kill him as well. A massacre ensues. Sadly, their young son witnessed all the horror. Then we are told it is March 27, 1978 in San Francisco. The boy from that terrible day in the forties is now a grown man, and he has been obsessed with getting revenge on the soldiers that did this to his mom and dad. He has plenty of haunting memories from that time. When Matsuda (Fong) sees that the 33rd reunion of the 75th Rangers is occurring in Manila, Matsuda goes as well, where he attempts to pick the soldiers off one by one who killed his family, making it, for them, The Last Reunion.

The Last Reunion, as it was originally and perhaps more appropriately known (but undoubtedly retitled because it was not exploitative enough), is a fairly serious drive-in style drama, but with a structure not unlike a slasher film. A lone man is picking people off one by one, yes, but here the characters and scenarios have a little more substance and flesh to them than usual.

Among the group of soldiers, the mainstay Cameron Mitchell portrays Lt. Sam Hacker, the most sympathetic of the bunch. As we will see later in Rage to Kill (1987), he gets a chance to dance. The other sympathetic soldier is Frank Washington, played by Stack Pierce. They primarily have to deal with the belligerent, angry, annoying and unlikable Steadman (Bokar). Bokar does a great job because you hate him so much. Famous, respected actor Philip Baker Hall shows up as Sills, the guilt-ridden alcoholic in a pretty early, mustachioed role. In fact, all the men seem to want to do is get hammered, but Matsuda puts a serious wrinkle in their plans.

I know it's an oversimplification, but one thing I personally found distasteful in this film was that the bad guys are American Soldiers. They are portrayed not as heroes, but as amoral rapists and murderers. Not cool. Even after their atrocity, one of the soldiers says "Sorry, Kid", as if they ran over his bike with their car or something. But on a much, much lighter note, when Matsuda decides he is going to get revenge (and later as well, during the "film set" scene), rather than say something that explains his feelings, or explains something, he simply screams "Bushidoooooooo!!! Bushidooooooo!!!!" Man that's funny. You have to see it. Fong really comes alive.

A highlight of the movie are its many musical acts, especially an outfit called the D'Hi Octave Band. They are a Filipino, female-fronted disco act that has matching outfits. They even play at a club called "Disco". Their scene is a film highlight, and fits in perfectly with the seventies feel of the movie.

By today's standards a bit slow, Revenge of the Bushido Blade is a quality production of its kind that is well worth watching.

Comeuppance Review by Brett and Ty

Murder In The Orient (1974)

Murder In The Orient (1974)-* * *

Directed by: Manuel Songco

Starring: Ron Marchini and Leo Fong













During World War II, When the Japanese were fighting in the Philippines, they buried a stash of gold. They decided to abandon the traditional "treasure map", deciding instead to engrave directions to the loot on two separate samurai swords. Now, in the swingin' seventies, the nefarious Golden Cobra Gang has one of the swords. They desperately want the other one. Gustavo, a higher-up in the organization, really wants to please the head boss, King Cobra, so he pulls out all the stops to get the missing sword: he brings in Kang the Butcher, a ruthless assassin, and of course Turko. But he makes a fatal error in his quest. He kills the sister of Lao Tsu (Leo Fong, not the ancient philosopher...interesting character name choice).

Now Tsu, a peaceful Hong Kong martial arts instructor, must travel to Manila to get revenge. On top of that, the American Paul Martelli (Ron Marchini, in another stretch) is caught up in the madness because he was involved with Tsu's sister. Now Martelli and Tsu must take on the Golden Cobra Gang. Can they do it? Who will get the sword? Who will get the Japanese gold? Where does the gang find an endless array of goons willing to fight Marchini and Fong?

This movie is pretty taxing for your ears. The sound is horrid, it sounds like it was recorded in a bathroom using the first tape recorder ever made. Add to that, most of the cast has a thick accent. Even in the dubbing, which doesn't help. The many jarring jump-cuts don't help either. So a big percentage of the movie is unhearable. And don't try raising the volume. Sure, Ron Marchini doesn't talk much in the movie, but that's probably for other reasons. But every little bit helps.

Acting-wise, it truly is a case of "flat and flatter", as the filmmakers found the two action stars, nay, PEOPLE on the planet with the most flat, wooden delivery ever. And they talk to each other. And we try to hear them. What a mess. But it's a fairly fun mess. Marchini and Fong have one short fight scene, before they realize they must team up, and it's okay, not great. It should have been longer and more dynamic.

A martial arts adventure tailor-made for drive ins, this has a very seventies feel, which is one of the big selling points of the film. People wear shirts and dresses with wild, colorful patterns and huge collars, and the soundtrack is funky. Marchini gets yet another torture scene for his resume. It must be in his contract.

So it's not great, but don't scrutinize it too closely. At a scant 73 minutes, why not add another Fong/Marchini movie to your collection, especially if it's one of those cheap gas-station DVD's?

NOTE: One of the main people the filmmakers choose to thank in the end credits is the "Philippines Mental Health Association, Inc." If you make it all the way through Murder In the Orient to see this credit, it makes a disturbing amount of sense.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett

Ninja Assassins (1978)

Ninja Assassins (1978)-* * *

AKA: Enforcer from Death Row, The Ninja Enforcer, and Ninja Nightmare

Directed By: Marshall M. Borden and Efren C. Piñon

Starring: Leo Fong and Cameron Mitchell










Supremely silly in every conceivable way, Ninja Assassins is a lot of fun.

Much like the similar Clash Of The Ninjas, this also starts with a multi-racial boardroom filled with non-actors. In this case, the organization is called the "World Organization Of Peace". The letters WOP are featured prominently. Apparently, an evil-doer named "Nomad" is threatening the WOP-pers and there is only one man that can stop him: Of course, it's LEO FONG! (who did you expect?)



The only problem is, he is on death row and going to be executed. It is good that the "CYANIDE" and "ACID" are so clearly and cartoonishly labeled. Not to be confused with the "DANGER ACID" seen later in the movie. As Fong sits in some sort of gas\electric chair hybrid (The gas comes out of the chair) and the seatbelts are holding him in, we discover the execution was all a ruse, so he can shed his former identity and join WOP undercover in Manila.



Throughout the movie, there is a lot of torture with rats and snakes and you cheer when Leo unleashes his patented Fong-Fu on the baddies.



Everything here is great: the non-acting by the broken-English-only cast, the mustaches, the amazing 70s fashions, and the funky theme song that invokes both "Shaft" and "Poppa was a Rollin' Stone".

Further highlights in a movie of highlights include: A ninja poppin' a wheelie on a motorbike, a ninja throwing shurikens in slow-motion, the "Final Field Fight" which is awkward and laughable but yet contains eyeball-stealing brutality, the overall presence of Leo Fong which is just plain Fong-tastic and an unnecessary, but wicked boat explosion.

Contrary to what some people believe, the great Cameron Mitchell IS in the movie, but just in the last three minutes. Also this movie was issued under a myriad of titles. The most popular is "Enforcer from Death Row" on the Lightning label. This movie is not to be confused with Ninja Enforcer (1973).



Fan Favorite Fong fights furiously with his Fong-Fu in this fun, fantastic feature film that features a final field fight!



Comeupppance Review by: Ty & Brett

Cage II: The Arena Of Death (1994)

Cage II: The Arena Of Death (1994)-* * *

Directed By: Lang Elliot

Starring: Lou Ferrigno, Reb Brown and Leo Fong











Cage II is the ridiculous sequel.

The plot: The exact same plot but with the Chinese Mafia.
SPOILER ALERT!

The climax features Billy getting shot and you think he’s dead. But he raises his head and his eyes are green and glowing. Apparently he wasn’t just a “special” Vietnam vet, he’s also some immortal monster. Hopefully they will make “Cage 3: Billy’s Revenge”.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty & Brett